Psychological issues?

[crazybiker]

I don't want to feel like I'm killing a subject that may have come up recently, but I think it's a valid question to ask a fellow cd'r, and would even be curious to ask the ftm as well how things like this go.
I'm not going to be stereotypical, I don't live in a small town, the city isn't bad for cd or anything else, I live in Vancouver BC, which the way I believe it with its annual pride parade, should mark it a great place to be.
Now aside all that, I did a random search on google for crossdresser and it came up to a Wikipedia page and under it, lists psychological issues, and that its not a problem unless it interferes with day to day life. Now it's been a year and a half since wearing any skirts or heels or anything like that, but have a small out cause I wear some girls capris and pants and other female things from lululemon cause its girly and still can cross to the guy side not too bad, but upon finding this article I asked get if she thinks I do have an issue and she says yes. My issues are that of many of us I think. I want to go shopping or spend a day as a girl, and wear what I please, but even at night dressed I get small panic attacks when people come around that I don't know and want to just hide or go back to the car, I'd love to openly wear a skirt in the summer or a dress, but when I get to the door, I freeze and get sweaty palms, and just can't do it until I hold my breath and run to the car. For the last maybe 4 month it's all I been able to think about is how I feel I have to conform to what is a normal guy when I'd rather wear my yoga pants out over my jeans, heels or flats over my running shoes sometimes, I just don't know how to cope, it's actually driving me nuts (no this isn't a suicide note or anything) but I'm looking for a way to get past this, like I really need past this so I can feel normal, and not have this just be ALL I think about. I wish I could have a normal life encorporating my girlyness with out it taking over my life. I'm going to a club at some point this year once I get some money together for a dress, but its a sincity event where crossdressing is considered a type of wear and its likely full of accepting people since some people are simply topless, so it won't be that bad and I won't feel out of place, but in a regular day situation, I think I'm out of place.

[Ezekiel]

Crossdressing and going out can really be a tricky issue if you feel ashamed. I think the key to it is getting past this shameful feeling, and stop thinking about what others might say or believe. You can't let others ignorance or opinions influence you to the extreme you get depressed. Easier to say than to actually do it I know, but its the way to go. If you really want to crossdress and spend all the time you wish out there, you must understand you are doing nothing to be ashamed of.

While its true some individuals might react bad and behave equally, I think most people will not annoy you, as I'm sure they understand its none of their business, accepting or not.

[crazybiker]

I don't think it's shame, I know my gf does an amazing job at make up to where I do t really see my self anymore and that's awesome cause its a perfect transformation, but otherwise yes, I do somehow need to get over and forget others ignorance.

[Ezekiel]

Yes remember something important: You are being yourself the same way all of them are being themselves. Nobody has any moral right to criticize you for doing this.

[Kelley]

I think we all go through this. It's a lot like learning to drive a car. If you remember back when you first got behind the wheel it was a bit scary but we we kept at it until driving was second nature. All the dangers are still there but we don't think about it anymore we just get in the car and go. If you keep pushing yourself out the door in a while it will be second nature too. Sure all those little problems are still out there but you won't worry about anymore, you'll probably worry more about your hair than anything else.

[johnboy23]

I have found that going to a big park and sitting on a bench and letting people walk by helped me when first going out.

[bridget thronton]

The first time is the toughest. When you stop caring who sees you and decide it doesn't matter if you pass or not it is easier (I am still working on it).

[Annaliese2010]

IMHO.. EV-eryone is out of place & sooner or later, out of time too. (Oh boo hoo). So... Do what you want, don't worry too much. Enjoy your time. Life's for the living. It's all about...........

ADVENTURE! :)

[kimdl93]

I don't think it's shame, I know my gf does an amazing job at make up to where I do t really see my self anymore and that's awesome cause its a perfect transformation, but otherwise yes, I do somehow need to get over and forget others ignorance.

It doesn't matter how you look on the outside, if the inside is still doubting or not fully self-accepting. Confidence comes with time and effort. The more often you step out into the daylight, the more comfortable you'll feel being there. But the self acceptance takes a while longer for most of us. I got to the point of self acceptance in therapy. But I think the key was to remind myself that its OK to be TG, its ok to wear women's clothes, its OK to want to be a woman. I finally started to believe what I consciously knew to be true. You can too.

[Beverley Sims]

The big initiation is going out for the first time.
Going to the club is not all beer and skittles either, you have to learn to interact with others and overcome internal fears.
You will quickly gain confidence especially when you are accepted as one of the crowd.
Then you can start having fun.

[Alice Torn]

I know exactly what you have felt. It is terrifying for some of us! You do have a gf who accepts you, and that is a big plus. Some of us have no one, but ourselves, and this forum. It is always scary for me, too, so i seldom go out anymore, in the farming small town area i live in now. When around Seattle, i went out more often.

[Elirra]

I can totally relate. Half the time I really don't like the fact that I'm a crossdresser. I hate that it takes up part of my time and affects my life. Then I get the urge and get dressed and it's the best feeling in the world. It's like being a drug addict or alcoholic; the brain gets wired differently thru repetition and habit based on pleasure center responses in the brain. Although the root cause of crossdressing tends to be in place from birth for whatever psychological reasons for most of us.

I usually don't go out unless I get hammered first, and then that can lead to a whole other set of regrets and shame ;)

Like others have said, it's just a matter of pushing your comfort zone until it gets a little easier, like everything else in life that's worth the effort. Everyone's got issues; these are ours...

[mikiSJ]

I have never been ashamed of my crossdressing but I am very sensitive to embarrassment, and that alone caused me to stay in. I finally got out after 50 years. I went to a RCG event in Sacramento and dressed in a motel room before heading over to the event.

The first person I met was the desk clerk that checked me in. I said hello, she said hello and 50 years of fear of embarrassment was lifted - magically.

[sometimes_miss]

In general, people will avoid anything that makes them uncomfortable. Co-workers will avoid you if they are not comfortable with crossdressing, and when the option to 'downsize' is manditory, if the person making the decisions is not comfortable with crossdressers, or has found that the majority of the staff is uncomfortable with being around a crossdresser to the point where it even might affect productivity, they will find another reason to get rid of the crossdresser, but crossdressing will not be the indicated reason. Standard employee evaluations have been tailored specifically to make everyone seem average, and they usually try to pinpoint an area where the employee needs to improve, to be re-evaluated at the next date. As a manager, I was told never to give anyone the best rating in any category, on the companies policy that 'everyone has room for improvement'; a euphemism for a way to keeping their options open when they needed to get rid of someone.

[Jamie001]

In general, people will avoid anything that makes them uncomfortable. Co-workers will avoid you if they are not comfortable with crossdressing, and when the option to 'downsize' is manditory, if the person making the decisions is not comfortable with crossdressers, or has found that the majority of the staff is uncomfortable with being around a crossdresser to the point where it even might affect productivity, they will find another reason to get rid of the crossdresser, but crossdressing will not be the indicated reason. Standard employee evaluations have been tailored specifically to make everyone seem average, and they usually try to pinpoint an area where the employee needs to improve, to be re-evaluated at the next date. As a manager, I was told never to give anyone the best rating in any category, on the companies policy that 'everyone has room for improvement'; a euphemism for a way to keeping their options open when they needed to get rid of someone.

The simple solution to this problem is don't crossdress at work and then you don't run the risk of making folks at work uncomfortable. On the other hand when you are not at work, you can dress as you wish.

[crazybiker]

Well aside from some of the good replies, I never planned on or want to bring my cd to work, unless I plan on transitioning, which is not in my mind (yet, but who knows.)
Secondly I kinda took a dive into the just doing it. Had plans on coming out to my gf's mom as I had some girly parts of my wardrobe (girls yoga pants) that I wanted to wear out of the bedroom when she's been around, and so we are moving houses and I bought stuff from Ikea that needed to be put together but my jeans were sticking to my legs cause the room is small and I was getting a good work out so I decided to just wear my girly pants and see what comes of it... Nothing. I wore my yoga pants another night and my gf has the same pair in the same colour (black) and I guess there was no mention of noticing that we have the same pants of the same style so I just keep doing it. Wore them this evening to go pick her mom up from the truck rental place, nothing more. So maybe part of it is all in my head, and part of it is something I need to get comfy with, so for the time being I'm starting with this, and going to go from here.

[crazybiker]

I guess the only other thing I can think to add to this where its in my head, I know even if I did I would get some wierd looks but maybe no more worse than the two girls who came into the mall in like almost children's pink dresses out of a fairy tail. Then there was a girl in the mall as well who had pure white hair as white as the backround of this site, and was wearing kitten ear head band... So that is no worse than me wearing my yoga pants put or going out girly, however it's still always easier said than done.