Was labeled

[Stevie]

Before I accepted my desires to wear woman's clothing I was already labeled as being gay even though I have a wife and kids. They based this on how I interacted. I have female mannerisms. This is mainly due to be raised by a single parent with no male figure guiding me growing up. My genetics are male but my actions are female. This gets to be frustrating because I want to fit in and end up being a outcast. Because I wanted to fit in soo bad I denied myself who I was and pretended to be someone I wasn't. Today I know that I'm a guy who likes to wear all types of clothes. I'm shy and at the same time need approval. Trying to make everyone around happy has taken its toll out on me. I can't talk about my feelings to anyone is why I keep saying that I'm trapped. I just wish that we can live without prejudice but know that's just a dream. Don't mean to stay, but my point is I'm going to be labeled regardless if I'm gay or not. There are so many reasons on how we all ended up here on this site. I can't figure out why I'm like this and now feel there's no point in trying. I just accept who I am any try to enjoy it. I may say I don't care but deep down I know I do. I'm human. Fact is there is no right answer.

[FelicityMay]

i know how you feel about being judged because you are considered not "normal". i too get called gay from my friends occasionally, just because i have a feminine side!
the thing about this, is that being feminine has some sort of power over us, that makes us happier and get excited, and we dont ever want that to go away.
its a very hard decision to decide whether to change yourself in order to be accepted, or to do what you feel happiest about.
i feel for you, and i hope you will make whatever choice you think is right!

[Roberta Young]

Stevie, like You I tried ever so hard to make everyone else happy first. Now Roberta has to be happy also. Hugs

[Kate Simmons]

Trying to please everyone else is an impossibility, so I stopped trying a long time ago. The person you have to live with the most is yourself, so that should be the priority. If we cannot live with ourselves, trying to live with anyone else is pretty much moot.:)

[KateSpade83]

I got a gay reputation just because I bought a lot of women's clothes, and cd. But I used to be a dude.

[suchacutie]

Someone reminded me recently that there are a lot of situations in life that parallel what we are told in the safety demo on airplanes:

"In the case of cabin depresurization, put on your own mask first, and then assist others". The point is that if you don't take care of yourself first, you won't be able to take care of others.

Stevie, if you really want to help those around you, it is YOU who must be taken care of first. You are important.

Best.

[Tiffbear]

I've always been called gay. I just got used to it, and stopped getting bothered by it. Doesn't happen much anymore. When it does, it's probably from a gay comment, or simply dressing nicely.

Best thing to do is not show anyone that it bothers you, and they'll stop using that "insult" to get a reaction out of you.

Sometimes you have to forget everyone else, and deal with your own issues, and let them sort out their own. Life isn't about making others happy, it's about being the happiest you can be. If others are part of that life, fantastic, if not, leave them behind. I stopped going around people who put me down, and my life has been better. I also stopped trying to hand out help to people that didn't follow the advice, and came back later just to tell me they should have listened to me from the beginning.

[MsRenee]

All I can add is be yourself and make your self happy.
Dont let something some one says to you get you down, if they wanna be little themselves with a shnide remark then just smile at them and walk away.
Its always worked for me and makes them wonder. wth.
Renee

[AmyGaleRT]

Stevie, I would try to follow the advice espoused by Mr. Heinlein in one of his short stories. If someone calls you something, like "gay," and you are not that thing, their verbal label is meaningless. If you are that thing, then you are neither more nor less that thing by virtue of someone having uttered the verbal label. Either way, don't let it get to you. Hang in there, girlfriend! :)

- Amy

[ArleneRaquel]

Just be yourself, people will think whatever they want. You can't please everyone and don't bother to attempt to. HUGZ !

[Frédérique]

Before I accepted my desires to wear woman's clothing I was already labeled as being gay even though I have a wife and kids.

There are plenty of gay males who have a wife and kids. I think this has a lot to do with the fact that homosexuality is unacceptable to the status quo, and this reluctance to accept (not tolerate) anything other than M+F is reinforced at every turn. Gay equates to wrong in this day and age, unless you are actually homosexual. Do we HAVE to be fruitful and multiply? Why?
:idontknow:


I'm shy and at the same time need approval. I'm human.

Same here. I honestly believe that “messed up” is a synonym for human, and the former passes for normalcy when you’re a sentient being. How can it be otherwise? There are NO answers, but being human means looking for something that’s not there...

[Stevie]

Unless I'm wrong I thought gay means happy. By definition then no I'm not happy. Yes there are people out there that are married have children and are gay meaning they are homosexual.. I'm not one of them. I do love my wife. If wearing woman's clothes makes me happy than by definition yes I'm gay.

[donnalee]

Labels are what people use to categorize what they experience. Is it dangerous? Will it hurt me? Can I eat it? Will it eat me? These are very primal, instinctual reactions to the unknown. Luckily, most humans are educable to at least some extent and learn what is dangerous and what is not. Once they recognize that there is no intention to harm them or theirs, most likely they will either ignore you or interact positively with you. (Caution! Does not apply 100% of the time!).

[Beverley Sims]

I only label jam jars so as I know what is in them.
If I get labelled it is only because people do not know what is inside.

[STACY B]

Look on the Bright side ,,If you come on out an let others see you dress you will get a free pass cuz they will all say SEE I told ya so ,,, lol,,, Just like that chic I saw on TV last week that was Transitioning an had surgery,,She got married an they all said WHAT ? She is getting married ? An the she came out an had surgery an all her friend said ,,,OHHHHHHHHH Alrite then ,,,lol,,, Now that more like it !!

[Lynn Marie]

I've dealt with this same problem since childhood. There's always an element of testosterone deficient neanderthals who call better people than themselves derogatory names to elevate themselves out of their ignorance and stupidity.

The way you beat this abuse is to simply accept the worst! Okay you're gay. Now look at what really turns you on. Is it men or women? If it's men, then you're gay. Now that wasn't so bad, was it? If it's women, then the idiots are wrong and you're a gentle heterosexual, often referred to as a gentleman in better society. All done.

[Sharon B.]

I have always been quite and shy when I am around someone new and still have a problem talking with people. Mainly because I don't like sports and don't know anything about them. I would always sneak and wear something feminine when it came to sports.
Being quite and shy I have been told I must be gay because I don't like any sports.

[London]

Stevie, You have some very good advice here, from some very good people. I accept you for whatever and whoever you want to be and I pretty sure there are other here who accept you. Be you, live your life and make yourself as happy as you can make yourself. I am in the same boat of labels and I have learned that Labels can not describe me and there is just nothing that can. We are all individules and can not be labeled.

[Lorileah]

:idontknow: even my boyfriend says I am gay :idontknow:

I do care what others think of me but only in certain circumstances like...am I a good person? Am I helpful, caring, loving, friendly? What I do in my own time in the privacy of my own life...

as Nicky says in AvenueQ
If I told you today,
"Hey, guess what, I'm gay".
...but I'm not gay.

I'm happy just being with you....
So what should it matter to me
What you do in bed with guys? Ain't none of their business.

[Stevie]

I normally don't care what others think about me. But what my wife thinks does bother me. She is not fond of this and it hurts hearing that from her. Now don't get me wrong she has given me time to dress but what she has told me hasn't left my thoughts. I feel that I let her down.

[PaulaQ]

Is your wife the one labeling you, Stevie, or is it others?

[CynthiaD]

If you really stop caring whether people accept you (It's a hard habit to break), you will find that your acceptance level will go way up. There's something about not caring what others think that wins people's respect.

[~Joanne~]

People always label other people due to their own insecurities. When you buy into this mentality, you give them power, I prefer to leave them weak. In a world of all walks of life, who is to say what is normal anymore? All of this Labeling is meant, and encouraged, to keep people at odds. I refuse to play that game, so should you ;)

[Stevie]

Is your wife the one labeling you, Stevie, or is it others?

It was what she said. Don't care what others say, but she means the world to me. She said it when I told her about me. It was probably said out of defense but that time it hit home. I won't show or tell her this, but it hurt hearing her say those words to me. I want to talk to her but afraid to. A lot of things have change since that day. Some good some bad. Been like a bad roller coaster ride.

[PaulaQ]

It was what she said.

I know it is so hard not to take this personally (because it is a very personal comment!), but this is a natural reaction. Most people simply don't understand us, and many times, the only CD they've seen are, in fact, gay. All you can really do is explain to her that you are not, and talk to her about it. I can't imagine how hard this would be. (Sometime in the future though, I will, I'm sure, experience this myself, with my wife.) I guess I'd ask what she bases this on, other than stereotype? Has she noticed you checking out guys? Because you do not do that. (Don't be defensive, although I am sure that is so hard because you feel vulnerable.)

Try to understand that she is probably scared, and possibly angry, and is probably saying stuff she doesn't mean. I know it is hard to hear stuff like that.

[kimdl93]

Stevie, you're wise to simply accept and enjoy. I hope that your wife and family can (and perhaps they do) accept you for a unique and interesting person.

[flatlander_48]

Fact is there is no right answer.

Exactly! We all come here by different paths, for different reasons. That's not to say that there are not some similarities, but there is quite a bit of difference. However, one thing that will always be important for ALL of us is that we each need to be comfortable in our own skin. We cannot control how we are perceived by others. But, what we can control is ourselves and what we think of ourselves.

The fact is that even though we all fall somewhere under the umbrella of Sexual Minorities, we are ALL still human. Personally, I believe that ALL humans are intrinsically good. That doesn't mean that we don't learn bad things over time; just that we don't start out that way. Even though we like to dress in women's clothes or build emotional, romantic and sexual relationships with those of our of sex does NOT change our basic humanity. It just doesn't and never will.

As always, you cannot be made to feel Less Than by others unless you allow it. And, I would ask you to not allow it.