NOT for immediate release

[Frédérique]

Recently I detected another post (one of a long line of posts in this section) that referred, in no uncertain terms, to the male orgasm. Someone assumed that it (crossdressing) is all about sexual gratification, so let’s talk about it, right? The moderator on duty quickly squelched any attempt at sexual discussion, no doubt enlightening the author of the OP as to the vagaries of CD’ing (and the rules). I had to laugh, but not out loud – judging by the disproportionate numbers of MtF crossdressers that visit this neck of the woods, how many dress up purely for some form of sexual excitement?

Can we talk? I guess not, which makes orgasmic adventures via femme garb a DADT kind of thing. I feel sorry for the poor soul who gets turned on by crossdressing, and, even though he (or is it “she”?) crossdresses as a means to an end, he is not welcome at the gates of LGBT. Strange, but true. Unless you’re engaged in some sort of alternative sexuality, with questions of gender thrown into the mix, you aren’t really one of the girls who used to be boys – you are a male using crossdressing to achieve something, maybe upping the ante each time, but you will always revert to your birth gender when the “show” is over...

Crossdressing helps me to sidestep this overtly sexual nature that imbues the males in my family, and it does it quite nicely, thank you. I’m extremely different from your typical MtF crossdresser, because I cannot form a sexual thought whilst dressed. Nobody out there believes me, but there is no arousal generated from wearing women’s clothing in my variation on the “art.” I worship at the nearest skirt hem, as my profile states, and this means I will not, or cannot, spoil this worship by worshipping the other thing I’m trying to suppress. If I want to do the latter, I will not dress in my precious femme clothes to do so. I can’t insult my fetish objects; otherwise the magic is lost...

However, I’m guessing many MtF crossdressers have no compunction about dressing up to reach the heights of personal ecstasy. The clothes are snug and form-fitting, the fabrics are tactile and beautiful, and a cornucopia of exciting feelings flood the senses each time you dress – parts of your body, hitherto hidden from view, are now exposed, you’re rather unsteady in those cute shoes, and you have some shape where there used to be none. I understand. It’s all very exciting, and, I feel, a valid reason for dressing up – something has to give, and (obviously) we can’t help ourselves...

Personally, I spend a lot of time suppressing the urges that overwhelm me, and crossdressing has been, and continues to be, a useful “tool” to contain and modify the male I am. Since I’ve been on this site, I’ve learned that I’m NOT alone, but, to the outside world, MtF crossdressing is a purely sexual thing, and other points of view will not be examined or tolerated. Only here, on this site, may you hear an alternative reason for crossdressing, i.e. one that does not jibe with the accepted view of such things. Just because I dress as a woman does not mean I’m “waxing” towards the inevitable climax. Instead, consider the fact that I’m waning, away from innate masculine urges, towards a calmer space. It works for me. As far as I’m concerned, you do what you HAVE to do...

Are you like me? Do you dress up to get away from it all (male urges, I mean)? :battingeyelashes:

[whowhatwhen]

I don't get orgasms, and in fact I can't remember the last time I had one. (probably 4+ years ago)
I only bother with that to "clean house" as part of regular required maintenance.

So I guess I fall into the arousal works, but isn't required, needed, or wanted.

[Alice Torn]

In younger years, , the playing in forbidden clothes, and getting the sexual high, was the norm for me, but as i age, my male libido is nearly non-existant. I , like you enter the realm of silky, form fitting, ecstasy of fabrics, and achieve the look.

[CynthiaD]

I don't especially care for reading things that are explicitly sexual, because I consider such things to be private. It's easy to avoid such threads, however. I suspect that the moderators discourage such discussions to keep them from overwhelming the board. I suspect that the board would cease to function as a support forum if the majority of the posts were explicitly sexual in nature.

[Stevie]

Very hard to answer this. I feel most have had these thoughts one time or another. Maybe they don't anymore but one time they did.
The moderators have to keep it clean. That's probably why they have a private section.

[midnightMelissa]

Frédérique, I actually understand what you are are saying. And indeed I use the same reasoning among other things to rationalize my dressing. Bottom line, I do it for myself. I generally speaking don't want anyone around whilst dressed and other activities generally speaking ruin the mood.

M

[Angela Campbell]

I am glad the moderators do what they do in this regard. I wouldn't want to visit this site if it was full of people getting their jollies. I have seen some things I did not have any interest in and fortunately they are few.

[Alyla]

Frederique,

I must confess, at the risk of upsetting the moderators, that I dress for self pleasure. Now in the lexicon of homonyms, antonyms, and similes, and once in a while metaphors, this could be confused with another salacious behavior; but, it is not. I am on a sarcastic bi-polar journey, better known by some as a journey of the unification of the physical and the meta-physical components of my existence. I believe someone wiser than I pursued a theory of unification.
I believe I can walk through my journey under the guidance of Robert Frost, and as I am just as likely to say definitions and syntax limit one's ability to see our world as it exists. Anthropologists expound on our ability to create language, and many times I feel we use it as a crutch to support one's own point of view. And we once again enter into the wondrous world of dichotomy. Or most commonly offered, "The us or them theory." If I may, I will say I am a creationist, with a caveat, the proposition that evolution is the mother of all creation. "Where the hell are we going, who is driving this bus?" This happens a lot when I get into a masturbatory hallucination within my own mind that I am enjoying a spontaneous stream of creative thought or energy in a very public forum of humanity. Sometimes when I am writing, I am taking a very private feeling and exposing myself in a very public manner; the same as a painter or musician. We do it to please ourselves, to find synergy within ourselves, to touch our creative secretions. Oh, what have I done, I should cure my exhibitionistic tendencies. I should write a poem for my memoirs. Then maybe I will be known when my oscilloscope flatlines. When this world of dualities finally succumbs to the sounds of om, and my shared consciousness of Jung and humanity. And I will touch my peace and the love, my physics and my meta, transcending, there's that trans prefix again, damn. Maybe it 's not a bi-polar world, but it is transcendental, and maybe I can find that satisfying, I can set back now and enjoy my physical release from this myopic world.

Thanks Fredy, I got a chance to be self absorbed and flagellate myself in public, now I should probably get dressed,

peace and love
Alyla

[famousunknown]

I don't especially care for reading things that are explicitly sexual, because I consider such things to be private. It's easy to avoid such threads, however. I suspect that the moderators discourage such discussions to keep them from overwhelming the board. I suspect that the board would cease to function as a support forum if the majority of the posts were explicitly sexual in nature.

I agree. There are plenty of other forums you can visit for sex talk.

[kimdl93]

I am not a fetish dresser, but early in my adult life, I assumed that dressing was about sex. But I feel, at least for me, that the association was purely coincidental. As a teen I discovered sex and rediscovered CDing after having been long suppressed. At the time, I thought, quite logically, that behavior A caused behavior B. But as I matured the two began to diverge and I found I enjoyed dressing just for the sake of dressing...despite all the cultural baggage I still carried around. I don't dress to avoid male urges, but I don't feel male urges when I dress....unless, coincidentally, my wife happens to be in the mood ;)

[Vickie_CDTV]

I always found it interesting, perhaps ironic, that TVFs are so hated in the trans community. Strictly speaking, if one looks at the numbers, for every TS who wants to or has transition, there is probably 1000 (more?) TVFs.

[drushin703]

Frederique. I consider pantyhose to be, not only the most sexual invention ever created by man, but perhaps the most sexual invention in all of human
civilization. Since it is rare to see younger women wearing them the pantyhose manufacturers make them (wink) knowing full well that men purchase
them for their personal use. That being said, if Hanes, Calvin Kline, and Wolford know what the deal is, why are we scrambling to remove ourselves
from the intended purpouse. I can understand and certainly respect YOUR intentions but crossdressing IMHO is SEXUAL. Of course i'm just guessing but
perhaps you represent a infinitesimal percentage of those who find other reasons to crossdress other than a physical indulgence, and if that is true,
then good for you. You always seem, at least in your writing, to be very strong willed and resolute. And I love reading your many posts, and I mean
all of them. But this wheel has already been invented,

sorry, dana

[Radina]

Whoa that was some deep post. Hard to read and get the point there, but I agree with drushin. I cannot imagine for a second why cross-dressing would be anything else other than sexual thrill. Maybe it's because I'm in my 20's. But of course, there are other opinions out there for this.

[docrobbysherry]

U may feel like the odd, er, woman out, Freddie. But, I may make u look pretty vanilla.

I started dressing in my 50's. There was nothing consciously sexual about my wanting to become a female. I was even seeing a urologist to find out why I had all lost all desire for sex of any kind after my ex and I separated. Over time, tho, I got better at appearing to be a woman in my mirror. And, that plus the feeling of wearing the various fem clothing items, as u described so well, became very exciting. However, it wasn't long before the appearance of my male parts, any and all male parts, began ruining the illusion for me. A real turn off! About 10 years ago I began having self sex as and like a female. Nothing male around to ruin the illusion.

Then, about 4 years ago I began going out and meeting other dressers. And, when I do that all thots of sex seem to vanish. I prep, go out, usually have a great time with the girls and afterwards I return home and undress. Without a single sexual thot the entire time! Yet, when I'm dressing at home, as I finish a dressing session after wearing all those wonderfully exciting fem items and seeing that erotic image in the mirror, the urge for sex invariably returns.

I use to wonder how ANY dresser could wear those sexy, fem items, see an attractive female in their mirror and NOT be turned on? And now, it happens to me often. And, I have no idea how or why!

By the way, for those that fantasize about what happens in the "Man's" section here, sex is hardly ever mentioned there. Why? Not sure, but I'm guessing there's an enormous difference between talking about personal sex practices and sexy talk to "hook up"! And, isn't that's why the hook up sites have chat rooms?

[Lovepython]

It's been a journey that recently changed for me.

Throughout my life CDing was a huge turn on. When young I couldn't put anything on without being aroused if you know what I mean. I'm well along in years and it is still a turn on. That's never really changed.

Lately I've found a new way to use this. It used to be much more of an internalized solo thing although it was also great with the SO. Recently I've changed my attitude on CDing and accepted this as much more of who I am. I've incorporated it into my everyday life as normal behavior. It's great. The thing that's changed is I now externalize the sexual feelings with the SO. Wow. Talk about revitalizing our sex lives. Things were slowing down for us in the bedroom but now it's like we are newly weds. When I CD I'm right on the edge. Any little pinch and tickle and I'm good to go. Not sure if this will diminish but sure enjoying it right now.

[Tracii G]

Sex or the act of it never enters my mind when I'm dressed enfemme hence the no sexual arousal in CDing for me.

[Gretchen_To_Be]

Freddy, I've been able to dress more in the last 3 months than in the 30 years before that. While still sensual and somewhat arousing, it's no longer about the immediate release at all. It's now about the aesthetic, the illusion, and the desire to feminize my appearance. It still gives me pleasure, but different than before.

[Beverley Sims]

Frédérique,
You have been amazingly quiet recently, or have I missed some of your posts?
I think CDing gives sexual gratification to those younger.
As we develop our outlets for gratification change and CDing takes on a different priority.
Some of us even go chasing girls marry them and have children, or at least the female of the species do.
During this period there is a suppression of CDing activity due to outside influences.
In this time the frustration builds up and when the family moves on..... Away we go again, on that roller-coaster.

As for putting labels on ourselves or psychological analysis I leave it to people on this board to worry about that.
If they want to analyze me and put me in a specific box well let it be.
I will just go on dressing, getting out and partying when I get the opportunity.
I will just sit here and stir my cauldron of words up and see what replies I can illicit from others.

[Barbara Maria]

Dressing for me isn't a sexual turn on at all. It's something much deeper and more fulfilling.I can't really put a label on it.I guess it's more emotional for me.

[AmyGaleRT]

Of course it starts out differently for each of us, Frédérique. My own dressing started out as fetishistic with a great deal of sexual gratification (and restricted to nightgowns), but one of my big "awakenings" was trying on a dress and, for the first time, discovering I was not turned on, instead feeling comfortable and happy. That led to my personal growth as a crossdresser, working up to a full femme presentation, complete with long hair. In a sense, it was the start of the development of "Amy" as, not a fetish object, but a woman. This led to the conception of myself as having a dualistic male and female soul, and to where I am today. So it was a necessary stage in my "evolution," but one that I had to move beyond in order to grow.

- Amy

[Wildaboutheels]

Pavlov's Dogs are neither a Forum myth nor an internet myth.

I imagine if any were still alive today, SOME might not need to/want to eat as much or maybe not as often as they did back in the day, but I bet they would still get "happy" just hearing the bell ring.

Older dogs..."most" older members here........................... I don't think the math is all that difficult for anyone who doesn't have their head in the sand.

The IMPORTANT thing to remember is there are NO right or wrong WAYS or REASONS for putting on the "wrong clothes". Regardless of what sex one was born.

[Gillian Gigs]

As per usual, your posts are thought provoking which is one of the reasons for being on this site, to get one thinking! One of the words used by more than one responder is "gratification". One of the dictionary definations of this word is that gratification is, "a source of satisfaction, or pleasure". So, my point is this, we obviously get gratification from dressing, or we would stop doing it. Then that being said, does it really matter whether the gratification is for sexual or non sexual purposes? Some may want to look pretty, others like to style or feel of the clothes. If some want to "get their jollies" from reading about some sexual exploit, then there are plenty of other sites. I feel that we need to understand and accept ourselves regardless of the why we do what we do. For many of us, we have had changes within our desires through the years, and that for some has lead to some degree of confusion. Where else is there to learn and understand, than from someone who has or is going through the same things. We just need to love and encourage each other while we go through the different stages of life.

[Stephanie47]

When I was a teenager my dressing resulted in sexual gratification. However, I would say all male teenagers found some sort of self gratification whether a cross dresser or not. That is part of the biological/reproductive process of the human species. In the 1960's a grainy 8 mm black and white porn movie would have been a prized possession. Now? It's difficult not to find porn. One only needs to look at the statistics for sexual activity.

I believe as we get older and there are more stressing aspects of life, people (men and women) find some method to escape those stresses. Is it drugs? Is it booze? Is it fishing? A hobby? Or, is it returning to something that at one time was pleasurable?

As a senior citizen, who still has sexual thoughts and is still functional, I dress for stress relief. Cross dressing is a great way to escape from reality and assume the persona of another person. It is so engrained that Stephanie truly forgets the clothes.

[Carlene]

"Are you like me? Do you dress to get away from it all (male urges, I mean)?

Yes, I think so. I get away from the need to compete, position and posture, hurt where and when it isn't necessary, and so on. There are many reasons/causes, none of which fully explain this behaviour but I suppose getting away from urges is right up there.

Carlene....

[Kate Simmons]

It is what it is Freddy. I usually don't share anything that personal. However, with my close friends, many here, I'm willing to talk about anything. My one rule for friendship is to always be yourself and if that includes discussing physicality, so be it.Works for me (and you know how fussy I am).;):)

[pink.switch.love]

I am a sexual person no matter what clothing I am wearing and hope to always be. (and I'm not a 20-something either)

I guess that is not true for everybody... I just LOVE sex. this way and that way.

There sure are people in here that do not like to make a point of discussing sex and it makes sense to a certain degree. The idea as I perceive it is to have a "clean" site so that SOs that were lied to for many years have a more comfortable place to be when they need answers.

[Frédérique]

Frédérique, I actually understand what you are are saying. And indeed I use the same reasoning among other things to rationalize my dressing. Bottom line, I do it for myself. I generally speaking don't want anyone around whilst dressed and other activities generally speaking ruin the mood.

I also do it for myself, and I’m careful not to “ruin the mood,” as you so aptly described. My dressing-up is one avenue of expression, and my artwork (or writing) is another. Inherent male urges also demand a “voice,” and the latter often dominates the proceedings, casting a shadow on all that is relatively innocent and beautiful. I try to keep the male in a separate compartment...


Sometimes when I am writing, I am taking a very private feeling and exposing myself in a very public manner; the same as a painter or musician. We do it to please ourselves, to find synergy within ourselves, to touch our creative secretions. Oh, what have I done, I should cure my exhibitionistic tendencies.

Yes, that’s how an artist thinks, and exhibitionistic tendencies always want to burst into the open, while we seek to curb any excesses. We certainly “do it” to please ourselves. I know a person who insists that I put my strongest passions into my artwork, or my writing, because that is the ONLY thing that matters, but I’m hesitant. Who can appreciate my (or our) most private feelings?


You always seem, at least in your writing, to be very strong willed and resolute. And I love reading your many posts, and I mean all of them. But this wheel has already been invented.

You might not like my recent posts in the TS section! :doh:


U may feel like the odd, er, woman out, Freddie. But, I may make u look pretty vanilla.

I only LOOK vanilla, darling... :battingeyelashes:

Pretty Vanilla would be a good femme name, wouldn’t it?


You have been amazingly quiet recently, or have I missed some of your posts?

You haven't missed anything. I was on hiatus for a while, keeping a low profile, in fact I was completely invisible for a time, just to see how that felt. I’m back now, for better or worse...

[andrea lace]

Another thought provoking post Freddie
I believe that the biggest sexual organ in the body is the brain. It doesn't matter whether or not anyone is cross dressing for sexual gratification or to feel calmer and feel a sense of ease that CDing brings. No matter what reasons that any of us CD we are all IMHO exercising the orgasmic area of our bodies the brain.

[Kendappa]

Are you like me? Do you dress up to get away from it all (male urges, I mean)? :battingeyelashes:

No, but my CDing has nothing to do with sexual urges. I don't like dirtying my clothes either, I take them off if I want to do sexual things. Your posts are always thought provoking and fun to read. Thank you, Frédérique. ~K

[Lorileah]

You haven't missed anything. I was on hiatus for a while, keeping a low profile, in fact I was completely invisible for a time, just to see how that felt. I’m back now, for better or worse...

looks like the moderator on duty will have to go back to work then ;)

[Loni]

all said and done show me any "young boy" who with just a thought is not up to it?
as for me no sexual interest here. and not been so for many a decade, i just feel right in women's clothing. nothing sexual, or overt. just inside i feel better as loni than as "that guy".


loni

[diannecourtney]

Just how far do you go to meet womanhood needs, wig, padded hips, make-up, forms. Or even voice training. Your avatar is just like your literary skills. PERFECT, I look forward to your continuing commentary.