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View Full Version : changing course again, for a while



arbon
02-20-2013, 05:46 PM
I decided to put SRS on hold for some time, and to go ahead and schedule an orchiectomy this spring and then a trachea shave in the fall. Financially SRS seems to far out, and there are a lot of other things in my life that I feel I am needing to find a way to finance - like my daughter getting older and she is going to be needing help with college in another 4 or 5 years, and my needing to start looking at a new career and what education I need to do that, or starting my own business somehow. I don't want to keep taking high dose of spiro and E until I get all that taken care of, so I think this will be the best thing for me.

Maybe in my 50's, after making my massive fortune, I will be able to finish getting everything corrected down bellow.

Marleena
02-20-2013, 07:52 PM
Life gets in the way sometimes. Everything is subject to change is what I've learned. As long as you're okay with things that's what is important.:)

Shameonu
02-20-2013, 08:29 PM
Think long and hard about the decision to delay surgery. I delayed surgery due to what I felt at the timewere very sensible reasons -- family, the effect on finances, etc. -- and it's the biggest mistake I ever made. Things will always pop up and there will always be what seems to be just causes for postponing SRS.

People go into long term debt to buy a house or car -- are they and other big budget items more important to you? If you say yes, then you will do well to delay. If they are not, then consider the possibility that you could rue your decision for many, many years if not the remainder of your life.

All the best to you. :hugs:

melissaK
02-20-2013, 09:06 PM
Yikes Arbon. Actually it sounds like you have thought this out some. Being post-OP, unemployed and poor is not any kind of life. Sounds like reluctant but prudent planning on your part. I'm sure you'll keep options open.

Go read the thread Anne started yesterday about impatience. Kathyrn M had some sage advice. I've worked up my transition plan with a lot of contingencies. It includes assessing my happiness as a factor. I have studied my income over the years and the worse my GID, the worse my income has been. Thus I concluded a mean angry uptight miserable me will not accomplish the goals of sacrificing for my family much better than a transitioned me. Perhaps something to think about.

And if you're looking for school and a career change, I strongly suggest hitting the nearest University vocational guidance office and ask for help in deciding what you'd be good at. Their testing can reveal career options you don't currently allow for yourself.

Example, I did it in 1st year of undergrad. My top occupation was librarian. The male counsellor scoffed - in those days men werent librarians! (OMG howd that test know my gender issues?). Years later one of my best friends was the university librarian and I realized how well I was suited to his job.

The test also said I'd be a good attorney. I scoffed at this as I thought all attorneys were conservative stuffed shirts. A decade later starving in my undergrad fields of botany/philosophy I needed a grad school degree to advance. In the interim I had met an attorney who changed my mind about attorneys so I applied to law school for grad school. I got in and found it suits me very well.

So, try those vocational aptitude tests - and don't argue with their results too much. :)

Barbara Ella
02-21-2013, 12:08 AM
Arbon, only you can analyze your situation and balance out all the options in your decision. If you think a direction is right, and you plan, you should go that way. Just do not be afraid to make changes as you progress, as situations are fluid, and what once got a no, can get a yes later. Be happy in your life.

Barbara

docrobbysherry
02-21-2013, 01:07 AM
Well done on the planning front, Arbon! That's why I didn't get married until my 40's and didn't start dressing until my 50's!

Waiting, meant I could afford my wife, my kids, my divorce, and all of Sherry's things without going broke or robbing a bank!

Nicki S
02-21-2013, 09:23 AM
How much is an orchi? Subtract that price from a Dr fees in Thailand that charges $8000-$10200 for SRS and I think you may be closer to affording surgery then you think. In my opinion, if you cant afford SRS now, hold off on the orchi and keep the money in a SRS saving account. Pennies make dollars!

Kaitlyn Michele
02-21-2013, 09:39 AM
transition means good judgement, good planning and good execution... a plan is important..

if you have a good understanding of your finances, and you need to save for college, you may find an orchi is a big improvement for you...of course, we all know the risk that its not "enough" or that it impacts later srs plans...make sure you really know your $$'s


i hope this works for you...you work so hard and are so good natured you deserve a good outcome...

fwiw, every single person i know that had an orchi was delighted with it...

arbon
02-21-2013, 11:10 AM
Think long and hard about the decision to delay surgery. I delayed surgery due to what I felt at the timewere very sensible reasons -- family, the effect on finances, etc. -- and it's the biggest mistake I ever made.
...
All the best to you. :hugs:

Hi Shameonu, I definitely understand what you are saying and I do wish for that feeling of wholeness / completeness I believe would come from srs. It has to be so incredibly validating as a woman to have things fixed down there. Its something I do really want in my life. I am sure I will still want it, that I will still long for it after I do this. I will still work towards it, just putting it down the road a bit further. It is not a decision I am making lightly. I worry about my being able to continue making a living and my daughters future - those things are also very important to me. Its not about being able to afford material things.

I have no credit, I lost our house, and am in bankruptcy - thats because of my transition so far. I am still employed but when I came out at work things did not go well and I lost a third of my income and have no real job security anymore. With what extra money I have for saving for surgery its going to take years to save enough for SRS - all this has had a big impact on the life of my partner and daughter - its hard to keep asking them to give up so much for me.

Another thing to is that I am living full time and life is a lot better then it was. The dysphoria is still there to a degree but nothing like it used to be. I feel more stable in life and feel pretty good about myself overall. I think I can survive without srs until things are financially better, and even if the situation does not get better I think I would be alright. I am adapting pretty well to my life as it is right now.

And another factor that played into the decision is that the state of Idaho has been allowing some transsexuals to change their gender marker recently on their ID's without having srs surgery first - which is important to me. I want my gender marker changed. I'm hoping to get a letter from my doctor next week that will allow me to do that. If that does not work out I will probably reconsider because I don't want to have ID with a male gender marker.

Thats just my thought process about all this, what is motivating me in this direction now.

Linda St. John
02-21-2013, 11:18 AM
Kaitlyn said it best ....good planning IS so important and yes, an orchi was definitely a good answer for my worries about the drugs I was taking.
Linda

arbon
02-21-2013, 11:22 AM
transition means good judgement, good planning and good execution... a plan is important...

The thing about planning is that I did not do it at all. I spent most of my life to afraid to deal with the issue and trying to stuff it down until it came to a point of desperation and I crashed emotionally and mentally. I was so far out there, detached and suicidal. I ended up jumping into transition without having planned it all out. I was acting out of emotion and desperation.

We talk about not transitioning unless you have to - but I think back on it and if I had the courage to act sooner before it reached the point it had I could have planned, I could have had an organized plan and financially worked toward the goal over time before it became an emergency. But I did not do that, I let it go to long until I could not do it anymore. When I reached that point of desperation I was not in a good financial position to deal with it.


How much is an orchi? Subtract that price from a Dr fees in Thailand that charges $8000-$10200 for SRS and I think you may be closer to affording surgery then you think. In my opinion, if you cant afford SRS now, hold off on the orchi and keep the money in a SRS saving account. Pennies make dollars!

When you add in the travel costs and hotels, food, all the tests before you go, time off work its probably more in the range of $15,000 to $17,000 - at least the way that I have figured it. Still pretty cheap, a new car. And your right when you subtract the cost of the orchi here it brings it closer into reach.

But I am leery of Thailand to - I know it goes well for the majority, but one friend of mine came back and had terrible complications. It was a nightmare for her to get things fixed. Her experience really left me not feeling so confident about going over there.

Nicki S
02-21-2013, 11:44 AM
Points taken. But remember that you will have food no matter where you are. And with an orchi, you will have tests before also and will have time off of work also.