My update (counsling time)

[jeniinnylons]

Well we started counsling together.

I had went last week because she couldn't get off work. I told the counsler all about everything, I held nothing back.

This week my wife went and the counsler told her how wrong it was for her to tell her family about my dressing. She almost scolded her like four times.

My wife stated "I married a man" and Pam said your wearing slacks right? No response from the wife. I said no you didn't you knew full well about this before we got married. You married a CD.

My wife is totally off the wall, she made Pam think that I do this "all" the time. I NEVER do it around the kids. I rarely do it around her. Mostly I do when she goes to sleep and she has no clue how much I do this. We are lucky if we've had sex 8 times a year and it's lucky if I have dressed half those times.

I'm glad I have a counsler that is on my side on the dressing issue.

What the wife failed to tell her was she wears my clothes all the time. Including when she was pregant she even wore my underware.

[Sharon]

I'm glad you're happy, but, and mind you I have only limited experience with couple's therapy, I thought therapists didn't take sides.

Anyway, as I said, I'm happy you're happy.

[Stephanie Brooks]

Hi jeniinnylons!

At present, my wife and I are in couples' counseling for similar reasons: I'm a crossdresser, and she doesn't like it. We're trying to save our marriage.

You say your counselor is on your side, but I'd argue she's not. As Sharon suggested, counselors generally don't take sides, especially in a couples situation. Your counselor should be working for both you AND your wife. She should be there to provide counsel and help you and your wife make your marriage work together.

Your counselor should not be scolding your wife or belittling her. She should also generally never see you or your wife in individual settings; both of you should be present, or you should not have the session.

You are married. You are a crossdresser. You're wife is against your crossdressing. If it is your intention to remain married to your wife, your counselor should be helping the both of you find a way to solve your differences regarding crossdressing. That will not be easy at all, but you need to work with your wife as partner, not adversary.

Alternatively, if it is not your intention to remain married to your wife, you're seeing the wrong type of counsel. You both need divorce lawyers.

Personally I'd suggest that Pam is not the best counselor for you. You need to find someone who can understand both you and your wife's needs, and can help bring out the best of the both of you to make your marriage better. We've been through many counselors ourselves over the years, and we finally have one that is working for us. While our situation isn't perfect, it looks like we will not divorce.

Good luck to you and your wife, jeniinnylons! You both married for good reasons. Try to remember that as you're working to save your marriage.

[Julia Cross]

Stephanie, I could not agree more with what you said. I also went to counsilling, and my wife went to a separate counsiller as she wanted to deal with her issues and felt I had mine to deal with. Unfortunately, her counsiller had a negative view of dressing and as her mind was pretty well made up anyhow, those sessions sure did not help our situation. She went once to mine and my counsiller took no sides and pointed out many things to both of us. However, it became apparant that her mind was in deed made up and that unless she was willing to try again, it was over.

No counsiller is there to tell you what to do, they are there to listen, to offer alternative views, to help you understand and clear up many of the things you may be confused about. But never are they there to tell you what to do.

I agree, and would support your wife if she is being attacked by the counsiller. She will feel backed into a corner and will only get more defensive. It won't help your situation and will hurt both of you in the end.

Julia