If you could go back

[Jordan]

If I could go back to younger years what would you change if anything? I would have been out in the open since my early teens I hate at times that Jordan is house bound or that I have to hide who I am unless I get away from where I live I would love to be her all the time. Who knows maybe I would have transgendered by now if I was out when I was younger just thinking how different my life could be

[Jenni Yumiko]

I would change nothing. Any change could have a disastrous affect on my future (present). I may have not spawned the 3 kids that I have, I may not be in the career position I am today, I may have different friends, my lifelong friend may not be there and most importantly I may not have found my wife, my love, my BFF.

[olivia.tanner]

I think I would have dressed a lot more and come out too people about Olivia, who knows I would probably be well on my way to being Olivia full time.

[jessbcuzz]

I think things may have been different if I would have been able to come out earlier. I was caught once though, wearing my sister's majorette uniform. Mom and Dad were so ticked. I recall Dad to this day asking if I wanted to be a girl full time and if that was the case, he would make it happen. Of course he wasn't serious and I was so scared and ashamed of being caught that "NO" was the only thing that came out of my mouth. Yes, there are time I wish I could change over, but as Jennialy said, things would be so different. Namely, my girl friend is so supportive of me that I don't feel ashamed. It stinks being in a relationsship where one can can't be themeselves 100%. Crossdressing is a part of me and if I can't be accepted 100%, then how can I give 100% in a relationship?

[SashaJade]

I would have came out to my friends much sooner. I grew up in a small town and left for a bigger city, thinking it would be more opened minded and I would be able to dress and not be around family and friends that I grew up with. But one of my friends followed me and I wasn't able to dress the way I wanted to because he was around. So I spent the better part of 8 years hiding it, I moved away yet again thinking I will be able to dress. Things didnt work out so I moved back, since my plans had been crushed twice and I wasnt able to run away from my fear of the people I had around. I came back to grand rapids with it in my head that I was gonna come out. I was sick of hiding it, I am able to dress as much as I want at home but friends would stop by and I would have to change really quickly, and clean all my make up off my face and have it seem like i was in the shower when they came over, everytime. So I finally came out to my friends one by one last summer.

But the one friend of mine that followed me from back home was the biggest surprise, I talked with him and his only response was "I know". That caught me off guard, what do you mean you know. He had found out in highschool, from a ex-girlfriend that let me dress. At that point it hit me hard that I thought I was hiding something for so long and once I was finally to the point I was ready to let everyone know, it was already known.

[Angie G]

The only thing I think I would change is maybe coming out to my wife sooner.:hugs:
Angie

[Jordan]

Yes that is the one thing I wish I did also angie because I had to hide for so long it seems like I am trying to catch up for lost time and there is not enough time to do it. Glad to hear so many people saying 50 sets is normal thought I had a problem here

[kimdl93]

I don't want to quibble, but I'd like to suggest that you are quite likely transgendered and have been for a long long time...otherwise, you probably wouldn't have bee dressing as a teen or contemplating what might have been today.

But to the point of your OP I don't really regret not coming out as a teen, nor living largely in the closet for decades thereafter. I have had two great marriages, a great family wonderful kids and a reasonably productive and interesting life. What I regret is carrying around the inner baggage of self loathing or low self esteem stemming from my mistaken belief that what I do was wrong, bad, deviant and unacceptable. I was less successful as a marriage partner, as a parent, as a professional, and generally as a human being because of those mistaken beliefs. Ridding myself of them was more important to my life than being able, now, to go out openly, confidently and comfortably as a woman.

[Tracii G]

Knowing one could transition I would have done so.

[ArleneRaquel]

I would likely have lived it differently, but what was...was.....I can't complain and if I did what could I do about? "Mr. Peabody's Way Back Machine " doesn't exist.

[Erica Marie]

If I knew the opportunities that are available now back then I would do pretty much everything from my job choices to lifestyle choices over. I guess my path is rather set now and I seem destined to follow it.

[PaulaQ]

I would've dealt with my feelings about crossdressing / gender identity when I was sobering up, when I dealt with seemingly every other thing that had ever happened to me. Instead, I buried these feelings. In retrospect, it's amazing I stayed sober. What a stupid thing to do.

I'd say I wish I'd dealt with this when I was really young, late teenage / early 20's. But I know I wasn't in any kind of emotional state where that was even possible.

[docrobbysherry]

1. Would not let those bullies push me around in middle school. So what if they were bigger and stronger? I'd fite dirty this time around!

2. Be much more aggressive with the girls I liked. I didn't discover how important confidence is until I was in my 30's.

3. RE dressing? Well, since I started in my 50's I guess my answer is, "Nothing different", when I was young.

[noeleena]

Hi,

To go back , No. I would not be where i am now had i not gone through what i have yes things could have been different much different yet it was not to be,

We could look back & say ....the what if,....i have what i need a life thats so neat now the last 20 years have proved that,

Being born the way i was really was what has been the best for this kid, really what im saying is iv been able to grow into a woman & my background has allowed for that so had things been different , well i dont need to go down that road, because it was not mine to do,

You know im so happy as i am. we can hang on to those little details that drag us down till we cant get back up. i know they are there & yes they kick me in the rear from time to time so do i let them dictate my life & be miserbale for the rest of my life, no way forget it,i'v got to much to live for,

...noeleena...

[sometimes_miss]

Simple. Stay on my own instead of letting an older boy 'befriend' me and ultimately molest me, even though that may have meant growing up with zero friends. Changing my answers when I was four years old, and taking the chance that letting the doctor 'put me to sleep' didn't mean killing me, and get the surgery to have my face fixed. Telling the dentist that I wanted braces to fix my teeth, instead of being scared of having them and forever having a crooked smile. But hindsight is always 20/20 vision. In reality, I never had a chance.

[erickka]

I just wish that I had come to accept myself a few decades earlier. Other than that, I don't thing any change would have been to the positive as to where I am in life today. I have a great wife of 30 years, a great rural Tennessee mini farm, and enjoy life on " both sides of the track ".

[Jordan]

kimdl93 you are probable right in that I think I am transgender and that is why I wish I could go back and change my body style not that my life is bad. I just think that I would like to in a relationship as a woman to feel like they feel I think I would love it

[linda allen]

If I could go back to younger years what would you change if anything? .......

Yes. I would have invested every cent I had in Microsoft stock when it first came out! :D

Seriously, everything you've ever done is a part of what you are today. One day, years ago, I was glancing through the newspaper and saw a help wanted ad. It's not something that I usually did. I applied for the job and got it. A few years later, a co-worker asked me if I wanted to fill in one night in a band he played in. I said yes, they hired me, and I met my future wife.

I often think of how different my life would be without those two casual decisions.

[Jenny Gurl]

Simply knowing then what I know now would have changed a lot. Knowing that I was not the only person born this way, and that God was not going to strike me down for something I had no control over would have been nice. Understanding myself would have been the greatest gift from the get go, but we didn't have the internet in the 1970's and 1980's, so I grew up thinking that there was something wrong with me. Society was different then too, we could not just come out then like we could today without many fears coming true. Any psychologist back then would have likely told us we were broken and tried to fix us. I do wish I would have known then what I know now simply for my own peace of mind. I am very thankful we have come so far in society now, and the internet has really helped bridge the communication gaps. This web site has helped tremendously by being able to communicate with like minded people.

[Kate Simmons]

If I had transitioned when I was younger, I would now be a married woman with a family.:)

[Caroline-Grant]

I would've warned past me that I'd become what I am...I don't think it would help...but I could encourage him to get better at art. I really need to buckle down and refine my technique.

[Beverley Sims]

Being the geek that I am and early experimentation with computer boards I would have made the passing acquaintance with the two Steves a little more significant.
They seemed a bit radical and had an idea that if you made a plug in IC board for a computer you would get a lot of people interested.
They could then fix it themselves.
On the other side of the coin, if I had transitioned I may not be married now.
I am remembering two others from my past now.

[pink femme]

I would change nothing. Any change could have a disastrous affect on my future (present). I may have not spawned the 3 kids that I have, I may not be in the career position I am today, I may have different friends, my lifelong friend may not be there and most importantly I may not have found my wife, my love, my BFF.

That's a perfect reply for me aswell. All very hypothetical but I defo would have done things differently when I was younger if I wasn't married with kids now. But I am and I am so pleased and proud of my family

[DaniG]

If I'd have known I was TG, I would have transitioned younger.

[Cheryl T]

I would have come out in college while I had my hair nice and long. I probably would have stayed single and who knows where the path would have led, but I most certainly would have had fun.

[Deborah Kaye]

Yes, I would have come out as soon as I left home, transitioned and now be a woman. My drivers license would read Deborah Kaye with my womanly photo on it. Womanhood--what a beautiful ring that one word has to it.

[Jordan]

I love to here the answers here so many of the way I wish my life went

[Kelly Smith]

If I could go back to younger years what would you change if anything?


I would work far harder in school, lift weights methodically and make love to many more young women.

[Kalista Jameson]

*climbs in DeLorean, checks the flux capacitor and programs 'Sept 5, 1985' in the time circuit console*

Okay, I know that once I hit 88 miles per hour I am going to see some serious sh@t. Assuming I don't cause a tear in the space-time continuum or my pantyhose, I'll go back to that time and stock up on all things spandex, buy some L'eggs Sheer Energy pantyhose that came in the awesome silver colored plastic eggs, and go meet with myself and tell me it's cool, relax, be who you want to be.

Then I'd go to the dance club where every night was 80's night.

That would be hella fun. :)

~Kalista

[kristinacd55]

Unfortunately, I can't go back. If we want to bad enough, we can transition no matter how old we are. The question is, do you want it bad enough?

I have a friend in the meetup group I'm in who just sat down with her bosses at work and presented the letter she wrote to them about her new identity. Now THAT'S being who you want to be in the present moment! I really give her a lot of credit.

[allesha10]

Sasha, me too, I only wish I had come up with the strength to come out to my wife sooner. It is such a relief now that we talk about Allesha.

[Launa]

I would have done a shit load of different things.... I would still not have transitioned but there would have been a lot more public outings and living life more girly....

[AKKaren]

:daydreaming:If I had a way to go back, I would...I would have never got married at 17, joined the Marines and got the help I desperately needed at athe time!

[danielletorresani]

If I could go back, I would prevent myself from ever starting crossdressing. Honestly, it would have made my life much simpler.

[Jordan]

Do you really think you could of stopped yourself it is who we are and I think almost impossible to stop it

[JenniferLynn0370]

If I had known then what I know now...EZ...I'd be a woman, a wife, a mother, a career legal secretary just like my mom who I adored and idolized!

[flatlander_48]

Since the idea of crossdressing never occurred to me until this century (born almost halfway into the last), that might not have been any different. However, I do think it would have been more useful to me to have been more relaxed about my sexuality. I think I invested a lot of energy unnecessarily in a facade of maleness when the reality was something much more fluid. I enjoy the more traditional male things that I do and interests that I have (wood working, cars, motorsports), but there has always been a side of me that has a significant attachment to aesthetics. This surfaces as interests in architecture, furniture and interior design and clothing design.

Society as a whole tends not to appreciate those who are "other than" for whatever reason. What we find difficult to grasp is that, in reality, much of life is not gender specific. Women hold no particular exclusivity regarding an eye for color and fashion or the nurturing of children. Similarly, men have no particular exclusivity regarding dangerous work or scientific pursuits. Yet, how many people wonder about males who work in fashion or always look well turned out, but without the aid of wives or girlfriends? Or, how many people wonder about women who are police officers or physicists? Fortunately times have changed or are changing. But, during the time when I was in high school ('62 to '66) it was a very different world.

Within the gay community, people talk about being able to "bring your whole self to work". At the heart of this is all of the things that we do appear like anyone else. Granted, for bisexuals, the process is a bit different. Outwardly, we appear to be just regular folks, but the reality is that we have this extra dimension to our sensibilities. However, I would really be hesitant about mentioning this week's episode of RuPaul's Drag Race. Only with a very small subset that I would ever even think about broaching that topic.

Anyway, the point is that it feels like one has to maintain this separation in order to be accepted. And the thing is, you can't unring a bell. In some cases, if you out yourself, people may not react as you thought. Perhaps they won't be overtly negative and most are not, but there can be a slight shift in the relationship or you're viewed slightly differently. I suspect that had I dealt with My Stuff in those days, life would have been quite different. If you're in better control of Your Stuff, external reactions have much less impact. It's only through insecurity that we allow ourselves to be knocked off course.

So, if I had dealt with My Stuff earlier, how would things have been different? In an odd way, as they are, I think many things have worked out better than I would have thought. However, it took me a long time to feel relatively comfortable with myself and that just shouldn't be. We all should feel comfortable in our own skin and with how we live our lives. But the degree to which your reality doesn't match how you are inside is always a cause for concern.

[Jorja]

There is not much I would change. Maybe getting my parents to help me transition sooner. I transitioned at 22 and life has been a ball since. ;)

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Jordan, I have a pretty great life I don't think that I would change anything.

[Rachel Morley]

If I could go back I would go back to my late teens and I would tell myself not to get all torn up about the three major romantic heartbreaks that are coming my way in the coming 10 years, as in my future I'm going to meet a woman who will change my life forever and things will be better than I can ever imagine in love, marriage and crossdressing!

[Samantha_Smile]

The only thing I wish I could change would be finding this place earlier.
So in that sense, I wish the internet and computer hardware had been 15 years more advanced and affordable when I was born.

I would have found courage to tell my parents (who I was living with) and would probably have dressed more.
Ho hum.

[Geena75]

Either tried to stop it early, or encouraged it -- gave my 15 yr old self a pair of shoes, slip wig and makeup -- then saved that little purple dress. At least, never grew a beard.

[Raychel]

Sure I would have cahanged alot of stuff, It may not have made my life any better.
I certainly would have let the world now that I like to dress up alot sooner.

That may have caused alot of issues in my younger day.
Probably best that it worked out the way it did.

[Bethany_Anne_Fae]

Oh, considering that I learned everything about my past this last year... it has changed how I think of the past massively. Knowing what I know now... I would definitely be a legal woman, living as a woman 100%.

[Anacita]

I would like to think that I would have started dressing 20 years earlier. I've alienated friends by not being open about my gender state/sexuality, and I could have prevented that by being out ages ago. Not to mention I would have looked much more feminine at the time. C'est la vie! I cannot go back in time, so I will make the best of the present and future.

[Dena]

When I was 23, I had a girl friend offer to dress me as a woman for Halloween. I've wished I did ever since!

[MsMargaret]

I would have done what I should have, at age 21, when I was undergoing therapy. I had major surgery, and was very depressed afterwards. I wanted to come out to myself as trans, and I did, but it stopped there. I should have gotten a job, moved out and become the woman I should have been. Problem was that it took me another 9 years to find out that I could assert myself like I was supposed to. To this day, it's my biggest regret and I feel like a failure. I've sabotaged myself so many times I've lost count. Fear of rejection has stopped me every time.

[FelicityMay]

If i could go back 2 weeks, to when i first admitted that this was a part of me, i would probably have kept it more closeted.
I started to realize that even though you may feel happy with this, and want to express it to everyone, most people are not very fond of it.
Keeping it away from other people can make it a more personal and meaningful thing, although I really wish i could just be open about it completely.

[kymmieLorain]

I would go back in a heartbeat. I would start earlier and shave ealier. Maybe go full time Don't really know.

Kymmie

[Mollyanne]

If I could go back to my "middle twenties" one thing that would change would be my MACHO MALE ATTITUDE!!!!! I would be more compassionate, more considerate, more understanding of different lifestyles. I have been trying to figure out as to why I say things that I have to explain to others. I have been asked as to why I wear female clothing; (IT'S BECAUSE I LIKE TO!!!!!, IT'S BECAUSE I HAVE AN ALTER EGO!!!!, IT'S BECAUSE IT MAKES ME FEEL BETTER!!!!!) If I had known, really known about this thing called cd'in' and or transitioning I may have gone the "nine yards".

Molly

[Krististeph]

I want to agree with Jennialy- changes might affect the good parts of my life- but if changes were necessary- probably find a mor TG supportive community sooner, go to school sooner, and transition sooner.

[Sarah Doepner]

If I'd known I was going to live this long I would have taken better care of myself, exercised more and invested better.

[Aubrey Green]

If I could go back.......oh that's an easy one, but probably at the time, near impossible....I would have told my mom at age 8, that I was born the wrong sex and that I need to change it, but 1965 would have made me quite the freak, but would have accomplished, what I have know for the last 48 years and have had the internal struggle with ever since.