The topic came up.

[allesha10]

So last night my wife says "whats going on" as she had put some of the pieces together. The package she had opened from Secrets in Lace of mine, and other things. Somehow she saw the photos that I had sent from my IPHONE to here? Anyhow, came clean, and I think she feels better now knowing more, not sure she feels better about the dressing, but we are talking about it?
I feel better as now it is out, no more hiding kind of a lot of turmoil for me, because now we are talking about where I am in the crossdressing scheme, still closet, out at at home, out outside??
Oh well at least it's out and at least we continue to talk about it.

[Rhonda Darling]

Well, this will focus your conversation, for sure. Don't push too much on her at once, expect some backsliding every now and then as she digests the situation and deals with her own emotional response, and be true to yourself. The time of hiding and deceit is over. Now you need to be crystal clear about yourself and what you want for the two of you.

Good luck.

Rhonda

[allesha10]

Thank you Rhonda for being here, and the advise. You are absolutely correct, time to be honest about me now. This is why I love this site and girls like you.. This site and ladies has done more for me then anything else.

[tiffanyjo89]

When this type of thing comes up, I always get a certain vibe from it.
It's always best to come clean before marriage, cause after marriage it feels like she's been betrayed and (even though the clothes don't necessarily change the person) the person she married suddenly has become this other person.

Rhonda used the word "deceit" and that's essentially what it is for a lot of people. Ordering stuff and having it sent to a PO box or delivered to the house and rushing home to get it, taking pictures and hiding them on a computer or device (the iCloud can be a cover blower if you're not careful). Hiding clothes, sneaking out when she's not home...it's almost the same level of deceit as someone who has been cheating.

At least a dialogue is going now.

[Teri Ray]

Talking is good. Go slow and don't push her for more than she maybe willing to accept. This is a big change for her. Best wishes.

[allesha10]

Thanks ladies, great advise, I am only talking about it as she brings it up, but being honest as she does. Tiffany thanks, it may be that icloud that disclosed the pictures to her?

[BLUE ORCHID]

H Allesha, It sounds like you were getting a little careless so anyway the ball is in her court now.

Go slow and see where it goes from there, We will be expecting timely up-dates

[Linda Leigh]

I believe if you take it slow and talk about it honestly, it will work out as she didnt blow up right away. She must be somewhat receptive to you crossdressing. Best of luck hugs :)


Linda

[allesha10]

Thanks ladies, I will keep you up to date, I'm sure I will be looking for assistance as the time goes by.

[Lady Catherine]

When I told my fiance, I was very careful to NOT "shove it done her throat". Step back now and ease into it as others have said. Peace to you.

[Rhonda Ann]

Wish you the best, hope all goes well for you and she is understanding.

[tiffanyjo89]

it may be that icloud that disclosed the pictures to her?

If you and her both have iPhones (or other iOS device, or the computer has the iCloud control panel on it) then take pictures with a regular camera or turn the iCloud automatic picture sharing off on your device. It's one of the potential issues iCloud causes (I can imagine there's a kid who has an iPad that's logged into their parents' iTunes account and the parents take a naughty picture, not knowing about the iCloud picture sharing, and suddenly their kid is running in showing them the picture they found on their iPad, they are mad and ground the kid for downloading bad pictures, but then realize it's them in the picture).

[Jenni Yumiko]

Good luck! it's going to be an up and down ride from here.

[Jodi Anne]

Happy to hear this, it is almost always better to have it in the open and talk together rather than hiding it like we are doing something wrong.

[Tammy Nowakowski]

take it slow and one day at a time
be honest with her at all times

[Beverley Sims]

Now, don't raise the subject until she asks.
You do not have to drown your wife in it, she has taken it well so far.
If out, outside comes up keep it where she wants it and go very slowly.

[allesha10]

Thanks Girls, I'm just riding along, waiting for her to bring it up again.

[Chickhe]

My advice...(assuming no lifestyle change), keep it light and fun. Joke about it some and just make it something enjoyable for her. My largest fear would be making too much out of it and wrecking the rest of our lifes. In many ways, its best to treat it like an unusual hobby and let her know its not going to change much. My strategy was to dress up on halloween for sereral years, we don't really talk much about it other times mostly because there is no real need too, but she does enjoy the parties and I think she still likes me otherwise... if you accept yourself and can show confidence that helps a lot too.

[allesha10]

Thanks, I think I may ask her if we can place a Secrets in lace order together? And see what the reaction is to that?

[Jenniferathome]

Thanks, I think I may ask her if we can place a Secrets in lace order together? And see what the reaction is to that?

Please don't do that. Cross dressing is not a joke. You can not make light of it. Think from your wife's perspective, "My husband has lied to me for x years, what else is he not telling me?" Do talk to her and YOU should bring up the topic even if it is just to ask if she has any questions. Moreover, ask her if she has any other concerns. If you have not had the "are you gay?" and "do you want to transition" conversations, you have a long way to go. Whatever you do, do not make light of this and do not invited her to join you in any activity until she has freely expressed what her boundaries are.

[flatlander_48]

From reading various messages here over the last few years, wives have responded to this news in every way imaginable. It almost seems like there's no predictability to it. You have to appreciate all of the possible thoughts that could be going through your wife's mind; some of them OK and some not. This is a MAJOR change and it can take time to think about it and respond.

For you, think about this:

Imagine you had opened a package for your wife and it contained a compression vest (something a F to M CD or TS would wear). What would you think? How would you react? What would it mean to you?

[allesha10]

Thanks Girls, Jennifer great advise, I really was not making light, I just thought since I was secretive in buying before, maybe she would see that offer as me being open. But great advise, I can use your help.

[Amanda M]

Jennifer has it 200% right. Slow down, think of her before you think about your needs, and be open and honest in your communication without going on about it every day.

I know you have so much to tell her, but it all more easily digestible in small bites, and considering carefully her needs and responses as you progress.

My best wishes to you both.

[allesha10]

Thanks Amanda. Great advise, I'll take it slow.

[Jenni Yumiko]

I would take jenniferathome's advice and tailor it to your relationship. She has helped me get to where I am today, which isn't far, but I don't think I wouldn't have gotten to even telling her without her help.
Don't make light of the situation, women don't like us to joke around when they have things going on in their head. I do however believe that sometimes you have to take a few steps forward and ask, what can I help you understand, every once in a while to ensure it doesn't get pushed under the mat. That of course doesn't mean every day, but when your both relaxed and such.
Believe me this is probably the number one thing on her mind right now, and what makes it worse for her, it's something she can't or doesn't want to talk to with her usual gaggle of gal pals.