MTF meets FTM

[Michelle James]

Yesterday I was making my usual every Wednesday Salvation Army Thrift Stores run (Wed. is senior discount day) and at one of the stores I was read by a young FTM. By itself I don't find that unusual as I read him about as quickly. The odd part is that while I noticed and went about my business so as not to draw attention to him, he chose to very loudly announce to his group of friends "hey that's a dude" after which laughter ensued. I just ignored it and moved on down the isle as if it didn't happen. Why give him the reaction he was looking for. I was however disgusted with the fact that at some point this person is going to need compassion and understanding when someone does the same thing to him or god forbid worse. The thing is if he were getting hassled and I saw it I would have been by his side offering whatever protection I could. That's just me.

[Lorileah]

That was rude and insensitive. You did the right thing. He was probably just trying to impress his gang.

[StephanieDragg]

wow that was the rudest thing ever, especially considering the source!

[PaulaQ]

People can be cruel. The desire to feel superior to someone else is a part of some people's nature. Maybe he was masking his own insecurity.

Or perhaps he was just a bitch.

[Barbara Ella]

Don't know the age of that person, but absolutely none in the maturity column. Guess they just got jealous of someone on "their" turf. And yes, I agree, there will be a reckoning sometime in their future, and I pity them.

Barbara

[Beverley Sims]

Sometime in the future it may come back to bite him hard, maybe from his own group.

[celeste26]

Sadly I too have had some negative experiences with FTM people, in a sense we are an existential treat to them. WE have a mutually rejected POV. We have "rejected" our masculinity and they have "rejected" their femininity. So in a sense we represent what they have rejected and vice versa. Kind of like anti-matter.

[nhlighthouse]

Imagine if you were fighting over the same clothes? MEEEOOOWW!

[Julogden]

Are you sure about your "read"? Hard to fathom that someone who is trans-anything would behave so poorly toward a kindred spirit. The trans men I've encountered were wonderful to us MTF folks. I had an FTM friend who was young enough to be my kid who took a liking to me many years ago and we became friends, spent many hours talking about gender stuff with him.

Carol

[Shananigans]

You handled that well.

I Really wish that you had handled it a bit differently though...

Situation A
FTM: Hey, that's a dude!
You: *Startles in an overly exaggerated way* OH MY GOD! WHAT?!? WHERE?!

Situation B
FTM: Hey, that's a dude!
You: *claps and smiles* *talks veeeeery slowly* That's a good job! Awwww..gold star for YOU...no child left behind, my aunt fanny! *If you could say this while propping your hands on your knees like you're bending over to talk to a kid, you win X2*

But, you handled the situation well. But, seriously, was this person like 5? I've seen a similar situation...but, with a 5(ish) year old. (Kids all kind of look the same to me). In the situation I saw, a man had a ponytail was called out by a woman's son. The kid pointed at the (very big, masculine man that I wouldn't have messed with) and declared, "Mom, he has GIRL hair!" His mom was pulling him along, dying in embarrassment...and, the kid continued to point and yell, "He is a boy and he is wearing girl hair!" The guy didn't look phased. I was doing that thing where I couldn't let myself laugh, so I was kind of crying/shaking. I wonder if he cut his hair? Or, rolled away on his Harley while thinking, "Damn, kid..." I actually can't confirm that he rode a Harley...I just like to imagine that he did.

You said the FTM in question was "young." Obviously, situation B would not be appropriate if the FTM in question were under the age of 10. (Idk why 10 is the magic number).

But, seriously...I bet he made everyone in the store exceptionally uncomfortable (not just you). And, I bet everyone kind of thought, "What an ass."

[DonnaT]

I probably would have said, "Hey, that's a bitch!"

[mikiSJ]

Ah, gender politics - if it isn't the right calling the left nuts, or the Dems calling the GOP nuts, it is the FTM pot calling the MTF kettle black!

[Nicole Erin]

You could have said, "Yes, thank you for pointing that out but i was wondering if you yourself were a boy or a girl?"

At that point, his or her friends would have been like "Huuu Huuu huuu" cause the FTM got Jones on (80's term for "snappy come-back")

The un-PC truth is - FTM and lesbians are not fun to deal with. I tolerate them but really - they just annoy me.

Ladies it is like this - as much as CD, TS and "real" TS bicker, we have got to stick together. Lesbians, gays, FTM, and CIS folks won't really "be there" for us most of the time. The FTM who outed Michelle - his day is coming. He will remember outing Michelle when his bros find out "Holy crap, Steve is a chick!" and a severe beating ensues. he has it coming.

[Annie D]

You handled the situation very well. I don't think that any of us would be surprised if I said that FTM is so prevalent that it is accepted and ignored in most cases. MTF, however, is quite different and neither accepted nor ignored. We are making headways but we still have a long way to go. I'm glad you didn't retaliate with some similar type of comment, you would have lowered yourself to his/her level and besides I'm sure that he/she was braver with the accompanying numbers. In school we call it bullying and it's against the law.

[sometimes_miss]

Michelle, just because someone's TG doesn't prevent them from being an asshole as well. Things like this are one of the reasons why I stay at home when dressed.

[docrobbysherry]

That's exactly what I was going to point out, Lexi! There's plenty of jerks out there. I think I'm living proof that TGs can be, too!


Michelle, just because someone's TG doesn't prevent them from being an asshole as well. Things like this are one of the reasons why I stay at home when dressed.

As far as the, "Omg, that's a dude", Michelle, I heard that so often my first time out alone, (at Disneyland), I thot of changing my name to Dude!

I think u handled yourself well. The difficulty is in letting remarks from jerks slide off like water off a duck. If u don't, they win! If he thinks about how rude he was later, fine! But, in any case, u should forget him ASAP!

[Tracii G]

I would have found my way around to the little group and said something like look here missy shouldn't you be shopping in the girls section?
Cause honey you sure look like one .................Oh snap and around the world!

[Aylineira]

Giving the benefit of the doubt, in my opinion I think the FTM was just pointing out how funny the situation is that there is a MTF shopping at the same place and at the same time since the chances of that happening are pretty low. One can only hope at least.

[Jill Devine]

I would guess that the "FTM" does not view themself as transgendered and therefor not FTM. My guess is that you encountered a rude butch lesbian who doesn't identify with a TG person...

[Michelle James]

I would guess that the "FTM" does not view themself as transgendered and therefor not FTM. My guess is that you encountered a rude butch lesbian who doesn't identify with a TG person...

You may be right. Thinking about it I have run into Lesbian intolerance before.