I tell my wife about my weekend

[Lori_Lynn]

My wife returned home Monday from her trip.
After work I sat and listened intently as she told me about her trip.
Then it was my turn, I needed to explain why I was shaved hairless before
she saw it.
I started by, honey, you know I love you very much, she replied, I love you to.
Well you know how I told you that I was dressing up? Yes.
Well I took it one step farther, look at my eyebrows,
What did you do? I had them waxed and shaped, don't they look nice? They do.
The hair on your arms waxed to? No, I just used the clippers on them.
But I did shave my chest. Oh my gosh.
That's not all, it's not? No.
I told about the eyebrow waxing, the makeup at Macy's ( Thanks for the tip ladies) , trying on and getting the wig, (Where do they sell wigs?) I told her.
The shopping for a new outfit, ( So that's why you wasn't on the internet?) she asks. Yes!
Oh and one more thing, I went out to a gay friendly bar and had a wonderful time.
She didn't say much. I did tell her all that happened there and how much fun it was.
I asked to dress while she was home or just while she was away, She didn't really say yes or no.
Just don't come out all made up, it will freak me out.
I tried to explain that I just wanted to wear a dress now and then on the weekend, but I guess it didn't sink in.
I probably overloaded her.
I told her that I would like to try it again and she started to freak, not this next weekend? she asked. No, just sometime down the rode and you could come to if you like? She didn't say.
I told her that she could see me because I took a couple of photos and that they were on the computer, she didn't seem to interested, only how I took the photos, she had the camera, on my web cam.
I also mentioned reading this site, no comment.
We did cuddle when we went to bed, and she was still hugging me when I woke up.
She never mentioned anything about it today.
So I guess it's a waiting game now, the ball is in her court now so to speak.
I'll keep you posted.
Thanks for all the support.

[Lorileah]

Hope it works out. I think you may have overloaded the circuits

[Caroline-Grant]

Woah too much way too soon. I'm not exactly a relationship doctor but maybe take it one step at a time. It's sort of like working on a house you slowly build a foundation, then youput up the frame, after the frames done you work on the roofing and the walls, and then you furnish and paint the home. You just did the equivalent of pushing a button and having a house spring up on an empty lot with only a weeks notice for the neighbors.Just to make sure when you said you had fun at a friendly gay bar you just meant dancing right? Telling your wife you're cheating on her is up there with forgot your anniversary and her birthday a couple days later. For now I'd say back off and see how she's handling it. Don't mention it until she does at the very least.

[PaulaQ]

Good luck Lori. Did you consider how this might make her feel first? I would guess she is scared about what is happening with you, and has a lot of questions. She is probably in shock and denial right now. This will likely change. pain and guilt should be next, followed by anger and bargaining. There's more after that - but anger and bargaining can last a good long while.

I'm sure this was a big shock for her. It was good you didn't come out fully dressed. Keep in mind you've had some time to adjust to this - she really hasn't.

Also keep in mind that as wonderful as the pink fog feels - some of the stuff you feel while there aren't quite real, or are at least distorted a little. Your feeling great about dressing, for example, won't neccessarily convey to her feeling great about it.

Hope it works out for you both.

[Leslie Langford]

Looks like a delayed reaction on your wife's part, Lori.

You'll know better how she feels about all this the moment it sinks in and she hauls out and clobbers you with a frying pan...;)

[Fran Moore]

tick.......tick........tick.........tick........I' ve got my fingers crossed for you Lori...

[Chickhe]

You might want to tell her you think you went too far... she's probably really worried about how far you plan to go. I remember one of the very first times I dressed up with my wife, I told her the next day when we went shopping that I was looking at shoes and thinking about how nice they would look on my feet...that went over like a brick in water....she's a little more accepting now decades later.

[ReineD]

We did cuddle when we went to bed, and she was still hugging me when I woke up.
She never mentioned anything about it today.
So I guess it's a waiting game now, the ball is in her court now so to speak.


I'm guessing that if you don't bring anything up again, she'll heave a sigh of relief and put your conversation down to a passing phase.

You need to TELL her what you get out of this, how far you wish to go, how often you dream of doing this, how you define gender, and if you think your definition is different than hers. She will probably wonder if she is losing her husband, or her definition of her husband. She will likely also wonder if you are attracted to men and if you want to be a woman.

Good luck!

[princesshart]

Lori
I hope this works out for you.
But as a gg I think it was too much for her to process at once.
I could be wrong. But most of us are scared in the beginning.

[mikiSJ]

I probably overloaded her.

Really, I couldn't have guessed!

[Ellanore G.G.]

Pandoras Box springs to mind.
That would be way too much for me to take in.
Id say she is hoping that it was just a day of madness on your part.
I explain to my H, that his fantasy's are HIS, not mine.
Whats makes him giddy and happy, sometimes has the opposite effect on me.
The biggest impact c/d had on me was,
If this makes you so happy, where do I fit in.???
good luck, and take it slower......much much slower

[Jenni Yumiko]

Wow that was a bit overload. The gay bar was definately not a smart move as one of the main questions spouses ask are...
Well it's out now, I think you Ned to take things in smaller chunks letting her process each piece, as opposed to that big avalanche. I'm not sure how to damage control this, but wish you luck! Jenniferathome, reneed will prolly be the best to help in this situation.

[Dana3]

I'm guessing that if you don't bring anything up again, she'll heave a sigh of relief and put your conversation down to a passing phase.

You need to TELL her what you get out of this, how far you wish to go, how often you dream of doing this, how you define gender, and if you think your definition is different than hers. She will probably wonder if she is losing her husband, or her definition of her husband. She will likely also wonder if you are attracted to men and if you want to be a woman.

Good luck!

Spot on! Life is just to freaking short!

[Diversity]

Whoa, whoa, whoa! I'd like to suggest that you pull in the reigns and give your wife a chance to digest all that you have thrown at her. Yes, you are excited about what you are doing, but in fairness, it is a lot to dump on your wife all at once. Think about her needs and give her time. You were right to be honest and open with her, but feed her through a funnel, not a culvert. Time is your best friend, I'd say. Good luck!
Di

[Lisa Gerrie]

Tell her you were on drugs. Start over.

[Lori_Lynn]

Thank you for your input ladies,, it confirms my fear that I overloaded her.
It was like a dam bursting, once I got started, I just could not stop myself and I am sure she feels that way as well.
I hope it doesn't flood us to bad and wash away our marriage, I thought a little time might help dry things out.
So I was going to try and wait for her to mention it, showing she is ready to converse about it.
The worst thing I think I could do now is bug her about it.
She is still kissing, hugging and telling me that she loves me, that's a good sign.

[allesha10]

Wow Lori, good for you,I am so jealous of your strength.

[traci_k]

What can I add? Yes probably overload. Hope it all works out for the best. At least she didn't break down immediately and you didn't get the frying pan to the head.
Hugs

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Lori, She's probably still in shock.

[NurseSamGG]

Lori_Lynn
I definitely think it may have been too much information way to fast. But now that its all out on the table you need to keep the lines of communication open....so I hate to say it but the ball is still very much in your court not hers. She most likely has many questions and concerns about this new found news. Maybe you could sit down and talk again and say something such as" I know the other day I gave you a lot of information and I didn't mean to overload you. However I was just so excited to share with you I didnt stop and think about how all of this too fast would impact you and I do apologize for my ernst. But since you have had a few days to process the information do you have any questions for me?" She may or may not be ready to discuss it but it shows her you are open and ready to talk whenever she is. If she isn't ready to discuss it at this point let it rest and bring it up again in a week or so...if she doesn't bring it up first this shows her that this hobby of yours is very real and not something that's just a passing phase if she ignores it.
Best of Luck,
Sam

[Tammy Nowakowski]

way to much to start i have to agree with everyone to much to soon
baby steps not giant ones

[Stephanie47]

From the description of your weekend I'd say you took it more than one step further. You went from telling her you like to wear women's clothing to going out en femme to a gay bar, waxed your eyebrows, shaved your body, and you want to hang out around the house en femme. What is there to discuss? Basically, you hung it out there to dry, test the waters, whatever you want to call it. I would not necessarily think the hugging is conferring any sort of acceptance. I suspect she has been overloaded and really does not know how to handle the one sided approach to a radical change in the marriage.

[Beverley Sims]

Lori,
After that revelation I would wait until I was asked before revealing more.
Quite honestly,curb your enthusiasm and let her ask questions and do not embellish the answers.
Keep them plain an simple until you can see what kind of acceptance you have.
I hope not, but you could find yourself home alone tomorrow.

THE BALL IS NOT IN HER COURT.........

IT IS IN YOURS

Well and truly.

[Momarie]

"I probably overloaded her."

Sweet Jesus...ya think?

[mikiSJ]

I think Michael put it best:

Tell her you were on drugs. Start over.

[Brynna M]

Just as a thought.... you don't want to overload someone but you don't want them thinking you wee lying by omission. So what is worse over loading or deliberately ommiting?

[Tara D. Rose]

Great point Wbradm, A lot of us have felt that when we are going to tell our wives that we should tell everything and not hold back anything. It seems in this case that it is of the majority of posters here say that the cd overloaded her wife? okay, but we also read on here many times about taking baby steps, like a little here and a little more later. Some may call the op here one that has overloaded his/her wife, but to me, it is very necessary to tell everything so that the couple can deal with and work with, everything on the table. If the cd had ONLY said that he/she wore a dress while her wife was gone, then there would be criticism that he/she held back and therefore be called deceitful. So here, everything was told, so now, he/she is told she did wrong by overloading his wife. This thread is another perfect example of danged if you do and danged if you don't. If the op had said, that his house is yellow, the sky is blue, his car is green, and has two cats in the yard, some would still say how wrong he/she is. I guess it just comes natural for people.
peace and love,
Tara

[kimdl93]

well, at least she knew you liked to CD before she left. I hope she doesn't suffer too much from the information overload, but that's horse is out of the barn. Please take it slow and patiently. Be prepared to let her vent a bit and if an argument looms, ask her politely if the conversation can be postponed until everyone has had a chance to cool off a little. There will be more conversations, but I'd let them occur when she is ready to discuss.

[dana 1]

Dam pink fog again

[Lori_Lynn]

She found my makeup last night.
Do you know how expensive that is? I know expensive when I see it! Yes, I do know, 50 dollars.
50 dollars! Do know how much mine cost? 20 dollars.
I felt the I should buy something since the lady spent the time, effort and makeup on making me up.
No comment.

[Jennifer Marie P.]

You really laid it out to her.

[Jenni Yumiko]

She found my makeup last night.
Do you know how expensive that is? I know expensive when I see it! Yes, I do know, 50 dollars.
50 dollars! Do know how much mine cost? 20 dollars.
I felt the I should buy something since the lady spent the time, effort and makeup on making me up.
No comment.
Well you can't take anything back now, I would really focus on Damage Control! All these things coming out with minimal thought of placement, wording, reactions would seem to paint a really bad picture in anyone's mind. You need to step back, think about how to re-present this information in a better light, with more explanation, with more emotion to how you are feeling and more sympathy to your wife. This sounds like the same way you would explain this to someone off the street, not your wife.

[Stevie]

Got to complement you. Putting it all on the line. That's what I felt like doing. Laying it all out but I know my wife well enough to know that I pushed the envelope too far. I couldn't tell her that way. Sounds like she loves you.. she is definitely sorting it out in her mind now. Only time will tell now.. I hope everything works out in the end.

[Allsteamedup]

When your wife left on her trip she had a husband, a lover.

When she came back she had a cross-dresser, who will look like something else, even when not 'dressed' owing to the modifications.

Trust is the biggest casualty here.

You have left her no room for an opinion on any of this, just take it or leave it. You really think that makes you part of a relationship? No sex unless she agrees to another 'woman' in the bedroom? And when did you last spend $50 on her?

Your wife has the message loud and clear. She doesn't matter. Your female self does. And those jobs she thought you might do while she was away....you spent a whole weekend on yourself...

And if she had gone to a gay bar without you, you would have said....?

Sorry, and working your butt off, won't cure this. Maybe she'll take a fancy to a friend of yours? or come down with depression? or just run away?

What leeway have you left her to make a choice about anything? She can't even talk it over with a friend, not without 'outing' you.

My suggestion is diamonds. Flowers won't cover this.

[DaniG]

Trust is the biggest casualty here.

Amen. There's going to no hope of this:


Tell her you were on drugs. Start over.

The cat's out of the bag. You need to work through it now. Basically this:


I'm guessing that if you don't bring anything up again, she'll heave a sigh of relief and put your conversation down to a passing phase.

You need to TELL her what you get out of this, how far you wish to go, how often you dream of doing this, how you define gender, and if you think your definition is different than hers. She will probably wonder if she is losing her husband, or her definition of her husband. She will likely also wonder if you are attracted to men and if you want to be a woman.

You've dumped a huge negative on her. You don't mention it in your post, but I hope you reassured her of the positive as well, ie you still love her dearly. You want to spend the rest of your life with her. You want to do what it takes to make her happy. You're willing to fight to find a solution that works for her. Marriage does not work well as an ultimatum. Marriage is a partnership. Start partnering.

I'd get both of you to counseling if I were you.

Good luck!

[Lori_Lynn]

Thank you for the advice and input.
I think that I will keep my mouth shut, take the reins and work through it with her.
I will trouble you nice people no more.

[Jenni Yumiko]

I think it's good that you did, despite the sarcastic answers with no resolution, you just need to reevaluate how you present and re-present this to your wife

[Silentpartner GG SO]

When your wife left on her trip she had a husband, a lover.

When she came back she had a cross-dresser, who will look like something else, even when not 'dressed' owing to the modifications.

Trust is the biggest casualty here.

You have left her no room for an opinion on any of this, just take it or leave it. You really think that makes you part of a relationship? No sex unless she agrees to another 'woman' in the bedroom? And when did you last spend $50 on her?

Your wife has the message loud and clear. She doesn't matter. Your female self does. And those jobs she thought you might do while she was away....you spent a whole weekend on yourself...

And if she had gone to a gay bar without you, you would have said....?

Sorry, and working your butt off, won't cure this. Maybe she'll take a fancy to a friend of yours? or come down with depression? or just run away?

What leeway have you left her to make a choice about anything? She can't even talk it over with a friend, not without 'outing' you.

My suggestion is diamonds. Flowers won't cover this.

I think this just about sums it up nicely.

[pink.switch.love]

You did the right thing by telling her everything and by being yourself.

[DonniDarkness]

ok, lori lynn....So im sure at this point you realize that being impulsive about coming out to your wife was not a great idea. Things could have been handled much differently, but hindsight is always 20/20.

Now, you have a time bomb in your hands, but there is something you can do about it.

Start over with her and the conversation. Tell her that your sorry for the way you just threw it all on her lap. Start over about WHY you are doing this..."not that you just did it".

Not including her in something this important about your lives together is what is going to drive a wedge into your relationship. She needs to be able to understand your feelings on WHY you are crossdressing, going out and coming out. Just throwing it at her and hoping she will deal with it is not fair to her or you. She needs to understand WHY, its something that all accepting wives have in common, They seek to know WHY we do what we do as CD'ing men. Armed with that knowledge the have a better understanding of why we do things like wax, shave and go out. You have been honest about what you did, but now its time to honest about why.....

Although being honest with her is the only thing you really have going on for you, you have to be ready for her to be honest with you. She is going to be angry and hurt for dropping a bomb on her life. She needs to understand where your going with this, so that way she can have some input as well. Basically, what im trying to say is explaining where and what your "endgame" for crossdressing is, helps to ease our spouses confusion and questions.

Set up some boundaries. You two need to come to a common ground on where this will fit into your lives together. The only way to get there is by being compassionate about each others wishes and communicating with each other. CDing doesnt have to be something that is taking time away from your normal everyday life, it can be something that adds to a wonderful relationship.

Above all else, Communicate. Stay positive.


A married CD,
-Donni-

[Lori_Lynn]

A quick up date, she finally asked me a few questions, trying to understand. I think things are going to work out but will take time.
I hope my answers helped her to understand, she seems a little more at ease now. We still need to work out the boundaries.

[Donna Joanne]

My wife returned home Monday from her trip.

Oh and one more thing, I went out to a gay friendly bar and had a wonderful time.
She didn't say much. I did tell her all that happened there and how much fun it was.

I probably overloaded her.

She never mentioned anything about it today.

Thanks for all the support.

My best guess it that you did probably go a little too far. She left a husband at home, and you're trying to give her a girlfriend now with no warning. I'm praying for you, her, and your continued journey as you fully realize who you are, and what kind of relationship you and your wife will have going forward. Luv ya girl!