SAMANN
02-18-2013, 12:31 PM
Hi all.
So my wife and I had the talk on Sunday. Background on Saturday we went out to celebrate Valentine’s Day she had planned time for us to go get pedicures and I encouraged her to get her nails done. I was even able to get clear polish on my toes while she got a sparkly blue polish. We then went to a movie and dinner.
On Sunday we got up and I started to clean the fridge so we could make the necessary grocery list. As I was doing that she sat at the table and we talked. I mentioned that I was jelly that she had gotten color one her toes and I wished that I could have done the same. That started the ball rolling her response was that Men don’t get color on their nails I asked Why what is it about me wanting to have color on my nails or to wear women’s clothes that is so bad it’s not like I am a child molester, alcoholic, drug abuser, wife beater or pedophile. She stated for her that it was a no go that she married a man and the thought of me wearing women’s clothing horrified her. She also said that if I wanted to go down that road she wouldn’t leave me but our relationship would become platonic.
Our conversation then rolled on to the fact that she knows how I feel as I told her before we got married (I don’t remember the conversation) and that at the time it was a non-issue. I was in the Marine Corps and bathed in testosterone as well as being a newlywed and that made my CD’ing not prominent. She also reminded me that we have talked about it on and off over the years (damn I must be getting Alzheimer’s I only remember 1 conversation). She told me that my shaved legs, nylons, long hair and earrings were ok but barely especially the shaved legs and nylons. She told me that she is still really having problems coping with our daughter who is a lesbian it took her a year to tell her mom.
We then started talking about what I wanted from this I told her that I did not want to have a sex change that I have come to realize that I like being a man to a point but that if for some reason that portion of my anatomy where to fall off I would not miss it as long as I could pee. Her response was thanks a lot. (Oops) She then told me that she believed that I had been born hermaphrodite which due to a vestigial penis at birth secondary to severe Hypospadias is a plausible concept at the very least I did not get enough testosterone in utero which is held up by my current labs which have my testosterone as very low normal despite treatment. I told her that I wanted to underdress and possibly have the occasional private time to dress. She asked if that would be enough. I told her that I did not know and was afraid that it could be a slippery slope and that I might want more. The conversation then continued on how I felt like an oblong in a round and square world. I also told her that I was hoping that counseling would at least help me come to a null point where this need was balanced out however that may happen.
We left the conversation with her still refusing to let me dress but agreeable to continued conversations which I must initiate as she won’t bring it up. She did at least not insist that I stop doing what I am doing and she agreed to let me indulge in jewelry which she likes just as much as I do. (We are going to get matching toe rings) She also admitted that she felt like she was not being very accepting of me on this she felt that it was impossible for her to “lie” or hide what I might do in private she totally understands what I am going through with not being able to be open about this. So long story short at least we talked and the door to talking more is open.
So my wife and I had the talk on Sunday. Background on Saturday we went out to celebrate Valentine’s Day she had planned time for us to go get pedicures and I encouraged her to get her nails done. I was even able to get clear polish on my toes while she got a sparkly blue polish. We then went to a movie and dinner.
On Sunday we got up and I started to clean the fridge so we could make the necessary grocery list. As I was doing that she sat at the table and we talked. I mentioned that I was jelly that she had gotten color one her toes and I wished that I could have done the same. That started the ball rolling her response was that Men don’t get color on their nails I asked Why what is it about me wanting to have color on my nails or to wear women’s clothes that is so bad it’s not like I am a child molester, alcoholic, drug abuser, wife beater or pedophile. She stated for her that it was a no go that she married a man and the thought of me wearing women’s clothing horrified her. She also said that if I wanted to go down that road she wouldn’t leave me but our relationship would become platonic.
Our conversation then rolled on to the fact that she knows how I feel as I told her before we got married (I don’t remember the conversation) and that at the time it was a non-issue. I was in the Marine Corps and bathed in testosterone as well as being a newlywed and that made my CD’ing not prominent. She also reminded me that we have talked about it on and off over the years (damn I must be getting Alzheimer’s I only remember 1 conversation). She told me that my shaved legs, nylons, long hair and earrings were ok but barely especially the shaved legs and nylons. She told me that she is still really having problems coping with our daughter who is a lesbian it took her a year to tell her mom.
We then started talking about what I wanted from this I told her that I did not want to have a sex change that I have come to realize that I like being a man to a point but that if for some reason that portion of my anatomy where to fall off I would not miss it as long as I could pee. Her response was thanks a lot. (Oops) She then told me that she believed that I had been born hermaphrodite which due to a vestigial penis at birth secondary to severe Hypospadias is a plausible concept at the very least I did not get enough testosterone in utero which is held up by my current labs which have my testosterone as very low normal despite treatment. I told her that I wanted to underdress and possibly have the occasional private time to dress. She asked if that would be enough. I told her that I did not know and was afraid that it could be a slippery slope and that I might want more. The conversation then continued on how I felt like an oblong in a round and square world. I also told her that I was hoping that counseling would at least help me come to a null point where this need was balanced out however that may happen.
We left the conversation with her still refusing to let me dress but agreeable to continued conversations which I must initiate as she won’t bring it up. She did at least not insist that I stop doing what I am doing and she agreed to let me indulge in jewelry which she likes just as much as I do. (We are going to get matching toe rings) She also admitted that she felt like she was not being very accepting of me on this she felt that it was impossible for her to “lie” or hide what I might do in private she totally understands what I am going through with not being able to be open about this. So long story short at least we talked and the door to talking more is open.