Are we addicts?

[Kerigirl2009]

So I will get right to the point, I am now separated from my wife (since Feb 12). She just could not take it anymore, she says she still loves me and wants me to come home. I would love to come home, however I apparently made her miserable. So I think it may be best to at least stay apart for awhile.

She asked me if I would meet our pastor, I said sure, but I will tell him everything, So I went and for two hours I told him all about me and how it affected my marriage. A couple days later my wife met him and then just last night we went together to meet with our pastor.

This meeting didn't end as well as the last meeting I had, because basically it has been determined that I have an addiction, that can be treated and cured. This is news to me. After all the reading and research I have read. Plus knowing that I have been like this since I was a child.

So what I am suppose to agree to is to go six months without dressing, get rid of all that I am and deny who I am as a person. I am a great person (at least in my eyes) I do not have a medical problem. I do not have a head problem.

I did not agree to do this, actually I was taken back by the change of how I was perceived not only by our pastor but by how my wife was in agreement.

So I did realize before I went in for my meeting that I am dealing with a church and their views. My views are a bit different simply because I have lived with this so long.

I have this headache now and I think it is because while talking with my wife, I could see that she was in agreement with what he was saying, My wife ways I have an addiction and it should be treated in the same way an alcholohic is treated, with a support group. and meeting and deny myself what I enjoyed.

I have a problem with this line of thinking. I am not an addict over dressing, I am a transsexual individual. who is a good person, believes in God and would not set out to harm myself or anyone else.

My pastor is going to give us a name of an EXPERT that will meet us. and try to fix me. What am I suppose to have him discuss? How I can be cured of this infliction of self. I am 42 years old I know who I am I just kept most of her hidden away from others because of fear of rejection. I am not afraid of being rejected anymore. And I am not an addict!

The hardest thing for me to wrap my mind around is how much my wife truly agreed with this statement made by our pastor. So intervention to show my the error of my ways, WHAT? Well I guess she finally got to hear what she was waiting to hear since I told her about Keri.

I got to hear the door shutting on me, yes I still love my wife but I am not an addict.

[melissakozak]

You are not an addict. We are not addicts. You answered your own question....at the end of your quote, "....but I am not an addict." I think trans issues are best left discussed with qualified therapists and spiritual matters best left to a pastor....

[Kaitlyn Michele]

omg...

no

your pastor may or may not be well meaning..i can't know...but he is woefully uninformed and ignorant...casually cruel to not only you but your wife because he filled her head with lies...

what he is proposing is akin to people that let their children die of a fever because its gods will...

[STACY B]

That's what it reminds me of ,,LOL,,,, Just because THEY say so !! That's a bunch of BULL SHIT !! OHHHHHHHHHHHH YEA ,,, Don't act or dress or present the way you really feel just because you were plumbed wrong ,,, NO !! Do what they say an act how they like ,,Don't worry about you just as long as EVERYONE ELSE is happy that's fine !!
Screw them ,, Hey we finally are getting some where in this world ,, With all the documenterys an TV specials that started talking about trans issues an educating the public about us ,,Hell Just like I always say you gotta start somewhere an what better place than right where we live . Sometimes ya gotta let it all go an just move on ,, Don't worry about no one but you ,,It sure looks like that's what THEY are doing ?

[elizabethamy]

Of course it's not an addiction, and it sounds like the churchperson is either ignorant or malevolent or both. But the TG/TS tendency sure looks a lot like an addiction to someone who doesn't understand it. Wearing women's clothes without being able to describe what "triggers" it or how to "control the desire." Needing to do it regularly or becoming mentally miserable or unstable without it. Needing to talk to others who do it for support. Walks like a duck, but in this case, not a duck. I wish it were treatable like an addiction, but that doesn't appear to be the case. Still, since it mimics the way a drug or alcohol addiction works (or appears to work from the outside), I vote for trying to have compassion for those who characterize it as such, especially if they are saying it from a place that's not ill-willed.

e.a.

[LeaP]

Reparative therapy is incredibly damaging. That is a church you need to leave.

[Marleena]

Did "experts" not try for years to "fix" homosexual people? Didn't some homosexual people not recently sue in California because they went through treatments to "fix" them. It's hard to grasp that he really has no clue on the subject but knows an "expert" to cure you. How can being you be an addiction? lol.

[GabbiSophia]

Ha!! I wish it was. I beat nicotine. If this was an addiction I wouldn't be heressearching for why.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

hey maybe your pastor is a religion addict and we should do some repartive therapy on him...

maybe dress him up and force him to gamble, steal from children, and go out on dates with swingers??

[traci_k]

Church people generally are not malevolent, they are just ignorant of facts. Many believe the Bible is true word for word so they believe the universe is 6-10 thousand years old also, so when the Bible says a man shoud not weareth that which pertaineth to a woman, there is no question. Those of us who have struggled with these issues and researched KNOW better. TS CD homosexual lesbian or whatever is pretty much in-born. For some it may be a choice but those of us who knew we were different very young, before we even discovered sex, know its not altogether a sexual issue. We have to realize though that once we started, there is a thrill to the sensuousness of the clothing and this probably does release endorphins which affect our pleasure center in the brain. There are such broad ranges in gender and sexuality, no one is ever going to find one short term to describe it. I like to think of it as variety in the human race. On the other hand there should be a word of caution to a single TG person about falling in love with a Christian fundamentalist, if you know you're a CD or TS, they will probably not be understanding and the subject should be broached before getting married. Try to find a nice Wiccan girl. They are usually more open minded. IMHO
Hugs
Traci

[Tora]

Your bride is possibly grasping at a false hope of the pastor. Sounds so simple, to her. Good luck.

[arbon]

My wife ways I have an addiction and it should be treated in the same way an alcholohic is treated, with a support group. and meeting and deny myself what I enjoyed.

.

I kinda tried that, it did not work.

I hope you are not going to go along with meeting this expert

[nhlighthouse]

Kerigirl2009...I am sorry for the breakup with your SO....I didn't see how long ago that you did come out to SO with this and maybe if it was just recently within months that maybe and just maybe you may be traveling a little to fast for her to handle and needs a somemore time and not being thrown FULL-TILT into watching your trans as fast as you may be going. Is there any chance of getting back and going a little slower so that so may digest your change and support you?...This is just MHO! Mychelle/Mike

[Rianna Humble]

Church people generally are not malevolent, they are just ignorant of facts. Many believe the Bible is true word for word

I have yet to meet one person who demonstrated by their lives that they believe every word of the bible - especially those who point to the texts about not wearing women's clothes. In general they will be found to be wearing clothing made from more than one material (outlawed within a few lines of the text that they spout). Very rarely will they stone a neighbour for working on the Shabbat (also mandatory within a short space of the prohibition on certain clothing) and I can almost guarantee that none of them openly sells their daughter into slavery. This is all without making reference to the later texts which say that those old laws have been superseded - which makes their proclaimed adherence to the laws at odds with believing every word of the bible.

Having said all that, I do believe that a majority of religious people genuinely want to do good according to their own understanding of what that means.

[Amy Fakley]

Church people generally are not malevolent, they are just ignorant of facts.

Yes, this. I was so heavily indoctrinated in this culture and approach to life when I was growing up. I know it well.

Your pastor is coming from a point of view that says "everything you need to know is in the bible, and if it's not, then you just have to figure it out with the bible in mind or trust the opinion of someone who already did".

You have to understand that as wrong as that point of view seems, there is a massive hierarchy behind it. If the pastor doesn't know, he's going to defer to someone who's opinion he trusts ... however that person is just repeating the same pattern. The religious world is packed to the gills with unqualified "luminaries" on literally every possible subject you can imagine, and gender issues are no exception. The problem is that at the end of the day ... in spite of all the expensive looking books with glossy covers, and "inspirational conferences" and DVDs and yadda yadda ... it's all conjecture. Not based on fact or science, or any of that.

Your pastor is likely well meaning and very sincere. He is also way in over his head, and he does not know what he's doing. His "expert" doesn't know what he's doing either. Know this.

If your marriage is something you want to keep, if your sanity is something you cherish, you need to put an end to the involvement of the religious community in this issue. Find a secular councilor who both you and your wife feel comfortable with, and who will deal with your gender issues respectfully and in a scientifically valid way.

[Angela Campbell]

As any healthcare professional would tell you, it is good to get a second opinion. I would think a specialist ...a gender therapist with experience in gender issues. I doubt the Pastor, however well meaning he may be, is trained or has any experience in gender issues. I would not go to a dentist for a heart attack either.

[Nicole Erin]

My clothes smell of it, my room does, my car, my breath, it is really gross. Yes I am an addict. I should quit but I enjoy it.
Damned cigarettes.


That's what it reminds me of ,,LOL,,,, Just because THEY say so !! That's a bunch of BULL SHIT !! OHHHHHHHHHHHH YEA ,,, Don't act or dress or present the way you really feel just because you were plumbed wrong ,,, NO !! Do what they say an act how they like ,,Don't worry about you just as long as EVERYONE ELSE is happy that's fine !!
Screw them ,, Hey we finally are getting some where in this world ,, With all the documenterys an TV specials that started talking about trans issues an educating the public about us ,,Hell Just like I always say you gotta start somewhere an what better place than right where we live . Sometimes ya gotta let it all go an just move on ,, Don't worry about no one but you ,,It sure looks like that's what THEY are doing ?

Stacy B - I love your bitchy attitude :D
Now I know what "B" stands for. You go girl!

[kimdl93]

Wow, you know, there are areas that ministers should stay out of...counseling on matters other than theology, is one of them. I don't know what church you and your wife belong to, but there are some who hold totally invalid notions about gender and sexuality...and for some reason feel compelled to offer "fixes" that are totaling phoney.

You could endure these so called treatments, and even pretend that they work, but in the end, you will still be the person you are and you'll resent having been subjected to this nonsense. I see no alternative but to be brutally honest with your wife and to insist for a change, that she participate in therapy with a valid, qualified gender therapist. She can at least attempt to learn the true nature of what you are, and what you've dealt with for so long. She may not choose to live with you, but she can learn that this hasn't been a bed of roses for you either.

[Stephanie47]

Keri, you have my heart sympathy. You are up against a brick wall by going to religious counseling. The pastor's opinion is going to be based in his interpretation of biblical text. He probably has zero knowledge of transgenders, gays or lesbians. He is probably of that catch all phrase "Hate the sin, Love the sinner" which really does not change much. Your wife has found a spiritual ally and you're up the creek without a paddle. To placate your wife, go to the exorcism, so your soul may be purified and you won't go to hell in a hand basket. See what he has to say. Ask him what training he has in transgender counseling. Ask to see his board certifications. Ask to see his state licenses. Then request of your wife that she and you go to a non religious/secular counselor secular for an opinion and explanation of your cross dressing.

The pastor and your wife will not solve the marital discord. You will be forever tormented. I can see absolutely no good coming from pastoral counseling. It's one matter when a cross dresser wants to assert themselves around the home to the extent of shoving his cross dressing in the wife's face when she is non supportive. It's another thing when you're in a 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell' marriage with established boundaries, and, it's another when the deck is stacked against you.

[Georgie]

Religion is the most twisted thing on this earth, ignore what he says and go on with your life.

Religion is wrong and you are right

[Allison Chaynes]

Keri, though I agree it's best to see a psychologist or psychiatrist, therapist etc with Cd/TG experience, I want to just say that the Bible, like with most religious books, is open to different interpretations. This one pastor is clearly decided that you are "addicted" and that's HIS interpretation. What I would say is that rather than stereotype all religious people as being bigots and hateful, which can be just as bad as the bigotry some of our sisters here have experienced, just understand that you're hearing one man's interpretation and he does not speak for all Christians. Research the Bible, and as Rianna mentions, ask why is it OK for these other behaviors to be ignored but you see me as an addict? My wife falls into the Fundamentalist category but she has come to the conclusion that everyone interprets things differently, and unlike her previous church leaders, she would not condemn me or her lesbian sister for who we are.

[Lacyfem]

This is a tough one because you sound like you love your wife very much and want your marriage to work. Like the others here the pastor is not the one you need to see and perhaps it's not you that needs the help but your wife does to understand what you feel inside. Having purged so many wonderful cloths over the years and always gone right back out and bought more I guess you can say I'm addicted but I understand I've always had this fem side to me yet know I'm a man and society doesn't in general want to see me as a woman. It's all confusing and believe you need to see with your wife someone who can better get her to understand your feelings and understand they are just not going to go away. Good luck!

[Kristyn Hill]

Shaking my Head. Run for the hills and away from the Pastor. Find someone who can advise your wife in a scientific manner on why you are you and the fact that you are special and Best of Both Worlds making you the Grand Prize. My wife feels she has hit a Grand Slam with Me. I have only been out to her since last April after finding this community here. Good Luck. You are too beautiful to hide!

[Kathryn Martin]

Think about this for a moment and public perception on this subject:


Addictive behavior is any activity, substance, object, or behavior that becomes the major focus of a person's life resulting in a physical, mental, and/or social withdrawal from their normal day to day obligations.[1] (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Addictive_behavior#cite_note-Addiction-1)[2] (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Addictive_behavior#cite_note-Psychology_Today-2)
There are different types of addiction and virtually any activity or substance has the potential to become addictive. Drugs, alcohol, and nicotine are examples of substance addictions, whereas behavior addiction (also known as process addictions) may include gambling, sexual activity, Internet, food related behaviors, shopping, work, or exercise.[2] (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Addictive_behavior#cite_note-Psychology_Today-2)
Typically an individual becomes dependent or addicted to a substance to alleviate the pain and agony deriving from certain emotions. The phenomenon occurs subsequent to the first trial where the individual derives some pleasure which increases with additional usage. Continual usage leads to psychological strengthening which ultimately leads to psychological dependence (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychological_dependence) or physical addiction.[2] (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Addictive_behavior#cite_note-Psychology_Today-2) Drug tolerance (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Drug_tolerance) is a biological state that occurs when the body adapts to the current amount of the substance. Increased quantities of the desired substance is necessary in order to bring about the same psychologic or physiologic effects previously obtained with smaller dosages, thus it may lead to physical and psychological dependence.[3] (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Addictive_behavior#cite_note-Indiana_University-3)[4] (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Addictive_behavior#cite_note-Tolerance-4)


Now examine your behavior from the standpoint of this pastor and your wife.

Honey, it's a dead end street

[KellyJameson]

Addiction requires increasing the drug dosage to get the same effect so there is a search for novelty and a constant push of boundaries to increase the excitement.

Identity formation and expression is a different type of urgency because it is about a state of "being" so is an expression of self and self discovery

Living your identity will bring calm where addiction will bring dependancy,excitement and withdrawal symtoms.

Living contrary to your identity will cause anxiety because you will only live contrary to your identity out of fear and confusion which is the reason (fear) and result (confusion) for and of suppression of identity. (rejection of self)

GD is caused by being forcefully separated from yourself in childhood and adolescence by society and hormones as well as some level of body dysmorphic disorder where your body is experienced as deformed and or foreign.

I experienced my body as belonging to someone else or as existing outside of me. I was not emotionally attached to my body because it did not reflect completely who I am so I suppressed the knowledge of my body to support my identity.

It is a form of mind blindness that my brain (subconscious) was very good at performing for self protection

Difficult to explain the experience. Not hate or rejection but more an incongruousness that resulted in me seeing my body as inanimate as an overall relationship between me and "it" but also supremely self critical.

I only acknowledged and accepted those aspects of my body that conformed with my unacknowledged and suppressed so unknown identity but panicked by evidence to the contrary and would immediately suppress to ease the panic so go into mind blindness and not "see" what I did not want to see.

I did not have a complete relationship with my body until I understood the gender dysphoria.

If you wish to test yourself to see if it is identity or addiction give up looking in a mirror to see if you have withdrawal symtoms similar to having withdrawal from pornography.

If it is identity and you are transsexual than the clothes will mean far less to you than living truly and with full acceptance of self and self awareness.

Identity is "sanity" but sanity is not dependant on sexuality so if it is only about sexuality than you do not have GD in my opinion.

The nature of the suffering is different when it is identity versus addiction. Gender dysphoria is not experienced as an addiction but like an existential crisis.

In my opinion being transsexual is when you stop rejecting and start actively searching for the lost self and deciding what you can live with concerning your own body.

Crossdressing in my opinion is often an addiction driven by the males sexual desire for the female as visual image similar to being attracted to pornography or even female beauty that the crossdresser attempts to recreate with their own body so there is a merging of image and sexuality without a pre-exisiting identity conflict.

This comes out of sexual development independant of an already formed identity.

Ask yourself, Is it sex ? or Is it identity? Both ? Understanding is crucial in my opinion to understand transsexuality.

Identity is a life or death struggle but crossdressing as sexual excitement is about sex and sex can become an addiction.

This is why crossdressing is useful for determining if you are a transsexual or crossdresser.

Once I understood that I was transsexual I walked away from the clothes to confirm that I did not have an addiction even though in my case that was pointless because I do not experience the female image as erotic so I knew instinctively I was not erotizing myself.

I think there is a danger for those who find the female erotic because their sexuality could confuse the experience and understanding of gender dysphoria. I see how it mixes things up in peoples minds.

If you are doing anything to erotize your dressing stop and see what happens.

[Rogina B]

The pastor and your wife will not solve the marital discord. You will be forever tormented. I can see absolutely no good coming from pastoral counseling. It's one matter when a cross dresser wants to assert themselves around the home to the extent of shoving his cross dressing in the wife's face when she is non supportive. It's another thing when you're in a 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell' marriage with established boundaries, and, it's another when the deck is stacked against you. It is time for that discussion with your wife..With me,or against me? Love me,or lose me. No deals or halfway....Unless she is making the bucks and you aren't,she may realize her life won't be better with you gone from it.

[TeresaL]

Wow. I thought this approach died a long time ago.

Nonetheless, it is déjÃ* vu, and I mean BIGtime for me. In the mid nineteen nineties, I was subjected to a barrage of such thinking, and my wife and I underwent Sexual Addictions anon. We lasted a few months, and it made us sick to our stomachs. The folks in our group were not like us at all either. My sense of who I am today is damaged to the root because of it.

[Silmaril]

You've had loads of advice offered here that's far more sage than anything I can supply. I just want to lend my voice in support of saying that this is not inherently a matter of addiction, and getting the input of a qualified professional will give you much better insight than you have received from your pastor.

[PaulaQ]

This meeting didn't end as well as the last meeting I had, because basically it has been determined that I have an addiction, that can be treated and cured. This is news to me. After all the reading and research I have read. Plus knowing that I have been like this since I was a child.

That's the first sign that this is something different. Also, you are not ingesting any substances. Whatever it is that compels you comes from within you, and has been there a long time.


So what I am suppose to agree to is to go six months without dressing, get rid of all that I am and deny who I am as a person. I am a great person (at least in my eyes) I do not have a medical problem. I do not have a head problem.

Bet you've tried this before - many times. Why will this time be any different? It won't.


I have this headache now and I think it is because while talking with my wife, I could see that she was in agreement with what he was saying, My wife ways I have an addiction and it should be treated in the same way an alcholohic is treated, with a support group. and meeting and deny myself what I enjoyed.

Really? Where's the treatment facility? What's the treatment methodology? Where's the 12 step support group? Ask them that. Because I've looked - and I didn't find one. Or I'd be in a meeting right now.

BTW, their solution is totally stupid - even for an alcoholic. (I am one - I have been sober >20 years, and "quit drinking for 6 months" is just an idiotic approach. If you could do that - you wouldn't be an alcoholic!)


My pastor is going to give us a name of an EXPERT that will meet us. and try to fix me. What am I suppose to have him discuss? How I can be cured of this infliction of self. I am 42 years old I know who I am I just kept most of her hidden away from others because of fear of rejection. I am not afraid of being rejected anymore. And I am not an addict!

What are the success rates of whatever "cure" they propose over the long term? That is a question for them. (They need to be able to document this.) Everything I've read suggests that ethical treatments have a success rate at or near zero percent.

Beating alcohol is tough. It's also unlikely. I watched many people in treatment who I thought weren't going to make it - and a number of them didn't. (There were folks who literally had someone meet them with booze / drugs at the gate of the facility - they didn't make it 35 minutes.) Some of them are no longer with us. From my experience, this is at least an order of magnitude tougher than alcohol, at least for me. And to make matters worse - and why I don't have too much hope of a cure - abstinence makes it worse. If there is some "solution" for our state - nobody knows what it is. (I'm not saying there needs to be one - just that there isn't anything known.)

BTW, I recognize many of the same feelings of powerlessness over this that I felt over my addiction to alcohol. I can understand why people would think about it like that. The compulsion is pretty strong. However - it doesn't respond to the same treatments as other addictions, and nobody has a handle on it. And it is quite likely that it is untreatable because it is a part of you, and as incurable as being gay, or left handed. (Not that this stops wrong-headed people from trying to cure BOTH of those things too.)

The only arguably close addiction to our condition would be a sex addiction. I knew a couple of people like that in recovery, and their problems tended to be along the lines of "why have I had sex with 6 different partners in the last 5 days, and why do I feel empty all the time afterwards?" This probably doesn't sound like your sitauation much. Thing is - for a lot of us, this isn't a sex thing, at least not mostly.

I would be very careful with this "expert." Some of the folks who tackle this don't know anything, and use unethical and dangerous approaches.

If they are going to treat this as a "disease" (this is the way alcoholism is viewed), they need to come to terms with the fact that given the present state of the art, it is an incurable one.

BTW, if this is a disease, as diseases go - this one is pretty benign. Worst effects:
- social problems. (Arguably, this is everyone else's problem)
- divorce (lots of things cause divorce, sad but true)
- people think you dress funny. (see first point)

Breaking up a family is a pretty horrible outcome. However, the downside of this is in no way, shape, or form comparable to what alcoholism does to you. (Feel freel to PM me if you have doubts. I will not repeat my stories on the forum.) If people weren't so freaked out about this - it would be a non-issue. (BTW, the really insidious thing about alcoholism is not the families it breaks up - generally, those are the LUCKY ones. Oh no - heh - the horrible thing is the families that DON'T break up, you just have no idea...)

I'm not trying to make light of this, because the idea of some of these consequences rips my guts out. But I am trying to put this into perspective.

Bottom line - there has been no "Billie W" for transgender people. They got nothin.

[Rianna Humble]

So what I am suppose to agree to is to go six months without dressing, get rid of all that I am and deny who I am as a person. I am a great person (at least in my eyes) I do not have a medical problem.

Hi Keri, since you posted this in the Transsexual Forum, I am sorry that I have to disagree with you. Gender Dysphoria is a recognised medical problem and it will not be alleviated by 6 months refraining from one of the only relief mechanisms short of transition.

Instead of your pastor's so called expert, you need to be consulting someone who is qualified in gender issues

[STACY B]

It is time for that discussion with your wife..With me,or against me? Love me,or lose me. No deals or halfway....Unless she is making the bucks and you aren't,she may realize her life won't be better with you gone from it.

You tell um SISSTA ,,, If your the Goose ,,An you know what goose ,,, The ether Love or leave you alone ,, Hey ,,Get used to it ,,LOL,,,

[Saffron]

I recommend you and your wife to watch this movie: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0338290/

[StephanieC]

I think your wife is just gravitating to the point of view closest to hers.

I am sorry to hear of your pain.

-stephani

[Kerigirl2009]

Well Thank you everyone for the wonderful advice and I have to agree with most of you that this is not an addiction, this is who I am and who I will forever be. I only met with our pastor because my wife asked me too, and the first meeting with him solo was that of its OK to be who you are, My wife did not tell me what her meeting was like.
Then the meeting with the pastor together, and I left the meeting thinking "What just happened" he totally did a 180 on me and stressed he is worried for my soul.

I am not worried about my soul at all, I know where I will end up when I meet him.
I met with my wife on Wednesday for lunch and to discuss my feeling towards what I called a "brainwashing event" or Psychotherapy. I explained that I do not agree with it but if it makes her happy then I will go to A MEETING and listen, but in no way will I agree to stop being who I am. I am proud of who I am and that will not change.

She wants to remain married but not if I become a woman physically. I think this is the path I will again find myself going towards as I am generally a much happier woman then I am as a man. I love the feelings that go with it and will NEVER hide again. I may not tell everyone at once but with each day I know I am closer to being who I should be.

I am all for seeing another Gender Therapist again. My last one agreed with me that I am a woman in mind and this is the right path that I have chosen, but that I needed to tell my wife about me before I could move on with my journey.
I told her and I am not wavering about this at all, not even the slightest, I am however seriously trying to stay with my wife, but realize this may not happen only time will tell from this point.
The meeting is set for Tuesday at three o'clock and I will go so she can see how they plan to "fix" me. I will explain that I am not broken and I only require understanding and hopefully love to honor my promise to her.

Again thank you all
Keri Elise Rose

[melissakozak]

Keri,

I truly feel for you right now, as you are in such a rough place...I wish you the best, and I applaud your honesty to yourself.

[Robbin_Sinclair]

.......
She asked me if I would meet our pastor, I said sure, but I will tell him everything, So I went and for two hours I told him all about me and how it affected my marriage. A couple days later my wife met him and then just last night we went together to meet with our pastor.

This meeting didn't end as well as the last meeting I had, because basically it has been determined that I have an addiction, that can be treated and cured. This is news to me. After all the reading and research I have read. Plus knowing that I have been like this since I was a child.

So what I am suppose to agree to is to go six months without dressing, get rid of all that I am and deny who I am as a person. I am a great person (at least in my eyes) I do not have a medical problem. I do not have a head problem....

I spent a lot of time in domestic violence work. As much as I appreciate a value in religious convictions and the couple's devotion to the religion that they chose, NOBODY, especially effective pastors working in a real problem solving setting, would say what that person said.

The "expert" could be good or bad because the pastor may be prejudging what the expert will do. Probably not, though. How much does the pastor control the expert? Most professional therapists do the opposite of what the pastor did.

You seem so strong. Marriages do end. This event in your life has nothing to do with a higher power. You have it. Own it. It is really so bad?

[docrobbysherry]

I say that because I'm addicted to dressing. I believe I obsess about dressing too much occasionally. I have no idea if u do, tho.

That's irrelevant anyway. Even if u r a dressing addict, that's not the issue.

What your wife and the preacher have is something far worse. They have a disease! Their disease is self rightious unacceptance of anyone that doesn't believe precisely as they do. If I were u, I would get away from them both ASAP!:straightface:

However, u seem quite influenced by your wife's opinion. And, maybe SHE can be cured with proper treatment. So, tit for tat. U went with her to see her quack. Get her to go see yours. Only, don't get a quack. Find a competent, experienced therapist. See him or her first, which will help u get proper perspective of your situation.:)

Then, go back with your wife. If she rejects everything this qualified person says, I think you'll KNOW what u need to do then!:thumbsup: