It was weird walking through the mall today

[PaulaQ]

I ended up separated for a few minutes from my wife while we were at the mall. I walked by the stores, looking at all the beautiful clothes. I've only really ever allowed myself furtive glances - but I took more time today. I was a little sad I couldn't buy anything for myself - I surely wanted to do that.

The hardest part was walking through the department store, looking for my wife in the shoe department. There were lots of pretty shoes, she didn't buy any though. I was kind of sad about that - I wasn't going to get anything, and I doubt they had my size, anyway. We walked through the women's wear and lingerie departments too - this was also really hard, as I saw lots of stuff I really liked.

We ended up shopping for shirts for me in the men's department. I've always hated this - but now, wow, I really hate it. It's a different world though - there were some rather attractive shirts in pink, purple, some paisley / floral type prints in the men's department. With different tailoring and 15 years ago, these would've been in the women's department. (Anyone else notice this? I never paid attention to those before - my male dress extremely conservative.) They were ~$180. I thought about buying one - they're kind of pretty. But I didn't, because I never buy stuff like that, and it would just defy all expectations everyone has of me if I showed up in something like that. I avoided things like that in the past, I guess, because subconciously I wanted to avoid even the slightest suggestion I was interested in feminine things.

I don't look at clothes the same way anymore - today's shopping really drove that home to me. I'm sure that sounds dumb. But I am changing - I guess that's what I found out.

I pushed back against this stuff so hard for so long. Now - it's like something in me broke - just snapped. I don't have too much fight in me any longer. There was always this part of me telling me "yeah, you aren't interested in that." "Not for you" "Move along" "Don't look at that too hard". That internal voice is just gone.

Anybody else ever experience anything like this?

[Diane Smith]

Now that I've lost almost all my nervousness about shopping for feminine apparel, what used to be a 10-minute dash through the mall looking for a specific item has turned into a leisurely stroll through all the stores that usually takes an hour or two to complete. It takes the same time whether I actually am buying anything that day, or not. This has opened up a whole new world of sight and touch that I was really oblivious to before.

It can't be a bad thing. Even if you couldn't buy anything today, consider it study time and reconnaisance for your next time in the mall.

A $180 shirt is too darn expensive no matter what color it is or which side of the aisle it's sold on. I would pass on those based on value for the money alone, no matter how nice they looked. If you work up the nerve to wear it, you can probably find something very similar in a cheaper store, or wait until they get to the clearance racks in a couple of months.

- Diane

[PaulaQ]

Now that I've lost almost all my nervousness about shopping for feminine apparel, what used to be a 10-minute dash through the mall looking for a specific item has turned into a leisurely stroll through all the stores that usually takes an hour or two to complete.

I'm much less nervous than I used to be. Were it not for my wife, I wouldn't care much at all.


A $180 shirt is too darn expensive no matter what color it is or which side of the aisle it's sold on. I would pass on those based on value for the money alone, no matter how nice they looked. If you work up the nerve to wear it, you can probably find something very similar in a cheaper store, or wait until they get to the clearance racks in a couple of months.

Yeah, I totally agree about the price. I thought it was a waste of money.

Mainly it was just surreal walking through the mall, looking at clothes, thinking "OMG, that's SO cute!" I've never let myself think like that before. (Now if I could only get rid of about 30-40% of my body weight, so that I could fit into some of the cuter stuff...) My attitude was just very different than it's ever been before. It was weird.

- Diane[/QUOTE]

[Beverley Sims]

As time goes by either in male or female mode I stop and look at womens fashions and finger the merchandise, (except lingerie in male mode) sometimes hold items out to look at it in male mode.
It may look weird to those watching, but presenting as a woman I touch everything dive among the lingerie and feel the bras. I am about to buy then.
I do very little male shopping these days. As a woman I feel just a little intimidated walking among the mens section.
If I see a sweater I will hold it in front of me to see how it looks.
So less weirdness as a woman in a mall these days.
Am I changing?
Changing what? is all I think these days.
I am still me.
That is an excuse too.

[Launa]

I used to fight all sorts of urges like this but not anymore..... Why hold back? I say step right into the womens section and start looking at what you want whenever you want. Thats what I do now

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Paula, I really love shopping for pretty things if I'm shopping for Mr.Drab
it's in and out in five minutes when shopping for Orchid there's never any rush .

[Wildaboutheels]

I've never been a shopaholic so no, never experienced what you describe although I might sometimes spend too much time fondling tools at the Homer or Lowes sometimes. If a tool doesn't have a good handle and good balance...

If mannequins and "nice lighting" and polished floors aren't part of the appeal of admiring women's clothing items for you, may I suggest any type of used clothing store? YES, you will need time. I would say a half hour at the very least, because all the sizes are a jumbled mishmash. [at least ibn the stores I have been to] BUT, for 20 bucks, you can likely pick up at LEAST 4 or 5 various items if not more, and likely to be few people at certain times of the day. If nothing else, an easy and convenient way way to figure out what brands may fit you, so you can buy new in a regular store or online.

To me it's a no brainer. My store washes everything before putting it out, except coats and jackets. The telltale sign of the detergent they use is unmistakable. You might be astonished at the prices/selection if it's a decent sized store. The only catch is the time needed plus all sales are final.

[Karren H]

I've had similar feelings shopping with my wife...... the latest one was really weird..... when I realized I had shopped enfemme in the same store we were in and had used the same ladies dressing enfemme that my wife was using.... lol.

[Lorileah]

I bought a dress a few months ago that had a price tag of 240$ on it. I paid $19.99. It was worth $19.99 except it had some "guy's" name in it. Anyone who buys clothes that are that expensive, has way more money than sense. A $240 dress for most people here is a weeks groceries :)

[MsRenee]

Along time ago yes I did have those feelngs when she didnt know about my dressing.
Im guessing your girl does know just by the way its worded.
The only way ai cqn see if getting iver that when your with your girl is to maybe open up to her about it. I dont onow your situation hun and Im not a therapist but just adding my 2 cents as I was there once myself.
I wish you luck on it girlfriend.
Renee

[Stevie]

Yep going though this too. I went to the mall out of town and had no interest in man clothes. Even when out with my wife I tend to express more interest in what she is looking at.

[linda allen]

I bought a dress a few months ago that had a price tag of 240$ on it. I paid $19.99. It was worth $19.99 except it had some "guy's" name in it. Anyone who buys clothes that are that expensive, has way more money than sense. A $240 dress for most people here is a weeks groceries :)

Yep. I shop the clearance racks at Kohls, JC Pennys, Belk, etc. Some stuff is marked down fro $80 to $8. It doesn't really matter though, if I like it and it seems a good value, I buy it. Nobody is going to see the label.

[PaulaQ]

Im guessing your girl does know just by the way its worded.
The only way ai cqn see if getting iver that when your with your girl is to maybe open up to her about it.
Renee

Thanks Renee, good to know others have felt this way. :)

No, my wife doesn't know yet. I need to understand this better before I talk to her. Right now, I don't have enough answers.

I can't imagine she'd ever shop with me, assuming she can accept this at all on some level.

BTW, I hope I end up with better taste in women's clothes than in men's. My male clothes are really boring, even for guy stuff. :)

[I Am Paula]

In another couple of weeks you'll be holding up dresses, standing in front of the mirror. Embrace it.

When the going gets tough, the tough go shopping.

[brandi.tgurl]

i hopped on the "metro" bandwagon early. many of my guy clothes are in bright colors and the less masculine cuts. now, there are new capri and bermuda style shorts showing up in the men's section... already augmenting my wardrobe with these.

[Angela Campbell]

I know the feeling Paula. It sounds like me a little. I have just got to the point where it is too hard to fight it anymore. For years I didn't like being male and just didn't care what I looked like. The clothes didn't matter at all and I was very heavy. Since I stopped fighting it I have lost over 100 lbs and even started looking better in male mode wearing better clothes than I ever did before. I still wouldn't pay that much for a shirt even if it was a ladies top that was beautiful. I can't even drive by a department store anymore without thinking about the wonderful stuff they may have inside.

[linda allen]

............. I can't imagine she'd ever shop with me, assuming she can accept this at all on some level.


My wife shops with me all the time now. It's one of our "together" activities.

The trick is, go shopping for the both of you. She gets what she wants and you get what you want. Ask her opinion on what would look best on you. Don't embarass her by trying stuff on in the store, bring it home and try it on in front of her. Take it back if it doesn't fit or look right on you.

[brandi.tgurl]

My wife shops with me all the time now. It's one of our "together" activities.

The trick is, go shopping for the both of you. She gets what she wants and you get what you want. Ask her opinion on what would look best on you. Don't embarass her by trying stuff on in the store, bring it home and try it on in front of her. Take it back if it doesn't fit or look right on you.

my SO and i did that when shopping. she even would get invited to an annual warehouse bargain run at the Limited's warehouse in the OC, and was thoughtful enough to grab a few items in my size.