I think I'm busted....

[GinaM]

So, I ordered a ton of items that were delivered today and I'm usually home when it comes but I was at work so my wife got them. She's usually really good with my stuff and doesn't touch it but lately she's been opening my packages which is pissing me off. Anyways, I got some stuff from Fredericks which is fine but she calls me and says "you ordered me a pair of size 12 heels?" I told her it was a mistake on the stores part and I will return them no problem. Then, I was home and we were talking about it and she said I think those are your size in womens shoes. I just shrugged it off and left it at that. I also had 3 other packages of women's clothes which I just told her was for her. The only other problems is I'm missing one of the packages which is another pair of size 12 heels. I didn't ask her about it but if she opened that box as well I'm totally busted.

I'm pretty sure she would be accepting of this lifestyle but I'm hoping I don't have to find out.

[kimdl93]

Alarm sounds, warning, warning, very bad judgment in use! First off, your wife probably already is curious about you mail order purchases. And second, you need not get pissed off if she opens packages. It just makes it seem more likely that you're hiding something...which you are. You may. Not want to know how your wife will respond to the knowledge that you CD, but keep going down this path and you will build up a history of lies that could deliver a crushing blow to your relationship. It's time to start coming out to her in a thoughtful, honest and controlled manner.

My guess is she knows more than you think. maybe she's waiting for you come clean...maybe she has doubts she's keeping to herself. But seriously, how do you accidentally order heels that happen to be just your size...

[GinaM]

I honestly think she's been on me for the past few years. I'm sure she knows or has some idea. This isn't the first time this has happened as it happened twice a few years ago as well. I think if she would be upset about it she would just call me out on it but I'm sure she is prob. just waiting for me to come clean. I'm sure if she knows or thinks this that she knows I would be completely embarassed about it so maybe that's why she hasn't said anything.

[Diane Smith]

She totally knows, as the comment about the shoe size proves. Just come clean and be done with it.

- Diane

[Diversity]

It would seem to me that if you are pretty sure she would be accepting of this lifestyle, and she is your wife, then you should not keep secrets and let her know about your needs to live this lifestyle. Talking to your wife and being honest with her is the best policy. To do otherwise, you are only kidding yourself into thinking you can hide this, and even worse, you are setting yourself up for a big fall when she decides you are not to be trusted because she knows you are not being truthful with her. Your wife is your partner and your best friend and as such, you should treat her with the respect she deserves.
Di

[Donniesr]

I agree, come clean with her. If she finds you are lying to her about this...what else are you lying about.(in her mind).
I came clean to my wife a while back, and it caused my divorce. My daughter (who knows and understands) tried to help by saying that she "dressed daddy up"
I didn't fly because of the same problem..the size 12 shoes, the size 14 dress, and so on..
If she is accepting, then you will be alot happier for it. If she is not..at least talk to her and above all....be honest with her..She will thank you for that..

[Katrina Black]

Ya your busted .. women are not dumb their allways picking up on anything out of place

[Chickhe]

Ya know what?!... just tell her you saw all the fun people are having with dressing up and its 2013...its no big deal anymore and you always wanted to try it... so you ordered some stuff. Didn't think it might be her cup of tea...but now that she knows, get her involved.

[Rachelakld]

She so knows,
A lie is never good in a relationship.
I think you should explain your hobby (otherwise she might think it is a lifestyle).

[Kalista Jameson]

Gina,

It sounds to me that your wife is giving you a chance to own it. And I don't mean crossdressing, but the deception. My advice is to man up and own your inner TGirl or you may end up losing far more that you are ready for. This is not a time to work damage control, but to simply lay it out for her in its entirity. If you want a shot of saving your marriage and even possibly gaining your wife's support, talk to her. You no longer have the luxury of time in light of these recent events.

Please consider this and good luck,

Kalista

[Tracii G]

Yep time to spill the beans honey.

[docrobbysherry]

R u Egyptian, Gina? Because it sounds like u live on de Nile River!

[Lorileah]

Two options here. Come clean or in a few weeks or months start a thread about how she threw you out

[vivianann]

Dont be lying to her, it is the worst thing to do to a wife. You need to tell her the truth, but to be honest tooo much damage has been done because you have been lying to her. It is the same as cheating on her. I hope you can fix this problem with her.

[Beverley Sims]

I think it is time for the talk, never in a million years would I buy my wife any clothing let alone parcels of it.
Gepetto and Pinnochio spring to mind here and in a big way.
It may be rough but it does have to be said now.
Think carefully what you have to say and do it sooner than later.
I do wish you well.

[Stephanie47]

Gina, women are not dumb! Give her some credit. Your goose has been cooked.

[Cheryl T]

Sounds like it's time to find out if she's accepting or not. The risk of sending it home smacks of wanting to be discovered and end your hiding...just my :2c:

[PaulaQ]

I am as big a coward about this as anyone, and I haven't told my wife yet. But look - it's one thing to lie by omission, and quite another to lie straight to her face. She probably has a good clue about this - if she doesn't, it's because she doesn't want to admit it to herself. If you think she's liable to be accepting, you should just be honest with her.

[Rachael Jones]

As PaulaQ says - I'm in the same boat there. I will get to a point where I do the talk myself (and I'm a big coward too), but at this moment, many personal issues on both our parts cloud the chance of coherent discussion. But I will tell you one thing from experience.

I'm a recovering alcoholic. I try (emphasis on the word there) not to drink. Occasionally I fail. When I do, there's shame, guilt and I hide the empty beer cans/bottles/etc.

Somehow - my wife knows this. It's like a sixth sense. And she'll search high and low for evidence. If there's any hint of suspicion in a woman's mind, it will not be satisfied with a mere explanation - it must demand concrete physical proof. Another case - I spend a bit of money on myself. My wife asks 'Have I spent any money today?' I say yes. She asks 'On what?' And so goes a long explanation on what I did, when, etc etc etc. And EVEN THEN, there is still suspicion in her mind.

Fortunately, these have abated. My drinking is much more under control, spending likewise, and less questions are asked. The more I'm clean, the less suspicion my wife has, and she relaxes about it.

But you have been warned - suspicion in a wife is not easily resolved by an excuse.

[Stevie]

Do not lie to your wife. It violates her trust and women look at that just as bad as cheating.

[Jenny Gurl]

She knows. The longer the list of lies, the bigger the explosion when it goes off. On the not very likely event she doesn't know, she may start to think there is another woman in your life, which is a horrible thing to let her think. It sounds like she knows, it is time to test the waters. If you aren't ready to spill the whole pan of beans, you can at least test the waters by telling her you kind of thought it would be fun to try. This way you can at least measure the reaction to know how accepting she may be. If she is accepting then you at least know where you stand to make future decisions. I would hate for my girl to think I had someone on the side, that is the ultimate betrayal of trust and a pain I would never want to see her in. I came clean at the beginning of my relationship and it worked thanks to this web site.

[Rogina B]

Two options here. Come clean or in a few weeks or months start a thread about how she threw you out
Now that you have official status here,why not turn that into a "sticky" for the top of the forum!!

[Rianna Humble]

You have already had enough people telling you to stop lying to your wife, so I'll take another tack.

A few years ago there was a very good thread on these forums called How to tell your partner (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?13841-How-to-tell-your-partner). It would be worth reading that before you come clean.

[~Joanne~]

Don't think your busted....KNOW your busted. There is no way she is sitting there thinking the store sent the wrong sizes, not only in the heels, but in all the other articles you bought. I am sure NONE of it probably fits her. If the other pair of heels didn't arrive with the rest of the stuff yesterday, it will probably arrive today or tomorrow and there's no way your lying out of it.

You said she would probably understand, then there is no reason you shouldn't have "the talk". Yes it's a hard talk but think about the things that she is thinking right now about all of these things. She is thinking every which way you don't want her thinking.

[Rhonda Darling]

Gina:

I agree with the general sense of the crowd that you are indeed busted. I also agree that getting it out in the open between you is for the better, even if the relationship crashes. I lived with the lies until my wife passed away . . . Never again. Told my current GF 5 years ago when I was sure I wanted the relationship to last. Ahhhhhhh describes the resulting peace of mind.

That said, girl -- doesn't your town have Mailboxes etc. or some other delivery box location that you could rent in order to receive your packages and hold them for you?? In this modern age, there is no reason on earth that packages need to come directly to your house. Too late for you, but the advice may help someone else (who may choose to not follow my earlier advice about being out to your SO.)

Best
Rhonda

[May(be)]

At least you have a way to start the conversation. It's difficult to bring it up out of the blue.

"Remember those shoes that were in the wrong size? Turns out I'm not going to return them because..."

... And they lived happily ever after (I HOPE!!!)

[StephanieB]

You have already had enough people telling you to stop lying to your wife, so I'll take another tack.

A few years ago there was a very good thread on these forums called How to tell your partner (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?13841-How-to-tell-your-partner). It would be worth reading that before you come clean.

Thanks for this link....that is a brilliant article.....

Steph x

[Vee]

The writing is on the wall. Another thing to consider is that she could share her concerns and/or curiosity with someone else. That would be a lot more difficult. By talking with her directly you stand a chance of keeping it between the two of you. Good luck and let us know how it works out.

[GinaM]

I'm going to have the talk tonight. She opened the other paid of shoes so it is not possible both companies messed this up. I got busted the same thing about 2 or 3 years ago. Then, one night a year or so ago I left some eye makeup out and she was asking about why I had her stuff out. There is no way she doesn't know. If this destroys our relationship then so be it because if she can't accept me because of this then it is simply time to move on.

[Maria S]

No need for secrets, they are just a recipe for disaster. It is best to come clean before it goes any further but if you feel you are not ready STOP ordering online and buy in person. At least then you have control over what comes into your house.

Maria

[May(be)]

I'm sorry you're in the position of having to do damage control now. Good luck! Let us know how it goes either way because your experience could be very useful to others here on the forum.

[Rianna Humble]

There is no way she doesn't know. If this destroys our relationship then so be it because if she can't accept me because of this then it is simply time to move on.

I think what you mean is that if your lies and dissimulation have made it too hard for her to accept then you will be to blame for having destroyed her trust

[Lorileah]

I got busted the same thing about 2 or 3 years ago. Then, one night a year or so ago I left some eye makeup out and she was asking about why I had her stuff out.

Really? “The cat, having sat upon a hot stove lid, will not sit upon a hot stove lid again..." Mark Twain. Be the cat

[GinaM]

I think what you mean is that if your lies and dissimulation have made it too hard for her to accept then you will be to blame for having destroyed her trust

I disagree with you about the lying thing. If you're ashamed of something that is truly out of the norm with what we do with our CDing it's not a lie. If you know people will judge you for this it's pretty obvious why you would keep it a secret. The thing is I'm not 1% feminine when I'm not dressing. I'm into crazy rugged things but for whatever reason I like to dress. I know a lot of people that dress act feminine in their daily lives but I certainly don't. I don't want to be a woman but on occasion I like to dress as one.

[PaulaQ]

I disagree with you about the lying thing. If you're ashamed of something that is truly out of the norm with what we do with our CDing it's not a lie. If you know people will judge you for this it's pretty obvious why you would keep it a secret. The thing is I'm not 1% feminine when I'm not dressing. I'm into crazy rugged things but for whatever reason I like to dress. I know a lot of people that dress act feminine in their daily lives but I certainly don't. I don't want to be a woman but on occasion I like to dress as one.

Let's cut the bullshit, shall we?
1. You flat out lied to her about those purchases. That is just a flat bald-faced lie. Don't sugar coat this.
2. She may very well feel betrayed that you didn't trust her enough to tell her sooner. That may or may not be a "fair" way to feel on her part, but trust is a big part of a relationship, and you didn't show it. (For reasons I completely understand, by the way.)

Just keep in mind this is a two way street - her feelings about this all matter just as much as your do. Own up for what you did wrong. You may have good reasons for keeping a secret, but you should own up that you did, and that this was at least somewhat dishonest and unfair to her.

Let us know what happens. I'm struggling with this myself.

[FoxxxyBri]

I couldnt imagine marrying a woman that did not know about "Brianna."

I can understand not being open to society in general but to hide it from your own wife, to me, is unfair to her and you if you think about it. I understand the fear but if you're going to have a trust with your wife then you need to overcome that fear.

Maybe you're afraid she'll tell all your mutual friends? Anyway, maybe her finding out will be a good thing. I think you're more afraid than you should be. Then again, thats easy for me to say than to live it right?

[ArleneRaquel]

I'm not passable as often as I wish, so the male knows almost right away. If he doesn't know or is undecided on my gender I tell them that I'm a male, on the first meeting.

[docrobbysherry]

I disagree with you about the lying thing. If you're ashamed of something that is truly out of the norm with what we do with our CDing it's not a lie. If you know people will judge you for this it's pretty obvious why you would keep it a secret. The thing is I'm not 1% feminine when I'm not dressing. I'm into crazy rugged things but for whatever reason I like to dress. I know a lot of people that dress act feminine in their daily lives but I certainly don't. I don't want to be a woman but on occasion I like to dress as one.
While I'm NOT justifying your flat out lies, I DO agree with your, "dress in secret only", premise. For those of us that don't intend to "come on" and/or do not feel like women, telling our friends and love ones may yeild many more negative results than positive ones!

[PaulaQ]

While I'm NOT justifying your flat out lies, I DO agree with your, "dress in secret only", premise. For those of us that don't intend to "come on" and/or do not feel like women, telling our friends and love ones may yeild many more negative results than positive ones!

Agreed and well said.

[cathie pantyhose]

here is the importance of coming clean sooner than later. Eventually, it will be discovered. My wife was furious but we ended up working thru it all. The one thing she said was she just wished I was honest with her and told her. We've been together for 15 years and although she doesn't like I dress, she is still after finding out. She should not have opened your packages but you should confront this situation. Time for the talk

[Angela Campbell]

Well you had things you wanted kept a secret sent to the place the person you wanted it kept from was at .....did you really want her to find out? It was a sure thing she would. Now she knows. Not suspects...she knows something is going on and that you are being untruthful. Fess up. Nothing else you can do.

[PaulaQ]

One other thing nobody else has mentioned I think. To us, the logical conclusion is that the shoes were yours. That likely is not the first conclusion many women would jump to - many would conclude you were buying gifts for someone else, and were having an affair. You should put her mind at ease, although the sizes are kind of a giveaway.

[Tammy Nowakowski]

time to come clean and be 110% honest with her

[GinaM]

One other thing nobody else has mentioned I think. To us, the logical conclusion is that the shoes were yours. That likely is not the first conclusion many women would jump to - many would conclude you were buying gifts for someone else, and were having an affair. You should put her mind at ease, although the sizes are kind of a giveaway.

She knows I'm not having an affair so that's def. not an issue. I buy her clothes ALL THE TIME especially lingerie and heels so it's not out of the norm for her getting things. The dresses I buy will def. fit her so again no issues there. The only things that would def. not work are the size 12 shoes when she only wears a 7.5.

She even said last night that I'm not sure why you keep making these mistakes but I think the shoes you bought would def. be your size.

[Kalista Jameson]

Gina,

I know there are a lot posts to sift through and it can seem overwhelming in light of what you have going on, but consider that you will NOT find a more thoughtful group of folks here who run the gambit on all the struggles we have with CDing, and know virtually every angle, fear and life situation surrounding it. Yet out of the masses, a unified and clear response is coming from us - you are dishonest with your wife and are about to lose her. This isn't about crossdressing at this point. If this were a substance abuse setting, and we were all recovering and wanting to help you, we'd say the same things to you about facing and owning the deception, to yourself and her.

Please, Gina, right now, there is a lot of emotional turmoil going on, but you have to get your bearings here. We all would hate to see this fall apart all by your own hand by choosing to ignore the collective wisdom here. We can all relate to you on some level, so please make the right choice.

Best wishes, honestly,

Kalista

[~Joanne~]

She even said last night that I'm not sure why you keep making these mistakes but I think the shoes you bought would def. be your size.

Then maybe you should have tried them on and said "Yeah your right, they are my size, think I will keep them". From what she said to you last night, she surely suspects they are yours, I am sure she's not that "in the dark". I think now is the time for the talk if there ever was one.

Trust me, I know it's hard to begin that talk, even harder to find the words to describe everything, and almost impossible to answers question that you yourself have no answers to BUT the pay off may be the most rewarding. Since telling my SO, this huge burden has been taken off my shoulders. We joke about it, we talk about it, we shop together and have been really in a better "place" since the lies stopped. Is she 100% comfortable with it? Probably not but at least she knows and Won't come to any "other" conclusions.

I wish you the best of luck :)


you are dishonest with your wife and are about to loose her.
Kalista

I think the dishonest part is true but really, Haven't we all traveled down this road in the beginning out of fear? I think it's a bit harsh, and hypocritical, of us to act as if she is the only one to have done it or will be the only one to keep doing it.

I understand that there are a lot of girls here that told their SO before they progressed with their relationships but for most of us, we don't even begin to come to terms with all of these until we are well into the relationship if we even do it then. Many believe that the CDing will subside, if not disappear completely once in a relationship even though we know this isn't true.

Those that came clean right from the get go, Of those girls, how many were in their second, third, or fourth serious relationship at that point?

I totally disagree with the " your about to lose" her comment. We know nothing about her wife. She said that she is an understanding person, only the OP will know if that is true or not. If she is, then the talk may gain some dressing freedom and peace of mind, if not, then there may be some fighting, crying, yelling, and god only knows what else but we shouldn't make any claims that she is going to lose her based upon ??????

[PaulaQ]

She even said last night that I'm not sure why you keep making these mistakes but I think the shoes you bought would def. be your size.

:) My friend, I think she just has to be pretty certain then. Tell her - it is bound to simplify your life. It is better to have it out than to let her jump to conclusions. There is some chance she'd be happier NOT knowing for sure. If so, I'd think she wouldn't say stuff like that.

Best of luck, I hope it works out for you, whatever you decide. Whatever you do though - don't be defensive if you do tell her. That never helps.

[Linda Leigh]

Gina,

I am new here but I have to agree that you need to be honest with your wife. If she really loves you then she will try to make things workout.


Linda

[Jenniferathome]

Your wife is not as dense as you assume. Not only does she know, but now she also knows you are lying to her. Yu re on a slippery slope. While she may be accepting to this, YOU are pissing her off by lying to her face. This can not end well.

By the way, this comment, "...but lately she's been opening my packages which is pissing me off." is really disturbing. Secrets are bad enough, but secrets under your wife's nose is insulting.

[Kalista Jameson]

I think the dishonest part is true but really, Haven't we all traveled down this road in the beginning out of fear? I think it's a bit harsh, and hypocritical, of us to act as if she is the only one to have done it or will be the only one to keep doing it.

I understand that there are a lot of girls here that told their SO before they progressed with their relationships but for most of us, we don't even begin to come to terms with all of these until we are well into the relationship if we even do it then. Many believe that the CDing will subside, if not disappear completely once in a relationship even though we know this isn't true.

Those that came clean right from the get go, Of those girls, how many were in their second, third, or fourth serious relationship at that point?

I totally disagree with the " your about to lose" her comment. We know nothing about her wife. She said that she is an understanding person, only the OP will know if that is true or not. If she is, then the talk may gain some dressing freedom and peace of mind, if not, then there may be some fighting, crying, yelling, and god only knows what else but we shouldn't make any claims that she is going to lose her based upon ??????

Well, I certainly mean no offense here, quite the opposite. I wrote that in response to what Gina shared about their marriage might end if the wife cannot accept the CDing in a later post, post #30, where it was shared that it may destroy the marriage. I was basing this off of Gina's own words. Of course, I may have misunderstood the context. Apologies, if so.

Cheers,

Kalista

[Jamie001]

You are busted really bad and need to come out to your wife. You are risking your marriage by not being honest.

[Matia]

If I may, I think this is an example of behaviour I often see among us, before we embrace the girl within us, we like to "surf" on the wave of getting caught.. There's certain thrill to it,
doing something forbbiden, it's something that excites us and something that fades away later when we become more girly. It's like wearing girl clothes under the male clothes, thinking,
what if somebody sees it ? , Leaving little marks "unintentionally" and then be like "oh shit, now she knows" I think it's kind of similar like when some people like to have sex in public spaces
and the possibility of others coming on them is what makes the sex exciting.

I think crossdressers are intelligent people, but it often reflects on finding and using elaborate excuses sometimes reading posts on the forums feel like we actually enjoy to believe that
people are againts us (and I'm not saying some aren't like that) but in general people don't really care so much about a man in a dress or transgender/transsexual person.. as long as it's novelty
they will talk about it, but once it fades they don't really care so much

sorry for the tangent - basically what everybody said - talk to your wife, be honest, explain her why you lied and apologise for it. In the end for most people and for relationships, it's
what kind of person you are and not what you like to wear or do in bed , because the lying and shifty behaviour is actually problem, where dressing up is not. You are free to do whatever you like
as long as you don't harm others

[~Joanne~]

Well, I certainly mean no offense here, quite the opposite. I wrote that in response to what Gina shared about their marriage might end if the wife cannot accept the CDing in a later post, post #30, where it was shared that it may destroy the marriage. I was basing this off of Gina's own words. Of course, I may have misunderstood the context. Apologies, if so.

Cheers,

Kalista

No, my apologies, I remember reading that now and you are correct. She did say that so I can see where your post came from. As matter of fact, now that I re-read that I question where she is understanding came from? Sorry Kalista, my tangent wasn't meant to say you were incorrect or that your view was wrong or to single anyone out but was a general statement.

[Jennifer Marie P.]

I think she has the feeling something is not right.Come clean or tell her not to open your packages.

[Julie Gaum]

I believe the post was about the awful mistake the poster was making and the advice was universal not to wait for his wife to initiate the talk.
It was not about how much ($1400) a responder was paying for stockings as very few on this site could afford, or if they can, probably would not do so. Furthermore it would seem that less than half of the married members have wives that are so fully supportive although the balance
wish with all their hearts for such support. It is likely that said poster doesn't consider how many members are being hurt by this and previous
posts that flaunt good fortune.
Just my observation,
Julie

[Kalista Jameson]

No, my apologies, I remember reading that now and you are correct. She did say that so I can see where your post came from. As matter of fact, now that I re-read that I question where she is understanding came from? Sorry Kalista, my tangent wasn't meant to say you were incorrect or that your view was wrong or to single anyone out but was a general statement.

No worries. :)

[Ashley.marie]

hummm, on the one hand you appear to be worried that she might know, on the other hand you seem to have the attitude that if she can't except it then it's time to move on. So two questions:

1. What do you really want to have happen?
2. If you are "ready to move on" what's stopping you from telling her?

[Jessica86]

Might as well just tell her. I can testify that no woman in this world can watch packages come in for their husband and not open them. Women always go digging to find out more. It will never stop.

[StephanieT]

You are busted. Tell her.

[Julogden]

Probably time to 'fess up.

Carol

[Jenni Yumiko]

I say tell her. If she really does know and hasn't confronted you about it, I personally believe (don't flame me) that she isn't completely disgusted by the fact that you do so you may have an easier time with her.

[GinaM]

Might as well just tell her. I can testify that no woman in this world can watch packages come in for their husband and not open them. Women always go digging to find out more. It will never stop.

Keep in mind that I own my own business and sell a ton of product and I have most if it delivered directly to my house. She has no reason to open any of it.

[Sara Jessica]

While I'm NOT justifying your flat out lies, I DO agree with your, "dress in secret only", premise. For those of us that don't intend to "come on" and/or do not feel like women, telling our friends and love ones may yeild many more negative results than positive ones!

Sherry, there may very well be little, if any good that can come of you sharing this part of you with friends, family, etc. But there is a pretty big difference between drawing the line that you have versus drawing such a line with a current spouse.


I think the dishonest part is true but really, Haven't we all traveled down this road in the beginning out of fear? I think it's a bit harsh, and hypocritical, of us to act as if she is the only one to have done it or will be the only one to keep doing it.

I understand that there are a lot of girls here that told their SO before they progressed with their relationships but for most of us, we don't even begin to come to terms with all of these until we are well into the relationship if we even do it then. Many believe that the CDing will subside, if not disappear completely once in a relationship even though we know this isn't true.

And I cannot fathom what it must be like to be in such a situation. Disclosure is a personal decision that should be made with much forethought and even some research as to what has worked for others in the past. However, if it were up to a vote, this Congress has spoken and Gina would be disclosing immediately. Regardless of what those in these pages perceive as right or wrong on this subject, Gina will have to live with the ramifications of her past and current decisions.


Those that came clean right from the get go, Of those girls, how many were in their second, third, or fourth serious relationship at that point?

Ummmm, not me. I have had three long term relationships and all three, including my longest and most dearest (my wife) knew this of me fairly early on.


Keep in mind that I own my own business and sell a ton of product and I have most if it delivered directly to my house. She has no reason to open any of it.

Except for the box marked "Frederick's Of Hollywood", right?

What strikes me as the ultimate in hubris on your part is that you would be so bold as to order this stuff into your home. Most who are so deeply rooted in a closet as you appear to be go to great lengths to NOT get caught. Regardless of the ethics when it comes to lying or whether disclosure is the best policy, your actions were foolish if you had no desire to let this cat out of the bag. Now you are left to pick up the pieces...or is that what you desired in the first place (the old trying to get outed theory comes to mind)?

[flatlander_48]

You know, if you THINK you are busted, you are already. It's past tense. Any denial on your part only makes the holes deeper. You will confess at some point. The only questions are when and how difficult it will be to dig out.

[Robbin_Sinclair]

I'm living with the deception, which isn't easy for me. I have accepted that for now, especially since people under 18 are in the house.

This side of my life is just cannot be something I would share with my wife, now I don't lie. I just deceive. My wife, who has great anxiety at work and with her daughter, is just happy that I am doing something and helping when needed. I have a little studio a floor below us. She never goes there. It's too dirty. That's my life.

Your life is different. You lied. If you are going to lie, plan your lie. You did not. You ARE busted. You many want to come out "accidentally," as I often think that I want to do. And your wife may be accepting. Don't expect it after the lie. People on this site often have happy arrangements but I really don't think most of the non-CD world is like that.

Decide, is the marriage worth it? Maybe yes maybe no. But don't outright lie. And, most importantly, don't be pissed off. You are now inserting anger at your wife into this.

You can do as I do. Join community theater. You can be a prop person, lighting person or stage manager (aka stepinfetchit for the director). There are acting tons of roles that you can "practice" for in an audition, even if you are never on stage. In my perfect world we would do five plays a year that involve men dressing up as women. Usually, we have at least one each season.

Take deep breaths and don't be angry.