im not complaining but...

[Kylie4]

Im not complaining but my wife only wants me to dress when I am with or around her. Does anyone else have a SO like this?

[Gretchen_To_Be]

That would be an improvement over my current situation, Kylie. She has established very specific limits--I can shave my legs, wear pantyhose or stockings, high heels, and a long silk women's dressing robe. But no skirts, dresses, bras, makeup, wigs, etc. She says that would be too feminine. I don't get how the other items are not feminine, but I am grateful for what I have. She has said I can dress all the way in private, DADT, though I am not ready to go all the way yet.

You are fortunate!

[Ezekiel]

I don't get how some of you can stand restrictions. I understand you love your wife/girlfriend or that you've been in a relationship of years, but I just could not myself let anyone decide whether I can do this or not. Maybe I'm being ignorant here, I'm not sure, I just can't imagine myself in such a situation where I must obey such rules. I would never tell a girlfriend how should she dress, so I'd expect the same from her.

[Gretchen_To_Be]

Ezekiel, I read your posts and I think we are at different points in our lives. I had suppressed my desires to dress for about 15 years, and after I met the most beautiful and special woman (Colombiana), got married, had kids, and was happy. Except for this one urge. The urge isn't so strong for me to do anything to jeapordize our marriage, and I respect her enough to accept the restrictions--especially since I have only been out to her for 2 months. She needs time to understand, learn, and realize I am not going to become a woman--or as in your case, look like one all the time but still exist as a man in my head. Believe me, after I read what you wrote it sounded very appealing to me...kind of like having your cake and eating it too. But my wife is not a lesbian, so if I look like completely like a woman in front of her, all the time or even sometimes, our marriage will likely be over. We have 3 kids. I'm not going to dress in front of them, so there are already situational restrictions that I follow, and I don't resent them because I love the kids and don't want to create any stress for them. CD is a spectrum, my friend, and we all exist at different points. I envy your youth and what I imagine is your ability to pass, and commend you for your very clear objective in life. Mine is different. I enjoy what I can, and I think that wanting something is sometimes more gratifying that achieving it. I notice I enjoy the process of searching for / purchasing a new pair of heels online, and the anticipation of their arrival, more than actually wearing them. I think the idea that I could eventually dress more openly, or take more drastic feminizing measures, is as intensely alluring as the harsh reality that would entail for a married father of 3.

Buena suerte

Shibumi

[Ezekiel]

After reading this last post I surely see your point, married, children and leading a stable life. I can clearly see the issues you would go through, its just so unfair...

I apologize if I sounded stupid, its just that from my point of view and what I want to achieve, I could not conform to that. Knowing that most women do not accept this, probably you are already very lucky anyways.

[Nikki50/50]

Im not complaining but my wife only wants me to dress when I am with or around her. Does anyone else have a SO like this?

Actually...you are complaining. lol
It's somewhat justifiable, though. A limit is a limit.
However, to adjucate by both sides of the proverbial coin, she may want those limits in place as a stepping stone to opening herself up to more, in due time. Be patient with her, and above all, communicate. Frequently. Express desire to be out and about as your alter-ego, and if it feels too confining the way she set forth, say so. But also state that you are willing to compromise to respect her wishes, in the hopes that eventually she will reach a point of being open to more.

[Julogden]

I think it's safe to say that the drive/urge/need to dress can vary wildly from individual to individual. What may be a completely workable solution for one may be a completely unacceptable hell on earth for another.

[Kylie4]

Nikkie how do u see I am complaining. All I was asking if anybody else has a SO like this. She has accepted me since we have been married for the last 6 years. I do not feel the need to be 100% woman. I would rather only do it around her then only when I am not around her. Besides we are almost always around each other.

[Nikki50/50]

Nikkie how do u see I am complaining. All I was asking if anybody else has a SO like this. She has accepted me since we have been married for the last 6 years. I do not feel the need to be 100% woman. I would rather only do it around her then only when I am not around her. Besides we are almost always around each other.

It was just a playful poke at your heading, I apologize. My humour sometimes goes awry.
And I see I may have misunderstood the question, coloured even more by the host of differing responses. To answer, then; yes. Though my wife is somewhat approachable to the idea of going out and about as Nikki, she much prefers Nikki to be her company exclusively.

[sandra-leigh]

In some relationships, a restriction like that is founded on distrust, possibly intellectual, possibly acknowledged as irrational but existing anyhow. For example, some SO's worry that if their partner is dressing without them, that the partner will go out to a gay bar and pick up a guy, or will go out in public in front of people they know and ruin reputations (or become an object of humiliation.)

In some relationships, a restriction like that is used to control the amount of dressing to levels significantly below what the partner needs. "I'll tell you when you can dress! .. 8 months pass ... Okay, you can have dress, but you better be finished by the time I get out of my bath in 20 minutes!"

Restrictions like that mean different things in different relationships.

[Ezekiel]

In some relationships, a restriction like that is founded on distrust, possibly intellectual, possibly acknowledged as irrational but existing anyhow. For example, some SO's worry that if their partner is dressing without them, that the partner will go out to a gay bar and pick up a guy, or will go out in public in front of people they know and ruin reputations (or become an object of humiliation.)

In some relationships, a restriction like that is used to control the amount of dressing to levels significantly below what the partner needs. "I'll tell you when you can dress! .. 8 months pass ... Okay, you can have dress, but you better be finished by the time I get out of my bath in 20 minutes!"

Restrictions like that mean different things in different relationships.

I'll surely feel dead if I had a restriction of 20 minutes every 8 months for my whole life, and in hurry! which is even worse. I think I'd rather use those 20 minutes to prepare a good suicide.

[sandra-leigh]

I'll surely feel dead if I had a restriction of 20 minutes every 8 months for my whole life, and in hurry!

I recall one of the members indicating that his agreement at present is that he will dress only one day a year. He is given more than 20 minutes though!

[Ezekiel]

I recall one of the members indicating that his agreement at present is that he will dress only one day a year. He is given more than 20 minutes though!

I have no words, thats pretty damn tough, its way too severe.

[Badtranny]

I recall one of the members indicating that his agreement at present is that he will dress only one day a year. He is given more than 20 minutes though!

That reminds me of a story;

This guy in his mid 40's was obviously in a great mood one day and one of his co-workers said "hey man, what's up? you've been in a great mood all morning, I've never seen you in such great spirits" The guy just laughs and says "yeah well, my wife hates sex, so she only lets me do it once a year". So the co-worker says "what the hell? Once a year! Why would you be in a good mood about that?"

"Tonight's the night my friend, tonight is the night!"

[Amanda M]

Ezekial - you don't have to accept or respect restrictions, but you must be prepared to accept the consequences!

[Ezekiel]

Ezekial - you don't have to accept or respect restrictions, but you must be prepared to accept the consequences!

Yes I understand the situation for some people is that. You take or you leave it and thats it. Saddens me though.

[Cheryl T]

Not exactly the same thing for me. When I first came out to her and we began going out she requested that when I go out she would always be with me. As she put it, "at least to call 911 should something happen". That was fine with me except that she didn't have a cell phone at the time and the one I had would be in my purse so it would be hard for her to follow through. But I understood the true meaning and accepted. Actually I love having her with me all the time. It's really no different then any other time as we are and always have been together all the time.
It's a start. Maybe things will progress from there as she knows Kylie and becomes more comfortable with her.

[Beverley Sims]

A lot of us wish that we had wives like yours.
Treasure her.
I do have more freedom though.

Melissa,
It is a long time since I have heard that one.

[Diversity]

No,and you should be thankful and appreciative that you have a supporting wife! Life would be so much better if I had a wife who did not mind seeing me dressed. Cherish her - you are so lucky!
Di

[Maria in heels]

You have the perfect relationship Kylie, and others will want to just have what we have - a wife who is understanding and open to our other sides

[Kathy4ever]

I think us married folks have to be happy with what our wives will allow us to do if we want to stay married. Is it fair probable not, but if you didn't let her know before you got married then I think you have to respect their wishes. Sometimes they will grow and let you do more but some will never grow and that is when you have to make a decesion in what makes you happier being dressed or staying with the wife. Just remember they tend to have your balls in there hands so to speak. I know people change in other ways as well. That is why more than half married couples get divorced. It might not be just crossdressing but other reasons as well. Some times this is a good site to let out your frustrations but sometimes as i notice you tend to be put down or ridiculed for expressing your frustration. I wish you luck and hope all turns out well for you.

[linda allen]

I don't get how some of you can stand restrictions. I understand you love your wife/girlfriend or that you've been in a relationship of years, but I just could not myself let anyone decide whether I can do this or not. Maybe I'm being ignorant here, I'm not sure, I just can't imagine myself in such a situation where I must obey such rules. I would never tell a girlfriend how should she dress, so I'd expect the same from her.
You've never been married or had a serious relationship, have you?

Marriage means compromises. One of these is, you don't do things that hurt your partner. You respect your partner and her/his feelings. For example, as a married man, you don't date or have sex with other women. Is that a "rule" or is it respect for your wife and your marriage?

So - If your wife would be hurt or embarassed by you prancing around the neighborhood in a wig, forms, a miniskirt, and 5" heels, you don't do it. It's not a rule, it's love and respect.

In a good marriage, you both communicate and work these things out. So perhaps you dress inside the house. Perhaps you dress in public but only in another town or city where nobody will recognize you.

[Ezekiel]

Well its not comparable to cheating, since that is lying to the whole act of being in a relationship itself. Besides I would just never let myself be in such situation, I'm just surprised to see that this are some fellows case nothing more, and I apologized already for being ignorant but still I just won't agree to live like that, I'd rather live alone but thats me. I also present myself the way I am, if I'm liked good, if not, move. Yes thats my attitude, more flexible than what I just explain but thats pretty much it, define it as you wish. It's like when you are fat and people would prefer you thin, well you don't really have to get thinner if you don't feel like doing such a thing.

It has its risks and I can see that everybody will have their priorities regarding the subject, I for example voice my opinion about it and I would never be in such an engagement where the other person does not fully respect me.

[linda allen]

............ I just won't agree to live like that, I'd rather live alone but thats me. ........

Well, that may be the best option for some people but I get lonely when my wife is away for more than a few days.

If someday you find someone you really love, I think you'll understand and change your attitude about compromising.

[Ezekiel]

I'd probably be full time full body by then so she would have to be interested in me in the first place.

[StephanieB]

This is an interesting thread. I think that when you're in a long term relationship you want to maintain that love and respect. As has been pointed out here a marriage is about give and take. I told my wife 2 weeks ago having been in denial for my whole life. This last two weeks have been the hardest of my life, and ones that I care never to repeat. Last night we talked openly and I tolds her how much she means to me. She can't handle the CD'ing, however she understands that it is something that from time to time that I'll need to do. I promised to be discrete and she has agreed, we have two teenage boys that we don't want to upset and they are at a vulnerable age. It's a good compromise - I would rather she was happy than unhappy,making her happy is part of my role as her husband.

[NicoleScott]

Kylie, I would be curious to know why she wants to restrict your dressing to when she's there.

[kimdl93]

Not in my household. I guess its a good deal better than the opposite case - many members have wives or SOs who don't want them to dress when they are around. This doesn't seem to be a difficult problem to resolve. Ask her why she prefers that you not dress when she's not home. Then you can figure out a compromise.