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openheaven
12-10-2005, 11:23 PM
Well, I have finally decided to try to give up cross-dressing. I've been doing this for so long and I hate to do this, but I really have to. I know quitting is going to be hard, as I have been trying to stop for the last two weeks. I know addictions are very hard to get rid of. I remember some time ago, one of my friends was trying to quit smoking and I was like "Just stop, it's as easy as that". Well, seems like it isn't because I know have an addiction to face and, as much as I would like it to be, it is NOT as easy as "Just stop".

I just seem to always want to dress, but at the same time, I don't want to. I get SOO excited when I dress and I can sit in front of the mirror and admire myself wondering if I should go further. I just imagine myself as a girl in an ordinary girl's life. I see myself waking up in the morning, putting on my bra and my pantyhose, putting on makeup, grabbing my purse and going to work. Ah, the woman's life seems so compelling!

But then, reality hits and realize that I will NEVER EVER be able to live that life. I am a man and not a woman. Of course, I can wear bras and all the sexy lingerie at home, and yes it does make me feel better, but I know I will never be able to fully live my passion.

I love crossdressing so much but I feel like I am just hurting myself by doing this. I feel that if I continue crossdressing, I will never be able to let go of it. am only 19 years old so maybe I could "Just stop" and go on with my life. So far, I have been able to resist some urges to crossdress, but I still can't pass a day without at least putting on some sexy underwear, even if it's just to look at myself in the mirror. It just makes me feel great. It's one of those satisfactory feelings I get and I just feel...um...me...

Seriously, I think I have came a long way in my "stopping" process. Just a month ago, I would do EVERYTHING I could possibly do to crossdress. And believe me, when I say everything I do mean it. I would even wear panty liners...why the hell would I wear panty liners? There not very useful but I just felt like a real women would feel...and that's what I was looking for. Gradually, I've stopped wearing stuff and as I've stated before, I'm now down to just panties. But I do feel like I have to go back to more it just excites me so much but I want to stop! I don't know what to do!!!!

Please leave any comments if you have already lived this and what you think. I really don't know what to do! Advice it always welcome too!

Alaina Ann
12-10-2005, 11:29 PM
Good luck Honey. We have all purged our wardrobe and tried to quit. Once you become attracted to panties and lace, it is almost impossible to just walk away. Just go with the flow "Sweetie" and be yourself. :o

suanne
12-10-2005, 11:42 PM
Hi . I just read your post. I don't want to discourage or encourage you in any way. Look.....you got to do what you got to do. But I will tell you a little about myself. I am in my late 50's. I have been dressing since about 6 or 7 years old. I have been there and done that, from one end of cding to the other. I have quit, purged, started, quit, purged, started....get the idea. Only thing is until this forum I never told another living soul of what I was doing. If you want to quit dressing....just quit! You are telling us about this is good. But will it help quit? I am not sure, sounds like you want us to talk you out of it. Maybe, maybe not. But I say this. If you really want to try and stop. Don't talk about it. Throw away everything thats pertains to female attire. Get off all forums about cding, dress like a dude. When the urge hits. Well, you know what to do but don't give in. Now how does that sound? If you aren't sure you can pitch all your female goodies then you are not ready to stop. Just put on some more female stuff and feel good.

Most of us have been where you are young one. I for one know what and who I am. I still can't share with anyone except the gals on this and one other site and a good friend I have met from this site. But I am satisified with things the way they are. We all wish we could explain without a doubt why we do what we do, but we all can't. We just do it. And it does feel good.

Suanne

Darlena
12-11-2005, 12:03 AM
My! This sounds so familiar. I wish I had a pair of heels for everytime I thought I'd divorce myself from myself. (which is really what I thought I could do) I discovered that I really do love myself. And so I made up. I was miserable without me. Having to force myself to be masculine 24/7 was like living a lie. But making up can be sweet because I'll go out and buy some new pretty things to wear to complete the process.(the old clothes got thrown out during my spat with me) Take my advice Honey. You can save yourself alot of money if you'd quit purging. It's just a phase we all go through. Love & kisses, Darlena

JoannaDees
12-11-2005, 12:10 AM
OK, goodbye. And we'll see you when you get back!

EyeLean
12-11-2005, 12:40 AM
I understand what you are going through Dear, probably a lot of us out there have gone through the same thing too. I was so filled with guilt over dressing up in Womans clothes, I used to throw away everything I bought. Make-up. clothes, wigs, shoes, I mean everything feminine that I had spent hard earned money on, I got rid of. Over and over agan, I went through this process, and then every time I'd have to go through the hassle and expese of buying new clothes, and make-up. Finally I confessed to my spouse, what was going on. Although she wasn't thrilled about her husband dressing up like a Woman, she was less crazy of me throwing everything away, just to go out and buy it all over again, when the urge became too much. Life is short, so if you enjoy doing something, that doesn't hurt anyone, I say keep with it girl, you'll be happier in the long run. Honest!!

Wenda
12-11-2005, 12:41 AM
Lots of good advice, as usual. I was away from dressing for years, found it over a year ago, slumped a couple of months ago. If you are quitting, thats ok, just do it for the right reasons, because YOU feel it is right for YOU. All the best,

JennyCD
12-11-2005, 12:55 AM
You have to do what you believe is right for you. I've been in a purge for nearly a year, but it hasn't changed who I am one little bit. And I've been miserable.

I wish you the best of luck and most of all, happiness.

Tina Dixon
12-11-2005, 02:41 AM
I think we all have been there and done that, but being at the young age that you are you can follow your dream of being a girl a lot easier than some of use that have been a round a bit, so think it over first ok becouse you will wear panties again.

emmicd
12-11-2005, 03:32 AM
I know where you are coming from but one thing I learned in all my failed attempts at trying to stop crossdressing and after purging approximately a half dozen times is this:

Once you discover you're a crossdresser and are able to admit it and realize you can still lead a relatively normal life, marry a girl and have children you may as well try to deal with it and try to accept it as best as you can. You may be able to stop for a time but the urge will alway be there.

I have fought the urge for several years and did not need to dress nor did I have a desire to. Then one day shopping at the mall with my wife I made the mistake of accompanying her in the lingerie department. As I walked through the department and saw all the pretty and soft under garments I was drawn back to it. My wife bought a bra and some panties. After we left I felt i would revisit ther on my own.

After a week passed I went back there by my self and bought myself a body breifer, 2 bras and 4 pairs of silk panties. I was very excited and was coming to the realization that I am a crossdresser.

Once a crossdresser always a crossdresser!

emmi

jerri ann cd
12-11-2005, 03:45 AM
i think we all wish you well .,,,but when the time comes(and trust me and the rest of the ladies here it will )guess what we will welcome you back with open arms and that will be that. yes most of us have tried at one time or another to stop being the other part of who we are . so go with our blessings.WE DO WISH YOU ALL THE BEST FROM THE HEART.....jerri ann cd (ms highheels)

Michelle Hart
12-11-2005, 04:08 AM
openheaven,

Everyone here understands what your going through. Many have given up and sacrificed imesurably. For many of us our life is a solitary one, some like myself are lucky enought to have a woman in our life that accepts us as we are.

For years I agonized about dressing and when I finaly did the dam broke. I just got home from a nightclub where I was dressed as a woman and went shopping erlier en femme. If you knew my background or for that matter many of the girls here, you would never believe we long to dress as women.

For us and you it is simply a very special part of who we are. If you accept who you are now it will be much esier in the long run. I think all of us have been down the denial path and ended up right back here.

Embrace who you are and be that person. Whomever it is.....

Best wishes

Kathy.Eltex
12-11-2005, 07:43 AM
Good luck Openheaven. I have tried to do the same many times and the result? It cost me more money, nothing less, nothing more. Finally I WON. Do you ask me how? I accepted the fact that this is REAL ME. A young guy who likes to be dressed as woman. Try to find similar way. I think it's better to find out how to reconcile yourself with your fate. This is not like to quit smoking. This is deeper. You did not decide that you would like to dress like girl - it is congenital thing. Sorry if it sounds too hard - believe it wasn't mentioned, it's more because my bad english. Good luck once again.

Dayna
12-11-2005, 08:35 AM
In another thread I posted, "I am. Therefore, I dress." Ironically, I told my wife just last night, "Even if tomorrow I threw away piece of clothing I own, it would not change who I am inside."

Crossdressing is a fetish to some people; they derive a lot of physical satisfaction from dressing, and often times there is guilt associated with it.

For others, crossdressing is a way of expressing femme qualities--you can purge the clothes, but suppressing the girl within is a whole lot harder.

If you decide that dressing is a complication that you need to live without, we all wish you the very best. We hope you will still visit us here, though, and perhaps in time you will have a change of heart. We all do.

Emily1
12-11-2005, 09:01 AM
you may think there's something " abnormal " about dressing up and that by giving it up you can lead a happliy normal life but believe me honey it just dont work like that as all the other girls will tell you.. so get over it and get yr favourite panties on and a bit of lippy and you'll soon feel so much better... theres Nothing wrong with being a bit of a girlie and these days theres quite a few women who really get off on it anyway .. so cast yr net further and embrace who you really are ... there aint no getting away from it

sweet_maria
12-11-2005, 09:15 AM
I have tried to give up many times but never succeeded. After thinking it over i realised something. Even if you know you will never be a real girl why quit something that causes you no real harm ?

TeriAnn
12-11-2005, 10:36 AM
I have purged my fem clothes so many times I have lost count. I did realize that I wasting money by getting rid of my clothes and shoes. So I decided to buy new clothes and dress the way I want to it hurts no one. My wife excepts me for who I am not what I look like on the outside. Crossdressing is some I like to do. I have excepted that I am a female on the inside, so I will continue to dress the way I want . I have stopped fighting it and said ok I am who I am and I will do the best that I can to make sure that I am happy with my decision. I love every thing femmine and will continue to strive for my best look possible. U have to do what u have to do. With me I am sticking to my guns and living my life as a female as much as possible. I love my mini's and high heels amtter of fact I am going right now to buy a new skirt. Love to all .

TeriAnn
12-11-2005, 10:39 AM
Don't do it you'll regret it . I almost did.

Nikki Dee
12-11-2005, 10:48 AM
Hi. Hun...you don't give up crossdressing..it has to give you up.!...and the only thing it will say to you is..." I'll be back". Good luck.
Love Nikki. xx

Sarahgurl371
12-11-2005, 12:37 PM
Dear Openheaven,
I feel the angst in your situation. While many here, I too, believe that you will return. I wish you the best. So many of us have been where you are. So many of us have quit a thousand times. So many of us have hated ourselves. So many of us have had to ask ourselves some very serious questions to find peace and happiness in life.

You have to decide who you are as a person. Only you know the truth. And at the age of 19, good luck with that. I too decided that I needed to be a normal guy around the age of 19, when I got engaged to my wife. Said goodbye to it all. Felt great that day, as I did every time I decided to quit. Several years went by, several years of secretly wishing, and fantasizing about this stuff. Eventually I gave into my feelings. That caused so much guilt and shame. I was miserable for years living that way. Finally I asked myself why I was so unhappy. Guess what the answer was! I was hiding ME. I was not able to be MYSELF. I finally arrived at the conclusion that I AM WHO I AM. I feel as though I should have been a girl. I wish I could open my eyes tomarrow and magically be want I so want to be, a GG. So I feel and understand your anguish at never being what you want to be. I feel that even if I transitioned, I would still be only pretending physically, so what's the point?

Much good advice here. If you are going to quit, if this is more than a fetish to you, I wish you well. I think you could stop acting out if its a fetish. If you dress to make the outside look like the inside feels, I don't know how successfull you'll be. I have been there. Thought it was a fetish. Its not. If you are going to purge, take some of the other's advice. Put it all in a box, and put the box away. When the "feeling" arises, go do something else. Get out of the house. If you can stay away for a while, then throw all the stuff away. If you can't, you didn't waste all the money and time.

Interesting that you call it an addiction. I am not sure what the difference is between these feelings and an addiction. I am addicted to smoking. This just feels alot different to me.

You are very fortunate to have the opportunities that the information age presents, most of us didn't have that when we were trying to figure this all out. If you are quitting because of guilt and shame, take my advice, (or don't), LEARN, COMMUNICATE, from / with others. Read some books, see a counseler. Part of the guilt/shame comes from feeling like you are the only one.

In the end, only you can decide what this all means to you. Only you can make yourself happy. Please don't spend a single minute hating yourself, not living your life, its too short and too precious to be unhappy. Me, I am 34. I know that I probably have a long way to go yet. Maybe I don't. I know this, I have wasted too much of my precious time worrying about this all, hating myself for who I am, not living. Believe me time starts to fly by soon enough.

Lisa Maren
12-11-2005, 01:54 PM
Hello Openheaven

I've been there as well, just like all of the other girls here. In November of 2001 I went as far as "making a decision" that I didn't want to CD anymore. That lasted until April 2004.

I realized that when I "made that decision" I was deceiving myself and it was the wrong decision. The fact of the matter is that I do want to crossdress because it is a part of me and I love it!

Part of the guilt can come from wondering if what you're doing is wrong. At least, that was part of my guilt back when I felt guilt. Now I feel none because I have learned that there is nothing at all morally wrong with what I do. I would even go so far as to say that (unless the CDer lies to others about it, which I never have) the only moral wrong is committed by society. Their refusal to accept people like us causes suffering and fear and angst and all of it against people who aren't really hurting anyone. That's a moral wrong.

Anyway, I don't purge anymore because I know that I'll miss it, that it's part of me and that to fight it is to put myself in hell for the sake of making everyone other than me happy. There have been times when I don't dress for a couple of weeks, but the last one was before I finally resolved the question of whether or not this is an integral part of me. I long suspected that it was but I recently found the conviction that my soul was looking for. But hey, even real girls don't dress up for a while at a time. Now, I simply let the clothes hang out in the closet if that happens (and it will be interesting to see if that happens again).

Anyway, you should take a look inside yourself and see if you find anything other than just the clothes. I think you might. At the same time, it can take a while to figure these things out at your age. I didn't use the term crossdresser or even realize that it applied until I was 23. I didn't fully know myself until I was in my late 20s (of course, I've always been a late bloomer).

Take whatever time you need to think things through and don't worry about finding out what's right for you forever. Worry about finding out what's right for right now.

Lisa

openheaven
12-11-2005, 03:16 PM
Thanks for all the help and advice! I am really starting to question myself now...I guess I won't be able to get rid of it that easily...oh well.

Phoebe Reece
12-11-2005, 05:40 PM
Openheaven,

Crossdressing is no more an "addiction" than being left handed. It has to do with who you are, not what you actually do. A left handed person can be trained to write and do other things right handed (This was often done in schools and by parents many years ago). Is that person who now exhibits more "correct" behavior happier now? Is their quality of life truly better?

I grant you that there are people on this forum who no longer actually crossdress for whatever personal reason they may have. However, I don't believe that a single one of them has given it up in their minds, or they wouldn't still be here. If they had truly given it up this would be a subject that held no interest for them.

You are young and have many choices open to you. One choice is to see crossdressing as a bad thing in your life - and go through an endless cycle of avoiding it, throwing your femme things away, eventually sometime later giving in to the need to aquire clothing and dress again, feeling shame and regret each time the cycle is repeated. Another choice is to see crossdressing as a part of who you are - and find ways to integrate it into your life that don't totally disrupt your other goals in life.

A positive self-image is necessary to be successful in many things in life. Be proud of who you are and you are much more likely to succeed in whatever you are trying to accomplish.

Daphne Renee
12-11-2005, 06:21 PM
Everyone here has given you great advice.. I say do what you think is the right thing for you not what someone else might think. I completly understand that you might feel some guilt over it. I struggle with this alot. However in the end you have to do what is right for you..

heatherCD8772
12-11-2005, 06:28 PM
I, as many other here have already stated, have tried to quit and did, then started again... Crossdressing for most is not just an addiction, it is deeply seeded in who you are. I am only 22 so I have not been through, or seen as much as several of the people here have, but, I have seen and experienced enough to know that this is something that I can not change and have come to accept as part of me and who I am, and honestly I believe that is the best way to handle being a crossdresser. You said that you look at yourself in the mirror and just dream about being a girl, and how good you feel when you dress. That alone is a sign that this is not going to go away for you, and actually could very well be a sign that you are canidate for transistioning over to become female, you know going all the way, SRS, Hormones, the works.

Well whatever you decide to do I wish you the best of luck with it and in life. Whether it is stopping or embracing it, Good luck to you!

Lisa Golightly
12-12-2005, 05:32 AM
Ah, a not unusual response from one of your age... My teens were a time of extremes, and my early 20's dissolved into self-loathing, but d'ya know what I found out? Well, being a guy in a bra ain't that bad, and I'm happy and the women I've made love to were happy to be there, and the business I made grew anyway, and I have the best skin of any guy my age ;)

Don't knock the life too hard, it may become a warm and comfortable existance for you, like it has for me. If you do suceed in becoming a man's man then I hope you always think warmly of us, and if you decide that maybe dressing isn't too bad then I don't think any of us will mind :)