I really want to shop for clothes but don' feel totally comfortable

[samantha_lie]

So I have made a lot of progress about being more comfortable being me. I have come out to my Fiancee, old friend and my mom. But what I really want to do is go shopping. I have been in a Victoria secret (Favorite store) a few times and bought stuff. Saying I lost a bet or its for my girlfriend. Now my Fiancee says shes fine going shopping with me. But we live in a very conservative state and town.

What are some tips on shopping more comfortable?

[Julogden]

My two cents worth: Being comfortable will come with time and experience. Everyone is nervous the first time, comes with the territory. If you wait until you're comfortable to go shopping, you'll never go shopping. It's okay to be nervous or uncomfortable, just push past it. :)

And don't make up excuses about buying stuff, just buy it. It's no one else's business why you're buying stuff.

Carol

[Ellanore G.G.]

Oh My Husband was so like this.
Lost 11 years shopping lol because of it.
It does not matter what anyone else thinks.
And no need to make excuses.
My Husband buys me some lovely stuff,
and never makes excuses when hes buying it,
as he knows it for me.
BUT ... when hes buying for himself, he used to get all tongue tied.
Now he does not have that problem,
he says he wont explain unless they ask, and guess what , they never ever do.
So have fun........shopping is great..

[Rachael Jones]

Don't sweat it, in my experience - limited as it is, you don't need to justify your purchases. Just go in, find the right clothes in the right size and pay at the counter. Like his wife in the earlier post, they typically won't ask if you don't say anything. Just enjoy the shopping!

[samantha_lie]

I guess my problem is I want to shop and I don't know what I want. Trying to figure out my style. I don't really that mush in the way of clothing. A bra, few panties and a Baby-doll set.

[Lynn Marie]

Victoria's Secret is not a store for me, but I've bought bras there for my girlfriend who really liked their push ups. I bought her all the colors and two of the black. The sales girls there really like it when men go in and buy things. Not being afraid and confident is very masculine!

It's okay to have a fantasy that you're buying for your wife/girlfriend, etc., but absolutely do not say that to the SA. It just gives you away as being afraid! Make your pruchases with confidence and make no excuses for what you are doing. Your mother bought underware for you!

[chelseababy]

I used to be nervous about going shopping, even when out with my SO, but in time it went away. We'll now go into a shop together when im in guy mode, and often split up, I'll wander around on my own, getting in peoples way at the sale racks lol I used to get annoyed with her when she walked away from me and I wasnt finished looking at that section, but then I realised.. Nobody cares, really they dont! and even if they did, do you care?

Now if only I could practice having that attitude when out dressed! :)

[Ellanore G.G.]

Why not spend some time looking at online catalogues.
Until you get in your mind what style you like.
then you can see if you can pick something that you like.
Anyway you can do what we ggs do.
Buy on impulse, bring it home, look in the mirror, and grown
and take it back , and buy something new.
Although some places dont let you return undies :(


I guess my problem is I want to shop and I don't know what I want. Trying to figure out my style. I don't really that mush in the way of clothing. A bra, few panties and a Baby-doll set.

aw well thats easy to buy. Just get a few things to start, see what you feel good in, and the next time will be easier.
Dont stress, you will find what suits you in time.

[Brenn]

Others have said the same thing--confidence will come with time. I'd first start by going away from your home town so you are less likely to be seen by someone you know. As you get more comfortable this will less of an issue, but it helps to remove as many obstacles as possible. Also, be honest. If you get poor treatment in a store, then that store does not deserve you business.

I have shopped all over the US and have only had a few places where I ran into a small-minded sales associate. I just left. In other places the salespeople have been very helpful and have let me try things on in almost all cases. On the honesty thing, I also think that being honest will also remove some of the stress of trying to hide something. It will be scary at first, but once you have done it a couple of times, you will see how easy it is.

Hope that helps

[Rachelakld]

I live in a country that tolerates almost anything (it's a double edged sword).
Thursday, while in my construction site clothes, I tried on 2 dressers and a lovely PVC pants. The SAs were very nice and helpful.
In girl mode I also often ask their advice on the look

[GirlieAmanda]

I feel ya. I remember feeling so embarrassed and anxious doing it as recently as late 2010. It is a dream now to just do it with no issue.(Full timer here) I was just thinking about this as I shopped for bras yesterday. Amazing being able to touch the clothes, put them up to my body, look in the mirrors, etc. Shopping with other GGs is one way to go. This diffuses a lot of tension. Shopping dressed is another way. I at least I felt better about touching bras and sensitive stuff if I was dressed. Or you have to just "nut up" and do it just telling yourself that you have every right to be there. Just steel your resolve and buy away. F everyone else.

[whowhatwhen]

One thing that helped me was to internally repeat "it's okay to be nervous, but it is NOT OK to be ashamed."
:)

[LadyPilot]

You will be amazed at how supportive the SA are when you tell them the clothes are for you. Don't let "closed minds" run or ruin your life. LP

[Starr]

It took me some time but i am very comfortable shopping now.. i have learned what style or designer brand that fit best and i stay with them when i can.. i love little Black Dresses... and short skirts...as i have pretty nice legs i have been told.. also love lace.. but enjoy a nice top, with a nice fitting pair of ladies jeans as well.. i get the jeans at kmart.. go to the men's dressing room and make sure they fit and look good.. and go from there.

[Aaron Zwidling]

Things that have worked for me back when I was more nervous about it:
- As Brenn said shop somewhere far from home to minimize the chance of seeing someone you know.
- Go shopping early in the week either shortly after the store opens or 20 minutes before it closes. This gives you a pretty decent chance the store will be deserted except for you and the SA.
- Buy something in line with what a male would be expected to buy his girlfriend or wife. For instance if you buy a night gown, a babydoll, or a merry widow the sales people will almost always assume you are buying it for someone else, while if you buy something less frilly and a little more practical like a T shirt bra they are less likely to assume that (although many of the SA's still do assume it is for someone else).
- Buy things five or ten times where the SA does assume you are buying for someone else. Then once you are comfortable with the idea of buying the stuff yourself you can gradually admit to the SA you are shopping for yourself, if the SA seems open and friendly and not freaked out by having a male looking at womens clothes. If the SA does seemed freaked out or disapproving of your mere presence leave that store and go somewhere else.
- Give yourself time to get used to going shopping. I know from experience that those people who tell you to just do it or not to worry about it are well intentioned but not helpful. I had to build up to nervousness free shopping by go shopping a number of times, and each time feeling a tiny bit less nervous than the previous time.

[Leah Lynn]

My first few times shopping were at Goodwill. Timid and unsure of myself (read scared S**tless!), but I had a chance to look at what was available. Went to a Goodwill today and walked in like I owned it. Yes, I was dressed to blend and no one seemed to notice me. A couple teen gg's didn't even bat an eye. There were two young men, probably late teens, shopping the women's section. Just a normal Saturday afternoon at Goodwill. I do shop the big name stores as well, but for their prices, I can fill up the car at thrift stores!

Leah

[Lillyasia]

You told you mom but are nervous about going shopping? I am the opposite. I would be terrified to tell my mom. That proves we all have courage in different ways.

Like others have said, I suggest shopping in a different area. That way if you are made uncomfortable then you don't ever have to see that store again. Shop early in the day on a weekday if possible. You want to avoid teenagers - they stare at everything. Dress business casual if you are going in drab. Look for stores that don't have check-in fitting rooms. Those are the places where you need an employee to open the room for you and they need to count how many items you are taking in.

My two favorite stores are Kohls and JC Penny. Get a shopping bag when you enter the store - not the plastic ones but the cloth mesh bags that act like shopping carts. Observe how some of the women shop. Do as they do. Start with clearance and sales racks because that's what most GG shoppers do, unless you are loaded. You look around at all the racks of womens clothes and pick something that catches your eye, but grab a size above and below what you think you are. That way you don't have to go back and forth so much in case of poor fit. Also grab something dark and large to cover up any brightly colored clothes, or bras, you don't want seen. Carry the clothes to the mens fitting rooms and try on there. When done walk back and place the ones that didn't fit back on the racks and keep the ones you want.

I've done this many times at both stores in different locations and not had any issues. Yesterday I told the SA at JC Penny that I was looking for bras for myself and she was totally accomodating. She even went above and beyond normal service. I think you will get better service if you tell the SA you are shopping for yourself. I've read many accounts of that on here. That's stretching it a bit for a new shopper but only you know your comfort level.

Good luck on your shopping experience and let us know how it goes for you.

[Melissa73]

i understand ur nervous ness and being scared! but what i do is shop like walmart. k mart, target. where they have mens and womens clothing. and if u get to scared, u can just act like u were walking past that section. just how i started!
melissa

[boudana]

I started shopping in mall during Christmas pretending i was just buying some gifts. When i went home tryed them on and the one's which didn't fit returned them for the correct size.

[Launa]

My tips are never to say its for halloween, a lost bet or any other bullshit. Think if "you" were working in Victoria's secret and sometimes guys will come in and say that same line to you???
Honestly if you didn't know anything about crossdressers you might say, "hey buddy theres a sex store down at the end of the street and they sell lingerie, blow up dolls, toys etc.. Go there and fill your closet."

The best is to come out and say they're for me and I'm shopping for me. Once you do that you will see that usually all SA's are very helpful and will "be on your side" to get the best looking things for you. They sometimes ask their coworkers to help them with you. Once I had 3 people helping me at the same time with the manager also coming by making the odd comment. I was on cloud 9 and got a bunch of 2 for 1 deals, a coupon, great advice and a warm welcome to come back anytime. Mind you there was only one other person in the store at the time and not every trip out is like this by any means but that in itself gives you the confidence like you belong there.
Don't be that guy lurking at the women's clothing section from the isle where they sell pots and pans in the store wishing you could go over there. Just get in there.

I've lived in a conservative, redneck, narrow minded, churchy part of the world before so I get that part of what you're saying but that can also be "your perception and fears" and not true reality of where you live. Sometimes you need to give people the benefit of the doubt and you will find out that just because you all live in a so called "conservative state" that not everybody is narrow minded....

[larry07]

I second Leah Lynn's suggestion to shop at Goodwill or similar thrift stores to get started. No one will care what you are looking at. You can try on whatever you want with no questions asked. You can experiment with different styles or sizes to see what works for you without spending a lot of money.

[ssmjoanne]

I'll second what many have said; it is hard not to be nervous the first few times. After a while you realize that the stores and the SA's are looking for SALES. I presonally believe that in the large chain stores (Frederick's, Victoria's Secret, etc) the SA's are trained not to be judgemental. I find it much more fun to shop with my wife but when I pay for the items I think it is pretty obvious to the SA which are for me and which are for my wife. And when I shop alone SA's are only to happy to help-a guy in a store almost always turns into a sale.
You may also want to try calling small, independently owned stores and asking if using the changing room, etc, is OK. I live in a very liberal area but I was still surprised when about 80% of the stores I called said yes. Most had some restrictions (please don't leave the changing room. can you come after hours, etc) but these are fine with me.
If your fiancee is willing to go with you then you can turn this into a very fun trip. Huge bonding experience. Good luck!

[Cheryl T]

Just be confident.
It's frightening the first few times and if that shows then people will know something is "off".
If you just shop as if it was for anything else...think of tools and auto parts while your shopping...then you will be confident and no one will be the wiser. They don't have to know who it's for, just that it is something you wish to spend money on and that you are giving them your business. If you encounter an uncomfortable situation you can always take your business elsewhere. In this economy they can't afford to lose business and make them aware of that if need be.
You are in control.

[Angela Campbell]

Just do it. You do not need to tell anyone the reason you are buying something just pick out what you want and buy it. Yes at first it is intimidating, but it is all in your own head. You have the same right to buy a dress or bra as any woman does. If you just go and do it it gets easier every time you go.

[Beverley Sims]

Once you stop saying you lost the bet, or it's for the GF etc. You will get there.

[~Joanne~]

my Fiancee says shes fine going shopping with me.

This is all you really need. Since telling my SO about all of this, she has really made my all of my shopping much easier and more fun. You can take your time and really browse. It will also help you build the confidence to do so on your own. I agree with all of the girls here, you need not explain to anyone why your buying ANYTHING or who it is for. It's none of their business, their business is to ring it up and put it in a bag and move to the next customer.

[Carla4Guage]

When you get to the point that you can ask - "Can I bring it back and exchange it if it doesn't fit me?"- You have made it!

[Barbara Maria]

At first I was very nervous and wore my wedding ring,though the marriage is no more,so they would think I was shopping for my wife until I realized,nobody cares! Now I just do it and enjoy it. Never knew how much fun girl shopping can be. I admit I still look around to see if anyone I know is there,but other than that,the only problem is I want to buy everything I see.

[Buxom Fella]

When I was younger and fearless (and probably stupid) I had no problems with it. Being a teenager was so wierd. Nowadays my heart tries to leap out my ears if I am about to do it!

[Gwinnie]

I have no problem going in and shopping. The problem I have is I want to try things on!!! I can't get up to asking about that part yet.

[kimdl93]

Experience is the best teacher, as so many others have said. If you're shopping with your Fiance, then there's really nothing for you to be concerned about. You can always use her for cover! If she would enjoy shopping with you,that's a positive on another level. By accepting her offer, you're giving her some positive feed back on her acceptance. Besides, she can provide you with the best possible advice on the styles and colors that work best for you.

And everyone seems to think their town is more conservative that some others. Hey, I live in Texas. I often go out, en femme, both here in Houston and when I'm working in a smaller north Texas community. I have had no problems whatsoever! I think you can safely shop with your GF without need for concern.

[Ashley.marie]

I agree with the girls that are saying time and experience will eventually get comfortable shopping. You said you weren't sure what type of styles you wanted to get. Why not ask your fiancee to go shopping with you and suggest somethings for you?