My wife came home early without calling and caught me.

[Kelly Smith]

Some of you will recall that - just before Christmas - I told my wife about my dressing. A little over a week ago she wasn't feeling well at work so she came home early. When she walked in I was putting my pretty things away but was still wearing makeup, hoop earrings, an elastic cleavage band, a cincher, a gaff and a pretty lace thong. My feminine things were scattered on the bed, dresser and floor. Being only half dressed, I looked my worst. She was horrified and wouldn't even look at me for days. I have been sleeping in the guest room. She is starting to thaw a little but - when I tried to bring it up - she showed no receptivity.

I can't help but think that it wouldn't have been quite so bad if she would have caught me looking more presentable.

[Maria S]

I can understand your situation. I rarely like my wife to see me half and half. Unless you have an excellent female like figure half and half can be a bit scary. I used to tell my wife in advance when I was going to dress so she would know the upstairs was temporarily "out of bounds".

Maria

[sammysaenz]

Sorry to hear that kelly. I guess I was one of the lucky ones. My wife actually dresses me up. So she goes through the whole transformation with me. We have good laughs when I get everything off, because I look like a clown...lol...but great experience none the less. Hopefully she will come around and be a little more open minded.

[tiffanyjo89]

This might come across wrong...so sorry if it offends anyone.

A lot of women don't want to be seen half dressed, and there are a lot of women who will say that their husbands have never seen them naked. When you're in a marriage there are going to be times when you see your spouse in a less than flattering light, whether that is a woman who normally is dressed to the nines sitting at a mirror with her hair in a towel putting on makeup and looking rather homely, or a man who normally is very well put together himself waking up and walking to the bathroom in just a pair of underwear.

In this case, you mentioned you told your wife about your dressing, and she is probably in shock, but probably had been trying to block out the possibility that she would have to see it. Honestly, if she knew about the possibility of coming home earlier than normal and seeing you dressed when she didn't want to, a simple "I'm coming home cause I'm not feeling good" phone call would have been good. Actually, without any crossdressing involved it would have been good anyway, it would give you a chance to fix her a drink or a small meal or something if she wanted it.

[Kate Simmons]

If she wasn't feeling well. it probably didn't help. It happened to me many a time. It's not so much that we do it as it is they feel we do it "behind their back" so to speak when they are not around, probably prompting them to question what else we might be doing. Solid communication is the key in this instance.:)

[Lorileah]

If it were me, I would be trying to open a communication with her instead of letting her "thaw".

[Julie Denier]

Similar thing happened to me, except my wife didn't already know I dressed, so the shock was compounded.

[PaulaQ]

Kelly, it's possible it would've been even worse had you been fully dressed and presentable.

Your only real option is to try to open a dialog with her. It may take a little time before she's ready. Obviously she found this pretty shocking. I'd suggest professional counseling, if you can afford it and if there's anyone in your area who's competent to deal with this type of situation.

I really feel for you - I am so sorry you are going through this.

[sandra-leigh]

She might also have been shocked about how many things you have, about how far you have taken it. Knowing that you put on women's clothes is a bit different emotionally than seeing makeup, earrings, gaff, and lots of things lying around, that "It's a lot worse than I imagined!"

[pink.switch.love]

Have you considered finding a new wife? If she can't deal with what you do - it won't work out.

[Sandra]

Have you considered finding a new wife? If she can't deal with what you do - it won't work out.

Oh that's right get rid of the wife and get a new one gezzzz. How do you know it won't work out do you know Kelly's wife? I bet not.

[StacyPump]

So sorry you are going through this, Kelly. It is not easy. I hope you are able to talk more about this with your wife very soon. I think Paula's suggestion to find an experienced counselor is a good one. Even if your wife won't attend immediately, it could still be helpful for you.

[linda allen]

Originally Posted by pink.switch.love
Have you considered finding a new wife? If she can't deal with what you do - it won't work out.


Oh that's right get rid of the wife and get a new one gezzzz. How do you know it won't work out do you know Kelly's wife? I bet not.

Yes, some pretty bad suggestions get posted here from time to time. Some folks don't think before they write.


Some of you will recall that - just before Christmas - I told my wife about my dressing. A little over a week ago she wasn't feeling well at work so she came home early. When she walked in I was putting my pretty things away but was still wearing makeup, hoop earrings, an elastic cleavage band, a cincher, a gaff and a pretty lace thong. My feminine things were scattered on the bed, dresser and floor. Being only half dressed, I looked my worst. She was horrified and wouldn't even look at me for days. I have been sleeping in the guest room. She is starting to thaw a little but - when I tried to bring it up - she showed no receptivity.

I can't help but think that it wouldn't have been quite so bad if she would have caught me looking more presentable.

You say you told your wife about your dressing but you didn't say how the conversation went or how it ended. That's important.

I don't think it would have made a difference if you had been "more presentable".

In my case, I introduced my wife to my dressing slowly. Bra, then panties, then blouses, then skirts, then jewelry. It's too late for you to change what's happened, but I think you should take the initiative and get a conversation going as soon as possible.

Sleeping in the guest room is not helping.

[Deedee Skyblue]

Oh that's right get rid of the wife and get a new one gezzzz. How do you know it won't work out do you know Kelly's wife? I bet not.

I agree. Too many times people make flat statements, probably based on their own experience, but every person is different, and there is no way to know anyone (even yourself) well enough that you are never surprised.

Deedee

[Lorileah]

*wonders how many SOs call home before they come home sick to warn the other SO to not be doing something they don't want to get caught at*

[jenni_xx]

*wonders how many SOs call home before they come home sick to warn the other SO to not be doing something they don't want to get caught at*

Have to say, I wondered that myself!!!

[Jenniferathome]

Have you considered finding a new wife? If she can't deal with what you do - it won't work out.

Wow, I hope you remember this advice when your wife decides she doesn't like something you do. Marriages are not disposable like Kleenex.

Kelly, even though you think your wife "knows" she clearly does not know enough. The ONLY solution is discussion. I know you have had a hard time with this but you have to talk.

[melissakozak]

Kelly,

Sorry to hear this. One of the things I advise crossdressers to do, if her spouse knows, is to create some space and time for you to be your femme self without fear or repercussions. This is where marriage counseling comes in. Anyone of us who chooses to row across the TG pond, while married, has to have a terrific and wonderfully accepting spouse (extremely rare) or just march on into marriage counseling to discuss the logistics of how you are going to crossdress, feel good about it and have time to do it without looking over your shoulder. I am fortunate in that I have a separate apartment which I affectionately and my friends affectionately call my girl cave. My wife knows about it, has been there, seen it and knows nothing is going on there but me being me with some friends once per week. I carve out the time, the place, etc. Perhaps you can arrange to get a motel room if your wife doesn't wish to participate? Whatever the case may be, sorry you were discovered in that inbetween state...been there a few times myself and yes, all of us can look dreadful without the wig and halfway dressed, me included for sure. You won't stop crossdressing, and your wife and you have some serious discussions ahead. I wish you well and peace be with you....Melissa.

[Stevie]

I feel what you are experiencing. That image probably be with her for a very long time. If she wasn't very receptive then this becomes even harder for her to accept. Try talking and be open. The cats out of the bag so good luck.

[I Am Paula]

I'm sorry it had to happen to you. I've never had to hide, so I don't speak from experience, but I imagine that anyone hiding something like this IS gonna get caught sooner or later.
I can't imagine the burden of trying to cover up something so important.-Celeste

[Beverley Sims]

It is a shame to be caught at your least attractive stage.
Ugly is the picture she has.
The best you can do is carry on and be considerate and pander to her wishes.
Try not to bring the subject up unless she does and then refer to it only briefly.
Acceptance will take a long time.

[Lori_Lynn]

I was considering getting caught as a way of telling my wife, that I dress.
but I think introducing her slowly to it would be better, thanks.

[Beverley Sims]

Lori there are ways of coming out to your wife, most of them difficult, but none are as devastating as being caught.
Think of your wife's..... Surprise! ...... Surprise!
Come out when you are ready and not before reading up on it.

[pink.switch.love]

Oh that's right get rid of the wife and get a new one gezzzz. How do you know it won't work out do you know Kelly's wife? I bet not.

I don't know for sure BUT I can say that if you're hiding something like this in the first place it surely is a sign that something is horribly wrong with the relationship. You're supposed to be able to tell that person anything and everything... trust them with your deepest secret.

[Lacyfem]

My wife always calls when she's coming home so somewhat lucky there though she has once or twice come home early unannouced which is why I don't do make up unless shes out of town or I'm positive about the time she will be back. I also keep a robe close by which I can slip on quickly with heels and thigh highs going into my desk drawer. I'm also not sure she'd react differently whether half dressed or fully dress as done up I'm 6'6" in heels and though I feel wonderful dressed I'm sure to the outside world they might think I look rediculous so she would most likely feel the same. We gurls don't make the judgement on other gurls like our wives would put on us. I've been dressing for years and yet to get caught and though I do still have a tinge of guilt when I dress hiding it from my wife, I love my family and wife a lot and know it would hurt them. As for pink, somethings are best kept secrert.

[DonnaT]

Yep, it's one thing to tell her you cross dress, it's an entirely nuther thing for her to see it.

Time to take your place back in the bedroom, however. Once in bed, tell you're sorry she had to see that. Then roll over and go to sleep.

Let her bring up any further discussion.

[Leslie Langford]

If she wasn't feeling well. it probably didn't help. It happened to me many a time. It's not so much that we do it as it is they feel we do it "behind their back" so to speak when they are not around, probably prompting them to question what else we might be doing. Solid communication is the key in this instance.:)

I agree that a good "heart-to-heart" is in order rather than allowing this situation to continue festering, but be prepared - it ain't gonna be pretty, and expect a few strips to be torn off your back in the process.

But to Kate's point - part of this conversation needs to address the relative gravity of this "discovery" vis-a-vis coming home unexpectedly and finding you in bed with another woman, which is a far more likely and frequent scenario among "real" men. It would be interesting to hear that given her 'druthers, which option would she really prefer...

[pink.switch.love]

ugh. the negative connotations.

Listen OP - it is not a BAD thing that you CD - it is good thing.

[Sandra]

I don't know for sure BUT I can say that if you're hiding something like this in the first place it surely is a sign that something is horribly wrong with the relationship. You're supposed to be able to tell that person anything and everything... trust them with your deepest secret.

Oh and it's still the wife's fault..yes trust is a big thing so how about trusting the wife enough to tell her. Do you know how a wife feels when she finds out after years of marriage that her husband is a cder, she feels betrayed and untrusted and don't try and tarr all relationships with there being something horribly wrong with the relationship because it isn't so.

[pink.switch.love]

Oh and it's still the wife's fault..yes trust is a big thing so how about trusting the wife enough to tell her. Do you know how a wife feels when she finds out after years of marriage that her husband is a cder, she feels betrayed and untrusted and don't try and tarr all relationships with there being something horribly wrong with the relationship because it isn't so.

I didn't mean to imply it is the wife's fault... most likely it is the opposite.
If you LIE for years and years to your SO - the relationship is FUBAR.

[Deedee Skyblue]

I don't know for sure BUT I can say that if you're hiding something like this in the first place it surely is a sign that something is horribly wrong with the relationship. You're supposed to be able to tell that person anything and everything... trust them with your deepest secret.

Did you read the OP? She said "just before Christmas - I told my wife about my dressing."

[pink.switch.love]

Did you read the OP? She said "just before Christmas - I told my wife about my dressing."

Yes i did. The conversation went beyond that.

Also it seems like there was a long period of dishonesty.

People that really love on another accept each other OR love enough to leave.

Really.

[Kelly Smith]

Yes i did. The conversation went beyond that.

Also it seems like there was a long period of dishonesty.

People that really love on another accept each other OR love enough to leave.

Really.

No dishonesty. I had only been dressing a few months.

I am not ready to force a "you accept or I leave" ultimatum on my beautiful bride. Seems brutal.

[Annette Anderson]

My boyfriend likes when i dress so i don't have this problem

[Stephanie47]

Even though your wife knew of your cross dressing, she really did not conceive the extent of the cross dressing. She was predisposed to have a negative view of the revelation. Sure, tell a woman you like to wear women's clothing. What did that mean? Throw on a dress? And, that's all. Or, the entire deal.

It's not just the wearing of women's clothing. It's the psychology behind it. If a man has absolutely no desire to cross dress, and, his wife knows that, I bet she would be more agreeable to helping him dress up for Halloween. That's just a goof. Catch him, intentionally or unintentionally emulating a woman, that's different.

Maybe Kelly's wife felt lousy, and, did not remember to call ahead before arriving home. If a woman realizes her absence from the home may give him the time to dress, then I would hope she'd call home before arriving unannounced.

One reason to not get caught is the plain fact the wife will never see her husband in the same way after seeing him en femme. Her self denial has been shattered.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Kelly, It sounds like you need one of those bumper stickers that says, (( $#!+ HAPPENS )).

[pink.switch.love]

No dishonesty. I had only been dressing a few months.

I am not ready to force a "you accept or I leave" ultimatum on my beautiful bride. Seems brutal.

So you went through a process of self discovery and told her about it the whole way through? Or did you do it for a while and then tell her?

I was really just putting the consideration out there - sounds like she will never like it and you always will.

Usually making it "work" is some type of lose-lose situation where everybody is unhappy.

[Kelly Smith]

Even though your wife knew of your cross dressing, she really did not conceive the extent of the cross dressing. She was predisposed to have a negative view of the revelation. Sure, tell a woman you like to wear women's clothing. What did that mean? Through on a dress? And, that's all. Or, the entire deal.

It's not just the wearing of women's clothing. It's the psychology behind it. If a man has absolutely no desire to cross dress, and, his wife knows that, I bet she would be more agreeable to helping him dress up for Halloween. That's just a goof. Catch him, intentionally or unintentionally emulating a woman, that's different.

Maybe Kelly's wife felt lousy, and, did not remember to call ahead before arriving home. If a woman realizes her absence from the home may give him the time to dress, then I would hope she'd call home before arriving unannounced.

One reason to not get caught is the plain fact the wife will never see her husband in the same way after seeing him en femme. Her self denial has been shattered.

The fact is She doesn't see me the same way at all. She winces when I approach her for sex. This morning she refused me and she said that she wants me to stay in the guest room permanently. The truth is, I don't mind. I need a change of pace and am ready to explore my feminine side much more deeply.

[~Joanne~]

*wonders how many SOs call home before they come home sick to warn the other SO to not be doing something they don't want to get caught at*

Mine actually does :) She usually calls to see if I need anything to be picked up on the way home and I usually do the same. If i am dressed I usually say "Joanne is visiting" and she says "so what do you need anything? " :)

[Kelly Smith]

Mine actually does :) She usually calls to see if I need anything to be picked up on the way home and I usually do the same. If i am dressed I usually say "Joanne is visiting" and she says "so what do you need anything? " :)

I would love it if my wife were that accepting. you have someone very special. Cherish her.

[Marleena]

I am not ready to force a "you accept or I leave" ultimatum on my beautiful bride. Seems brutal.

Kelly she just might turn the tables on you so be ready for it. Some wives can never accept that their husband is a crossdresser. We've seen it here many times. Good luck with this.

[RonniCD]

Fortunately, I've never experienced being caught (though the notion has long been a fantasy, but with a different outcome than yours, Kelly). I really don't have any advice. I thank the stars that I have a fabulous S/O who would be thrilled to come home to find me fully dressed and made up for her. Good luck to you Kelly.

[pink.switch.love]

The fact is She doesn't see me the same way at all. She winces when I approach her for sex. This morning she refused me and she said that she wants me to stay in the guest room permanently. The truth is, I don't mind. I need a change of pace and am ready to explore my feminine side much more deeply.

And you don't think you should consider breaking up???
If what you say is true - then I'm right.
Don't stay in that situation - it is unhealthy. Get an apartment.

[jenni_xx]

Mine actually does :) She usually calls to see if I need anything to be picked up on the way home and I usually do the same. If i am dressed I usually say "Joanne is visiting" and she says "so what do you need anything? " :)

That's different to what Lorileah said though. Your wife isn't calling home to warn you that she's coming home.

In regards to what Stephanie47 wrote (quote: "If a woman realizes her absence from the home may give him the time to dress, then I would hope she'd call home before arriving unannounced"), I completely disagree. No one should feel that they have to call home before they arrive, irrespective of whether they were expected to be home at that time or not. If a wife/girlfriend knows about her partner's dressing and doesn't approve, or makes it clear to her partner that she doesn't want to see him dressed, then it isn't her responsibility to ensure that she doesn't see him dressed. It is the husbands responsibility to ensure that that doesn't happen. He can do that be being completely honest with his partner - for example calling/texting her to inform her that he is using that time he has alone to dress. After all, even if she doesn't approve, or doesn't want to see it, she will still know that it is going on. And by being completely honest, at least this way her partner would be showing understanding and being considerate of her wishes, to ensure that she isn't subjected to something that she doesn't want to be subjected to.

[Stevie]

If you are being banished permanently is not a good sign. You should have a heart to heart talk with her. You did this behind her back she probably feels like you betrayed her.

[cdxmatty]

im sorry Kelly :( just try to stay positive.

[Kelly Smith]

On Sunday my wife told me, unless i resist these urges, our marriage is over.

You know, that doesn't sound like a bad bargain. The kids are grown and our sex life together is over.

Thanks, everyone, for lending your ears and giving your best advice.

[pink.switch.love]

On Sunday my wife told me, unless i resist these urges, our marriage is over.

You know, that doesn't sound like a bad bargain. The kids are grown and our sex life together is over.

Thanks, everyone, for lending your ears and giving your best advice.

Good for you. Be yourself and move on - there is somebody out there that will love you for exactly who you are and will enjoy this aspect of your life as much as you do.

[PaulaQ]

On Sunday my wife told me, unless i resist these urges, our marriage is over.


I'm so very sorry it went this way, Kelly. My heart goes out to you, I mean that.

[~Joanne~]

I would love it if my wife were that accepting. you have someone very special. Cherish her.

I am amazed myself how she has/is handling this. Believe me I am lucky but I spent a ton of years hiding this. and all isn't all honky dorey either but most of the negatives are because of my fears more than anything else

[Beverley Sims]

I have replied to you before expressing my sorrow at you being caught in one the worst possible situations.
I feel some abstinence is needed now as you need to work on your marriage.
There is a sharp division of opinion here about what you should do and I think do what the majority would do.
Work at it.
I mean pander to your wife's' wishes so as you get a dialogue going between yourselves.
Do not shout, listen to her reasoning, even if you think it is wrong and make a reply at a later date to correct her beliefs if you think she is wrong.
There is nothing gained by saying that is bullshit, because she may think otherwise and you need to mend the cracks.

[Kelly Smith]

I have replied to you before expressing my sorrow at you being caught in one the worst possible situations.
I feel some abstinence is needed now as you need to work on your marriage.
There is a sharp division of opinion here about what you should do and I think do what the majority would do.
Work at it.
I mean pander to your wife's' wishes so as you get a dialogue going between yourselves.
Do not shout, listen to her reasoning, even if you think it is wrong and make a reply at a later date to correct her beliefs if you think she is wrong.
There is nothing gained by saying that is bullshit, because she may think otherwise and you need to mend the cracks.
I appreciate your sincerity and compassion and I will consider your advice carefully.


I'm so very sorry it went this way, Kelly. My heart goes out to you, I mean that.

Thank you Paula. That sentiment comes from a good place in a kind heart.


Good for you. Be yourself and move on - there is somebody out there that will love you for exactly who you are and will enjoy this aspect of your life as much as you do.

And dump the mother of my children. This is painful.


I am amazed myself how she has/is handling this. Believe me I am lucky but I spent a ton of years hiding this. and all isn't all honky dorey either but most of the negatives are because of my fears more than anything else

Love her.

[Keri L]

Dear Kelly,

So sorry to hear about this apparent impasse. I hope whatever happens that you find happiness and acceptance--something we all deserve.

best of luck!

Cate

[Michelle M]

Hey, Kelly

I'm so sorry that it has gone in this direction for you.

I have been through divorce and it was an unpleasant experience, to say the least. I will never repeat it.

Three years later, I am happier than I have been in the last twenty years, but it has been extremely tough getting to this place.

If you do make this transition, I wish you my very best. It won't be easy and you will feel more guilt than you thought possible.
If you don't make this transition, I wish you my very best. It won't be easy and you will feel more guilt than you thought possible.

Just can't win, can you.
Good luck, and follow your heart wherever it leads.
Michelle

[linda allen]

The fact is She doesn't see me the same way at all. She winces when I approach her for sex. This morning she refused me and she said that she wants me to stay in the guest room permanently. The truth is, I don't mind. I need a change of pace and am ready to explore my feminine side much more deeply.

This post changes things in my mind. If she wants you to sleep in the guest room permanently and you don't mind because you want to explore tour feminine side, it sounds like neither one of you wants to stay married to the other.

The relationship you describe is not a loving marriage, it's a roomate agreement and not a pleasant one at that.

If that's really how you feel, I would be looking to end the marriage so you both can get on with your lives.

PS: If this one thing is enough for her to end the marriage, she wasn't very happy in it anyway. There are some other issues. A wife who truly loves you would try to work this out.

[Ellanore G.G.]

We have a house rule to call before coming home.
This apply s to the children too.
To the younger teens we say its to make sure someone is there for them.
To the Adults, we tell them we could be pole dancing ...lol:D
Serious though, I was there once, and felt lots of emotions and fears.
She will most likely feel that you are " choosing " this over her, if you go to the spare room,
without hesitation.

[Stephanie47]

Kelly, as some have said, this attitude is a game changer. You need to reevaluate your relationship. If you were to give up expressing yourself, how would your wife still treat you? Would she want to be intimate with you? Or will you forever live like a brother and sister? Will it be a marriage of economic convenience? Is she worried about how society and family will perceive HER because she lives with a cross dressing husband?


On Sunday my wife told me, unless i resist these urges, our marriage is over.

You know, that doesn't sound like a bad bargain. The kids are grown and our sex life together is over.

Thanks, everyone, for lending your ears and giving your best advice.


The fact is She doesn't see me the same way at all. She winces when I approach her for sex. This morning she refused me and she said that she wants me to stay in the guest room permanently. The truth is, I don't mind. I need a change of pace and am ready to explore my feminine side much more deeply.

Frankly, if she is going to isolate you within your marriage you may as well fully express yourself. Sometimes HER hangups cannot be 'cured' by therapy.

[PaulaQ]

You know, it would probably be a good idea to let tempers cool for a while, and wounds heal over and then talk some more. Perhaps there is more common ground here than at first seems, or perhaps not. People will say things like "this marriage is over," or "I'll never sleep in the same bed with you again", but sometimes they don't really mean it. (Unfortunately, sometimes they do.) I wouldn't give up just yet.

It can be very difficult to sort these things out while you are both in the middle of feeling hurt and betrayed by the other.

[Kelly Smith]

You know, it would probably be a good idea to let tempers cool for a while, and wounds heal over and then talk some more. Perhaps there is more common ground here than at first seems, or perhaps not. People will say things like "this marriage is over," or "I'll never sleep in the same bed with you again", but sometimes they don't really mean it. (Unfortunately, sometimes they do.) I wouldn't give up just yet.

It can be very difficult to sort these things out while you are both in the middle of feeling hurt and betrayed by the other.

What a difference a week can make. After spending the week following her demand that I sleep in the guest room, I came upstairs at 5:00 a.m. and slipped into bed with her. She welcomed me.

Life is good again...for now.

[Asche]

I don't see that anyone in this thread has suggested what to me is the obvious next step: marriage counselling.

It sounds like the OP and his wife aren't in the habit of talking about difficult subjects. It doesn't sound like they're exactly planning to do so now, and they're both kind of hoping if they ignore "the problem," it will just go away. (It won't.)

They need a place to talk about the rhinoceros in the living room. And they need people who can encourage them to talk and help them to say what they need to say and hear what they need to hear. That's what marriage counsellors do. (That's why it's the standard advice "chosen by 9 out of 10 advice columnists!" when spouses have a disagreement they can't resolve)

Also standard advice: if your wife won't go, go to one by yourself. They can still help you get clear in your own mind and figure out how to talk to her. (And she may eventually decide to come, even if just to see what you're saying to the counsellor.)

BTW, counselling won't guarrantee that you get what you want, or even that you stay together. But it can help you not do stupid things that make things worse than they have to be.

---

This seems to be rather common here. I get the impression that a lot of (not all!) CDers -- and their wives -- have grown up with the idea that perfection in marriage consists of each person acting out his/her socially-defined role, and if there's a problem, it's because one or the other isn't following the rules. The idea that the rules might just not work for some people, or be total BS altogether, is too frightening to consider.

[jillleanne]

What a difference a week can make. After spending the week following her demand that I sleep in the guest room, I came upstairs at 5:00 a.m. and slipped into bed with her. She welcomed me.

Life is good again...for now.

Au contraire mon amie, life is not good but rather, stalled for now. Best to get the conversations and education going if you ever hope to have a lovig relationship with your wife again. She has not forgotten that pic she took in her mind when she saw you and that will need time and education. Good luck.

[Sarah Doepner]

Kelly, it sounds like she felt you have been punished enough. Eventually you will need to begin the discussion again so she doesn't begin to think that the banishment has "cured" you and you've changed. You may change your ways, by being considerate of her space and timing your dressing, but she needs to know it won't change the core of your personality. The possibility of counseling should be on the table and open communication that addresses both your needs and her expectations is in order as well. Don't rush but realize you may be moving into a Don't Ask Don't Tell situation and those can be a step away from disaster as each party has their own very different view of the world.

Good luck and if you have some photos of you fully dressed and looking your best, you may want to offer them up eventually to begin replacing the half dressed image that is burned into her mind.