Would you be a supportive SO?

[Kate Simmons]

Something I've been wondering is if , let's suppose you did decide you needed to transition from M to F and followed through with all of the procedures and surgery. You acclimated yourself to your new life, began dating, found a man you loved and decided to settle down and get married. After being married for awhile, you discover your husband's secret. He is a closet crossdresser. My question is: Given your life and circumstances would you be a supportive SO? Why or why not?:)

[kimdl93]

wow, talk about a serial hypotheticals! But I'll play. Yes, if I fully transitioned and married a male and later discovered he was a closeted cross dresser, I would entirely support his preferences. Why, because for one thing I would understand completely where he was coming from. And it would be fun to share clothes ;)

[Persephone]

I think I'd be uncomfortable, just like many GG's. I'd feel a bit cheated. I'd probably accomodate, but I wouldn't be ecstatic, and I definitely would not want to find him wearing my clothes!

Hugs,
Persephone.

[Eryn]

I think that this falls under the "people who live in glass houses" clause. Of course I would be accepting!

[mikiSJ]

OR, what if your wife/SO decided she wanted to be a man- totally. Would you be supportive if: 1) you are transgendered, or 2) "straight"?

[Davena Doll]

If I was a girl and my husband, the man that I married, became a crossdresser, I would feel the life we have built together would come crashing down around me and I would be stranded on a pillar of isolation and lonliness.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Kate, I would know where he's coming from that's for sure.

[Kate Simmons]

Interesting responses to be sure. I would give my Hubby the benefit of the doubt to see where he is coming from but to be on the safe side would probably insist on a pre nupt agreement before marriage. Of course he would know all about my history before we committed to anything and I would want to know his. If he was hiding something, I would want to know why.I would want assurance just like any other woman. I guess fulfilling the role means just that.:)

[Marlana]

Ok taking it one more step...i am a male that marries a woman who later discovers that I'm a cd'er. After I fully transition, I am now a woman that is/is not married to another woman. Now she decides to transition to a male. Do you support her-him? Do you stay married?

[Angela Campbell]

I would say it all depends on the relationship as a whole. If I loved the other person I would want to help them do whatever it takes to find happiness. Being transgendered myself I would understand. Whether the relationship lasts or not is unseeable, because it would depend on the behaviors of both of us. I can only control mine. No my life would not come crashing down around me. I have lived long enough to know that things always change, and we must either adapt to the changes or become miserable fighting them.

But then again If I did transition I still would not be in a relationship with a man who turns cd....I would be in a relationship with a woman...if she wanted to transition to a man I would support it as long as we had a good relationship to begin with.

[Rachel Morley]

I think that this falls under the "people who live in glass houses" clause. Of course I would be accepting!
Exactly! .. I'm with Eryn.

[Beverley Sims]

As I sit here now and ponder I most certainly would be accepting as I would already have the knowledge of what it is all about having gone the transition route.
If the horrormones have really got to me and I became more militant and self centered about myself as some do, I would probably be a hypocrite instead.
It is unfortunate that hormones do get to the mind and do change your mind set.
This remains a hypothetical question for me at the moment.

[Jessica86]

If I was a girl and my husband, the man that I married, became a crossdresser, I would feel the life we have built together would come crashing down around me and I would be stranded on a pillar of isolation and lonliness.

Exactly the kind of statements that I do not understand. Why not just tell them "Don't let me see it." WHY? Would someone answer THAT? I would support them. Just like I would support my wife being a stripper. A cashier at wal mart. A lawyer, doctor, cop, or whatever. You support someone because you love them. You don't support them because you made a list of selfish demands that they just so happen to skew away from. Then, you spend the rest of your life going through person after person after person hopelessly trying to find someone that meets YOUR wants and needs instead of loving them for THEIRS.

[Cheryl T]

It would certainly be hypocritical to not be supportive after the path you've taken.
I would have to support my partner or I would be nothing more than a bigot like much of the world is to us now.

[Ezekiel]

I think I'd be uncomfortable, just like many GG's. I'd feel a bit cheated. I'd probably accomodate, but I wouldn't be ecstatic, and I definitely would not want to find him wearing my clothes!

Hugs,
Persephone.

I just hope you are not serious when you say this and you are joking. After going through so much unacceptance from others, being looked down upon for being who you are etc etc all through life, you would seriously feel uncomfortable because he crossdresses?

If this is true then you are not honoring your quote of Michael Westen.


It would certainly be hypocritical to not be supportive after the path you've taken.
I would have to support my partner or I would be nothing more than a bigot like much of the world is to us now.

Exactly, that would make a person an absolute hypocrite of the worst kind not to mention highly selfish. I for myself, I would be absolutely accepting of a girlfriend that would want to transition, crossdress or whatever she wishes for herself, as I would be there to make her happy not to make her miserable.

[Diversity]

Yes I most definitely would be a supportive SO. The reason is because I would know what it was like to be there, before I had the operations, and I would know what it takes to be a kind and loving wife to this special man that I married. I would love him completely. My love would be unconditional.
Di

[Kate Simmons]

The main reason I posted this is that I have a friend who transitioned but she now forbids her SO to crossdress, even though he enjoys doing it. Seems she wants a "man" as she told me but in this I kind of see the fallacy of the whole concept some women believe men should fulfill. When I love someone, I love them because of the PERSON they are, not because of what the plumbing happens to be. Icing on the cake for sure but the physical part is not everything. Just food for thought for those of us who may be in this situation some day.:)

[Ezekiel]

Wow Kate thats terrible from her, I find that she is doing to him what others have been doing to her all the whole life, I mean she really feels she has the power to decide whether or not this guy crossdresses? Talk about double morals! A Transsexual forbidding others pretty much the same thing she wished for herself! All I can say is that its simply a disgusting behavior, so she would want people to respect her with she doesn't return it? Incredible, I really thought all Transsexuals / Transgenders had a deep conscience about this without exclusion and that they stood up to all they supposedly endorsed such as rights, but I was wrong, some of them it appears are really false. If that friend of yours wants a "man" (even the word of her choice is wrong to define what she intends to say) perhaps she should start looking somewhere else instead of making that man's life miserable. In the end she is just acting like all the morons that despise us for being different, what a great contribution to the community she is doing here!

[Kate Simmons]

Evidently as some have said those hormones can really scramble someone's brain. Even if I transitioned, along with hormones, I'm my own person and the person I love would be treated with respect and dignity for being themself as well.My one rule for friendship or any other relationship is to just always be yourself.:)

[Ezekiel]

Agreed, its key to be yourself. Rather than hormones, maybe she has some hidden disdain for us that don't fit the mold of transsexuality?

[alwayshave]

My so would not be supportive. She accepts that I crossdress, is even supportive and encouraging. However, she really likes men. To the point that she has few female friends. It just would not work.

[sometimes_miss]

You're preaching to the choir, here.

[kellycan27]

Nope... Not in my backyard. I don't have an issue with men who cd if that's their thing, but personally I don't find it attractive in any way, shape or form.

[Calisol01]

You would have to be supportive or that makes you a hypocrite

[Gretchen_To_Be]

While this is very, very hypothetical and I bet a rare occurrence, I think it would be situational. I don't know Kellycan but after a superficial perusal of her posts it seems she is a full-on, completely and successfully transitioned transsexual that was a woman since birth internally, and wants a man's man as her partner. Fully understandable. If CD-TG-TS-Whatever is a spectrum, she is on the (very commendable) far-woman edge. So far on the edge that a feminine man would be unacceptable. From what I have read, there are many transsexuals that have known pretty much since birth they were meant to be women, and have only ever been attracted to men. I can see how, as now fully realized women, they would be as turned off by a cross dressing male as a GG would be.

For many others it could be more grey. What about guys that were, or are, heterosexual, maybe got married to a woman, and had children as a man, but have an intense desire to look like and live as women? Based on posts I have read, many later start to like men after they feminize completely. But having "straddled the fence" so to speak, it is not so alien for them to envision being with a CD partner?

I can imagine some TS's living as women full time, and being with a kindred spirit who presents as a man externally but can share feminine secrets (and wardrobe items) and just generally understanding each other.

[Ezekiel]

I don't agree with you Shibumi, this person has passed through things that should made her be more compassionate and understanding, not only of crossdressing / transgenderism, but in a more general scope. Knowing the pain it means to be shunned, to be ridiculed, laughed at for being different, she should understand this aspect of her partner and choose between two options: Tolerate him or move onto another man. Its simple and in my opinion it should be like this. Otherwise, what are we talking about? She hasn't learned anything from life? Or is that she is just absolutely selfish?

Note that I'm not talking about you Kellycan (I must make this clear as Shibumi did take you as an example), I'm still referring to Kate's friend.