RachelDee
12-09-2005, 12:29 PM
Well i emailed my sister recentley, more of a rant on how i was worried about the NHS waiting lists. I don't know for sure, I am waiting for my appointment with the GP, but if its anything to go by for the OCD, waiting lists are at least 6-9 months for a therapist.
FROM: Robert
Hello
Do you think its possible for someone to get help with a loan or something to pay for private medical treatment? Like through the NHS or something? I have been thinking that, and suggesting to mum, about seeking someone private for therapy for my gender issue. It's more serious and life changing than the OCD and i am not sure how well (or how fast!) the NHS will help me. I might be on a 9+ month waiting list....
There is also the question of HRT, I really feel i want to start it. Even if i decide that its not for me after a month, I would feel better that id at least tried it and/or that i was doing something. I would like to start dressing androgynously, take things slowley but thats not going to help much unless im doing something else too.
I would like laser treatment or electrolosis for my face, if i change my mind later at least i wont have to keep buying razors ;) because 'stubble' isnt very girl like and is a give away. Surgery is of course the last on the list, mainly because its something u cant undo, though thats why other people leave it till last -- I think im quite sure and even so, it does not matter to me eitherway but anyhow thats not what im talking about right now.
There are things that id like to start doing, but waiting 9 months just for a therapist to see me, then how long to convince them how i feel? I mean its ok seeing a therapist to discuss the issues but i dont feel that i will learn anything about myself by talking about it, i need to do something, even if it turns out to be the wrong thing.
I was looking recentley and you can actually buy hormones online, but its going to cost a bit - about £400 a year i think i worked out. But thats just for one type, you need blockers too so thats like another £300 so its getting on to £1000 a year. I have been thinking of selling my powermac and using some of the money to help me pay for things but... If i dont have too id rather not.
Do you think there is anything like help available to pay for your own treatment? I worry about how good i am going to get treated going through the NHS, and if they might hold back to save money and such...
Anyhow im off for now, regards
- Love Rob
So anyways i got a reply...
FROM: Jane
hello You
Well the first thing that I would suggest is for you to slow down! One of the reasons there is a 9+ month waiting list for treatment is to ensure that the person on the list is totally sure about what they are doing. Like you said it's a life changing thing. I read an article the other day about a man who spoke to therapists and had al the treatments including hrt & an operation, only to decide that he had made a huge mistake and it had ruined his life. He is now back on the nhs waiting list for a reversal op to make him male again. He explained that he had loved wearing women's clothes and felt excited by it but says the therapists kept telling him he had gender issues etc and blames them for convincing him it was more than it was. H claims it ruined his life and is going to ost £50,000 to reverse everything.
Now before you start waving your arms and saying thats not how it is for you, just read on a bit more. As I'm not there I can't say things to you face to face and unlike mum (bless her) I'm not as emotional about it as she is so I could discuss it without getting upset. So only option I have is to email you. MY concern isn't so much that you feel how you do, more about how quickly you are wanting things done. You can't rush into something like this, it's got to be small steps and I know you won't want to hear it but it's the truth. You are potentially going to turn your life and those around you upside down and all I'm saying is if you are going to go ahead with any sort of treatment you need to be sure, to protect you and them.
I doubt the nhs will give you a loan and even if they did I would advise against it. if going on the waiting list is what you really want then fine go ahead and arrange it, but why the need to rush? I can't stress any more for you to slow down and use the months on the waiting list to speak to the therapsit or a new one who specialises and take it from there.
I can appreciate your point of view that you want to try something like hrt so you no for sure, but even that takes time. Just accept the procedures and go with them. It must be frustrating for you but as it's so life changing would you really want to end up like the man Ive just told you about?
I'm only saying any of this because I love you. You are my little brother, always will be regardless of what happens. I would never abandon you or stop supporting you, but as part of that I also have to be honest and ask you to slow down and the first thing for you to do is find a therapist that specialises in gender issues.
I hope you can try to understand where I am coming from and that it's not an excuse to change your mind, just an opportunity to get you to sit back and try and be objective about it.
Speak soon love always Janey xx
I think she misunderstood what i was saying so i sent her anothe rmessage off...
FROM: Robert
Hi,
No i think you got the wrong end of the stick there. The 9+ months is just to SEE someone, not treatment. So i have to twiddle my thumbs for about a year waiting to even discuss it with someone, THEN once i do get to see someone who knows how long it will take for treatment. The only real treatment that will take a while though is the surgery, and thats last on the list. Don't know if the laser/ffs/ and other things to help will be there for me or not, thats why i worry about having to go through the NHS.
Yo are right the first step is to see someone who is specifically for these issues, but thats whats going to take 9+ months, which is why i wonder if i can get some help to pay for it myself. That way it can be done swiftley.
The story about that man i think would be quite rare, I also have some doubts as to what he said there - ther therapist tried to convince him he had gender issues? Well the therapist would have known that there are just crossdressers.... The therapist cant have been that great and/or was being paid by the hour?
The longer this goes on btw the harder it is for someone to actually transition. By age 25 hormones are 1/2 as effective as they were at 18. By about 30/40 they are 1/3. Not only that but obviously if i had a job, i cant just walk into it one day as a different person ;) not without some difficult questions and maybe some other problems. So i can't really do anything till i sort this out, thats why waiting 9 months or more just to see someone isnt that appealing.
Btw, through the NHS, for Surgery, You have to live in the choosen gender for about a year before they will do anything.
- Rob
Reply.. (sorry last one)
FROM: Jane
Oh I see.... firstly the story I read isn't the first I've heard like that. There was a woman I've actually seen on Trisha called Christine (the morning chat show), at the time happy with her decison. I've since read an article where she said that she regretted her decision and wants to reverse everything to be a man again. She/He didn't blame anyone just said had made the wrong decision. I can't help but worry for you, when it's such a life changing decision.
I don't know what you can do in meantime, but getting into debt to pay for a private therapist doesn't seem possible to me. Where would you get the money from? You're not working so you can't get a personal loan or anything like that. Plus I think it would be too much of a burden for you with everything else going on. Only thing I can suggest is that you speak to therpaist you're seeing now and see if he can do anything to spped things up for you. Mention impact on mum and dad as you live at home etc (if nto already told him).
I'm here if you need me. love Janey x
ps what's with the name change on msn.......?
OMG my sister is using information from chat shows :eek:, always a reliable source of information....
I just wanted to ask, am I really trying to go too fast here? I don't think taking hormones for (at first) a short period of time, is too fast considering how i feel. Nor do i feel that changing my appearence and trying to integrate how i feel into my life more is going too fast, I hoped this would help me learn more about my feelings and if this is right for me.
I'm sorry but talking about it with someone can only help so much, only I know how i feel, no one else... right? So if i feel its right now and in 5 years i suddenly dont... well what do i do? Wait around for 5 years to see if i still feel the same? Then once ive waitied 5 years another 5 just incase?...
I think there is a point where you have to follow what your being told inside.
Anyhow i was just disturbed thats all that my sister is using info from chat shows... I was chatting to someone yesterday who said her friend was a psycologist and told her that HR means someone has an Injection and grows man boobs... I mean wtf :confused: no wonder this issue is so difficult for people. I have read so many different 'official/medical' sites (including the NHS) that say conflicting things about hormone treatment and such like.
Anyway my rant over, just needed to vent :o
EDIT:
If this comes accross as me being angry here btw, that was not my intention. I am not complaining that my sister is using information from these sources, im just thinking that this is half the reason why people react to these issues so badley in the first place.
First thing people think of whe you say 'transexual' are the stories on the TV and in the newspapers showing this guy with a beard wearing a dress and lipstick with the headline "Im a women trapped in a mans body". So people automatically think 'OMFG THIS IS FREAKY!' and not actually see what it is properly. Of course people automatically think 'AND THEY ARE GAY TOO' with that.
More than sulking, im genuinly worried about the time and delays and i guess like most people i just want to get the issue resolved eitherway. I don't want to be an 'older' transexual (if i am to become one at all) i would rather be young still and build a life from there, not be too old to do that, or too old to live some of my youth doing things young people do, which hasent been much of an option so far...
FROM: Robert
Hello
Do you think its possible for someone to get help with a loan or something to pay for private medical treatment? Like through the NHS or something? I have been thinking that, and suggesting to mum, about seeking someone private for therapy for my gender issue. It's more serious and life changing than the OCD and i am not sure how well (or how fast!) the NHS will help me. I might be on a 9+ month waiting list....
There is also the question of HRT, I really feel i want to start it. Even if i decide that its not for me after a month, I would feel better that id at least tried it and/or that i was doing something. I would like to start dressing androgynously, take things slowley but thats not going to help much unless im doing something else too.
I would like laser treatment or electrolosis for my face, if i change my mind later at least i wont have to keep buying razors ;) because 'stubble' isnt very girl like and is a give away. Surgery is of course the last on the list, mainly because its something u cant undo, though thats why other people leave it till last -- I think im quite sure and even so, it does not matter to me eitherway but anyhow thats not what im talking about right now.
There are things that id like to start doing, but waiting 9 months just for a therapist to see me, then how long to convince them how i feel? I mean its ok seeing a therapist to discuss the issues but i dont feel that i will learn anything about myself by talking about it, i need to do something, even if it turns out to be the wrong thing.
I was looking recentley and you can actually buy hormones online, but its going to cost a bit - about £400 a year i think i worked out. But thats just for one type, you need blockers too so thats like another £300 so its getting on to £1000 a year. I have been thinking of selling my powermac and using some of the money to help me pay for things but... If i dont have too id rather not.
Do you think there is anything like help available to pay for your own treatment? I worry about how good i am going to get treated going through the NHS, and if they might hold back to save money and such...
Anyhow im off for now, regards
- Love Rob
So anyways i got a reply...
FROM: Jane
hello You
Well the first thing that I would suggest is for you to slow down! One of the reasons there is a 9+ month waiting list for treatment is to ensure that the person on the list is totally sure about what they are doing. Like you said it's a life changing thing. I read an article the other day about a man who spoke to therapists and had al the treatments including hrt & an operation, only to decide that he had made a huge mistake and it had ruined his life. He is now back on the nhs waiting list for a reversal op to make him male again. He explained that he had loved wearing women's clothes and felt excited by it but says the therapists kept telling him he had gender issues etc and blames them for convincing him it was more than it was. H claims it ruined his life and is going to ost £50,000 to reverse everything.
Now before you start waving your arms and saying thats not how it is for you, just read on a bit more. As I'm not there I can't say things to you face to face and unlike mum (bless her) I'm not as emotional about it as she is so I could discuss it without getting upset. So only option I have is to email you. MY concern isn't so much that you feel how you do, more about how quickly you are wanting things done. You can't rush into something like this, it's got to be small steps and I know you won't want to hear it but it's the truth. You are potentially going to turn your life and those around you upside down and all I'm saying is if you are going to go ahead with any sort of treatment you need to be sure, to protect you and them.
I doubt the nhs will give you a loan and even if they did I would advise against it. if going on the waiting list is what you really want then fine go ahead and arrange it, but why the need to rush? I can't stress any more for you to slow down and use the months on the waiting list to speak to the therapsit or a new one who specialises and take it from there.
I can appreciate your point of view that you want to try something like hrt so you no for sure, but even that takes time. Just accept the procedures and go with them. It must be frustrating for you but as it's so life changing would you really want to end up like the man Ive just told you about?
I'm only saying any of this because I love you. You are my little brother, always will be regardless of what happens. I would never abandon you or stop supporting you, but as part of that I also have to be honest and ask you to slow down and the first thing for you to do is find a therapist that specialises in gender issues.
I hope you can try to understand where I am coming from and that it's not an excuse to change your mind, just an opportunity to get you to sit back and try and be objective about it.
Speak soon love always Janey xx
I think she misunderstood what i was saying so i sent her anothe rmessage off...
FROM: Robert
Hi,
No i think you got the wrong end of the stick there. The 9+ months is just to SEE someone, not treatment. So i have to twiddle my thumbs for about a year waiting to even discuss it with someone, THEN once i do get to see someone who knows how long it will take for treatment. The only real treatment that will take a while though is the surgery, and thats last on the list. Don't know if the laser/ffs/ and other things to help will be there for me or not, thats why i worry about having to go through the NHS.
Yo are right the first step is to see someone who is specifically for these issues, but thats whats going to take 9+ months, which is why i wonder if i can get some help to pay for it myself. That way it can be done swiftley.
The story about that man i think would be quite rare, I also have some doubts as to what he said there - ther therapist tried to convince him he had gender issues? Well the therapist would have known that there are just crossdressers.... The therapist cant have been that great and/or was being paid by the hour?
The longer this goes on btw the harder it is for someone to actually transition. By age 25 hormones are 1/2 as effective as they were at 18. By about 30/40 they are 1/3. Not only that but obviously if i had a job, i cant just walk into it one day as a different person ;) not without some difficult questions and maybe some other problems. So i can't really do anything till i sort this out, thats why waiting 9 months or more just to see someone isnt that appealing.
Btw, through the NHS, for Surgery, You have to live in the choosen gender for about a year before they will do anything.
- Rob
Reply.. (sorry last one)
FROM: Jane
Oh I see.... firstly the story I read isn't the first I've heard like that. There was a woman I've actually seen on Trisha called Christine (the morning chat show), at the time happy with her decison. I've since read an article where she said that she regretted her decision and wants to reverse everything to be a man again. She/He didn't blame anyone just said had made the wrong decision. I can't help but worry for you, when it's such a life changing decision.
I don't know what you can do in meantime, but getting into debt to pay for a private therapist doesn't seem possible to me. Where would you get the money from? You're not working so you can't get a personal loan or anything like that. Plus I think it would be too much of a burden for you with everything else going on. Only thing I can suggest is that you speak to therpaist you're seeing now and see if he can do anything to spped things up for you. Mention impact on mum and dad as you live at home etc (if nto already told him).
I'm here if you need me. love Janey x
ps what's with the name change on msn.......?
OMG my sister is using information from chat shows :eek:, always a reliable source of information....
I just wanted to ask, am I really trying to go too fast here? I don't think taking hormones for (at first) a short period of time, is too fast considering how i feel. Nor do i feel that changing my appearence and trying to integrate how i feel into my life more is going too fast, I hoped this would help me learn more about my feelings and if this is right for me.
I'm sorry but talking about it with someone can only help so much, only I know how i feel, no one else... right? So if i feel its right now and in 5 years i suddenly dont... well what do i do? Wait around for 5 years to see if i still feel the same? Then once ive waitied 5 years another 5 just incase?...
I think there is a point where you have to follow what your being told inside.
Anyhow i was just disturbed thats all that my sister is using info from chat shows... I was chatting to someone yesterday who said her friend was a psycologist and told her that HR means someone has an Injection and grows man boobs... I mean wtf :confused: no wonder this issue is so difficult for people. I have read so many different 'official/medical' sites (including the NHS) that say conflicting things about hormone treatment and such like.
Anyway my rant over, just needed to vent :o
EDIT:
If this comes accross as me being angry here btw, that was not my intention. I am not complaining that my sister is using information from these sources, im just thinking that this is half the reason why people react to these issues so badley in the first place.
First thing people think of whe you say 'transexual' are the stories on the TV and in the newspapers showing this guy with a beard wearing a dress and lipstick with the headline "Im a women trapped in a mans body". So people automatically think 'OMFG THIS IS FREAKY!' and not actually see what it is properly. Of course people automatically think 'AND THEY ARE GAY TOO' with that.
More than sulking, im genuinly worried about the time and delays and i guess like most people i just want to get the issue resolved eitherway. I don't want to be an 'older' transexual (if i am to become one at all) i would rather be young still and build a life from there, not be too old to do that, or too old to live some of my youth doing things young people do, which hasent been much of an option so far...