For those whose SO accepts...

[Miss Mandy]

This evening, I am completely dressed in foundation garments, forms, and immaculate make-up. My wife is upstairs studying for a school exam, and I am downstairs watching tv. She told me I looked pretty and then essentially told me to get lost...

My question for you ladies with accepting SOs: do you need their direct attention to have a good dressing session? I find that when my wife interacts with me as Ms. Jessica, it adds a necessary dimension and reaffirms my femme self...in other words, I need interaction as a women to make it "real"

Jessica

[Eryn]

I think that some of us have a definite socialization aspect to dressing. For many of us a spouse is the safest person with whom to interact. Others find the company of other CDers or GGs to be enjoyable. Interaction with any of these, or even with random people in public is an affirming experience.

[Allison Chaynes]

I'd have to agree. It's not the same without her participation and approval.

[Emjay]

I don't necessarily "need" anyone's attention. I just love being me, it just feels better to be me. More right, more normal, more in line with who I am on the inside. More like I'm not pretending...

That being said I think I know what you're saying and yes, it is nice to have that affirmation even if it's not necessary to me. That contact with someone else, that someone knows and acknowledges and accepts you as who you are. I love to share this part of me (the part that increasingly feels like the "real" me) with my S.O. She's my best friend and I love to share all of me with her.

Of course right now, at this point in my life, a good dressing session would never end... *sigh* ;)

[Nikki50/50]

I'm actually in sort of a limbo here, in this subject. Not very long ago, my wife told me she is in love with Nikki, as much as she is in love with <me,the male>, and that though the sex is equally great for her both ways, Nikki is as every bit essential to her as <me,the male> is.
What changed as far as Before The Significant Other? ALOT. Was it for the better? DEFINITELY!!
Do I need any affirmation beyond that? Not at all, though I've much to process in regard to the ramifications and potential of my wife's expression of actual love for both halves of me being equal, and not opposing.

[savvy_fudge]

While I love having her participation and assistance it's not necessary. I can enjoy myself on my own, especially if I have a chance to chat with some of you lovely ladies.

Savannah

[Cheryl T]

No, not at all. I don't dress for her I dress for me and while it's very nice (wonderful in fact) to have her there interacting with me it's certainly not necessary for me to be me.

[Beverley Sims]

Your wife in this instance does not need distraction whilst studying for an eam.
She has given you positive interaction by telling you to get lost. Don't brood over it.
My wife is watching television and I am immersed in my little world here.
We interact when we want to.
We will go out together and we go out separately.
We go out to a nice restraunt twice a week,
I go Thursday and she goes Saturday.
On our last holidays we went together on the train, she got off at Emeryville and I went to Denver.
To answer your question you do not need reinforcement all the time for X Dressing, as you will kill what you already have.
Every one has to have their space to breathe.

[Rachelakld]

3 days ago, my wife called me sexy, I was a bit shocked as I had a thin white dress on over a pink bra & undies. While it was nice, I was trying to encourage her back to studying while I did what little house work was needed to finish the day.
I tend to have more interesting dressing sessions when I'm out in public and chatting to strangers.

[Danielle_cder]

No, not at all. I don't dress for her I dress for me and while it's very nice (wonderful in fact) to have her there interacting with me it's certainly not necessary for me to be me.

I agree totally. Its nice to have the company but dont need it to reaffirm that Im dun up:D

[kimdl93]

As Erin and others have suggested, we are social animals. And as we begin to accept this part of ourselves, we want to express our feminine nature more often. I found it rather lonely to dress up simply to be by myself. I think its a good thing that your wife found you "pretty" and if she's studying for an exam, she has other things to do. Your presence might be a bit distacting. But, I'm sure there will be other times when she'll be more available and you two can enjoy those moments together.

Now days, I dress nearly full time at home, and it would difficult and isolating to live with someone if I had to keep this part confined when she was around.

[Ariel111]

For me it is a real necessity as I have no other people who know about that part of me. It gives me comfort and fills the social need of interacting with others while femme. I would be completely closeted were it not for her support. Ariel.

[stacycoral]

I agree totally. Its nice to have the company but dont need it to reaffirm that Im dun up:D

Yes i would agree with Danielle, and Cheryl, dressing is me being me, and lovely it. hugs girl

[Briana90802]

I dont think it's so much a need for attention or affirmation so much as it is a wanting to be social with other females. Women are more social in groups than men. I think that we all need this fem interaction.

[jillleanne]

No, not at all. I don't dress for her I dress for me and while it's very nice (wonderful in fact) to have her there interacting with me it's certainly not necessary for me to be me.

Agreed. She will often ask what I am wearing today if we are going somewhere, as she will lay out my male clothing for me just to be nice and probably knowing I hate male clothing anyway, she will pick oiut something nicer looking than I would. If I decide to be en femme that day, she might suggest something but rarely pick out anything ahead of time. I dress for me and she's just fime with that and understands and accepts who I am.

[Aylineira]

When my wife notices me and thinks my dress is pretty or whatever, I definitely feel a lot happier about myself.

[Ms. Laura]

I tend to feel shy around my wife. I love when she expresses that she is OK with CDing by various means. You know, through comments or gifts, etc. I don't like to interact too much with her though, I like to "be her man" and keep things separate, at least to some degree.

[Jocelyn Quivers]

It depends on the activity or what I'm doing. If I'm doing one of my obsessive all day picture taking marathons, I do not need any participation and do well by myself. If it's cooking dinner, or watching TV or a movie I welcome her participation. House cleaning, or any other activities I'm more of a solitary type girl.

[suchacutie]

I enjoy the companionship of my wife no matter how I'm presenting!!! But in the days when she was studying, I did something else! So, is it the specific validation you need from your wife during all the time you are dressed? That might be a bit much for your wife (or anyone) to handle, I would think. And no, I don't need my wife their, but I always miss her when we are not together, so maybe that's all you are feeling.

[Cassandra Lynn]

In the broader sense of it all, the greatest interaction is that she simply loves me no less knowing all about me and accepting it.

To a lesser extent i do enjoy that she gets a bit of a kick out of helping with my make-up, and making suggestions about accessories, clothing choices or constructive criticisms (like my fake-boobs are out of alignment).

I've never personally understood the affirmation thing that i hear others speak of.

[flatlander_48]

No, not at all. I don't dress for her I dress for me and while it's very nice (wonderful in fact) to have her there interacting with me it's certainly not necessary for me to be me.

Exactly my thoughts on this. The way I would interpret the original message is that my dressing experience would be lacking something if my wife were not here and that wouldn't be true. I enjoy dressing regardless of whether she is here or not.

[Jessica86]

I'd have to agree. It's not the same without her participation and approval.

+1

It's even worse when they participate, claim they like it, and then never do it again.....

[Rachel Morley]

I met my wife on a CDing forum (not this one) and it was her who brought me out of the closet. Suffice to say there is a direct connection between my dressing and her and so I have rarely dressed without her being around to be part of it. These days most of my time spent en femme is because we're going out together as "two girls". Sometimes to mainstream venues like the movies or shopping, sometimes to have dinner at other TG friends' houses, and also at almost all of the events our TG support group has. It just wouldn't be the same if she didn't want to participate.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Jessica, you are one of the lucky ones my wife doesn't want to see it. It' DA DT !!

[AmyGaleRT]

I don't need my fiancee's direct attention, but I'll often get it anyway. :) If she knows I've dressed, because she saw me go into the bathroom to begin the transformation process, or because she called me and I answered in Amy-voice, or some such, she'll have me come out to whereever she is. I'll do it in style, of course, sashaying into the room and giving her a little twirl to get the full effect. Her comments are generally along the lines of, "Nice, baby!" or something like that. Sometimes I'll get her opinion on details, such as, "What do you think of this color of eyeshadow?" or "This is a new blouse, do you like it?" It warms my girlish heart to get such sweet compliments. :)

- Amy

[~Joanne~]

No, I do not need my SO's attention while being dressed. She doesn't treat me any differently when I am dressed around her which is the way I like it. We keep the communication open and discuss this every now and then and that's good enough for me.

[GG7irish]

Isn't what acceptance is all about...loving the person you choose as your SO the whole package. If my SO can love me for my differences I can give no less When you find the right one then you love the whole package. I think we all want to be accepted for who we are.

[Natalie Wood]

Ms. Jessica,

I definitely agree with your observation and feelings on this one. I seem to get very needy when it comes to getting her opinion of make-up, dress, etc. If she is busy with something I get a little impatient. Another observation for me is that I tend to get very vulnerable too. I absolutely want my wife's honest opinion all the time. But I can't help but feel bad if she doesn't like something. What strikes me funny is that I do not think I am this sensitive in male mode.

[Miriam-J]

It is important to have social interaction whether I'm in gal or guy mode, though I also enjoy some alone time. It's no fun sitting around a house all by yourself everytime, and anything that artificially creates isolation builds inner resentment. Since the only ones who know about my crossdressing are my wife and the support group in Indy, I depend on my wife for my social interaction. But it's also nice that she is very supportive, helps me with my clothing choices and makeup, and enjoys shopping trips together. But most of the time we're just quietly together no matter how we're dressed, and that's pretty special all by itself.

Miriam

[Gretchen_To_Be]

I'd like my wife to participate more. She doesn't mind--in fact, she enjoys--my smoothly depilated legs, judging by how much she rubs her legs on mine and plays footsie with me. She never did that before. I asked her if she did that just to please me, but she replied that she does enjoy the feeling for herself.

She tolerates pantyhose or thigh highs, because she knows I love them. She purchased a woman's silk dressing robe for me, and doesn't mind when I wear that, or a pair of heels for a few minutes. But that's where it ends. She doesn't want to see me in a skirt or dress, and I don't think she wants to participate beyond what she has already done. She has said that if I want to go further, that part must be DADT.

For now it's good enough. I'm extremely grateful she is understanding and for what she feels comfortable with, and we have had some intimate fun as a result. I don't want to push it, so as much as I would like her to be a participant or even slightly motivated to help me with a feminine image, I understand that could change the way she views me. It would be great to do our makeup together, or for her to help me pick out items to purchase or wear, but she is not ready for that and I don't think ever will be.