Need help for my first time out in public (and brief introduction)

[Michelle13]

Hey everyone. :)

To sum up a few things about myself:
- I've been crossdressing in home, privately for 3 years
- My gf knows, accepts, and loves it.
- I've sent pics to a few online friends before and they claim I pass as female looks-wise (not sure if just being kind, or are telling the truth. lol)
- I've never been out in public while CDing.

Now, it's always been a dream of mine to go out in public while in girl-mode. Luckily my gf is very supportive and is the best person ever for me, I love her so much! :D While she is supportive, she's also not willing to let our friends/family know about this hobby/interest of mine/ours, which I can agree to. It's a very private thing for both of us.

So, because of this, she's a little worried about going out in public (ie, someone we know may see us, recognize us, ect), especially with our car. Now, from my perspective, I figured the car would be a bonus if anything because we could drive around in the car, feeling safe, not HAVING to interact with anyone, ect. But she's worried people will recognize the vehicle.

Can anyone give any tips on our first time out with my dressed as a girl? We have brainstormed and came up with the following ideas and thoughts:
- Have her disguised also, she could wear a wig and some cloths that she normally doesn't wear.
- We could leave the house dressed normally and drive somewhere to change into our "alternate" looks, but where? No idea. :/
- We could try and disguise the car a bit, put up temporary decorations in it to throw people off and such.
- We could drive to a new area that we don't normally go to, but she basically knows someone in every town here and all of the cities in my area aren't that big honestly. :/

Any further tips? I still have to work on my female voice a lot to pass completely, but if we're in a car I won't run the risk of having to talk to anyone just yet.

Thanks to anyone who reads my topic, and super thanks to anyone who can offer some advice! :) Share what has worked for you and what hasn't! :D

Update: I would also like opinions on something that just came up.

My gf and I were just talking about our first time out while dressed, and for the first time she's now thinking "I don't really want to do this anymore". I'm not sure if it's the nerves of finally making detailed plans instead of just casually mentioning "Let's do this someday!", "Yeah totally! That'd be fun! ". She was fine with the idea before, but now she's just really worried about being found out or caught in public. Even in a whole other City where we know no one.

I'm not going to force her to do anything she doesn't want to, and I see things from her point of view.

Has this happened to anyone else before, if so is there any suggested ways to get past hesitation or safer ways to go about doing what we want(ed) to do? Maybe she could sign up to the forums herself and talk to other GG's of CDers and seek advice? We'll see.

Thanks again. :)

[LaurenAnne]

Given your desire to remain low profile; I would try to find a venue that's confirmed to be friendly towards TG people, or find an event that local CD/TG ladies are attending. If someone you know "catches" you there.. well, they were there too, right?

[Rachelakld]

I used to get changed in public toilets (or coffee shop toilets etc) away from home.
I would visit quiet coffee shops that my man-self never visited.
Voice - I often try to pitch it higher, but with some smart people who "know I'm a bloke" I find it fun to deepen my normal voice.

Then, one day, I realised everyone was to busy with their lives to even care.

[Renee_E]

Use your car and have her drive and you can be the girl friend "if" anyone notices and wonders who is in the car.

[Kelley]

As Renee says let your GF drive it will be very hard to tell who is in the passenger set. Go to an other town somewhere out of your social area. My wife and I took a weekend vacation and went to Charlotte Nc and had a great time.

[Karen_K]

Hi Michelle,

I'm in the same situation as you - my wife knows and accepts, but we are not out to her family or our community. My experience with the general public is limited, but I usually take approach #4 of going somewhere where its impossible or extremely unlikely to run into someone we know. Living near Chicago, its pretty easy to find places. If you live in a small town, I guess that could be more difficult. Perhaps you could use a vacation as an opportunity to go out, or do an overnight trip to a farther away town?

For getting out of the house without being seen by the neighbors, I either change where I'm going if that's available, or leave my wig off and put a jacket on over my femme clothes until I'm away from the house. That way, if anyone sees me from a distance in the car, they would not know anything. Of course, this only woks if you have a garage that you can park you car in and no one comes up to the car to talk to you as you're leaving.

Good luck, I do hope you and your girlfriend get a chance to go out. It's really a lot of fun, and I've been pleasantly surprised so far at the lack of reaction to it.

[jillcutie]

The best thing to do is go out in the next town over or the closes big city. What I have done is underdress with what I can and finish off either on the drive or stop somewhere on the way.

[Kalista Jameson]

I've been sort of formulating my own plan to avoid similar encounters. If you can afford it, buy a package deal, flight and hotel to Las Vegas and stay in the hotel, get ready there and then go down and have fun in the hotel casino. Then you can return to your room and relax without ever having to risk the streets, etc. Of course this only works if your home town is not Vegas or nearby.

The package for two online runs usually around $500 with plane and two nights hotel from Seattle covered. Could be a dream adventure if done right. The Flamingo is known to be LGBT friendly, according to their advertising, so you wouldn't necessarily stick out like a sore thumb, especially if you are passable. Heck, it's Las Vegas! What happens in Vegas....

This is what I plan to do when time and money work out. Tweak the idea to fit your situation.

Cheers,

Kalista

[Michelle13]

Thanks for the ideas and comments everyone. :)

While the suggestion a few people made is perfect, it's also impossible for us. :( I can't just let my gf drive and have me be the "friend" because she doesn't have her license. So that's why we were thinking both of us would be disguised. Because if anyone we know seen her being drove in our car by some random girl that would for sure force people to be suspicious and ask a million questions. So unfortunately, that idea is out. :/

But as I've told her, I'm not too worried about people recognizing us in the car. It's hard to see people in other vehicles anyway unless the sun is in the perfect position but that happens for a total of like one hour a day. lol And even if they do see the car and think "Oh hey, that looks like so-and-so's car!" and then they realize it's "not" us driving it, and there's some different seat covers or window stickers/decals on it (what I meant by "disguising the car"), then I'm sure they'd drop the idea of it being us right there. Don't you all think?

My gf doesn't it see it that way, though, and still worries about them recognizing us.


As for taking a big expensive trip to a far away place, that too is out of the question. Sure, maybe we could do that like once a year but we were hoping that we could go out more frequent than that. :/

Thanks again. :)

[Cheryl T]

When I began going out a friend told me that if you don't want to be recognized then only do so 50+ miles from your home. That dramatically decreases your chances of meeting someone who knows you.
Having your gf wear a wig or dress other than her normal style would help also if she's afraid of someone seeing her and coming to say hello.

As for leaving the house. If it's your first time and you look fairly good then just leave as 2 women would. Let your gf drive her car and folks will think she has a friend with her. They will never put 2 and 2 together. The thought that it might be you will be the last thing in their minds. People see what they SEE. The first impression is what stays with them.

After that, just have fun.
Don't be the "deer in the headlights" looking to see who is watching you. That attracts attention (believe me, I know), but if you just relax and act like you would any other time out somewhere then you will go unnoticed.
Don't dress beyond the venue. If you are going to a mall then dress as the other women do. It's always in our minds to be ultra feminine, but women just don't go everywhere that way. No mini skirt, black stockings and stilettos to Walmart, no jeans and t-shirt to the opera. It may be difficult at first but you need to be an "average" woman if you want to blend in.
Also watch the typical "tells"...over done makeup, dressing too young for your age, etc. I'm sure your gf can keep you on the right track here.

Mainly, have fun, that's what it's all about.

[Sally24]

Look for coupons or deals and rent a car. It's hard to disguise your car because of the license plate. Anything past an hours drive would be safer. Also driving in the evening would help. Good luck!

[Beverley Sims]

Is your car that unique. Decorations to disguise it would only make it more visible.
Drive about an hour away from town. Ihave no Idea what provience you are in so I can't suggest anywhere.
Maybe a drive to Vancouver, Montreal, or... You see what I mean.

[docrobbysherry]

Personally, Michelle, I believe you're over thinking this. And, probably NOT ready for the 2 of u to go out together.

I suggest a number of drives out at nite dressed. With or without your GF. See how u feel and go from there. Then, when you're ready, do an over nite trip out of town. The thing about going out dressed is to become more comfortable out and expand your dressing venues. Which sounds impossible as long u r both so paranoid about being seen!

[Ressie]

1st - getting in your car: If you're lucky enough to have a breezeway to your garage where your car is parked, your neighbors won't see you getting in the car. I don't have that luxury, so what I did was only wear a few female items leaving the house and getting in the car.

2nd - drive to another town: You can partially change while driving and as you get further away from your home town add breast forms, earrings and wig. Stop in a parking lot to put on makeup using the car's inside mirror.

finishing touches - Anything else missing? Putting on a dress in the car probably won't work, but you could have a skirt on underneath the jogging pants you had on when you left the house. Your blouse and bra were concealed with a jacket, sweater etc.

A good tip I got is to use a couple of paper grocery bags to carry your clothes in. Put male clothes in one bag in case you need to change back in the car. The other bag will have fem items that you'll change into while driving including, heels, wig, makeup, jewelry.

[Maria S]

Hi Michelle

Obviously this is only my opinion based on many years successful CDing. Let's break your ideas and thoughts bit by bit.

Car - A car is just an extension of your home - a house on wheels. You need some interaction with the outside world however small
GF disguised -When was the last time you or her saw somebody you knew when you were out? I can go for days if not weeks without seeing someone. If you see somone it's easy to avoid them after all they are not looking out for you in girl's clothes. So a GF disguise is not necessary.
Somewhere to change - The only place you can change is a disabled toilet but do you want to make yourself pretty in a loo in a place where you do not know who's done what? You want to take time to make yourself look good without someone in a wheel chair banging on the door for you to get a move on.
Disguise the car - Is your car really that individual that people would say "That's .....'s car. Whose that beautiful women driving it with .....'s girl friend beside her?" Once you've driven a couple of streets you and your car will just blend in to the rest of the traffic.
Drive to a new area - I would begin by walking around the block on your own. If you go with the GF someone is more likely to recognise her than you en-femme. Gradually expand that walk whilst building your confidence. Confidence will come say when you walk past people at a bus stop etc. At least near home if your bottle goes you do not have far to go. When your confidence is at a level when you want a proper trip out both of you go to a shopping centre a bit away from home where you are less likely to bump into someone you know. In time this will feel like your safe haven, a place you know you can go and be your new self with no worries.
Female voice - Don't worry about your voice. There are a lot of weird and wonderful ways CDers suggest changing your voice and to be honest you do not need them. A lot of GGs have voices that if you did not know you would think was a man. Putting too much thought into your voice is just going to overload your brain. You have got enough to think about at least at first. Just speak a little slower, and gently. Think what words a women would use. No swearing or masculine terms. You are a lady!

Some of this may seem like a big ask but I am not suggesting anything I have not done myself. Now I confidently go out and about and being en-femme just comes automatic.

Maria

[Michelle13]

Thanks for the responses again. :)

Dee:
Unfortunately it's not easy to get to our car unnoticed either. :/ It's an outdoor parking lot that's directly next to the street and everyone in our apartment building knows each other and all hangout in the halls, doorways, and front steps talking often. I was also thinking the same thing for the trip out, and was going to keep a bag with some baggy male cloths (baggy sweater, baggy pants, ect) that I could just throw over my female outfit at any time encase something comes up. And of course some makeup remover wipes and such too encase that has to come off fast. :P


Maria:
- I get what you're saying with the car being a second home, which is why I want to go into some shops also, and maybe do a photoshoot in a park or somewhere also. :)
- She totally does need the disguise, in this city we see someone she knows every time we're out anywhere and a brief conversation always occurs. Especially if we're walking somewhere, basically every 200-300 feet walked around malls/shopping areas we run into someone she knows.
- About the car, no it's not very standout-ish at all. It's actually a common model, and in a very bland color (black). It's more-so my gf who's worried about people spotting the car because she seems to think everyone memorizes people's license plates and looks at the plates of every car they see. lol
- For changing, I had the same thoughts other's had, in which I could wear my tighter fitting female cloths under more baggy male cloths and then wear sunglasses to cover my eye makeup or put it on later, then find a secluded place to park and finish getting ready.


I've been talking to my gf about the ideas suggested here, and she likes the idea of renting a car like Sally suggested. But renting a car and then driving to the next city can get pretty expensive also. But it's an option for us to think about. I myself think no one will recognize our car, especially if we drive out of town. There's a city nearby where neither of us know ANYONE there, it's about an hour and a half's drive. I'd rather just go there, and with our car.

Thanks again everyone for the suggestions, you've all been very helpful. :) Feel free to continue posting if anyone has any further ideas or suggestions, we're still putting our "gameplan" together. :P

[Michelle13]

Update: Sorry to double post, but I would like opinions on something that just came up.

My gf and I were just talking about our first time out while dressed, and for the first time she's now thinking "I don't really want to do this anymore". I'm not sure if it's the nerves of finally making detailed plans instead of just casually mentioning "Let's do this someday!", "Yeah totally! That'd be fun! :D". She was fine with the idea before, but now she's just really worried about being found out or caught in public. Even in a whole other City where we know no one.

I'm not going to force her to do anything she doesn't want to, and I see things from her point of view.

Has this happened to anyone else before, if so is there any suggested ways to get past hesitation or safer ways to go about doing what we want(ed) to do? Maybe she could sign up to the forums herself and talk to other GG's of CDers and seek advice? We'll see. :)

Thanks again.

[Maria S]

Michelle

My wife will not come out with me. The reason is not because she does not want to be seen with me dressed but more that she is worried on my behalf that someone notices and embarasses me. I have assured her that the many times I go out no one raises a hair. We have a deal at the moment if I can get a job she will try and come out with me.

As I said in my previous post you need to find a safe haven to go to. Another thing I used to do was to go to gay clubs. Gays are much more accepting of CDers whether they are straight or gay, male or female. My wife and I had a weekend away in a guest house in Blackpool that was a special one for CDers and their wives and girlfriends. We were taken to a couple of gay clubs. I had never been to one in my life but it was great. The atomsphere was so friendly you are welcomed dressed or just as a normal dressed night out.

Maria

[Karen_K]

Michelle,

I'm sorry to hear that. Having second thoughts about going out would not be too surprising, especially since your girlfriend seems very concerned about being seen. Just go slow for now, maybe just start with a car ride at night, and take it from there?

Encouraging her to join this site would be a great idea. Lots of SOs of CDs are here and have gotten great advice and perspective. My wife isn't on here, but she certainly benefited from talking to others at our local support group.

[Angela Campbell]

sounds like she is very concerned about this getting out and embarrassing her. I would drop it for now and keep it at home until she is more comfortable.

[UNDERDRESSER]

Ha! I wonder if the city you're talking about is mine?

First though, you need to be a little careful and considerate of your girlfriends feelings and fears. ( It does seem that you are already doing that )

She is OK doing this in private yes? It's the fear of being embarrassed if found out that bothers her? You have to remember, for you, this is somewhat of a compulsion, she may enjoy it, even get some fun and thrills, but is it something she has any urge to do? If you have a good relationship, the other partner will often be willing to do things that aren't in their normal playbook, and it should be a two way street, but everybody has limits. If you push too far, it can cause a break up. You shouldn't be trying to coerce your partner anyway. It is common for one partner to be the "submissive" one in a relationship, but even then, they often feel they have more control in another part of the relationship. In my own case, my GF and I are both very conscious of trying to keep things even, we take turns to be the nurturing one, but there are times she'll let me take the lead, or I'll let her. She is more dominant more often than in most relationships, and I'll frequently leave her alone, when my instinct would be to get close, because she is quite introverted. You have to look at yourselves and think about this. Don't take my comment about Dominant and Submissive to mean sexually, ( though that can be part of it as well )

Sorry if I'm rambling, but what I'm saying is don't try to make such a big deal about it. Yes, you want to do this, but try not to let it dominate your thoughts. If it comes up, yes discuss, in a "we might do this someday" kind of thing. But if she thinks it's becoming too much of a "we have to find a way to do this" then she may just find herself turning against it.

If the city you are talking about is mine, there are some places, a bed and breakfast place in particular, that are CD friendly.

[Jenniferathome]

Update: I would also like opinions on something that just came up.

My gf and I were just talking about our first time out while dressed, and for the first time she's now thinking "I don't really want to do this anymore". I'm not sure if it's the nerves of finally making detailed plans instead of just casually mentioning "Let's do this someday!", "Yeah totally! That'd be fun! ". She was fine with the idea before, but now she's just really worried about being found out or caught in public. Even in a whole other City where we know no one.

I'm not going to force her to do anything she doesn't want to, and I see things from her point of view.

Has this happened to anyone else before, if so is there any suggested ways to get past hesitation or safer ways to go about doing what we want(ed) to do? Maybe she could sign up to the forums herself and talk to other GG's of CDers and seek advice? We'll see.

Thanks again. :)

When my wife first went out with me, SHE was more nervous than I. When I asked her about it, her concern was that I would not be having fun and that I would feel bad if outed. It was really quite generous on her part. Perhaps this is the same issue for your SO. It is certainly worth a conversation.

[Helen_Highwater]

Can you not rent a secluded cabin or cottage for a weekend? Somewhere far enough away so the likelihood of meeting someone you know is very remote. That way you can dress in your own time before going out for a drive to somewhere quiet to get the feel of just being outside....... then take it from there.

[HelenR2]

Well.....this is what I did. Fully dressed, make up, checked to make sure I had my keys, opened the door, checked keys again, stepped out and closed the door behind me. The biggest surprise was how very normal and relaxed it felt straight away. The only advice I would give is take ID in case the cops stop you and carry some flat shoes. I once went to my local shop in drab but wearing some new high wedges. I twisted my ankle twice and really struggled to get home.

[Chickhe]

I would wait for halloween... that way you can do it and it doesn't matter who sees you and she can wear a costume. ...but the advantage is that you do it when you are both in a really positive state. You can fool around, have a great time and learn a lot. Otherwise, I'm familiar with all the stealth from neighbors. ...one trick is to get ready and just wear enough of your regular clothing to cover up and make a dash to the car when no neighbor is around to chat...have a change of clothing ready and baby wipes to clean your face on the way home. As for being discovered while out? ...its a valid concern, but you just need a cover story (made a silly bet that you would not do it!)..or go out on your own, no one will recognize you.

[cuis]

Just go to other city where no one knows you. Maybe they figure out, maybe, but depending on the place (choose carefully) they wont say a thing.

[crazybiker]

Your self contradicting your self. It can't be a private thing if you want to go out in public. I'd let the cat out of the bag as people or friends find out.

[Barbara_Jean]

OK, reading this I have a question, why are you so worried about your Car?? Is it the ONLY One like it in town? Does it have unique bumper stickers, or is it painted some way out color? Does it stick out like a sore thumb? The truth is there are probably Hundreds of cars out there just like yours and no one is going to notice or pay attention. If a friend of yours does see your car, and he sees a woman driving, he will just think it's someone else.
Believe me, you are WAY over thinking all of this!
When I went out the first time, I was really afraid people would stare at me and laugh. You know what happened? NOTHING!! I walked around in several stores and no one gave me a second look!
It sounds to me like you really would like to go out, so GO!!! Drive to a town about 30 or 40 miles away, believe me the chance of you running into anyone you know, or that your GF knows is VERY Slim!
When I went out, I went with a GG friend of mine, and when she saw me the first time she said if she did not know who I was, she would not have known I was not a real woman. If you want to "Pass" and not draw attention to yourself, then do your homework. The main thing is to Blend In. Don't wear a Dress and High Heels to the Grocery Store, or Walmart, unless it's a Sunday Morning and you look like you just came from Church. First go out to places like you want to visit and observe how women are dressed. Then dress like they do. About 90% or more will be wearing Slacks and very little makeup. That doesn’t mean you don’t look good though. You should wear makeup, but don’t over do it. Don't worry a lot about your voice either. Practice by raising your pitch and talking softer. Also LISTEN to HOW Women Talk, kind of Up and Down, or Sing Song Pitch. Don't go too high or you'll give yourself away. You also mentioned a "Photo Shoot" Well, how many times have you been out and seen women taking pictures of each other??? That is going to draw attention right away. OK One or two pictures somewhere like you were a couple of tourists, but pick the right place.
I say, make sure you do your homework first, pick the right place, Don't WORRY So much, and Go For It!!
Have Fun

Barbara