Should Your Body Make a Difference?

[Anne2345]

I have the unmistakable body of a man, and it is driving me insane.

The thing is, though, as far as dude bodies go, I could do much worse.

Just looking around my community, for instance, there are a lot of funky freaky weird looking dudes, many of who clearly do not take care of themselves.

My body, on the other hand, is big, tall, muscular, and athletic. I am in good shape, I am reasonably good-looking, and I am healthy. I have done much with my body throughout my life, and things that I have very much enjoyed doing.

Still, my body is wrong.

But so what that I have the wrong body??! What difference does it really make?

Why should it even matter what body I have?

I mean, I am fortunate to be healthy. I am fortunate to have all of my limbs. I am fortunate that I am not wasting away in starvation or being beaten to death in some poor third-world country.

Compared to many throughout the world, I have a very good life.

Things could be soooo much worse. Rationally, I recognize this, and how fortunate and lucky I truly am.

Even more fortunate, though, is that I am alive, and have the opportunity to experience living. Also, I have a loving family. I am a proud parent. I do things, and can do things. The list goes on and on.

I am also fortunate to know who I am. I mean really know who I am, and in a way most people cannot even begin to comprehend or fathom. Because most people, at least from my observations, simply exist on auto-pilot, and give themselves little if any true substantive thought whatsoever. Who they are just doesn’t seem to really matter to them.

So, in the face of all of the positive, and given how much worse it could be, why does it matter to me?

I am lucky, right?

I am fortunate, right?

So why don’t I feel either fortunate or lucky?

Why do I feel like I would rather just die at times than continue on??!

I have much to live for. There is much I love, and much I want to experience.

I know who I am. I know what I am. Sure, my life is not perfect, but who lives a perfect life, other than no one?

So why can’t I get over myself??! Why do I keep torturing myself??! Why do I hate my body and how the world views me??! The world can go **** itself, for all I care, right??! Why should I care what the world thinks about me, or how it even sees me??! I shouldn't, right?

Yet, all of these things matter a great deal to me. And they matter in such a way that is going to drive me absolutely ****ing insane if I do not get myself under control and work out a deal with life.

But should any of this really matter?

We all are alive. We all are living. We at least have that going for us.

There is a whole world of opportunity and wonders to experience for all. In the grand scheme of things, it shouldn’t really matter whether I experience it with a dude body or a chick body, right?

Living is living is living, which is more than not-existing can say.

Then how come it doesn’t feel that way?

How come I feel like I wish I had never been born?

How come I sometimes feel like I want to rage at the world and smash every ****ing thing around me into little tiny pieces out of anger, frustration, despair, and pain??!

Why can't I wrap my hands around this, own it, and make it work?

It just doesn't make any sense at all.

Absolutely none.

So **** me.

Just plain **** me and my stupid body.

[kellycan27]

Quite simply......... probably because even with all of those fine attributes.... It just isn't you? Mind and body just don't match.

[GabbiSophia]

Anne I get what your saying and I agree

[Ann Louise]

I was in session with my counselor, voicing much the same concerns as you've put in your OP. And she really set me back in the chair with the observation:

"Remember, ______ (insert male name) worked very hard to keep you safe and well over all those years. He's sheltered you deep inside and protected you his whole life, carefully constructing a reality around you that's kept you both alive. Even though his days are coming to an end, it's difficult for him to relinquish control. Understand that, and cherish and love him while he's still here, because he won't be as nearby as he is now for much longer."

I couldn't speak through the tears for several minutes thereafter.

[kellycan27]

I certainly don't " cherish " him.. How does one cherish something that previous caused them so much anguish? Just the opposite for me. .... Just saying.

[PaulaQ]

I have the unmistakable body of a man, and it is driving me insane.

The thing is, though, as far as dude bodies go, I could do much worse.

Just looking around my community, for instance, there are a lot of funky freaky weird looking dudes, many of who clearly do not take care of themselves.

My body, on the other hand, is big, tall, muscular, and athletic. I am in good shape, I am reasonably good-looking, and I am healthy. I have done much with my body throughout my life, and things that I have very much enjoyed doing.

Still, my body is wrong.

But so what that I have the wrong body??! What difference does it really make?

Why should it even matter what body I have?



Because it does matter. How you feel about yourself and see yourself matters. I really don't know whether or not I belong on this forum or not. (I think the consensus is "not"). But I can tell you that I understand how you feel in a lot of ways. I have always been uncomfortable with my body. I don't think of my body as being "me". I've always been handicapped, and I have lived for my entire life with pretty considerable physical pain pretty much every day. (You get used to it - it's not like I'm writhing on the ground all the time!) If I could change it somehow, I would, in a heartbeat.

Hating your form - and make no mistake about it - I hate mine with a passion and always have, is just a horrible feeling. In my case I'm demonstrably broken. People tell me all the time "oh, that stuff just doesn't matter." Those people are well meaning, but they are full of shit. I think you probably feel the same way.


There is a whole world of opportunity and wonders to experience for all. In the grand scheme of things, it shouldn’t really matter whether I experience it with a dude body or a chick body, right?

Yeah, it matters. There is no worse feeling than NOT being able to do something you want to do. I'd like to ride a bicycle, for example. However, it is vanishingly improbable that I'll ever be able to do this. It's a silly thing, and it's not the end of the world by any means, but you know what? It bothers me. Quite a lot sometimes.

Being something you aren't is really hard. Being seen by society as something you don't feel like you are is really hard.

Anyway, I hope you find solace and a solution. And for what it is worth (and perhaps it is not worth anything), you have my deepest sympathy for your feelings. I think they are perfectly valid, and I am genuinely sorry you feel as you do.

[LeaP]

Behind the questioning in your OP is the western thinking that the mind not only comes first, it IS us. As if we could live independently of our bodies or our bodies were vessels only. The Christian religious basis of our culture has much to do with this and, in turn, even older roots in Greek thinking. The reality is that our bodies and minds not only influence one another, but are part and parcel of one another.

The mix of culture and physiology produces an odd mix of attitudes - and confusion in us. It's easy to understand how one can think their body should not matter, but feel that it does. But we give primacy to the former. Isn't this one of our stumbling blocks?

It seems that in anger and frustration at what we don't have - at what we are not - is a plain recognition of who we are. In this are the seeds of frustration's end.

[Angela Campbell]

I felt the same way, I decided to do something about it. I am not there yet but I have changed my body a great deal. No not with Hormones either. I still look like a guy when I have to but I am starting to look more and more like a girl. It is not the perfect solution but at the moment it is the best I can do. It may be I am just genetically lucky but there are steps you can take.

[Ann Louise]

I certainly don't " cherish " him.. How does one cherish something that previous caused them so much anguish? Just the opposite for me. .... Just saying.

Oh my, I'm just so weepy about everything these days! I can't give you logic Kelly.

[kellycan27]

Oh my, I'm just so weepy about everything these days! I can't give you logic Kelly.


Just expressing my POV.... He better hope we never meet up in a dark alley :heehee:

[Badtranny]

Those people are well meaning, but they are full of shit.

Yep you are definitely one of my people. ;-)

[melissaK]

Anne sweetie, I think you might be using the wrong fragrance, Calvin Klein Obsession for men?? I used it myself for decades! Might be time to change.

You should probably skip "Obsession" for women too.

Maybe try something else, maybe Guess' "Girl"??

Silliness aside, I get the "woman from this body? No way" fear.
But like Viper said to Mavrick, "You gotta let "him" go."

Maybe that's still too "pop" culture to be taken seriously.

Maybe try: http://www.tinybuddha.com/blog/let-go-fear-by-stopping-the-stories-in-your-head/

Or maybe not. Either way hugs sweetie.

[suzy1]

There is an important lesson that we have to learn in this life. Be thankful for what we have got.
There are children starving to death, there are people being blown to bits by b****y suicide bombers, there are young people robed of life by cancer. I could go on.

Sorry Anne but this is life. And don’t think I have had an easy ride because I have not.

My old mum used to say “count your blessings” A wise woman my old mum.

[KellyJameson]

There are very few woman who do not have or did not have a negative relationship with their body. It is extremely difficult for women to not be poisoned by the superficial values of a materialistic culture.

The values of the youth culture turn people against themselves. In this culture you are nobody unless you are somebody and that somebody must be beautiful when you are a woman.

You do not only carry the same burden of the poisonous affects of this culture but live with a mental image born from your identity as the expression of your physical brain that is repelled by the body as "foreign" to self.

We are not only punished by the culture but by the circumstances of our birth that results in gender dysphoria.

I have a post-op friend who is on her third breast "enhancement" because she still does not see herself as "womanly enough" and I know several cis-gendered women who are addicted to plastic surgery.

We live in an extremely sick culture that adds to our own pain.

Do not allow your pain to be confused by the affects of this sick culture.

The culture demands beauty and we demand perfection. This will only lead to even more misery with possible anorexia,bulimia or other body dysmorphic issues.

Attaining perfection is impossible for anybody because there will always be something found that is not good enough so "imperfect"

You have an "ideal" image that you probably see in other woman but you turn a blind eye to those woman who do not fit this ideal but there are many woman taller than six foot who wear size 11 or 12 shoes. Google "famous woman with big feet" and you will see.

See the "whole world" of woman not the ones you only see as "perfect"

I have a cis-woman friend who is extremely self conscious because she is 6'2" and wears a size 12 shoe but she is beautifully proportioned but feels like a freak and when she walks you can see she tries to appear smaller.

She never wears feminine clothing because she fears drawing attention to herself yet she is very beautiful but thinks she is ugly because she does not fit into the socially acceptable "norms"

You are going to lose muscle mass on HRT, your skin will soften along with fat redistribution and thinning of body hair.

Look at the videos of time lapse transitions over two years to see how powerful hormones are.

The only thing you are lacking in, to become on the outside what you are on the inside is "patience"

You must remind yourself this is a process measured in "years" and "years" is barely enough time to be ready.

You will need voice lessons and possibly vocal cord surgery. This alone will be a huge investment in time.

Passing as a woman goes far beyond what the face or body looks like.

You will have to learn the "politics of being a woman" and these politics make the Israeli-Arab conflict appear like childs play. To be a woman is to be a political animal but in a very soft hidden way that never stops.

This is evolutionary survival for a woman and woven into the fabric of her existence.

Men go through life living in a fog of their own sense of physical security. If you have this than you can say bye bye to that.

I never had that luxury and have always been very cautious so did not miss the loss because there was nothing to lose but those who have taken their safety for granted are often shocked when what they took for granted is gone.

If you have not received sexual interest from men than be ready for a shock the first time it happens if it challenges your own "sexual identity" which is different than "gender identity"

You will learn how much having muscles gives a person a pass in life and once this body strength is gone you will have to be more cautious than you have been.

Transitioning is "work" and in my opinion it is the small things about it that are the most difficult to aquire. Taking HRT is easy, voice lessons are HARD FRUSTRATING WORK.

Look at the videos of post-op's and how much work they put into the constant dilating and maintenance of their vaginas. It does not stop with SRS.

You will have to be very strong mentally to make it through the change if you go the distance.

It will be the single most difficult thing you will do in life and it will not be something you do and than are finished with it but something that will need to be "maintained" for the rest of your life.

In my opinion transitioning is 10% physical and 90% mental. It demands a mental toughness to go into, survive and to continue surviving it.

In my opinion looking like a "man" is the least of a persons problems.

I always feared not having this mental toughness, everything else I could have others "fix"

The body really is not the problem, but the intense psychological experience.

Thats the real killer in my opinion. The only experience that I can imagine comes close is being in a war zone or a prisoner in a concentration camp.

It is a complete assault on the senses, brain and person.

[kellycan27]

Kelly.... I don't think that you can make a comparison between how a woman feels about her body with how a woman who has a man's body may feel about hers.
Societies " sick" interpretation of how a woman should look may be wrong, but it is what it is and I doubt that pointing this out will be of much comfort to someone like the OP in regards to her body issues and image.
Passing as a woman may in fact be more than ones body and how one looks, but being passable is huge in how one perceives themselves and how others perceive them.

As for looking like a man being the " least" of ones problems I don't think that you will find many girls that would agree with that statement.
When you are out there living it 24/7 365... Every little bit helps.

[PaulaQ]

Kelly.... I don't think that you can make a comparison between how a woman feels about her body with how a woman who has a man's body may feel about hers.

Why isn't it comparable? I've known women that seem to hate their bodies as much as I hate mine - and mine is demonstrably broken in ways. (This always makes me sad, by the way, how they feel I mean.) I can appreciate degrees, and that fighting your genetics is a terrible, difficult, horrible freaking fight. But I am gonna go out on a limb here and say self hate mostly has one flavor.

[Nicole Erin]

So you are in shape? Your body then probably looks better than most men or women. Especially if you are over 30.
Most people do not look good naked. Sure there is a version of the normal "female" body but it isn't often the "ideal" female body that too many TS wish theirs was.
Best one can do is dress to accentuate the good and hide the bad.
I am in shape and have a rather masculine body but it doesn't bother me. It is what it is. I would not be ashamed to walk around naked in front of strangers.

It might help to think in terms of "nice body" and "cover that crap up body" as opposed to "male" and "female".
I would not even WANT to look like how too many (out of shape) women look.

My best friend (a man) and my sister have told me the same thing - at least TS women don't have to worry about cellulite thighs, saddle bags, sagging boobs, drooping butt...

Maybe I am just over confident but I love my body. Hips would be nice but not at the expense of being obese or having cellulite.

[kellycan27]

Ok.. Let me re- phrase. I don't think that one can simply play off the OP's concerns by comparison... "Lots of girls are discontented with how they or their bodies look". To me this is just another " feel good" post like telling a man who's had his leg amputated that having two legs is overrated.

[kimdl93]

I've been on an inner dialogue kick lately. There's a book out called "Redirect" which suggests that the way we talk to ourselves has a big impact on our mood and attitudes. And suggests that small changes, practiced consistently over time, can translate into meaningful improvements in our attitudes, mood and self image. You're a bright (pretty) and creative person. Can you think of ways to tweek your inner dialogue about your body to express something more positive?

You noted the positives of your male anatomy and the benefits you received from it. That's good. Where you slide down into anger, disappointment, rage, despair and pain is in how you relate your body to an ideal. You start out on the right track, byy acknowledging the positives and the realities of your height and other less than feminine attributes. Maybe it would help to follow that realistic self talk with an affirmation that while you can't be the perfect woman, few women are and that you are taking steps, including the way you dress, your make up, HRT and eventually SRS to do the very best you can with what you've got and become the woman you want to be.

If you haven't noticed already, my new mantra is "accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative, and watch out for Mr. In-between". (imagine Bing crooning that old tune!)

Height and a fit bod really can work for you. Some time ago, a very attractive young lady walked up to me and complimented me on being very statuesque. (aka, tall and dignified)


To some degree I also feel the disconnect between my tall, masculine, athletic physique and the person I'd like to see in the mirror. So, here's my way of dealing with the disconnect...mind you I identify as TG, not TS, so take my words with a large dose of salt.

[Kathryn Martin]

And this is different how? from any other woman in the world.

Don't get me wrong, it all matters. We are all competing on the attractiveness scale. So whadaya gonna do about it?

Let me ask you, specifically what your flaws are. Do you even know what your flaws are? The generic I hate my body simply does not count. Once you know how do you address them? wail over them? tell me how?

[PaulaQ]

Ok.. Let me re- phrase. I don't think that one can simply play off the OP's concerns by comparison... "Lots of girls are discontented with how they or their bodies look". To me this is just another " feel good" post like telling a man who's had his leg amputated that having two legs is overrated.

Sure, that would be BS. Of course appearance is one thing, functionality is another. And I guess in terms of gender, functionality is an issue too, isn't it? (BTW, the only actual message you can tell someone with an amputated limb is that being alive with one is better than being dead with two, though it may not feel like that sometimes. Oh also, having two good legs is not overrated. PM me for details if required. ;) :))

[Nicole Erin]

Like i said - one can make the best of what they have. I don't care for my male shape but I LOVE my easily tanned skin and lack of body hair. My skin is like totally sexy! (not even needing electro or laser) Wail about my body? The only time I do that is when giving myself a bikini wax. first time i did that, it sounded like a Sunday Service. "RIPP" MOTHER ****** GOD ****** SON OF A ***** LICKING....

One needs to learn to become a narcissist. I have it particularly bad. Put it this way - There isn't much a lover could do for me that i cannot do for myself. Not that i am some "passable" woman or whatever but I just love my body.


And this is different how? from any other woman in the world.
Don't get me wrong, it all matters. We are all competing on the attractiveness scale. So whadaya gonna do about it?
Let me ask you, specifically what your flaws are. Do you even know what your flaws are? The generic I hate my body simply does not count. Once you know how do you address them? wail over them? tell me how?

[Inna]

The OP simply describes Gender Dysphoria, that is all!!!!

All these questions really are, is the frustration towards body which is NOT congruent with your inner gender.

And regardless how you will substantiate what you already have, will always fall short of the body you desire.

But said that, you are not stuck! ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE, really is!!!

So get to it, time is running, and it wont stop for anyone, well, that is unless it stops...............but then it is usually too late :)

[Kathryn Martin]

As for looking like a man being the " least" of ones problems I don't think that you will find many girls that would agree with that statement.
When you are out there living it 24/7 365... Every little bit helps.

I could not agree more. Passing requires more than how you look but how you look matter, a lot!

And Inna, for a variety of reasons I disagree that this is "gender dysphoria".

[Barbara Ella]

Yeah, Anne, I understand. I lack the insights/experience of many here to address your feelings directly.

I have hated my body since birth, not because it is male, but it was broken from birth, and could not be fixed even after multiple operations, so I was the gimp for a very long time, and as the basketball coach said once, "there is a guy here playing with one good leg and is better than the rest of you with two." That really made me love myself a whole lot more!!! Top off that with a lisp, and I really had nothing to like about myself growing up

I did have to keep going, as do you. Over time my dislike receded into the background. It still has not left, but it has become much less important.

It will take time Anne. You will have to sit alone and rant and cry, and question what is really next, and why. I did this a long time ago, with no dysphoria, and now I have to go through it again. The rational thoughts we have about a situation are of very little benefit when there is something wrong that cannot be changed in the present. But the more you express these feelings, the more they will begin to recede in importance to you. The key is time. it will be a lot of time I fear. You have likely had your female feelings for a very long time. But how long have you accepted the fact that you are a woman, and begun your journey toward that end. IT IS GOING TO TAKE A LOT LONGER!

I know it sucks to live with things you know are wrong and not right. I know you will get through it. You have a wonderful group of friends to help you.

I still have my physical problems, and when I get tired, I lapse on my speech control, but look at what I am doing now..I now want to wear dresses and skirts, that show off my legs, mismatched as they are, something I never do as a dude, and I feel good about it now.

you too will always have your male body in some small part. I know that as the new part of you grows and matures, the old part of you will be of less importance. But it will cease to be a part of you. Sorry, but as the saying goes. Hang in there baby..

Hugs,

Barbara

[melissakozak]

Anne,

I get it. We all get it. It is what you do about it and how much you need to change it that makes the difference...if you and your body are that much at odds, then some form of change is inevitable....

[docrobbysherry]

Anne, I felt exactly the way u do. I hated the way my face and figure looked. So, I changed both! Now, I'm quite happy with my looks. And, that's where I think we differ. I need to LOOK female. U need to BE female.

So, altho I'm NOT religious, let me pass along this little prayer to u:

"God give my the strength to change the things I can. Accept the things I can't. And, the wisdom to know the difference."

[Aprilrain]

I don't think Anne is talking about some idealized image of a woman. She's talking about what most of us go through when we look at our obviously masculine bodies and just want to die inside. I think this is pretty much the definition of gender dysphoria! I cannot understate what FFS did for me in terms of my quality if life as a woman. I didn't go in to the OR thinking I was going to come out looking like the next Miss America I just wanted the "sirs" to stop and that's what I got (boobs help too BTW). I think we do others a disservice when we down play the importance of "passing". It's a quality of life issue not a vanity issue. I haven't met anyone who passes who says they wish they didn't!

[becky77]

I totally understand. I see someone in a wheelchair and I feel really bad that I complain so much, when for an average man I have a good body and height, i'm healthy and carry no excess weight. But for all that I hate myself, I can't bare my large feet and my whole life my height has demoralised me. Every time I go out I constantly look for taller women and match myself to the average women around me, it's an obsession and I feel like a freaky giant. I can not relate to my male body, never have, I simply can't accept it and 'own it'!
I feel cheated, how did 50% of the population get what I can't!

I'm sure you have other feminine attributes to feel good about and you have to try think on the positives rather than the negatives. If you can't change something, change the way you think about it! So much easier said than done though.

[Joanne f]

You are what you are ,mind, body and spirit , yes it might be nice to change the way you look but this may take some time so you have to enjoy doing what you like now and not wait until you feel that you look right and the chance's are that you will never be happy with the way you look so that will be an awful lot of wasted time so stop worrying and just enjoy life with what you have .

[PaulaQ]

I totally understand. I see someone in a wheelchair and I feel really bad that I complain so much

I don't see a lot of difference. Wanting something you physically can't attain is a terrible feeling. Sure, for day to day stuff, not being able to walk is a solid drag. (Putting it very mildly.) It affects lots of things, including how people react to you.

Oh wait - so does your gender.

It's not so different.


you have to try think on the positives rather than the negatives.

If nothing else, trying to have a sense of humor about your situation helps a lot. But yes, a positive attitude makes a big difference, and I totally agree with you that this is much easier said than done.

[Nicole Erin]

I could not agree more. Passing requires more than how you look but how you look matter, a lot!
And Inna, for a variety of reasons I disagree that this is "gender dysphoria".

My avatar could not agree more. Passing requires more than how you look but how you look matter, a lot!
And Kathryn, for a variety of reasons she disagrees that this is "gender dysphoria".

[Lacyfem]

I read this and didn't reply but was thinking about it when I was out today. You, from what you describe have a beautiful male body and other than radical surgery you are blessed to have that. Many of us don't have that and still wish we had the wondefulr body that a Victoria Secret model has but that's not going to happen. You need to be happy with what you have and enjoy your fem side and don't make yourself so unhappy about that beautiful body. There are things we'd all like to change but have to live with, you do too....

[Anne2345]

Yep. That's easy enough, right? I mean, it's a simple concept. Indeed, it just doesn't get any simpler than that, right?

So I get it. And that, in a nutshell, is the entire point of my post - that I should be able to do it.

Yet, it's not easy. In fact, trying to make this body work for me has been the single most difficult thing I have ever done. Even worse, it has been an act of pure, outright unadulterated futility. I have failed miserably in the attempt. I cannot win this game. Not that way, anyways.

It just doesn't work that way. At least not for me, no matter how hard I have tried. And believe me, I have an entire lifetime of trying under my belt.

I am done trying. It doesn't work. There is only one direction to travel, and that is forward . . . .

[DaniG]

How come I feel like I wish I had never been born?

How come I sometimes feel like I want to rage at the world and smash every ****ing thing around me into little tiny pieces out of anger, frustration, despair, and pain??!

Because we're not rational beings. We're organisms, organisms programmed to reproduce. And that process involves gender identity.


The OP simply describes Gender Dysphoria, that is all!!!!

Sorry you're having such a hard time right now. <3


There are very few woman who do not have or did not have a negative relationship with their body. It is extremely difficult for women to not be poisoned by the superficial values of a materialistic culture.

If you choose to transition, and arrive in your new body, then you get to deal with what other women deal with. Nevertheless, I think I'd be happier post-tranisition. I just have to remember to stop after the first BA. lol

[arbon]

I used to think I should be able to deal with being male. Whats the big deal?

But for me it was a big deal. Body issues can be hard. I looked in the mirror and would see that guy reflected back and I felt very detached, like it was not really me. Trying to find those fem features that I could never see. I used to get told I was a handsome man, many of my wifes friends were jealousy she got such a good looking guy. But I NEVER felt flattered. I did not like being any kind of guy.

Some of it you do have to accept, you can't change it all, but you can change some things and that can go a long way in how you see and feel about yourself.

[ReineD]

In fact, trying to make this body work for me has been the single most difficult thing I have ever done. Even worse, it has been an act of pure, outright unadulterated futility. I have failed miserably in the attempt. I cannot win this game. Not that way, anyways.

Well, you haven't been at it for very long. You've just started HRT, fgs! :p

What's your next step Anne? Do you have a plan? Surely you're not giving up?

OK, so you're tall. There are tall women. You would like your body to be curvier. This can be accomplished. You may want to reduce neck size, get rid of an Adam's apple (don't know if you have one), maybe soften your face's bone structure a bit and change your hairline. This can be accomplished too. And your skin will soften with HRT, you no doubt will get rid of your body hair. All of this will take time, but I cannot see a reason why your appearance should not be significantly altered in a few years.

Is it just the height? Is it the time it will take to get it all done? Or are you striving to look like the women who grace the magazine covers that few (and I mean, VERY FEW) of us ever look like?

Do you really think that (all?), (most?) people will still see you as a man after you've accomplished all those changes, keeping in mind that in time other things will change as well, such as your voice, your demeanor, your way of looking at life through your altered emotional approach to it, and most of all, your confidence levels will change with each new improvement as will your attitudes ...

You're not giving up, are you? You're just venting?

[Anne2345]

Reine, you misunderstood my last post. I re-read it, and I can understand how you did so. I failed to adequately articulate the meaning I meant to convey. Remember, as I told you before, I'm nothing but a hack scribbler, and that lends itself to confusion. :p

What I meant is that I am done trying to make my masculine body work in its male form. I am proactively taking steps to reduce my dude bulk, dude physique, and dude muscles. I'm at peace with my height now. I recognize there is nothing I can do about it, except own it to the best of my ability. But I can demasculinize (is this a word?) my body and work towards feminizing it. So that's what I am doing!!! And I am excited to be doing it!! For example, my new boobs that are growing and developing, for instance - I check them out every single day first thing in the morning! I feel them here and there throughout the day, every day!! It's not a sexual thing. Rather, it's a thing that feels right, and is right, and is mindblowing to me that I am doing this!!!! :-)

So no, Reine. I am not giving up. I have only just begun. And forward on I shall continue to march . . . .

[ReineD]

What I meant is that I am done trying to make my masculine body work in its male form. I am proactively taking steps to reduce my dude bulk, dude physique, and dude muscles. I'm at peace with my height now.

Wow, I did get it wrong!

Sorry! (lol ... private joke between Anne and I).

I'm glad that I had misread. :hugs:

[Beth-Lock]

Feeling good about one's appearance as a woman is important, and either because one is naturally a woman or preoccupied with trying to pass as a woman in front of others, this usually, (but not always), means looking feminine. One's appearance is more important as a woman than as a man, this being noticeable for example, in the way a woman lives in a world in which people compliment her on her appearance more frequently, and since achieving the maximum positive effect of one's appearance is an uncertain art, one needs that feedback for its practical value too.

This sort of analysis answers the question of why having as feminine appearance as possible is, in transwomen, such a major worry, no matter how good and feminine you look. It is also the recourse for a woman denied success in other areas of her life temporarily or in the longer term. I even heard a GG (friend and feminist), console herself after a discouraging experience, by pondering that she did look good, despite her age, etc., anyway. It is not a myth! Admitting it does not trivialize women.

Despair about one's appearance can drive you crazy no matter that you are a GG, or identify as " just an unhyphenated woman," or are a transwoman.

[ChelseaErtel]

A while back I asked my therapist why does dressing help make me feel better and find an inner peace I'm lacking when in man mode? She said it's because my mind identifies as a woman and when I'm dressed, acting like and feel like a woman my mind sees me. It's all about identity. Our identities is a huge part of our core being and one of the biggest, if not THE biggest, components of our identity is our gender. What is the first think you see when you see a person? I see if they are male or female, then all the other things follow (race, high, .....). So passing as our correct gender is a confirmation that we can exist in the world without anything bad happening - it is a huge affirmation, a HUGE pat on the back. I was out shopping Wednesday and the SA asked if I'd like to try what I was holding on, I said yes and she took me to the "Women's" dressing room. It's nothing new to me, but it still felt nice. What will really fee nice is when I won't notice.

So, if your correct the birth defect - the body - then the body and mind can be one. Then you can just live your life without the constant reminders that your body is wrong. For me it is the constant unrelenting reminders, my man clothes, how I'm addressed, my name, other women, on TV, in my dreams...........

[stefan37]

It is what it is and you have to make what you have work. Give the hormones some time to do their work and then alter or mask what you feel uncomfortable with. You have just started transition and you seem to be very impatient. Well one trait you really need to develop is patience and the fact you are moving forward should give you some solace. Would I wish my breasts get bigger faster, My hair grow faster, my fat distribution faster, remove my facial hair faster. Of course we would like to see the pace increase in some areas, but nature moves slow. I know it is hard but really what choice do you have. We all have body characteristics we would have liked different. I swim 3600 weekly, watch what I eat, am active at work and still my genetics will not let me lose the love handles. As far as dress I am holding off to see how my body develops before I invest in a new wardrobe. So will you have to develop the patience needed to allow the chemicals to work and allow your body to catch up. Unfortunately The mind develops much faster than the body can respond. Hang in there and stay strong, you will eventually reach your destination. It is not a race but a marathon and the only thing that matters is you finish.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

there is no femme "side"... it is simply being female but having a male body
...its not vanity..its identity ..its feeling like you are an authentic individual..

there is no way to stop gender dyshoria by positive energy or thought process, it doesn't go away on anxiety or depression meds... there are no blessings to count.. we've all tried that...it just makes you feel worse..it makes you feel even more trapped and at least for me it caused me to wonder why i was such a selfish loser that i couldn't "beat it"... (what a malish thought..heh)

that all being said...given the problematic nature of transition, its rational to try everything you can to avoid it..its rational to try to beat it with therapy tools or meds and hope that whatever it is you are feeling is not the dypshoria felt by ts people

i know that for me the moment (more like a couple months of time) when it hit me that this was real caused a period of time where i hit bottom...

anne your feelings are your own, but i can read alot of exactly how i felt in them..

[noeleena]

Hi,

I would have to say my advantages out weigh my disadvantages yes i have a few flaw's , so i have come down to my inner beauty goes beyond my outer beauty,

in the main i have been happy with my body the right height size shape & weight, for over 46 years my work helped as well in keeping fit & pretty strong now at over 65 for what iv been through iv very few complaints

My hormones in some ways have played a part thats been different, yet over the last 20 years has worked in my favour .in being female not compleat as you know yet its allowed me to live as a woman, my issues have been a ittle different & surgerys have helped, not in all details of cause, & thats okay. for my age & health wise im happy the way i am,

I should be very unhappy about a miner detail yet im not so when i look back i see some reasons that the way i am was the best for myself long term had i let that miner detail rule me i would have lost out been distroyed & lost every thing,

So as i was growing as a woman it made me strong far stronger than i could have hoped for, so my fail points have worked for me in ways that would not have happened had i had the outer beauty as a normal female,

This applys to most women , in us theres this need longing , a driveing force that only women understand & know the heart bracke of not being able to carry give birth to our own child, my own child, thats inherinte in us,other wise im pretty happy,

...noeleena...