A source of comfort

[Val Tan]

I need to get this off my chest, so here goes!

Before I met my current wife, I used to CD (clothes only, no makeup, shoes etc). When she came into my life, my CD desires left, and I purged. I did tell her of my love for panties, and she accepted it. Life was great. I was wearing panties, with her full support, and I was very happy.

All couples fight. But I don't think we fought healthily. If I gave in to my wife, we would avoid a fight. But if I felt strongly about something, we would fight very bitterly. I felt that she was very stubborn, and that she could not accept she could be wrong about something, or that I could be hurt by what she said. So our fights would escalate and blow up and eventually, someone would have to give in. It was always me. Despite how hurt or angry I was, I still had to put everything aside and give in to her. It used to be that after she calmed down, I could tell her why I was upset. Slowly, I realized I couldn't. She wasn't interested, she didn't care. Over time, I felt very distant and cold after a fight, because I felt I was the one giving in, and I felt that my emotions were not being addressed.

I started to notice a pattern. After a huge fight, because I was feeling so empty, my CD urges slowly came back. Except they would remain even after I moved on from the fight and emptiness. CDing felt strangely comforting to me, whether it was underdressing at work, or working out in the gym in women's workout clothes. I felt like my heart was at peace, and not in turmoil or feeling empty. I realized this even more when we had a huge fight on a Friday night, and I wasn't able to CD for the entire weekend. Trying to move on after the fight was a lot harder. My heart felt bitter for longer. On the flip side, when I CD, I found it a lot easier to move on.

I wish I didn't have this secret. But if I didn't have this secret, I don't think my marriage would have lasted.

[suzy1]

You sound like you are in a rather unhealthy relationship Van Tan.
If your wife always gets her way and you always have to give in then what does that tell you?
As for your CDing, is it a sexual thing with you? When you say “When she came into my life, my CD desires left, and I purged" And then you say “After a huge fight, because I was feeling so empty, my CD urges slowly came back” it sounds like the Cding is a way of satisfying your sexual needs when your wife doesn’t.
Or it could just be a kind of escapism which you need [Something many of us experience to a degree when we dress]

A marriage is about sharing and making allowances for the each other. Saying you always have to give in is not healthy in a marriage.

[Diversity]

Your marriage does not sound like a healthy and balanced one, if you are the one who always is having to 'give in'. Remember, the door swings both ways and will then come to a balance (equi-distant to both sides). I would like to suggest that unless you are truly at fault, that you do not give in, but rather talk everything out until you are satisfied that you are being 100% truthful to your wife. When the time comes and you are right, she must be made to 'give in'. or see that she is not going to change you into admitting something that you do not believe is right or fair. Once she sees you are a man of conviction and one who will not settle for less, when you know you are right, then perhaps your wife will begin to accept you are right and will be the one to apologize.
Remember, a truly happy marriage is one where both parties can admit when they are right or they are wrong, and they work with the other party to achieve a peaceful balance.
Good luck,
Di

[Beverley Sims]

Like the others here I think you need to be a little more assertive so as the arguments even out.
You do not have to fight like cats and dogs but you need to make your point sometimes.
I know that by giving in you are trying to keep the peace but sometimes women do fight expecting a more assertive response.
I would seek some outside advice to help in your situation.

[Brenda79135]

Early in our marriage, my wife and I went to couseling. She gave us a list of fight rules for coupkes. I have since lost that list but here is a link to the list.
http://happylists.wordpress.com/2008/08/01/37-rules-to-fighting-fair/

We have gotton to the point in our marriage that we only bicker now. We have been happily married for 30 years

[Ressie]

I had a wife like that once. I'm much happier by myself. Crossdressing isn't the problem IMHO.

[Stevie]

Early in our marriage, my wife and I went to couseling. She gave us a list of fight rules for coupkes. I have since lost that list but here is a link to the list.

Thanks went to the sight and found the info useful.

[Val Tan]

After our last fight, I shared with my wife some reading material on what destroys a marriage, and we both resolved to work on those things. Coming from her, it was a huge step. So we'll see.

suzy1, yes, that's the word: escapism!

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Van Tan If nothing changes it will never get better.

[Michelle55]

First wife was like that too. Current wife is great. See, we can learn from our mistakes.