Why you shouldn't overthink this whole "TS" thing.

[Nicole Erin]

Some people over-think this whole gender junk, some don't.
One recurring theme is about "making sure this is who you really are".

Damnit folks, this is NOT that complicated. Let me take you back to your 17th year... I will go there too.

That tall, friendly yet intimidating military recruiter is there trying to get you to join. He tells you that you are a perfect fit, they will help pay for college, asks what you like to do, get to tour the world... "You like this or that, AWESOME! The Army has that, let me tell you a story..."
Where the hell did this guy come from? I mean christ, this tall scary guy who you have a hard time saying "No" to is telling you what you should do with your life.
But do i really want to join? I never thought about it. Sargent Jones says it would be great for me, but I don't know...
OK, WHAT the f*** is going on? yesterday i was Joe from the block. Now i got some Drill sargent yelling at me, I have to get up at 5:00 AM to go sing about a C-130 rolling down the strip, they put me in BDU and attached an assault rifle to my ass and are saying I cannot leave? :eek: FFUUUUUUuuuu......

Fast forward to today. NO ONE is trying to "sign you up" to live as a woman/be TS. You decided it on your own and it was something you needed to do. Go go along, maybe get laughed at, run into problems or whatever. Guess what? You CAN go back.
But now suppose after "getting off" after seeing yourself dressed you still needed to do this, and WILL keep living as a woman despite the stupid questions we get, having to look over your shoulder, feeling insecure, losing a job or friends, thru the self-doubt, other TS saying you are "not real" etc... And you trudge on knowing you CAN go back if it all gets too much.

There comes a time when you look around your life and say, "I made it!" You now have a job, new social circle, new name, new appearance, etc. Suddenly, "Going back" doesn't look inviting anyways. Heck with going back.

The only time you cannot go back is once you get SRS. But by then, you have lived as a woman for probably a few years, paid your dues and detailed a financial plan to the tune of $20,000 for SRS. At that point, does any TS say "ehh heck with it, I need to live as a man, I cannot handle this". After the years of ups and downs of living as a woman, is SRS really anything more than a small detail? Well in MY case, it would be a BIG detail, I mean (makes angry face and holds hands two feet apart) HUGE, monstrous detail, so f***ing... BAM!!! (sees modz watching) umm anyways.... :o

So basically, it is not like you go to bed one night and then wake up as some complete woman. If that were the case, i would want to wake up and look like Ashley Graham, a plus size model. Then I would marry a body length mirror.

There ain't nothing hard about this choice. Wanna do it? Do it? Cannot handle it? Go back, simple as that.

Well, i need to march off here, cadence...
Used to date a beauty queen, now I f*** my M-16. Ain't no use in gong home, Jodey is on the telephone....

[Barbara Ella]

Totally agree that a decision is just that, take it or don't, and don't overthink it. BUT. Underthinking can also be a disaster, as some decisions do not come with the undo button, and may leave some without that fallback position. All depends on the decision and how far it will take you.

But when it comes to making the decision of whether I am TS or not, I agree without hesitation that beating yourself over that serves little purpose. Oh mind you, I did beat myself up a lot, but it was more over what it meant for the future things I would be considering, not the decision itself. That one is really one more of realization and acceptance, and accepting that I am transexual has no impact on my immediate state of being, with the exception of allowing me a bit more peace of mind for the present. The future will happen when it is ready to happen, and than it can be worried over and planned for. Living in the present takes all my energies and concentration, and it is a safe haven to grow into what may be the future, or may not. No reason to beat yourself over what the grandson calls a "might be" situation, and he's only three.

Barbara

[darla_g]

The only time you cannot go back is once you get SRS. But by then, you have lived as a woman for probably a few years, paid your dues and detailed a financial plan to the tune of $20,000 for SRS. At that point, does any TS say "ehh heck with it, I need to live as a man, I cannot handle this". After the years of ups and downs of living as a woman, is SRS really anything more than a small detail? Well in MY case, it would be a BIG detail, I mean (makes angry face and holds hands two feet apart) HUGE, monstrous detail, so f***ing... BAM!!! (sees modz watching) umm anyways.... :o


Actually you could try to go back its just next to impossible. I know someone who was in this situation (had already gotten the SRS) and was legally a woman. Had met a woman partner who convinced her she wasn't TS and she went to be a man again.

This did not go so well so now she is back to being a woman again. From knowing this person for a long time my personal feeling was she was never TS to start with and shopped around for a Doctor who would tell her what she wanted to hear.

[Nicole Erin]

Alright, after SRS, how does she think she is gonna be a man again? I mean Christ, even if she got the FTM version of SRS, then MTF SRS, she would be in worse shape than Micheal Jackson. Well except your friend's nose wouldn't just fall off. (Oh gyod how bad would THAT suck?)

I mean sure there might be some real nut jobs who switch back and forth at really inopportune times (like AFTER surgeries) but i doubt many do.

[LeaP]

Alright, after SRS, how does she think she is gonna be a man again? ...

I'd say she was sent packing ... :devil:

(Couldn't resist)

[Laurie Ann]

Amen sister you have cut right to the heart of the TS issue.

[Kathryn Martin]

It might be useful to read This Page (http://wiki.susans.org/index.php/Detransitioning) and some of the associated literature.

Two key factors in de-transitioning are lack of support from family and that the patient did not belong to the core group of transsexuals. Prevalence rates are between 1-5% of transitioned individuals. Walinder found in a 2007 study 3.8% in Sweden.

Worth paying attention to, don't you think.

[Sara Jessica]

It's hard not to over-think this, considering there are so many angles to the trans experience and so many ways it manifests itself in who we are and what we do.

Yes, it is possible to "go back" at any point. But one of the things that makes us over-think this whole thing is that once you put trans on the table, there is no taking it off. Even after one is neck deep in RLE, detransition is a daunting prospect because that Genie is sooooo out of the bottle. It takes tremendous strength to own being a transsexual, imagine the strength it takes to go back?

[Kaitlyn Michele]

should we underthink it then?? what is the right amount of thinking?

I know multiple people that shared the experience of Darla's friend..

by nature i'm an overthinker(and you guys all bear the brunt of that sometimes!!), but its served me quite well in lots of things in my life, especially transition.
if all of us "overthought" transition, i bet we'd end up being more successful as a group

...think think think...then simplify simplify simplify.... that's not overthinking, its common sense

[melissakozak]

Once the word is out that you are trans, there is no going back...period. Look at the disaster that happened to Christine Daniels....

[ReineD]

The only time you cannot go back is once you get SRS. But by then, you have lived as a woman for probably a few years, paid your dues and detailed a financial plan to the tune of $20,000 for SRS. At that point, does any TS say "ehh heck with it, I need to live as a man, I cannot handle this".

Except that some people do this rather quickly. And, it doesn't take SRS to end a marriage, break up a child's family, lose a job ... only to discover after the fact, that being a woman wasn't all it was cracked up to be, and no further progress is made with transition or living full time ... and I mean really living full time 24/7, on the job and everywhere else. And changing the legal name. Gosh, we've had members here who crossdressed only on occasion and then the urges got so strong they felt compelled to tell their wives. And if the wives were not immediately supportive they convinced themselves they were women, left the family, and shacked up with another TG ... all within the space of a few months!

I agree, some people absolutely need to live as women. But, others DO need to make damn sure this is what they need, and not what they want out of some misplaced sense of euphoria. So I don't think that anyone can over think this, or at least not make rash decisions, not when other lives are affected.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

christine daniels was a totally unique situation...very few of us are public figures..

her open letter to the WORLD helped me more than any single thing in my transition.

sometimes i wonder why we spend so much time talking about people that are obviously not ts and obviously screwing up their lives and obviously don't care what transitioned women think

...just a rubber stamp saying "dont bother to transition unless you have to" would suffice

getting to the "i have to transition" phase may seem mysterious to people or perhaps many think we are just overstating the case, but trust me if you get to the "i have to" phase, you will know..

and its why you have to THINK...so you don't go do crazy stuff like what reine mentioned, and so you can act with purpose and productive steps when or if you "have to"...

[Sara Jessica]

sometimes i wonder why we spend so much time talking about people that are obviously not ts and obviously screwing up their lives and obviously don't care what transitioned women think

...just a rubber stamp saying "dont bother to transition unless you have to" would suffice

getting to the "i have to transition" phase may seem mysterious to people or perhaps many think we are just overstating the case, but trust me if you get to the "i have to" phase, you will know..

and its why you have to THINK...so you don't go do crazy stuff like what reine mentioned, and so you can act with purpose and productive steps when or if you "have to"...

That is really what's at the heart of the matter. When the bell rings such that a person has no choice but to transition, the thinking part is pretty much done. It's the journey getting to that point, or in my case stopping short, that really gives rise to a need to think things through...even to the point of over-thinking.


Once the word is out that you are trans, there is no going back...period. Look at the disaster that happened to Christine Daniels....

Let's not call what happened to Christine a disaster. Tragedy is a more apt way to describe it.

[Nicole Erin]

I agree, some people absolutely need to live as women. But, others DO need to make damn sure this is what they need, and not what they want out of some misplaced sense of euphoria. So I don't think that anyone can over think this, or at least not make rash decisions, not when other lives are affected.

Maybe it was just easier for me cause when i went full time, I was not working and was divorced so my life was once again all mine.

[melissaK]

Nicole, Help me out Sweetie. I don't understand the "you can go back." I'm ONLY here because I can't go back.

I mean I tried it. Every time I tried going back the road has led me back to here. . . . I just don't get the notion you can have "free will" to choose or not choose this life; I don't get that at all.

[melissakozak]

Being trans is not something u turn n on n off

[Cindi Johnson]

It's not so much that so many TGs over think it, but that they blame all life's troubles and misfortunes on their gender issues. C'mon girls! Most humans, whether male, female, or unsure, suffer during their lives. Maybe you're TG, but is that really the reason your wife left, or your father hates you, or you got fired? Just don't be so swift to blame gender. After all, many couples with no gender issues divorce; many - maybe most - boys hate their father, and hey, I've been fired when presenting as male.
I, for one, enjoy being TG. I'm happy when out as what I am -a woman. And nobody cares.

[Nicole Erin]

I'd say she was sent packing ... :devil:(Couldn't resist)
(Groan) Oh Christ. Packing. I won't be a dick by pointing out the irony of that joke. Cheee...

But yeah for real, not all life's problems are cause one is TS. For me, I do not have life really any harder or easier than before. if i had to pick I might say easier cause i no longer have to hide. Well except when bill collectors call but i figured out how to block certain numbers on my phone.

I just wonder why other TS cannot quit obsessing and just enjoy life?

[nhlighthouse]

Got to get home on your left ...your right.....Sound off 1-2.... sound off 3-4 .....bring it on down 1-2-3-4-1-2..3-4!ennie meenie miney moe...lets go back and count some more! at ease soldier!

Some people over-think this whole gender junk, some don't.
One recurring theme is about "making sure this is who you really are".

Damnit folks, this is NOT that complicated.
...
Well, i need to march off here, cadence...
Used to date a beauty queen, now I f*** my M-16. Ain't no use in gong home, Jodey is on the telephone....

[EnglishRose]

I just wonder why other TS cannot quit obsessing and just enjoy life?

I guess it's just different for everybody. I have to say though in my experience going full time took the "transtranstranstranstrans" thought pattern mostly away - the obsession, the constant not being able to think of anything else.

[melissaK]

Sigh. Why obsess?
Because I'm not yet happy.
Because my changes are incomplete.
Because I can't see how this is going to end.
Because it could all end quite badly.
I risk being broken hearted, and broke and I don't want that.

Ok Nicole.
So maybe I need to Netflix up "Trading Places" and realize I can climb out of any run of bad luck too.
Obsess less, believe in myself more.
I'll try. I promise. :)

:)

[noeleena]

Hi,

Not all of us have the you can go back you can live as a male or female as the case maybe some of us cannot do ether because we are nether to start with,,or the mix of both, even with surgerys that does not change us ,

part of our body yes yet only a small part, it does not make us male or female when you concider the body & then the Psychologicall ,,Mental & Emotional part of us its not so simple, theres more going on , so to over think or under think does not enter in to any part of whats going on with the person. i know this for a fact i had no say in any of it at all. because of how i was born well in fact at conception, what i was was determined then not hours or days or weeks later .

It was at conception what was going to happen so think all you like or dont think at all has no bearing on any detail. we are what we are long before we are born. & if your interested it goes further back than what we think it is or does,

I had no say do i wont or need to be a male or female no say what ever, it was set in me what i was & am,

When one starts thinking or fighting our selfs long enough we distroy our selfs, or we can live a fantastic life,

...noeleena...

[Kaitlyn Michele]

what some people call obsessing others would call careful consideration...


saying ts people obsess over being ts, when said by a ts, is a ts obsessing over ts's obsessing over being ts...ahem

[LeaP]

I'm going to have to give that one a lot of thought!

[melissaK]

saying ts people obsess over being ts, when said by a ts, is a ts obsessing over ts's obsessing over being ts...ahem

ROFL
I'm going to go obsess in the house of mirrors and become the infinitely obsessing TS.