Work, dressing and fate.

[Kimberlyfaye]

I hope some of you can offer your opinion on this.
I'm not female by law and I'm not out to a lot of people. I haven't seen a doctor or been refered to any specialists so I don't know if I am TG, TS or anything else. But I have a job interview and I'm trying to decide if I should mention I am TG or TS etc etc. Or at least ask about their views on TG employees.
Maybe I should look into it first and just not say anything but I'm thinking all these little places in life I am now finding myself might be signs that I'm ready to accept who I am and look at long term female plans.
For example some of these instances include, being more comfortable out in public and taking my second big day out. Talking to a guy online who after seeing my 'other' facebook thinks I'm a girl. My mother making comments about certain items of clothing (it's clear she's waiting for me to man up, so to speak, and tell her about it). Friends who know are close to slipping up and revealing little bits of information to some who don't. All these things make me wonder if it's a sign I should be honest now.

[biggirlsarah]

Hi Kimberly, In the current economic climate and the job situation in the UK at the moment it is difficult enough, without putting yourself at a disadvantage by mentioning that you are a crossdresser , if you get the job and you find that you are actually transgendered then you can look at your work / life situation when the time is right , I would only mention it at a job interview if I was living full time as a female , quite simply be honest about yourself so if someone asks then tell them the truth,
Anyway good luck at your interview , please let us know how it is going , love and hugs Sarah xxx

[kimdl93]

Not with a prospective employer...and not at this time in your evolution as a person. You can learn more about the company's policies if you decide to or are invited to work there. And before you feel compelled to come out to anyone, try to reach a level of personal clarity. You don't Need a doctor or therapist to define you, but they may be able to help you reach that level of clarity.

[Joanne f]

If this job interview is important to you then go dressed smart as job interviews are not the time to see if people will accept you or not as far as gender related issues are concerned but go as you intend to be thought of in the future as they are there to see if you are suitable for the job not to sort out your gender issues.

[AllieSF]

I would not say anything or ask anything about being TG or otherwise. You are looking for a job that will make you money and help make you economically stable. I would not jeopardize that opportunity. Most TS's take a long time to transition and that is normally after a lot of soul searching, real life experiences, and many times after some type of therapy. Since you have no idea, why take unnecessary risks that may cost you a potentially great job and personal growth opportunity? Once working there you can determine their policies, if you could not find anything on line about them, and whether or not you are a CD/TG or TS. All that takes time. Good luck on your interview and let us know how it goes. Thanks for asking.

[stacycoral]

Miss Kim, sis, i would agree with the ladies here, don't bring up the subject, go for the job, and watch to see what the company is like, and if they have rules about this, I WISH YOU THE BEST OF LUCK IN YOUR INTERVIEW,PM sis, I will be praying for you, hugs

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Kim, Too much info. to soon I would get the job first.

[Jaymees22]

I would certainly not bring it up at an interview and not until I was employed for a while to see how the company operates and what their policies are. Not just the official policy but how your immediate co-workers behave. As an example, I know in this country any mention of mental health issues and you won't get the job even though it's supposed to be illegal to do that. Jaymee

[reb.femme]

Hi Kimberly,

Definitely not the time to introduce CDing into the equation. Get the job first, then the HR department will have to accommodate you, should you decide to reveal the other side of your life. Good luck in the interview, knock 'em dead!

Rebecca

[sandra-leigh]

It has to depend on you.

Years ago I got to the point where wearing "guy" clothes at work was no longer acceptable to me. So I went "stealth", across the borderline but not so much that anyone was forced to notice, just to the point where people could rationalize it instead of thinking about it. And I also got to the point where I would lie in bed and feel bad that I couldn't be obvious at work, that I couldn't wear skirts or dresses.

Now that I am out of work and thinking about what it would take to get me back to work, thinking about going in to a situation where I had to "hide" myself again makes me feel somewhat nauseous. I don't want to damage my chances of getting a job, but for me going back to daytime "guy" would be too hard on me. If I could not, at the very least, walk into the door at work dressed in my street clothes (e.g., skirts or dresses), changing once I got there, then I don't think I could do it any more.

Each person has to find their own balance between "accommodating" vs feeling like one is simultaneously "lying" and being fundamentally disrespected.

If the people in my hypothetical work environment would be such that they would give me grief "if only they knew", then I wouldn't be able to stand the internal pressure. And if they weren't about to give me grief, I would much prefer to be able to dress in the mode that works for my identity.

If you have only had two big days out, chances are you not (yet?) darkly miserable at being treated as (only) male. How do you feel about the thought of wearing a (men's) suit day after day? If the answer is "not good" then talking about the situation (somehow) during the interview might be appropriate to you, but if the answer is, "I think I could handle it for a couple of years" then there might not be any good reason to discuss it -- but if you get as far as an offer, it would be quite reasonable to ask about HR policies including "dress code".

[Tammy Nowakowski]

I agree with everyone on this one wait until you the job and see how things go
one day at a time

[Stephanie47]

If you don't have a nice job, you cannot buy nice clothes! Once you have the job you can assess the tolerance of the company and fellow employees towards transgenders. I don't know anything about the laws of the United Kingdom. Some states in the USA have adequate anti discrimination laws. However, since there are so few cross dressers outing themselves on the job, how does one ever litigate for a firing for being a cross dresser. Unless an employer is stupid enough to espouse anti cross dressing attitudes in public, it is difficult to litigate.

There is no reason to give any employer the ammunition to discharge you or not hire you.

[NZ_Dawn]

Im with others on the interview. Be honest but you should not have to disclose all and eery detail. Age, race, Gender, sexual orietation should not be part of the equation in a job, I dont believe that this happens and employers will consider these points; but be honest and answer the questions. Perhaps ask the employer questions that may lead to identifying if the company is tolerant or accomodating without giving away too much. Tricky, but I suggest you get the job, settle in and then perhaps the employer will see that they have hired you on your experience and abilities, knowledge and skills etc. It would be typical for an employer to avoid anything unknown, loose baggae or potentially controversial. All the best. Good Luck.

[arbon]

I hope some of you can offer your opinion on this.
But I have a job interview and I'm trying to decide if I should mention I am TG or TS etc etc. Or at least ask about their views on TG employees.


Not if you actually want the job! Even if you were living full time I would say keep your mouth shut and don't talk to them about it - if presenting as a woman then that is how you are applying leave all the rest out of it. But you are not even doing that....you bring it up right out of the gate most potential employer's are going to see it as a problem and pass.

[Kimberlyfaye]

Thanks for the advice everyone. I'm not going to mention it straight away. I still want to see someone first before starting on the full time road. All I needed was opinions. I still have a lot to discover about myself. But I have decided to get out more and finally tell some people about it. Just a few to start with.
And thank you all for the well wishes. Hopefully I can start to rebuild my life with this job :)

[Amy A]

Just so you know Kimberly, there's only two NHS specialist centres as far as I know, one in Leeds and the Charing Cross one in London. The waiting list for Leeds is 14 months, I'd imagine Charing Cross being similar. Nothing happens quickly with the NHS so don't feel like you have to do anything/tell anyone until you are ready to. There's no point in setting yourself unessesary deadlines!

Good luck with the job!

[EllieOPKS]

If curiosity gets the best of you, go to the company web site and find other open positions. Call the HR dept (on an unlisted number) inquire about a job other than the one you are interested in and ask there views on TS. This will keep from associating the question with the position you are applying for and they should tell you what the policy is. Good luck.

[flatlander_48]

Thanks for the advice everyone. I'm not going to mention it straight away. I still want to see someone first before starting on the full time road. All I needed was opinions. I still have a lot to discover about myself. But I have decided to get out more and finally tell some people about it. Just a few to start with.
And thank you all for the well wishes. Hopefully I can start to rebuild my life with this job :)

Hi:

What you want to do is pay close attention to their diversity practices. Things like: are there employee affinity groups, is there a diversity officer, if there are affinity groups, what groups are present, etc. If you look at the company's web site (going from memory here), if the link to the diversity information is more than 2 levels from the top, it indicates that diversity does not have a high priority. If there is a diversity officer, who do they report to? If it is the VP of Human Resources, that's OK. Reporting to the CEO would be better, however.

Anyway, some things to think about...

[Beverley Sims]

I would worry about getting the job first and when established and successful take it up with human resources then.
To mention anything that is out of the ordinary even saying you think you are gay would not go well.
You need every positive mark you can earn when applying for a position of employment.
Even I would employ someone other than you as ostensibly you may prove to be an unstable person.
Sorry Kimberley, get the job first, then see what happens.

[Beverley Sims]

I would worry about getting the job first and when established and successful take it up with human resources then.
To mention anything that is out of the ordinary even saying you think you are gay would not go well.
You need every positive mark you can earn when applying for a position of employment.
Even I would employ someone other than you as ostensibly you may prove to be an unstable person.
Sorry Kimberley, get the job first, then see what happens.

[mmarmstrong]

All good advice so far - I've got nothing new to add but wanted to say good luck...remember, self confidence is half the battle!!

[Alice Torn]

Kim, I can understand you wanting to be known and accepted. The whole western world is in a deep recession/depression now, though, and like others here said, it is best to not reveal this, to an interviwer. You may not have an opportunity like this for a job, for some time! Sometimes, it is best and wisest, to restrain , and just get the job in guy mode. Maybe a later time. But, in this horrendous depression we are in, keep a lid on it for a while, as jobs are very hard to land now.

[sometimes_miss]

get the job first. Then get settled in, then worry about the implications of your gender status as far as the job goes. For while I'm sure lots of people will champion the idea that being able to be your transgendered self is important, so is eating, and you need a job first and foremost before worrying about anything else. Home, food, then worry about the rest.

[Kimberlyfaye]

Hey everyone. First the good news, I got offered the job. The bad news, it's strictly commission based. :( So I don't think I can take the risk. It's too high knowing if I don't make sales I won't get any money. And I didn't mention anything but I did notice that if I were to come out I don't think it would matter as it's more based on if you are capable and willing to work hard.

[Helen_Highwater]

Putting aside that you're no longer interested in that job, if I've read your thread correctly, "being more comfortable out in public and taking my second big day out." you've not been out in public on a regular basis. I feel this is something you need to become truly comfortable with before saying anything to a prospective employer. "Long term female plans" suggests full transition and from what I've seen on TV programs (no pun intended) dealing with the subject, you'll be require to live 24/7 as a female for some time before they will consider moving to the next level.
Become as comfortable with what many others here are when it come to being in the public gaze. Once you've reached that stage that's when it become something to concern an employer if you want to present as a GG in the work place.
As others have said, having a job provides the financial means to progress how the world sees you. Cross that bridge first.

[Maria S]

Congratulations on getting a job. I too have mentioned in various posts that I am constantly job hunting and currently have job applications at various stages. It has entered my mind occasionally to bring my female side into the equation everything from applying for a job as Maria to entering cross dressing as a personal hobby and interest on my CV. I have an interview on Monday at a pet food company. They have never formally met me as this was one where I cold called leaving my CV with them. How I dearly would love to turn up to that interview dressed as Maria.

Bringing my female side into the job hunting would be absolute madness. As others have said it is hard enough to get a job without making the process even more harder.

Maria

[DanielleT]

Jobs............oh they suck to begin with. About 2 years ago when I decided to become a woman, I threw away all my guy stuff, except for outer clothes and started wearing a bra and panties every day. I was (am) very discreet about it, but under certain outfits, it was obvious that I was wearing a bra. The female employees that report to me were very suppotive, one even going so far as to tell me that she would have no problem working with me if was wearing a skirt, heels and hose. More of the women came on board and I finally had the courage to go up to our HR manager and ask her about things.

I work for a large corporation and although she was very nice and supportive, she told me that absent having a doctor's orders for SRS, she could not allow me, sexed as a male, to appear in the workplace dressed as a female.

OMG! Outside the workplace, I live my whole life as a woman! This kind of short sided, irrational thinking is why gay men and lesbian women can't get a fair shake in life. Someone, give me a break here, is it not 2013, how far have we come from living in caves?

I am an ardent supporter of the rainbow movement. I hope others will follow.