The quiet one

[Breeze]

I am an SO who is very supportive of my husband and his CD.
When dressing enfemme do you ever feel that if your SO is quiet (when they usually aren't) they are not happy with your dressing that day?

.....and then when any little wardrobe malfunction occurs they see it as a sign to get undressed and go back into drab mode?

Is this a common occurrence or is it because we are still on beginnings of our journey together????

Thank you
Breeze

[NV Susan]

Hi Breeze, I think the problem might be he still has some guilt about cross dressing. Also he may be oversensitive of your feelings and maybe thinking you don't approve. Just some thoughts after reading your thread. :2c:

Best of luck to both of you as you travel down the CD highway.....:hugs:

[AimeeG]

The only person who can answer your question accurately is your SO...but I've noticed that a significant percentage of CD (including myself) are highly critical of themselves and have a success bar which is near impossible to reach. If the make-up isn't perfect, or that skirt doesn't match just right, that blouse has that "at the bra" peek-a-boo spot...GG's have X# of years experience with these issue and "I" feel that I should have the ability to surpass these issues within a couple of months or so. You might want to look back ini your past and remember what is was like when you had as much experience as your SO. You may have also had friends that would help you or that you could discuss issues with...some CD have a hard time sharing with the exception of on this site...those who venture out, join groups, or meet other people can converse about these issues and find common ground.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Breeze, It sounds like a combination of guilt and mood swings.

It Ain't Easy Being A Lady sometimes.

[Jodi Anne]

Sounds like this may just be a case of nerves from the newness of CDing, quiet could also be just unsure of a male voice while dressed.

[DeeArel]

Generally, dressing starts out as a private function. Therefore, it takes time to become comfortable with letting some one else in. Malfunctions tend to increase the discomfort.

[ThisIsBob]

I'm somewhat in the same boat as your SO. I'm "out" to my wife, but I'm still not entirely comfortable dressing in front of her, and I'm definitely hyped-sensitive to her when I do. The last thing I want is for my dressing to make her uncomfortable, so I probably overreact and read too much into every little nuanced behavior when Jamie is around for my wife to see. We might get past that eventually or we may not... Only time will tell. :)

[Eryn]

Breeze, it is often harder for a CDer to accept herself than it is for her SO to accept her. Doubts about one's self-acceptance often lead to oversensitivity to the reactions of others. This may be what you perceive.

The solution is to work on the communications. If you're honest with each other misunderstanding is less likely. It does get better with time and practice!

As far as wardrobe malfunctions stopping my dressing that really doesn't happen. I usually dress to go out so if I let something stop me I will disappoint my wife and anyone else who we might be meeting. I've had some humorous "malfunctions" (forgetting my bra and forms at home leaps to mind) but none of them have stopped me from dressing.

[Jenniferathome]

I'd write it off to embarrassment or possibly still some deep rooted shame. He is not a "man" in front of you. That is worth some discussion. For me, when I put on something that doesn't work, my wife tells me, I ask some questions and change...into something that DOES work, and that is not my male clothes.

Keep in mind that cross dressing is pretty weird for us as well as you, just from a different perspective. He needs to get his head right about what cross dressing is to him. Embarrassed though he may be, open the conversation, he'll love getting things off his chest.

[Lorileah]

How my dressing to go out goes:

The makeup takes forever, has to be redone, touched up....the first dress I choose works

The makeup goes on perfect...I go through 3-6 dresses before I find one I like

If everything worked the first time I would probably fall going to the car.

Rarely does it all go perfect and often we hate what we see. We usually get used to it and know it will happen, then just move on.

[ReineD]

Yup, I've known a crossdresser or two who were super sensitive about stuff and took everything personally. :p

[Beverley Sims]

I think he is a little self conscious still.
Maybe you need to go slower with him.
He may still be getting up to speed, and when he does, wham!
No holding him back.
Then I will have to tell him to put the brakes on.

Renee, I think some are on this forum.

[Breeze]

Thank you everyone for your thoughts and suggestions.
We are good at the communication thing...this is something we have both picked up from here and understand the importance of it.....and keeping it flowing and honest. My SO and I have discussed this and are thinking it is all part parcel of our journey together.
Kind regards,
Breeze