Dealing with the Frustration...

[Emily_Safford]

This is mainly directed at those who are TG (diagnosed or in progress...forgive me if that is too crass a description).

But I find myself frustrated at times by the constant battle that is in my body/brain. I chose to not transition for fear of losing my family. Growing up in the 80s at a time when the internet didn't exist, and a "man" was to be a "man" or else attitude was prevalent. So that part of my life I can come to terms with. Where I get frustrated is with those who know I am TG and accept it...only to make statements such as "Sorry you can't come tonight, its girls night out"...or the lovely, "you don't now how hard it is to be a girl...you wouldn't want to dress like this every day or do makeup every day".

So I guess what I am asking is how do you all deal with that frustration? I don't want to take my anger out on anyone, that will solve nothing. But it does hurt to hear those sort of comments...and in many ways more than the hatred I receive when I am dressed from those who cry "faggot" or "pervert". so really, any tips?

Emi -.-;;

ps...this is not a cry for help or attention, I'm just looking to make my life a little better.

[kellycan27]

A thicker skin? You chose the your path ( great motives BTW). Seriously... What else can you do but suck it up? Dressing up and and putting on make up has very little do do with " being a girl". And if your friends put much stock in those things as being a hard part of being a girl then they really have no clue. I don't understand why you wouldn't be invited to a " girls night out" unless your friends " once again" feel that clothes and make up define a girl. Maybe you could clue them in on this?
Often times I dress in jeans, motorcycle boots and classic leather motorcycle jacket.. No make up and my hair hidden under a ball cap. I don't feel any less a woman than someone dressed to the nines with full war paint.

[arbon]

I used to have that feeling a lot of wishing I was one of them, the women, and not the man I hated being and comments like those could really dig into you because they separate and remind you that you are not one of them, your a guy. My only way to deal with it was to shove it down inside, deny my being and try to be that guy that people saw. Part of that was staying away from websites like this trying not to open any doors I wanted to keep shut.
Did that until I could not do it anymore and had to transition.

Wish I had a good tip for you to deal with it. Maybe you can go out on a girls night out with your friends? Do you go out much as a woman, at all?
Or just accept that living as a man is going to be uncomfortable for you but its the path you chose for a greater good.

[Barbara Ella]

I am at that point right now, knowing I am TG, and accepting TS more fully each day, that certain things will not happen, and there is a a great deal of internal frustration with those choices, and their impact on my daily being. I have never made close friends, so I will never deal with friends unknowingly dumping like that, just know that they are not trying to be mean, and the comments from strangers hurt, but have no place in my thoughts.

Don't know I have thoughts that can make your life easier, i would be using them right now. Just take solace in the fact that you are doing this your way for what are good reasons for you. My family and wife mean that much, that I can take comfort knowing they are happier than they would be otherwise, and there are no guarantees that I would be happier making those other decisions. The life we are living does not get easier.


Barbara

[Jorja]

Take a deep breath and count to ten. Stomp your feet and scream. Then get back to living your life. Maybe you are wanting to hangout with the wrong friends? Where I come from, friends do not say such things to friends.

[melissaK]

Well if you need a thicker skin don't start HRT, the estrogen will thin it out.
Or maybe start HRT and transition and pass and acceptance as a girl on girls night might go up. Or work on a gay guy presentation, some girls include them in their girl groups. Otherwise Jorja has the best advice IMHO.

[Emily_Safford]

Thanks all! some good thoughts there. mainly I do just count to 10 and go quiet. I pout alot, i'm not a fighter. HRT and transitioning are off the table for me. I chose 20+ years ago to keep my family over that path...so I am actually in a good place with myself over having to put on the boy act every day.

We do have girls night out where I am included occasionally. mainly I am reduced to dressing at home...of course my brain doesn't work that way. it argues that it (my brain) is forced to put on the boy act all day and wants to be what it is for a change. i don't know...i guess that brief moment of being defined by my genitalia and not my person just hurts a little more than I'd like to admit at times. who'd have thought a simple statement like "sorry the penis is not allowed to come along" could wound the way it does? at least for me...

Thanks again :)

Emi ~.^