Crossdressers are HOT!

[Elirra]

Hi there,

Ever since I was a kid I've been sexually aroused by dressing in women's clothes and looking at images of other men en femme. I've only been in relationships with women because I love the way they look and couldn't imagine being with masculine men. I have had 3 homosexual encounters (one with a tranny) and they were incredibly exciting though.

Recently I was diagnosed with a condition called Klinefelter's Mosaic syndrome that basically means that I have two sets of chromosomes in my body. One a regular male XY set and the other an intersex set of XXY. So I have a rogue extra female sex chromosome running rampant around my body. I can remember being about 4 years old and staring in the mirror wondering if I was a boy or a girl and I honestly couldn't give myself an answer. Other kids would sometimes ask me the same thing.

I've been in a 10 year relationship with my girlfriend and our relationship is going no where. When it was discovered that I was sterile because of my condition it really put a damper on things since she desperately wants children. I feel like less of a man (than I did before) and have recently started crossdressing as much as I can. Right now I am dressed in breast forms, a blue blouse, dark blue pencil skirt, tan pantyhose, pink panties and some killer 41/2 inch black and blue peep toe heels. I feel sexy as hell and love it! She knows that I crossdress and has supported me with it although she is not turned on by it at all. We haven't had sex in the past few months and my only outlet is to dress in women's clothes and take care of myself (if you can't get it from a beautiful woman, dress up as one and get it for yourself I've always said!). In some ways I prefer that because there are no weird emotions attached to it. I've thought about breaking up with her if for no other reason than to free her of me for her own happiness but that would be difficult and expensive and would make me really sad. :sad:

Recently I've thought about crossdressing my best and going to the local gay bar, getting drunk and seeing what happens (wink, wink). I want to feel like a woman to some man or other crossdresser and I like to drink a lot because I can go into my own head and be her or at least be in some limbo and feel good about myself. Besides, Elirra is a serious party girl who loves to have a good time! I have gone out to gay bars in the past dressed up but it's always when I'm 3 sheets to the wind and don't care about the consequences. Dangerous, I know, but exciting none the less.

I don't want any sexual reassignment but feel trapped because of my situation and desires. Other men on forums for Klinefelters Syndrome share similar experiences of always having a woman inside and not being able to escape it. Many of them are actually crossdressers with drinking problems as well, go figure.

I guess my question is: What am I? Gay, straight, something in between? I think the latter feels right but that doesn't help me when I'm somewhere stuck in the middle. I'm mostly comfortable in my situation with my girlfriend but that is mostly out of logistics and friendship. She is an amazing woman and I am lucky to be with her. I have a hard time imagining getting married too her though. I don't think either of us thinks I'm man enough to go thru with it. If we did break up I am pretty sure I would pursue a lifestyle as a crossdresser for better or for worse. Scary to think about.

Well, I think you get the picture. Any thoughts would be appreciated. I think a lot of you could relate here on this forum. Thanks.

Cheers,

Elirra

[Kate Simmons]

Get to know and appreciate yourself and don't be too concerned about "labels". Truly loving someone is not restrictive but free and open. We have to love ourselves before we love others, however. Many folks miss that important detail. Just enjoy being who you are and be happy and everything else will follow.:)

[Miriam-J]

Generally we think in terms of being either straight or gay. But just as there are many shades of gray with respect to gender expression, there are many shades of gray for sexuality. Most people actually fall in somewhere between totally straight and totally gay, though they may only allow themselves to express one or the other. Your urgings are actually the norm, though you and your girlfriend must work together to discover ways in which you can express yourself in a way that is safe and enhances your relationship. Be careful, especially when you're three sheets to the wind, as your choices can have life-long consequences. But also be careful to express your full self somehow.

Miriam

[Jenniferathome]

... I've only been in relationships with women because I love the way they look and couldn't imagine being with masculine men. I have had 3 homosexual encounters (one with a tranny) and they were incredibly exciting though....I want to feel like a woman to some man

What? From my understanding of the english language, you DON'T only have relationships with women. You're gay. Move on, it's no big deal.

[whowhatwhen]

Recently I've thought about crossdressing my best and going to the local gay bar, getting drunk and seeing what happens (wink, wink). I want to feel like a woman to some man or other crossdresser and I like to drink a lot because I can go into my own head and be her or at least be in some limbo and feel good about myself. Besides, Elirra is a serious party girl who loves to have a good time! I have gone out to gay bars in the past dressed up but it's always when I'm 3 sheets to the wind and don't care about the consequences. Dangerous, I know, but exciting none the less.

Don't put yourself at risk like that, if you want some **** try to get it in a non-drunk sane way vs some random dude.
I find it hard to believe some stranger looking for a hole to park it in is going to be gentle enough to not hurt you down there.

Edit:
Also don't do it behind your GF's back, either don't do it, attempt to get her blessing, or whatever but cheating on her would be so unfair.

[Marleena]

Corrine, I wonder if she ever thought about counselling? It seems in order here. Reckless abandon is what I'm seeing. Or... I'm thinking but won't say...

[whowhatwhen]

That would be a good idea, especially if she's unsure about being gay/straight/bi.
Nothing wrong with wanting to ride the pink baloney pony, but getting drunk to "see what happens" on the surface sounds pretty dangerous - especially for someone who is CD/TG.

Who knows? Maybe the GF would be fine if she found a guy to play with who was clean and she was open and honest about what was going on.

[Marleena]

I think we know where this will go especially with a spouse involved. The lack of respect is obvious.

[Beverley Sims]

Elirra,
Maybe you would get a more in depth explanation from one of the other boards that deal with Klinefelters Syndrome.

[cathie pantyhose]

your gay...move on....next...but don't go get drunk in a gay bar just to see what happens....that could end up very bad on many different levels. Not safe

[whowhatwhen]

your gay...move on....next...but don't go get drunk in a gay bar just to see what happens....that could end up very bad on many different levels. Not safe

Having sex with a dude doesn't make you insta-perma-gay.

[Jenniferathome]

Having sex with a dude doesn't make you insta-perma-gay.

insta-perma-gay? That's a new one.

[cathie pantyhose]

Having sex with a dude doesn't make you insta-perma-gay.

Never said that....I've had sex with a guy and I'm bi, I like it both. I'm very happily married to a GG and love the vag-gi (there's another new perhaps?)

Based on what is being discussed above, it appears she is not happy in her current relationship and has no desire to be with a woman so unless you want to be with a turtle and not with a GG, you are prob gay.

[Elirra]

XYXXY is not a real kerotype of Kleinfelters.

Hi everyone,

Danielle, you are mistaken. I said I have Klinefelters Mosaic syndrome, two different sets of chromosomes in different cells. One normal XY the other Klinefelters XXY. Look it up.

I appreciate everyone's good advice and appologize if I crossed a line for anyone in bearing my soul in my post. I don't have anyone else to talk to about what's going on in my head so I decided to vomit it all on what seems like an appropriate forum. It felt really good to get all of that off my chest so thanks for listening.

I carry a lot of shame about my crossdressing. The fact is that I DON'T like being a crossdresser but I can't shake it and so when that side of me comes out it usually comes out with anger and self-destructive tendencies. Crossdressing in itself feels like an addiction for me in that I don't want to doo it but I know that I am going to do anyway. A tortured soul, if you will. I don't want to be a bad person and cheat on my girlfriend it's just that Elirra has a lot of sexual frustration. I am a kind, gentle person at heart.

I didn't really think about being gay until my mid twenties when the crossdressing crept back into my life. I blame the antidepressants I was put on at the time that seemed to break down the wall in my mind that I had put up to keep it in check. I think I could only rationalize being a crossdresser if I was gay. I couldn't imagine having a long term relationship with a man, not that there's anything wrong with that. I would probably prefer to just be alone.

I think I will seek some gender counseling to help me work through this. Funny enough, there have recently been some posters put up around the high school I live near addressing just such issues for those seeking help. It's much easier post anonymously online than it is to pick up the phone so I have to try not to be chicken s**t and take control.

[Vickie_CDTV]

Your girlfriend has a right to know how you feel, and make the decision whether or not she can handle the fact you want to be with others; you can do what you wish with your own body, but you don't have a right to put her at risk.

[STACY B]

If I were you I would try an find a support group or seek some counseling it does make you feel better . I don't think that I would go to a Gay bar or any bar an get Drunk an just see what Happens !! Cuz its not going to end up like you think . More like chained up in some Crazy guys basement ! I have drank enough to Float a Carnaval Cruze ship an it never did Shit for me but got me to be a Drunkin asshole an cause more problems than I had before . So just take all these Ladys advice an get some help Gay straight Bi ,, Who cares your just you girl ,,Man ,, Or in between your still a person with a small problem so just deal with it an go on ,, Maybe your just a Sexual Super Freak !! Meowwwwwwwwww

[Kristyn Hill]

I hope you figure out what is best for you so you will not be self destructive. Admitting I am a CD has helped me from being destructive with my weight. We are all affected differently

[JenniferR771]

If you are a committed couple...marry her and see the doc about artificial insemination.

[Elirra]

Maybe your just a Sexual Super Freak !! Meowwwwwwwwww

As funny as that is Stacy, I think you hit the head on the nail.

To me, crossdressing is purely sexual in nature. I don't want to be a woman or go out and about dressed as a woman. I know many on here say they grew out of the turn on as they got older, but not me! It is a means to an end for me, always has been, always will. I do in fact want to be a "Sexual Super Freak!!" It is a fantasy for me that is a more sinister side of me. Maybe I watched too many screenings of Rocky Horror when I was a teenager, I don't know. But I love it for that reason and that reason alone. To each their own I suppose.

That being said, If I could do it all over again and be re-encarnated as a hot, sexy woman, I would do it in a heartbeat. Hell, I almost was born a woman considering the mish-mash of sex chromosomes I was born with. I would dress to the nines every day and flaunt it every chance I got. Yeah, baby! But alas, I was not born that way so I just decide to pretend at times instead.

I think it for this reason that I have and would want to go to a gay bar where I wouldn't be so out of place and would hope to be adored by those interested. I know that's not really in the realm of reality too much but still the idea seems to be in line with why I crossdress. The alcohol would just be a courage lubricant. Sexual attention, that's what it boils down to. Hmm, having a slight epiphany here.

Thanks everyone for all the great advice. There truly are some wonderful people here.

Cheers,

Elirra

[Mermaid]

I too enjoy the sight of crossdressers/fem men/tran. I always have enjoyed them more than the "manly" men. As for the gay/straight/inbetween. I personally believe that you should love who you love depsite gender. Don't worry about lables or the thoughts of other...I know its hard but follow your heart...or your sex organs depending on what type of relationship you are currently looking for. Just have fun and live life.

[SandraInHose]

Elirra, thanks for the frank, soul-bearing post. I certainly do not think it was TMI or anything else negative, as a few others have stated. You have presented your situation in a very honest and complete way, and I read it with much interest.

Speaking for myself, I feel differently about sex when dressed than when I am in male mode. I have similar thoughts when dressed, although they're more of a curiosity rather than a 'gotta have it' kind of desire. I am not attracted to men in any way, yet I have a curiosity daydream of what a woman feels during the act(s). Even though I know I will never act on that curiosity, the thoughts are there from time to time. And I don't care one iota what descriptor some folks will assign to me because of that curiosity or fantasy.

Your question of whether something makes you gay or bi or whatever...my advice? Quit worrying about a label to attach to yourself and do what you feel is right for you, regardless of how others might label you.

Regarding the other question...If these urges are more important than your current relationship, then be fair to her and end it so you can explore yourself without leaving here hanging. Perhaps you'll discover it's just something you need to 'get out of your system', of perhaps you'll discover the life you should have been living all along. Only you can tell. Let us know what transpires on your quest for self-discovery!

[MsJanessa]

Doesn't sound like you are very happy in your current relationship and neither is your SO--now might be a good time to end it while you are still on relatively good terms---she wants children--you not only are sterile but don't seem to want a family yourself but want to explore your sexuality---sounds like you are in two different places---

as for going to a gay bar, getting drunk, and picking up guys---might want to ease up on the drunk part, we don't always make the best decisions when intoxicated--remember you will have to wake up next to him the next morning and don't want to have buyer's remorse. No harm in going sober or at least light on the booze and maybe getting to know them before jumping in the sack. I know it's not as much fun that way, but it is a lot safer.

[Marleena]

I think I will seek some gender counseling to help me work through this. Funny enough, there have recently been some posters put up around the high school I live near addressing just such issues for those seeking help. It's much easier post anonymously online than it is to pick up the phone so I have to try not to be chicken s**t and take control.

This is good to see Elirra. You really need a professional to help you with this. Drinking lowers inhibitions and can lead to reckless behavior that you normally wouldn't engage in. You can put your SO in danger of STD's too. You have a lot to deal with and need to make sense of it all before you get yourself into trouble.