Dressing as a fetish?

[Trishpdxcd2]

After reading through some of the newer threads a gg responded to a post that got me thinking about why I dress. I suppose it is a sexual fetish of sorts. I have always been someone who has an active sexual imagination and have explored many but not all of my fantasies. I have always felt uncomfortable with the idea of physical monogamy but never comfortable with the idea of true intimacy with more than one person. I think it has taken me some years to understand that ultimately that is probably who I am. I find it like being between a rock and a hard place in a way.

I am reasonably sure that my levels of sexual interest would be similar if I dressed or not. But dressing not only excites me, but letting my femininity out makes me feel the most satisfied in that respect. It also leaves me a little befuddled. I love my wife to death but just see no realistic chance of coming out without the probability of losing her. And so at times I think of purging, but I would still have the same sexual interests which would probably be nearly as offensive to my wife.

Sorry for the rant....just thinking outloud here I suppose.

[Debra Russell]

I am sure that your delima has a resonance of that we all understand and feel -- just have to find where and how to navigate around all these different emotions to find more stable ground -- try not to upset the apple cart .................Debra

[outhiking]

I share your fetish. Sometimes I wish my desire to dress was more than a "sexual thing" and there are days when I can fully dress without going all the way, but usually it comes back to being a turn-on for me. I've come out to my wife, but she has not desire whatsoever to participate or even discuss this, so I'll remain in the closet which is OK since I like to keep this private anyway. Many of us here seem to be blessed with active imaginations and that helps.

Sorry that I've no answers for you other than we're in the same boat.

[Gretchen_To_Be]

Trish, you might be surprised. I thought my wife would want out once she learned I was a CD but so far, so good.

[Beverley Sims]

Purging is not the answer, I think if you are going to come out to your wife you should consider being tasteful in your presentation.

[Wildaboutheels]

I think it is pretty obvious to anyone who pays attention here. To the number of threads, flavor of posts, and # of pics. CDing can be at least a "supplement" to any "sexual" Relationship with a SO. If not perhaps a complete "replacement" for some that don't have a SO...

And let's be realistic. For the "younger" members here and/or the older members here who have not lost their "drive", how many get as much sex from their female partners as they would like? CDing is just one available avenue to get to the promised land.

And females... If THEY could get to the promised land any quicker/easier by donning men's clothing items,..they would. They could save a lot of money on batteries. Their brains don't work the same as ours, so they don't. It's really not all that complicated for anyone willing to remove their head from the sand and their fingers from their ears. This is a huge part of CDing [from a man's POV]that few women will ever understand - body PARTS and the "best possible" DISPLAY [or hiding] of them which IS the purpose for so much variety in women's clothing.

[melissakozak]

For some people, it is a sexual fetish, for others, it clearly is an expression of internal gender dysphoria....at least that is how it operates in my world. I get zippo sexually from dressing, but I do get validation as a woman, which is super important to me, which is why I must go out and be in public and have a separate female life than my male life. If I was 21, I would transition, but at my age and with the life I have constructed with my male persona, I would lose too much of what I enjoy in boy mode to go full time. The fantasy of full time is nice, but the reality would not be nearly as great as I might think, and since I have managed to manage my gender dysphoria through the creation of a second life, I consider myself fortunate to have found solid ground. For you, there is obviously a big sexual component to crossdressing. So be it and good for you. You know who you are and what you want and need, and what more could you ask for? If you feel it is important to share this with your wife, then do so, but it sounds as if you have reservations, so for now, at least, I would keep this in the closet if you are content doing so. My only caveat is do you have a contingency plan if you get caught?

[FelicityMay]

yea im kinda in the same boat, as i began to enjoy wearing womens clothing, it felt like a fetish, which made me hide it away for a while.
now i feel like it just makes me happy to let it all out and im becoming more open about it!

[Ressie]

After reading through some of the newer threads a gg responded to a post that got me thinking about why I dress. I suppose it is a sexual fetish of sorts. I have always been someone who has an active sexual imagination and have explored many but not all of my fantasies. I have always felt uncomfortable with the idea of physical monogamy but never comfortable with the idea of true intimacy with more than one person. I think it has taken me some years to understand that ultimately that is probably who I am. I find it like being between a rock and a hard place in a way.

I am reasonably sure that my levels of sexual interest would be similar if I dressed or not. But dressing not only excites me, but letting my femininity out makes me feel the most satisfied in that respect. It also leaves me a little befuddled. I love my wife to death but just see no realistic chance of coming out without the probability of losing her. And so at times I think of purging, but I would still have the same sexual interests which would probably be nearly as offensive to my wife.

Sorry for the rant....just thinking outloud here I suppose.

I can relate to everything you said except I don't have a wife. I told a woman once that glasses turned me on. She said, "everything turns you on." lol. Crossdressing is a fetish, but goes way beyond other fetishes... IMO. I've even heard the idea that CDing is a form of bondage for some.

[KellyJameson]

I'm no expert on male sexuality but I have studied hundreds of men over the years, trying to figure them out and one thing I have learned is that few seem to naturally fall into sexual monogamy.

In my opinion monogamy is "not" natural to men so your attitude toward monogamy seems pretty typical.

I have always been very interested in how crossdressing sexually excites men because my experience is exactly the opposite.

I would crossdress for others but have little interest in dressing for myself except as an after thought such as wearing a skirt on a hot day.

The fact that you accept your sexuality without shame is really healthy in my opinion.

I do not understand the shame angle others have talked about where they are disgusted by what they do and I think this shame must come from social conditioning or maybe it causes identity conflicts so threatens the persons sense of themselves as "men" so they feel "less than" other men when they do it.

In my opinion as long as you respect other people you should be able to do whatever you want with your sexuality

The chemicals that are released during orgasm will "attach" your sexuality to that which you are erotically responding to so you could become dependant on crossdressing for sexual release and lose interest in your partner

I think this is where males are vulnerable when they use pornography or crossdressing during orgasm.

[Julie Gaum]

A lot of jumping to conclusions and not allowing truths to get in the way. Probably not deliberate but just lack of information while encountering life's experiences. Cross dressing is not a "tool" that can be discarded, at least not for long. Most males begin their journey with CDing being a sexual fetish (Exceptions being those with a physical or mental unbalance that eventual result in transition with or without surgery as the final step.). During this period shame and guilt result usually in purging because they simply don't know that there is nothing "wrong" with the resulting orgasim (Yes, it can be called social conditioning through parents, or religion.). Purging is not a permanent remedy but only a very temporary knee-jerk reaction. For most heterosexual CDs as they age the fetish aspect becomes much less dominant, but seldom disappears as a factor, and the psychological aspects take over such as tranquility, less anxiety, less aggression and so on. It's during this later stage that along with more "feminine" traits often comes submissiveness. In a marital relationship the mate may very well enjoy their new role OR it might doom the marriage. In early years of marriage cross dressing might help the partners become aroused while others need pornography, or other means; but once CDing supplements, is dependent on or even replaces the need for a spouse then the path is all downhill; as does keeping "the secret" from the spouse. Monogamy: cavemen had one or more mates but one has to turn to the natural world where many creatures go through their lives with only one mate and others have a harem of sorts. So is monogamy our "natural" state? Probably not though that so-called social engineering caused infidelity and muliple wives to be frowned upon in most countries.
To Mellissa:I hope you're not fooling yourself that you are now on "solid ground".
Julie

[AmandaBlack]

I share your sentiments exactly. I know it is a fetish for me, it is what got me started and it is what keeps me doing it, despite being married and in the closet about it. It is mine and mine alone, my taboo...and I enjoy it as such. I would love to come out and share it with my s/o but I know it would not be accepted.

As a fetish, it satisfies me to dress solo...but I will not deny there is a desire to dress with others as well, I just have not ventured there nor can I say I will or will not.

I think having fetishes is very healthy in a relationship. My wife and I share a few amongst us that stay amongst us...and after 22 years married I'd say it works :) !

[SarahBJackson]

When I started crossdressing, it was a sexual fetish. Last year, it became so much more than that, but yeah, I still like to feel sexy.

[cuis]

At least for now i feel it as a fetish.

[Barbara Maria]

Dressing for me isn't a sexual turn on at all,though it is an emotional one. Though I will admit that as far back as I can remember my favorite sexual fantasies involved being feminized by a dominant woman.

[ReineD]

The chemicals that are released during orgasm will "attach" your sexuality to that which you are erotically responding to so you could become dependant on crossdressing for sexual release and lose interest in your partner

I think this is where males are vulnerable when they use pornography or crossdressing during orgasm.

I'm emphasizing this because it's important to understand, if someone has not yet reached that point. As mentioned, it's the same principle as an addiction to internet porn. There have been several studies, one rather large that involved 28,000 men in Italy, resulting in findings that a large percentage of men under 30 are experiencing ED with female partners as the direct result of indulging in widely available internet porn.

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/cupids-poisoned-arrow/201107/porn-induced-sexual-dysfunction-growing-problem

Back to the CDing as a fetish, eventually it does mellow out as males age and libidos lessen. Many members here can attest to this. An interesting phenomena is that all the sexual activity during earlier years may serve to form deep bonds with the feminine persona which eventually becomes an intrinsic part of a crossdresser's being, who until this point identified strictly as a male. This compares to a marriage in which sex also abates after some years, leaving deep bonds of affection and loyalty. And so this may be why so many CDers experience late onset identity issues.

An argument can be made that for some CDers, the feminine persona was there all along but the crossdressing was sexualized because the female identity was not acknowledged and therefore her expression was repressed. So it's a question of what came first, the chicken or the egg. I suppose the answers vary depending on the individual.

It's worth thinking about this, if someone is just starting out with a strictly sexualized form of crossdressing.

[Trishpdxcd2]

Thanks for all the insight. It certainly makes me feel more connected to hear cd's and gg's point of view. I think that my sexuality is tied with cd'ing now...and being able to express my femininity. It has become more that way as I have aged. When I was younger my sexuality was more about virility, being the man...As I have aged it is more about being submissive and feminine. Not that being a woman means being submissive, but I just identify with that more, but not exclusively, sexually as I have aged.

[DaniG]

...As I have aged it is more about being submissive and feminine. Not that being a woman means being submissive, but I just identify with that more, but not exclusively, sexually as I have aged.

My feminine sexuality is heavily tied with a submissive nature as well. I have no idea whether that's linked with my femininity or it's just coincidence. Age is N/A since I didn't know I was TG until 3 months ago. (My wife really digs this part about the new me, BTW.)

[DaniG]

I'm emphasizing this because it's important to understand, if someone has not yet reached that point. As mentioned, it's the same principle as an addiction to internet porn. There have been several studies, one rather large that involved 28,000 men in Italy, resulting in findings that a large percentage of men under 30 are experiencing ED with female partners as the direct result of indulging in widely available internet porn.

(TMI warning) As an interesting data point, I would categorize my behavior before my TG epiphany 12/10/12 as highly addicted to porn, exclusively F/F. The volume I watched would almost qualify as a part time job. Then after my epiphany, overnight it stopped. I've watched it perhaps twice since then. I wonder what the Italian doctors would say about that. I can only surmise that I was using porn as an unconscious dysphoria outlet and I didn't need it anymore after 12/10, but I'm only guessing.

The real mystery is that it goes completely against the physiological claim that I should have been addicted - physically - to the porn. So how could I have simply lost interest in it instantly like that? I'm not doubting the reality of physical addiction. I'm just saying my case is a real oddball.

[Wildaboutheels]

It doesn't take a Rocket Scientist to know/realize that SOME GGs can't get to the promised land without batteries. Nothing WRONG with that.

And some ladies... can't get there at all.

IMO, there is no right or wrong way for anyone, male or female to "get there" when "taking matters into their own hands"... although obviously many here don't agree.

[Ciara09]

I'm 30 years old so I guess that qualify me as young.

CDing is just a fetish for me. I'm much more comfortable being male, wearing male clothes, having short hair and a scruffy beard. That's definitely the me I like and am comfortable with.

I've only ever been driven to CD by my sex drive. But it's weird because I don't fantasize about CDing and sex, I just fantasize about dressing as woman, or being a woman, and doing non-sexual stuff, like dressing up and looking in the mirror, moving or dancing like a woman, and having long hair smooth skin. It's purely autoerotic, I have no interest in involving a partner or taking any sexual role during these fantasies.

Maybe I'm rare in this community by I'm definitely not sexually submissive. I just don't get off on it, and like I said the CD fantasies for me are always nonsexual situations. I may be socially submissive, I'm quiet and I definitely don't have any desire to dominate or be the alpha male. But in terms of actual sex, I've only ever wanted to play the male role (not CD'd) with a genetic female.

I think I experience my heterosexual desires separately from my CD desires. They are both very real and will never cease to be a part my sexual identity, but they don't seem to overlap in any way.

[sheilagirl]

I've been "Dressing-Up", off and on, for over 30 years. I dress nearly everyday, for a little while anyway and while it used to be primarily about sex, as
I'm getting older, it still feels exciting and very sexy, but the feeling of comfort and a new self-awareness of my femininity have been the more dominant
emotions. I've also realized how much FUN these women having been having, behind our backs. Shopping, Clothes, Makeup...Lots of cool toys!
I'm not unhappy or disgusted with my being a man, but I feel more like MYSELF dressed as a woman.