Did telling your date result in physical violence?

[abigailf]

This topic was inspired by another thread.

How many girls who live full time as a woman had been physically harmed as a result of telling your date that you are transgender?

I suppose the inverse of this question applies too. How many guys out there can claim the same?

[Jorja]

I have never been physically harmed or verbally abused because I told my date. I think a lot of it has to do with what type of guy he is too start with. I tend to be attracted to the caveman with a little class about him.

[ArleneRaquel]

The men that I date know of my true gender well before it actually reaches the dating stage. So I have had no problems so far.

[kellycan27]

Never physically assaulted out of anger at my being trans.. But in the past I had been sexually assaulted by a couple of guys I dated. And it was quite violent.

[CharleneT]

No violence, but I have had men blow up when told. Upset is the way to describe it, but I have friends who have had much worse experiences than I did. A couple who were raped, one who was beat up badly. I personally have been chased for blocks for simply walking down the street when pre-op and readable.... I have three friends who were arrested for being trans ! Those laws are now pretty much gone, but the environment is changing more slowly ! Be careful.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

one friend was arrested for basically being trans...

one friend was jumped in a parking lot after leaving a regular bar...some guys read her and followed her out..

my only dating friend is 0 for 5 so far in telling..her experience is that most of them just gulp and go away... her last 2 she told by email because she felt so sickened by how horrible the reaction was..and she is post op...

[Jenni Yumiko]

While I wasn't the person trying to pick up a trans, my friend was at a bar, he found out because they ended up making out and he felt something more. He came back and told us what happened, and the rest of my friends were going to follow her and kick her butt. I interjected with what does that prove that 5 ppl can beat up a guy/girl? His response was that she should have told me upfront what she was about. I walked off and told her to leave out the back door before my friends see you leaving.

I think the moral of the story is to be honest from the jump. ESP if your pre op. I think guys would be less likely prone to violence if they knew what they were getting into beforehand. A surprise like that isn't something like, oh btw I'm a smoker.
Again this is just my experience and with someone who was pre op.

[kimdl93]

...

my only dating friend is 0 for 5 so far in telling..her experience is that most of them just gulp and go away... her last 2 she told by email because she felt so sickened by how horrible the reaction was..and she is post op...

This is really saddening. For all the concerns about coming out to a GG partner or friend, this is so much worse.

Kaitlyn, am I correct in assuming that the males in your friend's experience were attracted to her before they learned of her status? So their reaction is to the idea of a person being a post of TS? Perhaps, for some of these men, the male self-identity threatened by the notion that they are attacted to someone who didn't start out with female genitalia.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

we have talked about it a bit...her approach was to tell either at 2nd or 3rd date before deep feelings took hold..if she was interesting in more serious dating, she told them...she kissed but no real sex going on...
i know others have had this experience as well from getting to know them here...

its totally about how society still views us a men or at best "used to be" men... its one way we are invalidated by others...and because this is so ingrained, to the guy its like OMG i kissed a dude or OMG i'm falling for a dude or maybe just OMG no thanks

its not something you tend to have a long conversation about afterwards...one guy did apologize and was not mean about it..ine email guy never responded back, the other guys were just crestfallen and disappointed....so not even a hint of physical violence, but its sure rough for our team...

there are men out there that will not care for whatever reason...its just hard to find them...

my best guess on this is that as a 50yrs current spinster, its probably best to generate interest in me from guys that know right from the start....then it will be much more up to me...

[Lorileah]

I agree with Arlene the men I meet know (they have to..right?). I have never been physically harmed. I don't even remember being verbally abused. I am sure it will happen (the verbal part) sometime though.

[kimdl93]

.......and because this is so ingrained, to the guy its like OMG i kissed a dude or OMG i'm falling for a dude ...

I'm sure you are right. Its sad. I can entirely understand if a male is interested in having his own kids...then, that could be a deal breaker, just as it might be in a relationship with a GG who is unable or doesn't want children. What surprises me is when men are honestly attracted to a person, then unable to get past their ingrained notions. "Sigh".

I guess the situation isn't all that different with GGs. Being with a TG or TS partner is difficult for many GGs to accept. I guess regardless of your preference, the key is to meet lots of people, be open and honest as early as you can, prepare for the worst and hope for the best.

[Elsa Larson]

Some of you might enjoy the movie, Amanda, now streaming on Netflix.

[mikiSJ]

Jenn

Thank you for standing up to your "buddies". It shows a lot a maturity that you have gone beyond the pack mentality and are willing to risk of an uncomfortable conversation, or of being outed yourself.

[AnitaFloridaGal]

My own philosophy is to be up front with any man I date about my being transgender. I am a non-op MTF TS and I make sure my date knows that beforehand.
For safety, I always let my sister or a friend know if I am going out somewhere or meeting someone new.

[abigailf]

Thanks Elsa. I watched the movie.

Getting past some of the not so great acting, screenplay, filmography and directing, I found the story interesting although I was disappointed in the ending. In some aspect (and if you plan to see the film this may give something away) it made what we are seem like a joke or a test. I couldn't help but feel slightly belittled afterwards.

Though it did explore an interesting point of view on the disclosure experience. It is worth watching just for that.