In need of enCOURAGEment

[Ms. Laura]

Hi Everyone,

So, I've reached this point, after 20 years of "full dressing," of finally set to venture out tomorrow. I've hooked up with a local support group. I've met one sister who's been kind enough to offer me a place to get ready before the meeting.

My wife says she is OK with it and I believe her. I can't get ready at home because of our daughter and the fact that my wife does NOT want me leaving the neighborhood en femme. She has helped on my outfit, etc.

It just ain't gonna get easier but I am SO terrified. I know it comes down to me putting one foot in front of another but any words of encouragement would help. In some ways I needed to verbalize these fears.

It seems stupid to worry about how I look, but I do. I worry about being read driving (really stupid). I worry about ending up on the evening news. I'm worried about seeing myself reflected back at me and not liking it.

Ugh, I should be excited, but I'm sure it's a first time thing after hiding for so long.

Anyway, thanks for giving me an outlet.

[Danielle_cder]

You go girl! Get out ther!! Take a deep breath you can do it!

[Daryl]

Good for you. Enjoy it and relish the moment.

[NathalieX66]

I was scared to death when I went to my first support group meeting, but at the same time I felt like a race horse out of the starting gate. That was 3 years and 2 months ago.
My advice is simply this: learn from others. They have been down the same road long before you have.

I wish you the best..... and in New England-ese, I hope you have a "wicked good time"!

[JamieQ]

One step in front of the other, go and dont look back! Relax and enjoy!!! Im sure you will like it!!!

[kimdl93]

You're cute and you've got 20 years of dressing experience and a supportive wife behind you. So, steel yourself against that frightening world that your mind has created, step out and prepare to meet your doom. And when nothing bad happens, you'll breath a sigh of relief and enjoy yourself.

Beware of the greatest threat, however. Once you have experienced life beyond the confines of your home, you will want to do it again and more often.

[Laura912]

Bet you can't eat just one potato chip!

[Kalista Jameson]

Hi Laura!

Encouragement is my middle name. =) I think with your support network in and out of the home, you are going to be just fine. Those things are the biggest issues in my small and humble opinion, that we have to contend with. You seem to have those firmly in place which is great. What you have seems like pre-curtain lift stage jitters, but don't worry. It's okay to feel a bit anxious about it all, but I'm certain once you pop the balloon, pull the trigger, flip the switch, all of that anxiety is going to melt into an intoxicating high of fun and relief. With you going to a meeting, versus the raw open world, you have a great experience ahead of you. I've never been myself, so I can't speak from experience, but this is what I see before you.

So, take a deep breath, adjust your pantyhose and wig and have a wild time. Wild just may be defined as simply being in a room full people dressed en femme and relishing in it.

All the best for your outing. Have fun!

~Kalista

[Stephanie47]

I looked at your avatar shot and profile shot. You look great. I'm a closeted in home dresser in a DADT marriage. You and your wife have established by mutual agreement acceptable boundaries. She even helps you get ready. I can fully understand shielding the family from judgment people. But, she has given you her blessing. Sure, something may happen that is totally unforeseen, but, the biggest hurdle has been overcome. You have the blessing from your wife. She has accepted that part of you.

You're in a totally different world from another thread I just posted to. Have fun.

[Jennifer Marie P.]

You will be great and judging by your profile picture you look pretty now go on and enjoy.

[Wildaboutheels]

You are simply yet another "victim" of just one of the many Forum MYTHS. That Joe Doe public, aka "normal people" are actively LOOKING to bust CDers when they are out and about in the RW.

This is ONLY stuff that CDers do. And/or maybe that aquantances or SOs of CDers do.

I think it likely that when most folks put on clothes and get in their car and drive someplace, they are probably on some type of mission? Going to or from work, picking up the kids, groceries, shopping for clothes, Doctor's visit, etc. "Civilized" people have nothing to gain by busting CDers do they?

IF your avatar IS you/close to being accurate, you proably will "pass" easily.

Curious as to just WHAT or who prompted you to escape the closet after 20 years?

[Faye56]

Head up and step out there , you look amazing so just enjoy and let everything else fall naturally into place.

[Julie Denier]

You look great in all your pics, so I bet you'll be just fine! Good luck -- do it for those of us not at that point yet ;)

[Angela Campbell]

The first time is frightening. I did my first time last September. I was told by so many ladies there that "we have all been through it". It was one of the most wonderful nights of my life. I have not missed a meeting since, and now go out frequently to eat and shop with many of the ladies. It has opened up a new part of my life. It will seem so scary at first then it is going to get better. You are going to be glad you did. One day you will think back and wonder why you were so scared.

You look great and will be fine. In my group there are some you could not tell are really male, and some that there is no doubt. Most are in the middle. No one else "out there" will ever see anything to wonder about, you will just be another lady out and about doing her business.

[Lynn Marie]

You've got the determination, the clothes and makeup, and a place to go with friends. All you need now is the confidence to strut your stuff. That should come easily as you walk down the street with you heels clicking a happy song around your feet. Take charge girl, you own it. You'll never be the same. So happy for you.

[Emogene]

The comment about "forum myth" struck home.

Has anyone actually been physically assaulted or arrested while in girl mode?

I'm in my sixties and I've never, to my best recollection, heard or read about such a thing happening. I live in a relatively small town and you could count on it making the news here.

That is not to denegrate the terrifying experience of be being accosted by Joe Hick and his red neck crew but has anyone ever had events go worse than verbal harrassment? Just curious?

[Lady Panda]

Ms. Laura,
First I would like to say ..How wonderful it is that you are ready to venture forth into the unknown and to liberate yourself!!!!

My SO is a CDer and when someone that loves you, as obviously that your wife does, says that she is OK with your dressing says that it is OK that you dress and supports you.... she REALLY does.

If she were not OK with it she would come out and say so.

It is normal to feel terrified with the unknown...everyone feels that way when they decide to spread their wings and fly. Just know that all of us here are out there with you ...here to bee your cheerleaders!!! :cheer:

Take a big breath and let it go ...it will relax you .....you have 20 years experience dressing..plenty of time to get ready for this moment. you will do well.

Just imagine all of us here standing beside you giving youa big group hug...

Have fun in your new adventure ...Just remember to keep your wife in the loop...you don't have to tell her everything but just share what you feel comfortable telling her. She needs to have updates so she can continue to support you without her worrying that things are being hidden. She obviously has given you unconditional support and love.

Take care of you and good luck in your new endevor!!!!:hugs:

[Ms. Laura]

Wow! Thank you everyone. My fingers are shaking while I type, thinking of the words of encouragement. I'll get there. I have to. I have to know if it's "for me" or not, otherwise I'll go crazy wondering.

I'll report in for sure. And yes, it is me in the profile/avatar. No retouch, but you know, it's the top 1% stuff that get's posted. You'd know I was a guy from my shoulders if nothing else.

My little one has grown up enough that I can't get by with late night dressing while she's in bed and I was nearly caught a while ago. I posted about it. So, essentially I've been on shutdown for months and really need an outlet. After some heart to hearts with my wife, we felt this would be OK. She says if it weren't for her job, she wouldn't give a crap at all, just keep the shopping budget down. :)

Thanks again. I feel the group hug and I'll picture y'all walking along with me. That's going to make a lot of noise, so you'd better wear ballet flats.

[Eryn]

Laura, you will do fine. My first time was stressful although I was able to get ready at home. Still, I had to drive 60 miles over LA freeways to a place I didn't know well. The first person who saw me fully dressed was the parking valet and he gave me a tremendous boost simply by saying "Good evening ma'am, here's your ticket." i went into the restaurant, was directed to my group's table, and from that point on the stress disappeared and I had a great time!

It didn't take too many more outings before all the anxiety disappeared. Now we just go out and have fun!

[STACY B]

Once you do it ,,Yull come back an laugh about it later yull see ! Its not that big of a deal ,,People get to cared away Worrying ,,You will scare yourself to death .

[Amie Marie]

Laura, looking at your avatar you will have no issues at all. Go out there and have a blast and like everyone has said, we are right behind you.

:daydreaming: (wishing I was laura right now)

[Brynna M]

much admiration, (and a little envy) for your courage.

[Jorja]

Larua, you will do fine. Your hesitation is like the first day of school or your first ride on that new wild roller coaster. I am sure you will have a good time. Remember to stay with your group, don't flirt with too many guys, and have fun.:)

[Jodi Anne]

You will do fine, most people in the outside world do not pay attention or care. We are our own worst enemy in our own head on this subject. Dress to blend and use your pretty smile.

[Megan b]

Hey Mrs Laura, the first time I went out, it was the funnest and most scary thing I had ever done. I loved every moment of it and so will you. If your like me you have been preparing for this moment for years so enjoy yourself, each time after this will get a little easier. Have fun.

[Janie {3]

Loretta, You are absolutely gorgeous. Go for what makes you happy. Nothing better than a supporting wife.

[Leah Lynn]

You'll love it! I wish our group met weekly instead of monthly, I love it so much. Remember, each girl there had her own first time out, so they are there to support you.

Leah

[Camille15]

Best of luck Laura!!! I'll be thinking of you, and look forward to reading a positive and excitement-filled post soon!

Camille

[Jenniferathome]

It is always scarier in our heads than in reality. How often do you really notice anyone while driving? You don't. You;ll be meeting others EXACTLY like you. it'll be incredibly "normal" when you are actually out.

[Tracii G]

Piece of cake GF you will do just fine.

[AmyGaleRT]

Laura, I just got back from a similar meeting a few hours ago. It was the first one I'd been to, one of the first places that I've been anywhere as Amy, and a big step for me. If I can do it, you can do it. Go knock 'em dead. :)

- Amy

[Connie D50]

Laura

I hope you have the best time ever. It's going to be great. your going to love it.

Connie

[Beverley Sims]

If I get behind you with a pointy stick,would that help?
You have a blast, is all I can say.

[RonniCD]

Can't wait to hear all about it! You look beautiful and I agree with Stephanie - you have an accepting wife and have cleared the biggest hurdle. I know how HUGE that is, and mine is encouraging me to step out for the first time.

Have fun!

[barbaraclothes]

Once youre out in the public you will be saying to youreself what was i ever worried about, Have fun.

[flatlander_48]

Ugh, I should be excited, but I'm sure it's a first time thing after hiding for so long.

Well, there's a first time for EVERYTHING. Just try not to look SO good that it will make the rest look like farmers. That could make it a little tough...

[drushin703]

Well, wherever you go be careful and enjoy. You have 78.9 percent of this going out thing licked. You look good. So just relax and stay relaxed and if you feel
like you're getting a little tense, just do what I always do. Put some lipstick on. lol dana

[drushin703]

ps Laura: I just left Wamart about thirty minutes ago. Go there sometimes if you want to see what REAL women look like.....YIKES!
lol, dana

[Anacita]

I agree that it's hard, but YOU CAN DO IT! You go girl!!!!

[Ms. Laura]

I did it, I WENT, I WENT, I WENT!

I read every post of encouragement and kept you all in mind while I went back and forth ALL day on Sat. It was stressful as I had to change on site. Some of the previous plans fell through, so, I did speed makeup in the bathroom. :) Came out pretty good and I got good feedback from the girls.

I skipped going out with the gang to get home and talk to my wife some and I think that she appreciated that. Though, I did have an adorable coat and purse that went unused. :(

Another time. Whew, I feel SO good about having an outlet and some people to get to know. Ugh, hiding in the house for so long, all dressed up and no place to go, feeling alone, SUCKS in retrospect.

Thank you all so much, your words meant a lot. I couldn't report back that I had chickened out even though all morning I kept telling myself "I can't DO THIS!"

[Wildaboutheels]

Good for you Ms Laura! So have you made plans for your next outing yet? I'll bet your wife was really happy for you?

And did you happen to see even one person with a baseball bat or a pitch fork? Or hear any growls or snarls from anyone?

Hopefully your experience will inspire others with itchy feet to escape their closets IF that is something they want.

[AmyGaleRT]

Hooray Laura! I knew you could do it! :cheer:

Now, next time will be even easier! I know, for me, going to a group like that felt wonderful once I got there; I really felt like "just one of the girls"! I hope it helps you feel that way, too.

- Amy

[Angela Campbell]

I am so happy to hear that you did it! I just knew you would love it once you crossed that threshold. It wasn't as bad as you had feared huh?

[Camille15]

Hi Laura -

Good for you!! I'm sure it felt great, and you should be proud of yourself. Where did you go exactly? Was the meeting at someone's home? I'm curious to know what these things are like, so any details you feel like sharing would be appreciated.

I don't know if I'll ever be so brave, or my wife as supportive, for me to go out of the house like you did. But at least I can live vicariously through others like yourself, so thank you for sharing your story. :)

Camille

[Brynna M]

Whoo Hoo!!!!! :) Congrats.

[Amie Marie]

YAY!!!!!!! Way to go Laura, ok still a little jealous, but I am so happy for you.

[Kalista Jameson]

All right, Laura! Way 2 go, girl!

Kalista

[JocelynJames]

yay Laura! I still haven't ventured out and not sure I ever will. congrats, girl!

[Leah Lynn]

I am so happy for you, Laura!!! A couple more outings with the group and you'll be running everywhere on your own! Proud of you, girl!

Leah

[Ms. Laura]

No, it wasn't as bad as I had made it out to be. It was a very safe environment. The groups rents a fairly secluded spot for meetings, so once I made initial contact, you felt among friends. I also wasn't the only new girl and that helped too.

You know, 9 years ago, I thought about joining this group but my wife was a little iffy and I was less committed to the idea, and it passed. But, I finally got there.

Never say never!

It felt so good to feel pretty, even for one night.

[Maria 60]

If I looked like you I think I would have no problem, I hope you let us know how it went, and I am very excited for you.

[phlover]

Laura, as most girls here mentioned, you in your avatar and various photos look like a real GG, and so you don't have to worry about passing or mingling in the crowd. As Maria said, I would have no hesitation going out en femme if I look like you when I'm dressed, wear makeup and a wig. Be confident to be unnoticeable among other real GGs and act naturally. I wish you would take a lot of photos out and about and show us your big smile in them. Good luck, and enjoy your adventure en femme!