Scared S---less!

[docrobbysherry]

Talked with my ex. She made me at a SA ladies rack a few weeks ago and we discussed "it" at lunch today.:doh:

Then, I finally told my older, married daughter tonite. Scared S--less what will happen next!:confused2:

Now, I wish I'd been satisfied to simply throw on hose and panties, occasionally, under my jeans for all these years!:brolleyes:

[sandra-leigh]

How did your ex react, Doc? Bitter? Derision? "Whatever, but I'm glad I'm not married to you anymore" ?

[Michelle55]

None of her $%^& business. She's the ex not a current wife.

[Wonderwho]

Fear not my friend, what can anybody do that you have not done to yourself. The thoughts of getting caught and the end result of that situation are worse in your head than they can ever be in real life.
You have way to much strength and passion for life to let this get your in your head.
My best to you and keep living on the edge!!!!!!!!
Wonderwho

[kimdl93]

Breath....relax...and don't assume or guess anything. Things will be ok

[Tracii G]

It will work out Sherry don't worry.

[Missy Tanya]

Sherry your still the same person that they knew and loved all these years. You've just go more in touch with your femmine side as of late. Tell your daughter that you will always love her, just as you have. But the man in you is letting the woman poke out and having fun with it. I'm sure that your daughter will, with some time to think about it, come to love you even more. She could have another woman to shop with. As for your Ex, who cares. If you are worried about what she will think, you can have my Ex to make you have something else to worry about too. Lol

Good luck and I enjoy having Sherry here with me, and I'm sure I would like her other half as well. Hugs Tanya

[AllieSF]

Wow, Sherry. I do wish you the best. You are very level headed and somehow you will deal with it. Just remember you have a lot of great acquaintances here and a few friends too. Let us know how we can help besides only expressing our support. As they say, the phone (PM for this site) rings at both ends, so don't be afraid to use it if necessary, and even if unnecessary.

[Maria in heels]

You must have been all choked up when telling your daughter...I can only imagine, but the positive is that its all out now, and you can really enjoy yourself (not to say that you don't because I love your picture stories now!)

[donnalee]

Ouch!! Well, you're in it now, might as well enjoy the ride as you plunge over the waterfall; hope you land in a placid pool of serenity. Don't panic; the natives are mostly harmless. Good luck,
Donna

[Angela Campbell]

We all fear the day that our secret is revealed. As long as it doesn't effect either your job (source of income) or marriage, there is little to fear really. Ok so if your kids know, do you really think they will disown you? No not likely, they may think Dad is a little weird, but they will still love you.

My kids do not know about this and they still think I am a little weird.

[Stevie]

Omg I hope this goes well. If you need someone to talk to pm me. You have my support.

[Kate Simmons]

One thing about being scared s--less is that we don't have to worry about buying toilet tissue. Sometimes I think I may have to finance that stuff. We are here for you in any case RS.:)

[traci_k]

Sherry, you didn't say how your daughter reacted. I hope all went well. As they say in chess the threat (or fear) is often worse than the reality. And as it says in the Bible "The truth shall set you free." Just let the kids know that you love them and nothing can change that and let the chips fall where they may. If there is any kind of support we can lend, you know to just let us know.
Hugs!

[suzy1]

I haven’t told my daughter but my relationship with her is very good. I know without any doubt she would be O.K. with it. Most daughter/father relationships are a bit special sherry so I hope she is O.K. with it.

As for your ex, well my ex is history and I don’t give a [put in a really nasty word here] about her.

Try not to worry too much, life goes on and all that.:)

Suzy

[Laura912]

Hopefully your daughter got enough of her father's good qualities to handle this with no problems. Have a safe and good continued evolution as Darwin once said.

[Sara Jessica]

Alright Sherry, we care about you but need to know more. What were the reactions? How much did you disclose???

I'm sure the whole thing was overwhelming which is why so little was written. When you are able, please share more about how this all went down. :hugs:

[Debbi]

Hi Sherry,

I'm sure you must be worried sick about what your daughter is thinking, perhaps what your ex might do, ect. Just hang in there girl. It may feel like worlds end, but I can reassure you that it's not. I went though a similar experience during my first marriage and I let It get the best of me. Wife saw a short video I made of myself, fully dressed, walking to and from the camera, posing and just doing my best at appearing fem for the camera. Completely G rated that lasted only a few minutes. It was just something I made to see myself from a different perspective than the mirror. Of course, I mindlessly left the tape in the VCR and she viewed it, totally freaked out, told her sister, called Dr. Laura even! By the end of the week her whole family knew! I was humiliated, scared, embarrassed and ashamed to say the least! Felt like my whole worlds was crashing down on me. I let that unfortunate experience have and take over control of my life for the next 13 years! I totally and completely supressed that part of me for 13 years. immediately discarded everything to do with my dressing the very next day. We divorced 4 years later,(unrelated to that). 7 years single, not even the slightest inkling of thoughts of dressing), remarried and 2 years into my 2nd marriage, it came rushing back with a vengeance, my inner Girl)

Anyway, my point being, the fear I placed upon myself of the horrible fallout was soooo much greater than what was. Yeah, it can be quite shocking to those that know us as only our male selves, ex husband, Dad, ect. reactions vary from everyone differently. my situation differs a bit from yours, but the sudden 'scared s***less' feeling is no different. How YOU allow it to affect YOU is what's important. You need to accept the fact that your secret is no longer. That what you have been hiding was NOTHING bad. You had your reasons for keeping this side of you in private. And your reasons will be respected by those who love you, ( your daughter). Not knowing your social standing with your ex, I can only say that hopefully she is mature enough to be civilized and understanding about what she now knows.

Sherry, I feel your pain, fears and uncertainty. You did the right thing by handling it the way you did. Now you just need to take some time to keep your wits about yourself. Focus on the knowledge that you are now past a previously feared place. a place that you can put to rest finally. eventually this is going to present itself as a blessing and a major weight off of your shoulders. In the meantime, Just be sure to remember that you are still the wonderful person you've always been. I chose to let what happen to me, rob me of 13 years of who I was. Be strong and stay true to yourself as these revelations to your ex & daughter will eventually smooth over. They will.

And above all else, you have the greatest support group and friends here. We got your back girl! Always!!

Hugs,

Debbi

[Marleena]

Alright Sherry, we care about you but need to know more. What were the reactions? How much did you disclose???

I'm sure the whole thing was overwhelming which is why so little was written. When you are able, please share more about how this all went down. :hugs:

Yes, inquiring minds want to know because we care about you.

[Kristyn Hill]

yes, we could all learn something on how your precious daughter reacted. I have (2) baby girls. 23 & 17. As Marleena said, Inquiring minds want & need to know.

[JenniferR771]

My married daughter was Ok with the idea when I told her. OK, by that I mean we don't talk about it, except very minor way.

[Loni]

does it really matter what the ex knows or does not know? is she that much of your life still? not to worry about her.
as for your daughter, if she is worth it she will know you are you no matter how you dress. but please keep us informed about her.

just try to not push it on her, and talk about it from time to time...maybe you will find a whole new and great relationship with her.

Loni

.

[Karren H]

Its more fear of change or the unknown...... imho..... We get too comphy in the status quo..... and don't want it to ever change...... Bad S#!t happens all the time .... you just need to deal with it in as positive manor as you can and move on.... "If your not afraid to die..... you become fearless......"

[Beverley Sims]

So far everyone has said it all.
Like Alfred E says "Don't worry"

[Lorileah]

Yes, inquiring minds want to know because we care about you.

Or....some people here are just nosey

[docrobbysherry]

Thank u all for the support and encouraging words! It really helps rite now!


Alright Sherry, we care about you but need to know more. What were the reactions? How much did you disclose???

I'm sure the whole thing was overwhelming which is why so little was written. When you are able, please share more about how this all went down. :hugs:
Yes, you're correct, Sara. My OP was simply a panicky gut reaction. Let me explain further. Because the plot is a bit more complicated. It's not so much about my older, married daughter. But, the younger one who lives with me part time. And, next month, it will be FULL TIME!

She's already nearly caught me a few times. And, my ex mentioned the younger daughter has told her things which indicate she knows something's up with me. However, now I have every other weekend and 3 weekday evenings to myself. In April that will all change, when my ex moves out of state. I greatly fear the younger girl coming home unexpectedly from college, etc. A cancelled class, or early out, or something? And, find Sherry prancing around the yard or house! Can u imagine? That could be incurably traumatic for both of us!

I wondered how she mite react if I told her about my hobby, to my ex. She suggested I ask her older sister before I tell the younger girl. That required telling the older one first. Which is where I am in this process rite now. The older girl is currently thinking about the consequences of telling the younger one.

The older girl said she didn't think it was a big deal as far as she was concerned. And, didn't change the way she thot of me. But of course, there's the burden of keeping my secret from her side of the family, (she's my step daughter and I raised her. But, she has her bio dad and a bunch of his relatives who all know me well), and her spouse. Who looks up to and respects me. That would quickly evaporate if he knew! My goodness this family stuff gets complicated doesn't it?

My ex revealed that knew a lot more about my dressing then I thot. I was surprised because I didn't get serious about it until we separated. She's good at keeping secrets. During our very acrimonious divorce, she never mentioned my dressing and I wouldn't let my attorney mention her cheating. We both have dirt on the other. During and since then, she hasn't mentioned my secrets to family and I haven't, hers!

Hope that fills in the gaps, Sara? Nothing like a good nites sleep and breakfast to make u feel better as your ship starts going under.

[Marleena]

Or....some people here are just nosey

That too I think!:D

Seriously though, it has to be scary and we all want a good outcome.

[Sara Jessica]

Or....some people here are just nosey

Yeah, nosey.

Sherry is a dear friend of mine beyond these pages, I think I have a right to ask for a little more detail. Just as Sherry would have the right not to give any.

Regardless, thanks so much for the update Sherry. We can talk off-line if you need someone to talk to. Otherwise, it looks like we will have even more to chat about on the way to fabulous Las Vegas.

[Marleena]

Best of luck Sherry! So far so good.:)

[SarahLynn]

Sherry my gut reaction is to come clean to the older daughter, asking her to keep it to herself, and then to the younger. She's in collage so its highly likely she already has an open mind to lifes little changes. This will take the stress from this part of your life.

Your ex is most polite for not sharing your hobby with others. You must thank her when next you meet.

SarahLynn

[Joanne f]

Well the way I see it is all plus's as the more of your family know the less you have to worry about being caught, I expect that they will ether tell you at first how much that they are willing to accept or tell you if they happen to see you dressed at any time , just look at it like the more they know the freer you are about being caught and if they do not like it they might start to give you some sort of warning if they intend to be home early which should stop you worrying so much about being caught .

[ReineD]

First I'd like to congratulate you on going out without the suit! You've made good progress, Sherry, some years ago you never would have done this.

And like the others, I'll add that it will be OK. Sounds like your daughter has two modern parents who are not freaked out by the CDing, plus an older sister who feels the same way, so why should she feel any differently? :)

This episode is a blessing, actually. Think of the peace of mind you will experience if you aren't constantly on your toes, wondering if your daughter might walk in on you. This will help you to relax with the CDing, which in turn will help you be a more relaxed dad all around when your daughter is home. It's a win-win situation!

That said, whether your daughter embraces the concept with open arms or it takes her a little while to get used to the idea, you could explain to her that you feel awkward about dressing in front of her (if you feel this way) so now that she knows, could she text you when she is on her way home in order to avoid any surprises.

Or ... she may suggest a shopping trip for the both of you, in which case you'll need to decide if YOU'RE ready to have your daughter see you dressed. :D

[Sara Jessica]

One very important thing to mention, if it is decided that the youngest soon-to-be-live-in daughter is told, there is no reason for her to EVER see anything. All that would be needed is a courtesy call by her before returning home to avoid any surprises. Just a little food for thought.

Edit - Reine, I swear I didn't read your post before making my comment above. Great minds think alike, I guess :).

[Emogene]

Thank you ladies! Recognizing that we all have the right to our own thoughts and feelings, I have been very touched how everyone has rallied about and offered thoughtful support and love for one another in this string and in others. Again, thank you for providing me and others such a wonder place to gather and share.

I just can't imagine what our reactions and comments would have been in our masculine roles before CD; this site proves that CD makes us better, more open, more loving, more caring, more aware than we might be in our masculine roles. Good on you all ladies!

[busker]

Hi Sherry,
Not knowing exactly how you explained the CD bit, it could be a great blessing to follow your own line " of being a female shape shifter". female impersonation might take it away from any sense of "perversion"--and turn it into some notion of theatrical hobby. It has a long standing history, most people don't view drag shows with contempt and it provides a good cover since you have indeed been turning out different women practically every time you show pics. Your take on this is different from the average CD thing here.
In any case, i wish you the best going forward with the greatest hopes that it works out with your youngest daughter.

[MsJanessa]

None of her $%^& business. She's the ex not a current wife.

aaahhh but ex-wives can make just as much trouble as a current wife

[Rogina B]

One very important thing to mention, if it is decided that the youngest soon-to-be-live-in daughter is told, there is no reason for her to EVER see anything. All that would be needed is a courtesy call by her before returning home to avoid any surprises.
Why is her Dad's hobby such a huge negative thing that has to be hidden from a daughter of her age?Seems way overdoing it to me if Dad's hobby is just dressing and taking pictures like we see here..

[Sara Jessica]

Why is her Dad's hobby such a huge negative thing that has to be hidden from a daughter of her age?Seems way overdoing it to me if Dad's hobby is just dressing and taking pictures like we see here..

Because some of us choose not to disclose to the point of prancing around our children in a dress (putting this at an extreme to match up with an overly-simplistic POV as presented).

It has nothing to do with any inherent negativity about who we areor what we do. Instead, it is about protecting our kids from having to deal with an alternate visual image of their father that (Kathi's) mental steel wool can never erase.

[AllieSF]

Because some of us choose not to disclose to the point of prancing around our children in a dress (putting this at an extreme to match up with an overly-simplistic POV as presented).

It has nothing to do with any inherent negativity about who we areor what we do. Instead, it is about protecting our kids from having to deal with an alternate visual image of their father that (Kathi's) mental steel wool can never erase.

That, and, if one feels uncomfortable dressing in front of someone else, SO, family, friends or the general public for whatever reason and they are basically content to adapt their dressing to a more restrictive situation, why do they have to dress in front of others? It doesn't have to have negative connotations, but it does recognize that pushing that envelope unnecessarily may just result in unwanted and, yes, negative consequences. In Sherry's situation a part of her dressing is by her own description fetish oriented and that is a more than understandable reason not to dress in front of her or most other people.

Just because her daughter knows does not mean that her daughter is ready and willing to see her dressed, nor does it mean that Sherry should do that anyway and maybe risk other issues with her youngest daughter.

[JenniferR771]

Anything involving sexuality is a private matter. She (or others) don't need to know much. And TMI, they don't want to know much.
My youngest (32) daughter keeps calling on the phone when I am busy putting on my makeup. I use speakerphone. I sometimes describe the problems I am having, but she doesn't talk about it much. OK with me.

[Rogina B]

That, and, if one feels uncomfortable dressing in front of someone else In Sherry's situation a part of her dressing is by her own description fetish oriented and that is a more than understandable reason not to dress in front of her or most other people.

Just because her daughter knows does not mean that her daughter is ready and willing to see her dressed, nor does it mean that Sherry should do that anyway and maybe risk other issues with her youngest daughter.

You and SJ are right! I just see Sherry with an illusionist hobby[that could be in demand somewhere],and I see Sherry as a T that is heading to Vegas in company of other T's...I forgot about the fetish part,I'm sorry..sort of like" hide the whips and handcuffs",huh?

[Sara Jessica]

Thank you Allie for expanding on my thought.

And thanks to you Rogina for your gracious reply. Mine was a little bit testy because I tend to get protective when it comes to bringing this around kids. It's one thing for them to know. Heck, my own children don't know but I'd bet money they could put two & two together if they are even halfway paying attention...not to mention of they've ever picked the lock to my closet which wouldn't be hard to do at all.

But it's an entirely different thing for them to see us. If that works for some families out there, then all is great. However, it's not one-size-fits-all when it comes to this subject and I am guessing Sherry would just assume keep it out of sight when her daughter is around regardless of whether or not the fetish part of Sherry's existence was there or not.

[DonniDarkness]

i know this a touchy subject here but i just wanted to say, the kids growing up in this generation of gender expression already know someone who is TG....and its not their parents....

My kids go to school in a small community. There are TG kids in their class/school system. They already know of TG or LGBT lifestyyles from chlidrens TV shows, popular media, and basic conversation.

If you think they dont have a clue.... your the one with out one. Just sayin.

My kids have seen pictures of me, i have a wig collection on stands in my bedroom, watch Ru pauls Drag race (Older daughter only), and have a concious understanding that some men play the parts of women in theater and movies. If they have questions i answer them.

Hiding and having a DADT relationship with my kids will never happen. I refuse to be ashamed of who i am in front of them and i will not entertain the concept that i should not be around children because i am a CD/TV/Drag Diva. There is nothing sexual about dressing unless you make it so......although i understand that Docsherry IS fetish orientated it still is not grounds for him to be ashamed of his alter ego. It just means he requires privacy.

Now for the OP.

Doc,

It sounds like the cats out of the bag, but i wouldnt worry too much. You seem like your very comfortable with yourself and where you are with sherry, so i dont think that now is the time to be timid. You have just told them all about Sherry and waiting for a fallout of some kind....but i think that as long as you keep your high self esteem thu all this your going to be fine.

I would make it a point to remind your family when they ask, Sherry is shy and the only reason you told them was to have some freedom within your own home.
Ask your daughter to call/text before she comes home to avoid the awkwardness of surprising each other. Come up with a codeword....make it funny...."Dad's not here today...." "Sherry is home for the weekend"....something like that would give you some peace of mind and them a little freedom to know shes not going to walk in on the kinkster convention.

But once people know....even just one in the family...it wont be long before others know.....trust me, i know this from experience. The best thing to do is just let it go. We have no control of the info once it has left our possession. All we can do is keep being who we are.

Chin up Doc,
-Donni-

[Rogina B]

My kids go to school in a small community. There are TG kids in their class/school system. They already know of TG or LGBT lifestyyles from chlidrens TV shows, popular media, and basic conversation.

If you think they dont have a clue.... your the one with out one. Just sayin.

My kids have seen pictures of me, i have a wig collection on stands in my bedroom, watch Ru pauls Drag race (Older daughter only), and have a concious understanding that some men play the parts of women in theater and movies. If they have questions i answer them.
-Donni-

And,as I have said before,Miley Cyrus is kissing girls...

[Bootsiegalore]

Sherry,
My kids have known now for like 5 years..... Younger one is 18 and older one is 22.... Younger one still lives under my roof and I pay for their insurance, Rent, Cars, Fuel, etc... They have been accepting of me since I "came out to them" years ago. My wife is accepting and so is her mother.... I used to have to cook family dinners at all holidays... (I am a good cook) and when my wife's brother found out he was a bit poopie about it.... So I told them "No acceptance - no chow!" They have not been here for a holiday dinner since! (YAY!)

I raised my kids to be accepting and open minded and they are. I am very proud of their positions on this stuff. (on a side bar.... my older son was smitten for my massuse! A trans woman! She is very hot!....

Any way. I do not see anything wrong with close people knowing. And the whle thing is, you do not like it? Then the familial welfare stops.

Anyway, that was my 2 cents. All this stuff is genetic and not deviant behavior (as my brother-in-law thinks)

I actually live about half my life as Rachel.... If I did not have to deal with my business and clients it would likely be more. I actually think your daughter might like Sherry better than Rob..... Mine prefer Rachel to Rich any day of the week. Rachel is understanding and quiet..... Rich is mostly aggrivated by work and clients and has a short fuse.....

Thanks
Rachel