Hrt after marriage

[Valerie8204]

Has anybody here been able to make it work with their spouse after transitioning? Reading stories on the Internet it seems as though the odds are not good and even worse with a child in the picture. Any input would be greatly appreciated.

[Stephanie-L]

So far, yes. My wife decided to stay with me despite transitioning, and I am now out everywhere but at work (less than a month left for that). The biggest issue we have is sex, I was never very interested and now with my T down, even less. But on the plus side, she enjoys shopping with me, we can share most clothes, and we actually enjoy each others company more now............Stephanie

[April Lyn]

Yes, it is definately possible, especially if the relationship is very solid. Don't get me wrong, this has been a very difficult road for us at times, but we are best friends as well as spouces and that has made the difference. Also for us it was always been more about our relationship and friendship than just a sexual thing. we do have three children, 9yrs, 7yrs, and 4yrs, so there has obviously been a sexual element as well, but for us that was always minimal to the rest of our relationship, and we both agree that life is better together than appart. I have been on HRT for about two months now and am about 99% full time. Please feel free to PM me if you ever need to talk.

- Christine Elizabeth

[StaceyJane]

My wife and I are still together. I have to say I hasn't been all sunshine and cookies but we have come a long way. The key reason is that we still have so much love for each other. Once my wife had so time to process this she told me that I have only one life and I have to be happy. I'm not fulltime yet but I have been on hormones for over two years. We haven't had sex in a long time which isn't really a problem for me since I never had much interest.

[Starling]

...my wife...told me that I have only one life and I have to be happy...

Sigh. Those few words go a long way, Stacey. May your marriage grow richer and stronger with each day.

:) Lallie

[ShannonDragon]

In our support group (IXE Indianapolis) we have 2 couples that are still together after transition.
One couple has been only about 6 months but the other for 3 years or so.

[StephanieC]

Well, I'm still in transition so perhaps I don't count. Currently, we are still together but that could change at a moment's notice. I think this is really difficult and those that have attained this goal I consider very special

-stephani

[Ashley D.]

I'm well in to my transition and my wife and I have never been happier.
It's not easy. It's like everyone what to tell both of us what we should be doing.

[RADER]

My brother, now sister, had SRS some 23 years ago. They had 2 small kids then at home,
ages 4 & 7, and an older boy about 15. They are still together, the two small ones are gone
on their own, the boy, now late 30's still lives in the basement apartment.
They are two females living together, and are happy in their arrangement.
Rader

[Valerie8204]

Thanks for the input. I have no idea how my wife will react but I cannot continue to lie to everyone I know everyday forever.

[arbon]

Some relationships do survive but I don't think very many.

My goal in my marriage was to support my wife in doing whatever she felt was in her best interest - if that was separation and divorce I was willing to accept that and would support her in that however I could. I wanted to stay on as good as terms as we could though - she did not ask to go through this.

It was hard on my wife and my daughter - still is. It threw a lot of fear / insecurity and loss into their lives. She was not happy about it.

We have so far stayed together - we were going to divorce at this year but she has decided she does not want to. Which is good for both of us I think, and especially our daughter.

The relationship is different, all our lives are different. Its is not a husband and wife relationship anymore, and it is not a lesbian relationship either. Its something else. We make good partners, it is a pretty good relationship I feel and we have all been adjusting to it.

Transition is not just about us, our families go through their own transition and adjusting their lives to . So do our friends, our co-workers, just about everyone that knows us.

[melissaK]

It's obviously necessary to tell your SO what toure going through, but HOW requires thought and planning.
Highly recommend you put a LOT of work into it. Read the available books. Talk to a counselor. Nobody knows you and your SO better than you, but others can give you ideas of strategies, and help you focus on how to play off the strenghts of your relationship. But Anne Vitale seems to think the closer you were before, the harder it is. So be prepared for hard times.

My marriage is still in the ICU.

(Please live with my iPhone typos)

[Valerie8204]

It's obviously necessary to tell your SO what toure going through, but HOW requires thought and planning)

I definitely have to tell my wife. The guilt of keeping this from her for so long is eating me up inside. She is very lgbt friendly but that doesn't mean she wants to be with a transitioning transwoman. She deserves to make that choice.

[LeaP]

She is very lgbt friendly ...

I've found that people's tolerance varies quite a lot from letter to letter. There is often none for the "T" even in the so-called community. Not because they are inclined to be intolerant (far from it), but because they are cisgendered and do not share a common understanding with us as gay and lesbian people do among themselves regarding sexuality.

In relationships, its not unusual to read that a SO would have rather heard their partner was gay than transsexual. As one writer put it (can't remember who), being trans is "beyond queer."

[Valerie8204]

In relationships, its not unusual to read that a SO would have rather heard their partner was gay than transsexual. As one writer put it (can't remember who), being trans is "beyond queer."

It's funny you should put it that way. When speaking about others in the past she has told me that she could still be friends with me if she found out I was gay. The only thing that gives me some hope, without going into too much detail), is that she has fairly extensive experience dealing with transgender adolescents or at least more experience than most people do.

[Starling]

What we MTFs can forget, as we were socialized as male and have lived male roles for years, is that most married women expect certain things from their union, like being cherished, loved and protected by a man. No matter how accepting an average gal might be of LGBT folks in the abstract, or as friends, she doesn't want to lose her own man--her mate, protector and lover--to an invisible woman. This is a reality which must be respected, as it's the rare wife who can transfer her marital love to a woman.

:) Lallie

[Erin357]

Hey Shannon I'm new to the forum but I'd like more info on the support group please thank you:)

[ShannonDragon]

Hey Shannon I'm new to the forum but I'd like more info on the support group please thank you:)

Hi Erin, so as to not bore everyone, send me a message at [email protected]. Also so check out the web site at ixe-in.org.

[Tammy V]

answering Only for myself...No.