How do you respond to criticism from someone close?

[JaytoJillian]

When I get NON-constructive criticism regarding my femme presentation from someone close to me, the competitive DUDE in me rises to the occasion, whether it be working out harder and longer, getting new hair, a new outfit, learning new makeup techniques, etc.
Do you you take it up a notch or get discouraged when criticized by a friend, relative or SO?

[ArleneRaquel]

I usually get very, if not at least somewhat down. After I calm down I say, to myself, a bad word or two or more which in essence is, " I don't give a.........about what you think".

Jillian,
Thanks darlin for starting this, IMO< very important thread. HUGS !

[FelicityMay]

i like to give a happy and fun approach to the whole thing, so when someone gives criticism, i manage to laugh it off as if it is all a big joke. if you have a positive attitude and dont let it get to you, you shouldnt have to worry about what they say!

[ArleneRaquel]

Felicity,
You are right, but my initial reaction to almost anything critical of me is to feel heart. A year ago and likely more than that my next door male neighbor see me enfemme for
( likely) the first time, the next day I heard him call me "spiritual f*g". I was hurt, mainly because here I was just living my life, harming no one, and yet I'm somehow an terrible person, who knowning the attitude of this male, and deserving h*l*. Btw he has since mellowed towards me and is at least cordial in his encounters with me, in fact he said, last summer(?) that I looked good, I was dressed totally enfemme at the time.

He is not close to me but his slur, using a vulgar term still hurt me and yes I am gay and it took a late time being in denail, finally in the last year or so I have come to my senses and have admitted it. For years I believed and said to myself that I was only gay when dressed enfemme, and yes the urges get to a higher note when I'm CD'ing, but there are always there.

[I Am Paula]

We Canadians are always polite. I say 'I'll take that under advisement'. Then I blow my nose on their hamburger bun when they're in the washroom.-Celeste
Revenge is best served cold.

[ArleneRaquel]

Great post celeste. Lol ! HUGZ !

[Eryn]

If the "person close to me" happens to be my spouse I listen closely and carefully! She's usually caught something that I have missed and she has prevented me from making quite a few faux pas.

Case in point: I have a lined black lace dress that looks great on me. I wore it to a silent movie event, pairing it with black leggings and comfy boots and it was fabulous. We had a CD group dinner last evening so I thought I'd wear it again and bling it up a bit with sparkly tights. I was getting ready and Mimi walked in the door, looked at me, and said "Ummm, perhaps that dress is a bit too short...? I hadn't thought about it but I took a long look in the mirrors and decided that the outfit would have been good for clubbing, but not for dinner at an upscale restaurant. The tights were more sheer than the leggings I had worn previously so I looked like I was all legs! I swapped to a longer and fuller black dress with the same tights and looked much better for what we were doing.

Sometimes advice doesn't work out. I had a long chat with a GG who was somewhat of an expert on wigs. She advised me to try a shorter, curvier style, a lighter color, and a lace front. I found a wig that seemed to suit these and bought it. When it arrived I was anxious to give it a try so I put it on, adjusted it as best I could, and we went out to dinner with some friends. I was drawing a lot more looks than I had before and not in a good way. After I got home I took a more realistic view of the wig and realized that it looked a bit like a small curly dog with a dye job had taken up residence on my head! Short and curly does not work on me and the light color just was too obvious! That wig went back, but I kept the advice about the lace front and curvier style for its replacement which I love and which gets compliments!

Regardless of what someone said I would never follow tgirlceleste's suggestion. That sort of thing is disgusting.

[Tracii G]

Jill it depends on how it was presented, mean and hateful or as a fashion mistake trying to help you out.
It can be good and bad but you have to deal with it somehow.

[noeleena]

Hi,

As a female i dont have the facial features so dont try to dress in a way that will detract from my self as to how i look,

with in our Edwardian group ,i'v made my clothes to reflect how best to dress, simple plain & looks to suit my facial features, ,
So i dont wear or make feminine clothes because i know i would look so stupid out of place & id be mad to do it,

My friends in our group know this , so its not a issue, our women do all thier make sew & design, like i do ,
Now the difference is they can do the feminine frilly more female approch & thats how it should be .

One of our lady's she's lovely , dress's in some lovely clothes she has a pitite look so works well for her, I take a lot of pic's of her like our other members, of cause,

With our Renaissance group i have more scope yet still suits me very well. to me , its when i try to dress in a way that wont look right then i know it wont work so i have my own style in all my clothes that suits & looks right for myself,

As it is i do get lovely comments though i do do a few slip ups more of they are looking out for me so no its we help each other

...noeleena...

[JaytoJillian]

Jill it depends on how it was presented, mean and hateful or as a fashion mistake trying to help you out.
It can be good and bad but you have to deal with it somehow. Good point, Tracii--I was referring to NON-constructive criticism

[Tracii G]

Jill I have yet to get negative comments from people close to me so I can't help.
I think I would just blow it off and go about my business.
You are gorgeous and very good at presenting as a female can the person judging you present better than you do? I think not.

[Beverley Sims]

For criticism from those close to you, I tend not to get defensive, familiarity breeds contempt and those close are more familiar with the guy than the girl.
With others more distant you can take it all up a notch.