Living the life,most of the time

[Rogina B]

This thread is about walking a middle path in order to be a happy transsomething..Hopefully others that share this path with me will tell their story as well.It is not a thread to convince you that what some of us do is better than another choice.This is about how I enjoy living my life and what seems to work for me. It is all about freedom by design,creating a lifestyle that let's you be true to yourself. I am married now for 13 yrs and have an 11 yr old daughter.I am 57,and probably wasn't on a path to be a husband or father,but I am glad that I did both. I am not headed for transition as I wouldn't be happy if I abandoned ship.I work for myself in the commercial marine field and have work in front of me for the next two and a half years..so,I'll take this fair tide as long as I can,I am not going to let my success slip away.. So,I lead a gender fluid life.I am only male while working.The rest of the time I am in female mode. Roger or Rogina,now I go by Ro as it works better for my gender fluid existence. Anyone I consider a friend,knows Rogina and because I travel for work,most people are friends of Rogina and wouldn't know Roger if he was standing beside them.Suits me just fine. I live where my work project is,right now I rent a nice cottage next to the shipyard. I get home to my family about once a month. It works for us.We all have freedom..by design. I wake them up and get them to bed,from wherever I am.My daughter is at the top of her class,so my help from afar must be a good thing. When I am home,it is three girls living as a family,and I like that.Ro completely has her own life and has gotten her [RLE "real life experience"] over the last four years of mostly full time living. I have no stress because of it.I am not bottled up ,ready to blow a cork! Again,it comes from adjusting your lifestyle to give you the freedom to be yourself.My wife and daughter accept that Rogina is a huge part of me and freedom to be true to myself is essential to the quality of life in the household. There are others that live as I do and perhaps they will share their story as well.I believe there is a middle path and it takes guts to walk it,but it works for some of us.

[STACY B]

You Go Ro !! LOL,,, Tell um ,,Its not that bad after that cats out the bag . Just be who you are ,,They will get used to it ,, If they want there Boat fixed right !!

[Angela Campbell]

I also have made the choice, at least so far, not to give up everything I have worked for all of my life. I still work as a man and when I go to see my family I look like a man. Other than that I choose to live as a woman. I cannot transition due to the high cost. Financial and otherwise. Yes I want to be a woman inside and out, I always have since my earliest recollections. If I can't get the SRS I have no reason to get the HRT. If I cannot do either of those I can still look like a man when I am at work and with my family (who do not live near me) Yes I have gender dysphoria. I have lived with it for 50 or more years now so I guess I can do it a while longer.

I have started getting active with 2 TG groups. In this way I have been able to get out and make friends and have a social life as a woman. In truth the last 7 months have been the happiest times of my life. No I can't have it all but I have a lot.

[RenneB]

Way to go Ro.... You and I have a lot in common. I too get to live the 'dream' except for work. So that gets me about 75% time as Renne and 25% of time in drab mode for work. The SO and offspring are a few hundred corn fields away so what happens at my house stays at my house and when I do get back to the family, it's me in male parent mode. It's rather compartmentalized but works for me.

After work, I'm in the comfy clothes and on the weekend it's a full time chic fest with shopping and going out and stuff.... Life is pretty good, but there is always room for improvement and I just keep plodding on this journey one step at a time.....

Just wish we had some of your warm weather out in the plains ......

Renne.....

[Julie Gaum]

To Ro: Not always true but when it does --- it's great--- that is, good things happen to a good person. You are one of those chosen ones.
Best always
Julie

[Rogina B]

Thanks Julie,I just know that I have to be myself in order to be happy.I have taken the risks for the rewards.There are tradeoffs for sure.But it is possible to design a life whereby you still have your family and income,yet you are your female self most of the time.If I was doing a year of RLE in order to transition,I would still look no better than I do now,nor have any more experiences from it than I have had living as I have for the last couple of years..Another way to test the water..

[I Am Paula]

Ro, thanks for the great thread. I went full time over a year ago now. I haven't done guy mode since Oct, and a few hours at xmas. I'm not on HRT, nor pusuing SRS. I just decided to be honest to myself, and finally realize a lifelong desire. My wife is behind me, and all but one family members (redneck father in law), know me as Celeste now. It was way easier than I expected, cause it was just the right time and place.
Kudos for living your life by your own design.-Celeste

[Rogina B]

Celeste,thanks..and you have to design it in order to have it work,I think. There are quite a few of us that have no plans for HRT or surgery,but need to live the life in order to be happy.

[Debglam]

Hi Rogina,

A very thoughtful post!

I think there ARE a lot of us that are able to strike a balance between male and female and are quite happy. I know that I am and I really believe that I am "bigendered." I will be totally honest though: I think that our ability to do this has a lot to do with our level of gender dysphoria and it is less of a conscious choice than it is "luck of the draw."

[Rogina B]

Debby,When i keep saying "by design" I mean that one has to take the steps and the risks involved in gaining the acceptance to be free.I couldn't have it any other way..

[Debglam]

Debby,When i keep saying "by design" I mean that one has to take the steps and the risks involved in gaining the acceptance to be free.I couldn't have it any other way..

Absolutely correct! :)

[Beverley Sims]

Rogina,
I strike a balance that sees me explore the best of both worlds.
Like you I only dress for work these days.

[Chickhe]

Totally agree...to beat this thing we need to self accept it and figure out a way to fit it in to our lives (for me its mostly just doing Halloween with friends and family and otherwise its on my own time). I had so much stress built up over the years of being scared and hiding that it was impacting everything else. Once I took some risks I figured out its not at all what I feared it would be.

[StephanieDragg]

very similar here, I work as a guy, but my social life is feminine, still raising 2 boys 18 and 13 and married nearly 30 yrs, they know I dress and I make things work at home and keep everyone happy, I also do not want srs, perfectly happy being a cd gurl and being able to enjoy that as I am fortunate to live near a nice area that has accepted and welcomed my continuing presence.... have fun honey!

[Rogina B]

And having the freedom and acceptance to be happy is also what makes it work at home...it is a reciprocal thing,in my opinion..

[harmony]

as we are blessed with the awareness of the other gender within us(i consider most people are not aware but its there)we have to find ways to deal with it.for most of us it means slipping into the opposite mode for whatever length of time to release the tension and harmonize the two(thats where my name originates).
about 6 month ago on my way to my winterquaters in florida i visited rogina.arriving early afternoon at the adress given i found myself at a small shipyard with one of the burly shiprights working there greeting me.i had found roger who then showed me around in the yard including his present project-a rather large fishing boat which he was in the process of making even larger by having it cut in half and adding a piece in the middle of the hull.he then showes me a place in the yard for my motorhome to spend the night and said he would be back to go out for dinner.what a surprise when this lady turned up with no hint of the former burly shipwright showing!we blended right in with the dinner crowd and had a good time chatting.
now there is someone who managed to accomodate their duality with family and job intact.

[Rogina B]

Thanks,Harmony. I have been home this weekend as it had been 5 weeks away in Jax. My wife and daughter are getting more used to 3 girl outings while taking care of that list of "wants" that have built up since I've been away.They are realizing that most people don't give me a second look as well as salespeople treating myself just like any other customer.My daughter is always happy to go with me and it seems almost reassuring to my wife as she observes how others interact with me. You don't get this far with acceptance in family life if you don't take bold steps to make it happen.

[Beverley Sims]

I will say very tongue in cheek, whatever floats your boat.
If you can dress whilst away from the family and they know it, there is no deceit in the relationship.
You can develop at your own pace and practice for full time transition if that is your wish later.
The fact that your family looks forward to seeing you and keeping constant contact whilst away I think you have the best of both worlds.
Ro, all I can say is may it continue that way.

[Rogina B]

I may be 99 percent full time before too long and hope to keep the family unit intact.The process involves going from a two and a half girl/half boy family to a three girl family and that takes conditioning...All three family members in the restaurant bathroom is a small example..

[PaulaQ]

Hi Rogina, thanks for the great thread. Threads like this give me personally a lot of hope.

What was the hardest thing for you, integrating this into your life as successfully as you have?

[Tracii G]

Pretty much feel the same as you and its great how you have worked it out so well.

[Rogina B]

What was the hardest thing for you, integrating this into your life as successfully as you have?
Because the commercial waterfront is so macho,staying sane while working around some of these people is a workout in itself.Sometimes I feel like saying" I am everything you hate"..to some of the rednecks..I keep my discussions work related,and because I am in charge,I find that maintains a professional relationship with these people. The short answer...keeping some distance..

[PaulaQ]

Thanks Rogina, that has to be a special hell all on it's own!

[Maria S]

I have a nice balance but a little different than most. As I am not working at present I spend most of the weekday day time dressed and evenings and weekends in male mode. There are a few exceptions hospital or doctor's appointments, job centre signing on etc. Tomorrow my wife is having an evening out with her work mates so I am planning a nice long day and evening as Maria I estimate about 16 hours solid one of the longest times I have ever been dressed in one go. Bliss!

I have no children so it's hard for me to comment on the mix of dressing time and daddy time and how they both cross. Most CDers I have met who have children keep it from them with a vengance. I think part of it is so they do not get bullied at school if it were to come out that daddy wears a dress. I did know one person who had a sex change after splitting from his wife and now if he picks her up from school he is now an "aunt".

Maria

[Rogina B]

I have no children so it's hard for me to comment on the mix of dressing time and daddy time

Maria
For me,the situation is quite different than the "average CD"..If you take a look at my original post,you will better understand where I am coming from and what's "normal" in my world..Feel free to look things over and check out my past posts and you will see that some of us live a different lifestyle in order to be ourselves,without blowing up our family and work..that is what the thread was about.Perhaps it opened some eyes to the fact that there may be another path toward happiness.

[Christy Diane]

I know the feeling. I also work in a very macho field (utility construction). I live in south west Georgia, redneck heaven. Hardly a day goes by without someone making a disparaging remark about someone with an alternative lifestyle. I just want to scream.

[Rogina B]

What about the good old boys that think women should be in a cage like their hunting dogs...I often think that if they hate women so much,then they ought to sleep with their buddy Bubba and see how that goes for them!