her reaction

[Stevie]

My wife knows and doesn't want to be around it. We have an agreement that is challenging for the both of us. She caught me practicing ways to appear more feminine and asked me not to. My answer at first was no then when she asked the second time I was at a loss for words then on the third time I said yes. She was happy with my final answer of course. Opening up to her has reenergized our relationship. This is awesome but at the same time I feel she is testing my manhood in the hopes that this will pass. I have never felt so strong about my dressing as I do now. I even painted my nails yesterday and how will she react seeing that. I don't want to know. I don't want to take it off I like the feel and look of the purple polish on my toes but think I need to tell her. I know her answer. She has also.started making acting like a women comments now. I don't know if she is joking or what. What I do know is the she feels trapped like me with no one to talk to about this. I'm trying to take it slow but right now I need some reassurances.

[Jenni Yumiko]

If your foundation is strong and you guys fully believe a marriage is 50/50, then it's time to set some boundaries. Give and take. How long has she known? How long have you been married? I get the woman comments also, but I know my wife is joking. You should ask her if that was a joke or were you being vindictive?
I really hope it doesn't come to that, but if she can't do any of the above and the D word comes up, she sounds the type who would hold it against you. Most courts don't care about that stuff (at least in Illinois) my ex tried using it when I got full custody, which the judge said do you do it in front of the kids, I said no, my wife said no, and he said no issue.
Tread carefully Stevie.

[Maria S]

Take it easy what you do in front of her. My wife is cool about my CDing and I spend a lot of time doing it but little in her presence.

Maria

[kimdl93]

First, I've seen you use the word "trapped" to define your feelings about the situation you and your wife are in. I strongly encourage you to think differently about this. You're not in a jail....your not caught in a trap. That feeling is an attitude that you've assigned to the situation, not the situation itself. Just anger is a choice, so frustration is a choice. Try to redefine your situation. Try to look at it as the beginning of a long and interesting journey, one with many unexpected surprises along the way.

Also, its not a good idea to test or push boundaries. Rather, try to understand her reservations and respect her limits of tolerance. Your approach is more likely to irritate and alienate. Secure her agreement before rolling out anything that might test those boundaries of comfort.

[Beverley Sims]

All the acting like a woman jibes you get treat them as humor or show little reaction.
Under no circumstances bite back or point something out to your wife that starts an argument.
Keep the arguments to the things you have always disagreed on.
You are aware to take it slowly and you may have read where I advise to let her curiosity get the better of her and she will ask you questions.
Do not embellish the answers as she probably does not want to know too much at any one time.
Let her test your manhood, but you do not have to be over assertive in your approach.
I don't encourage deceit but just try and keep your nails hidden. Talk to each other and try and involve her in this site.
Unlike what Jenni has said, I would not ask her if she is being vindictive as this opens up to an argument or a classic reply would be.
"You work it out love"
Other than that others have good suggestions as well.
You have two other views out there,
Jenni who is more confronting, and
Maria who is cunning.

[Jenni Yumiko]

Definitely agree with what Beverley stated, my way is very confronting. Take all these views as ideas in which way you choose to handle it. Everybody reacts differently to different situations, and without being in your shoes and knowing what your wife is really like, we can only offer how we feel we would handle it.

[Stevie]

I got what you both are saying and don't disagree with either one. I'm comforting naturally and she see everything I say as being argumentative. I want to try Beverly's approach but have a hard time doing it. Taking it slow sounds good on paper and I'm tring to but as you can see I'm creeping back into it like I can't be without it..as for my marriage I've been married for close to twenty years and I can't really answer about our foundation. I would like to think it is strong but the path that led me to this point has broken some trust issues. She says that she forgives me but I know it hurt her emotionally. She hasn't forgotten it either. When I get testy with her she will bring it up. She always tells me that she loves me and does show it. Because of that I feel guilty about this if I'm right or wrong.

[Jenni Yumiko]

Your two statements makes it sound like she is vindictive or confronting. Either way her personality sounds A type. Very strong, dominating and steadfast. You definitely have your work cut out for you, however way you decide, match what best will relate to her.
Really think about how you are going to approach this, I think if you do it wrong, she will blow up on you. However if you play to the positives for her, it should go a little more in your favor.

Also remember nt every woman is going to be ok with it. If that was the case this site might not exist. :-)

[Jenniferathome]

seems to me you are pushing a boundary you agreed not to. It's ok if she doesn't want to be involved or see your crossdressing. You two need to discuss the boundaries and time for you to cross dress when she does not have to deal with it.

[Stevie]

I'm really trying not to push.

[Melissa Rose]

I even painted my nails yesterday and how will she react seeing that. I don't want to know. I don't want to take it off I like the feel and look of the purple polish on my toes but think I need to tell her. I know her answer.

Regardless of what you claim, I will also say it seems like you are purposely pushing boundaries to see what you can get away with. IMHO, it is disrespectful and immature, and will probably lead to more comments and reactions of the types already experienced. When you stop playing boundary games, perhaps the two of you can have some reasonable discussions about boundaries that encompasses agreeable compromises. While it is easy to blame her for behaving poorly, you need to step back and truthfully look to see if you are making things worse by your behaviors and comments. Usually there is room for improvement on both sides.

[Stevie]

I agree I'm pushing. I know the problem is with me.it is hard to take a step back. My main problem is I'm constantly worrying what she is thinking and getting myself worked up. I feel like I did something wrong.

[Jenniferathome]

I agree I'm pushing. I know the problem is with me.it is hard to take a step back. My main problem is I'm constantly worrying what she is thinking and getting myself worked up. I feel like I did something wrong.

So tell her exactly THAT. Start the conversation

[PaulaQ]

I am sorry to say this, but the way you and your wife are approaching this is not a good way to resolve personal problems.


I have never felt so strong about my dressing as I do now. I even painted my nails yesterday and how will she react seeing that. I don't want to know. I don't want to take it off I like the feel and look of the purple polish on my toes but think I need to tell her. I know her answer.

I'm not sure I understand - did you agree to not dress *at all*, or just not around her. If the former, you need to tell her you can't or don't want to quit, since that seems to be how you feel. This will require a lot more talking, since you'll have to work something out.

If she simply doesn't want any part of it - well, you should try to make an accomodation for her. Discuss with her what would freak her out, what you could do out of sight, etc. (Maybe not in gory detail - just talk about what bothers her, what you need, and how to accomodate both.)


She has also.started making acting like a women comments now. I don't know if she is joking or what. What I do know is the she feels trapped like me with no one to talk to about this. I'm trying to take it slow but right now I need some reassurances.

You could try reverse psychology and tell her "oh thanks honey!" when she says stuff like that, but really I wouldn't recommend it. What I would recommend is to ask her to not call you names or make insulting comments. Put it to her this way - how would she feel if you referred to her as "a bitch?" She wouldn't like it, and it would start a fight. Point out that you can't actually take back things once they are said. So don't say 'em unless you really mean 'em.

All that said, I'm sure she is having difficulty adjusting to all of this, and trying to understand what's going on in her relationship. You should talk about that with her - frequently. Also, understand that she may need some space to understand this and process this herself. I am sure the feelings are overwhelming. It's OK for her to be mad at you, scared, frustrated with you - whatever. She feels what she feels. Work with her on this. But just because she's unhappy with you (if that's the case - sure sounds like it is), that doesn't give her the right to belittle you.