It finally happened

[LaraPeterson]

What happened, you ask? I left myself open to my wife finding out and she did. My secret of many years finally came to the surface with her. Her response was exactly what I had expected. She was devastated. It was much worse than I even thought it would be.

After a couple of days of "cooling off" from her emotions, we sat down for a four hour conversation in which I told her everything. The more I talked, the harder she cried. I don't think she will ever accept me as Lara, not that I am surprised. The good news is that she still loves me very much and has said so.

I imagine the only reason we are still living in the same house is that I have loved her as best I can for a lot of years. I've never loved anyone else but her and she knows it.

The really sad part of this is, as she pointed out, I have been counselor to many who have faced the same type of situation and just wasn't willing to face it myself. I broke her heart and now I have to set about putting it back together. How I do that remains to be seen; I have taken a few steps already.

I have retired Lara for the immediate future. We both know it is not permanent, but we both need time to adjust to this "self-outing." I am working very hard to spend more alone time with her. She is the finest woman I have ever known.

Finally, I want to thank everyone on this forum who has friended me and sent me private messages. You are part of the reason this is going to work itself out. Had I not joined this forum and read many of the posts from people in similar situations, I'm sure I would not have handled it as well as I did (not that I handled it well but it could have been a lot worse).

I am certain that our marriage will survive this, somehow. I'm not concerned about what anyone else thinks--she and I have to work this out together and we will. So, Lara is signing off for now; maybe a visit every once in a while just to stay connected. Thanks to you all.

[Lillyasia]

Best wishes to both of you. Have faith and hope, and lots of patience. I'm pullling for you to have a happy conclusion to this.

[Bree Wagner]

I'm sorry to hear it came about that way Lara. Good luck working through this with your wife. I wish you the best.

-Bree

[Leah Lynn]

Best wishes go with you, Lara. Nothing good ever comes easy.

Leah

[Luna Nyx]

sorry things had to happen that way. see you hopefully back in the future. I hope things get fixed and that maybe over time she can love you for the man and woman that you are.

[Diversity]

Hi Lara,
The best thing you did was to get this in the open between you both. Take things very slowly, and do not add any pressure to your wife. Talk openly and honestly often, when you believe she will be receptive. Continue to reassure her that she is the most important person in your life. If you both truly love one another, as it appears you do, then time will eventually heal this wound.
I would like to suggest that you stay in touch with this forum often. It really helps a lot. I know, I have been where you are, but under a different circumstance, in that I came out and told my wife. The issue, however, was that I did it after over 30 years of marriage. Things are getting very much better now.
Good luck to you, Lara. I wish you both well.
Di

[Danielle_cder]

Breath a sigh of relief GF, this is one of the hardest things one can get out especially to a SO. Best of luck!

[phlover]

I feel sorry for your temporary retirement from this site, but I'd like to praise you for your courage to confess your real self to your wife.
I am still hiding my feminine self to my wife, and have no courage to confess it.
Maybe she would react much more dramatically than your wife.
Anyway, I hope you would get over the hard time and result in a happy ending in the near future.
Take care.

[PaulaQ]

I'm so sorry you are going through this Lara. I hope it all works out for you. I hope your wife realizes that you are the same person that she's known and loved for all these years, just that there is a part of you she didn't know about. I'm sure you must feel horribly guilty about how hurt she feels. I hope she can find acceptance in her heart.

I hope the old saying "the truth will set you free" applies here - but in a good way.

[Teri Ray]

Best wishes for a good outcome Lara. I nkow the pain and feelings you are going through. I survived a similar situation with my wife. Not easy, but if your marriage has good foundation it can be worked though. Each family's situation is different so there is no pat answer for all. After long discussions my wife came to understand that I was the same person before she understood I was a crossdresser as after she learned. We came through it and now have boundaries but we still love each other and my life is so much better having her know I dress than before.
Best wishes to you and your wife.

Teri

[Lacyfem]

You sound like such a nice person and being married can so relate. I've thought of telling my wife who I love dearly for years now and also have many times over the years tried to stop my dressing without success but now know that won't happen. My wife has expressed her thoughts of crossdressers in the past and think we are sick so scares me to death to tell her as though the marriage might survice it won't be the same. Also, if she knew I dressed she would know I like to be with others who dress and sometimes men who like me dressed. I've taken or have had taken hundreds of pictures over the years which I defintely hide and would really be devastating if she would find them. All this considered I still love her very much and think after hearing your story think I'll stay in the closet right now but so admire what you did. Good luck honey and please let us know how it all works out.

Hugs & Kisses, Lacy

[Tammy Nowakowski]

So sorry to hear what happen Lara, take it one day at a time

[Annaliese]

Hugs Lara, best wishes

[Beverley Sims]

You have a positive outlook on this and I wish you well.
I think you are doing the right thing and as I say to others only tell her what she wants to know without any embellishment.
Love conquers all I believe and if you find the need to dress and can't, try and not get moody, this starts senseless arguments.

[Dana L]

Sorry to hear about this. The big thing is you were open and honest with her. In time if you love each other things will work out.

[SandraInHose]

Similar to my situation when my wife learned of my CDing. Took a lot of tears (and my wife isn't a cryer) before she began to reluctantly 'accept' (using that word loosely) I was a CD. I directed her to many websites to answer the questions I couldn't, and she suffered from not only emotional trauma but information overload. She would ask me certain questions repeatedly over the first few weeks, perhaps because she didn't remember my answer or perhaps trying to catch me contradicting myself. Either way, I was honest and open about all aspects of my CDing, and she eventually relaxed a little bit. Still doesn't want me dressing, and I have to do it behind her back, except pantyhose, which I wear openly around her (part of our compromise).

Remember, this is something you've been aware of all of your life...it's still a new and troubling thing to her. Giver her time, attention, and constantly reassure her she's the most important thing in your life. Best of luck.

[Julie Gaum]

.Add my prayers for your future happiness and peace of mind to all the other posts. Lara will be back stronger than ever once this bump in life's journey has past. And to Lacy: for heaven's sake read these posts and learn. I can safely promise you that if you continue down that path nothing good will come of it --- life is too short to waste!
Julie

[Stephanie47]

Lara, I'm not trying to be judgmental. I think you and your wife would benefit from couples counseling. It's not easy for many wives to accept cross dressing. It flies in the face of their expectations of married life. I went back and read your introductory post/thread from last December. If you disclosed the full extent of your inclinations, I suspect your wife is truly devastated. Counseling is much needed.

[allesha10]

Lara, even though you have retired, don't be a stranger, I too just came out to my wife, so I can use your help. As I know others can too.