In Passing....

[~Joanne~]

I have been thinking a bit about a lot of aspects to my dressing lately. I am out to my SO, she is accepting and supporting, I know how far I want to go with this and work on trying to be as passable as possible so that "going out" isn't as threatening or scary to me as it currently is. I don't want to keep waiting for halloween as a back up excuse as to why I am dressed.

But this thread isn't about being able to pass as a woman out in the public but passing as in "passing away". I have never given it much thought before as I don't dwell on death but try to live my life to the most before the eventual time does comes. It will come too soon as it is.

We have so much disease in the world and other ailments that you never know if your entering a bad health stage or not as the threat is invisible most of the time. You never know when you may have a heart attack, stroke, or any other type of thing that could possibly have you dead by the end of the day.

This isn't meant to be a downer thread though but While talking to my SO last, we have a talk night once a week where we lay everything out to get it in the open if we are having an issue with anything in our relationship (which is a positive thing that came about when I came out to her about my dressing) so that we may work on fixing it.

She asked me what my plans were for my day off and I told her I was "having company" which she knows it means Joanne is coming out and not to bring any one home with her unannounced in case I haven't gone back to drab yet. She had no problem with it as usual but then I took the conversation about CDing into a serious direction because I always have this fear of passing away while dressed.

I know it seems a bit strange but it's always there. My family has a history of weak hearts and though mine is in good shape according to my doctor, it's still a thought that lingers there so I asked her "If you were to come home tomorrow, with me being fully dressed, dead, and her being the only one that knows this side of me, would you undress me before calling anyone?" Her answer was no, she wouldn't be able to touch me being dead.

I know alot of girls here would say "who cares at that point, your dead" but I care and I am sure there are a few others here that might care as well. If I were more out to family and friends, I surely wouldn't but that's not the case as I am sure a lot of us are in the same boat.

So here comes the questions.....

GG's, would you be able to take your SO from femme to drab in this senerio? why or why not? would it be important to you , at this point, to keep this from the family and such?

CD's that are out to their SO only: would you want your SO to try and remove your female side or would it not matter at that point? why or why not?

For everyone else: Have you ever had these thoughts when dressing? would it matter to you that you came out in death rather than in life?

I know this is deep, it really is a downer now that I am thinking about it and sorry but I would really like opinions on the matter. we talk about every aspect of dressing from styles to lying about this to the pear pressure of coming out and such, but never about this. At least that I could find.

Have a great week everyone

[PaulaQ]

I'm not out, but no having this discovered in death doesn't worry me. I am not afraid of death, I'm much more afraid of not dying.

[Ms. Laura]

I think most of us could forget about our SOs removing our clothing. So, that leaves it to hoping it's between them and the medic/coroner/mortician? If there aren't any other family members around then, it should stay there.

Life is short, and fragile. Don't worry about EVERYTHING or you'll be caught in a self-imposed paralysis!

[~Joanne~]

Don't worry about EVERYTHING or you'll be caught in a self-imposed paralysis!

I am not worried about it, more curious as to how others may feel about it. How our SO's feel about it as this isn't something we will shake (the dressing). There is a good chance that it may happen while dressed. Just food for thought ;)

[Kate Simmons]

Not my first concern Hon. Rather, I'd be more concerned that I did good things for others and practiced positivity as much as I could until I passed. Then, regardless of how we are "found" upon demise, the good we have done to that point is what will be remembered and live on long after we are gone. That is the way I really see it. :)

[STACY B]

Even a LONG time ago when I was a kid there were some people that dressed in Private an believe or not people knew about it an never said nothing . An when they died the might have said 1 or 2 times that he dressed up like a girl or liked to dress . But never said anything negative ? I always thought that was strange ,, Buy none the less I wouldn't care what they did or said about me after it was over . My Daughters will be fighting over my stuff ,,Gotta beat off it now !! ,lol,,

[Ms. Laura]

I'm sorry Joanne, I didn't mean to imply that it was the sum of all your fears. Maybe I shouldn't have capitalized EVERYTHING. I only meant that it's pretty low on the list of concerns. It seemd like it was weighing on you somewhat, from reading your post.

To answer your question directly. As a CD, it would be great if she would remove everything, but it AIN'T gonna happen. It's sort of funny to contemplate, in a macabre way.

[Lorileah]

For everyone else: Have you ever had these thoughts when dressing? would it matter to you that you came out in death rather than in life?


I don't think I will be in a position to care at that point. I just hope there is a huge smile on my face. I fully expect that anyone I know will be happy I went happy.

[PaulaQ]

BTW, I fully expect to die in a dress. Why? Because it is just comedy gold, and the good lord has made it pretty plain to me that I'm here on this earth as the comic relief. Who wouldn't want one last laugh? ;)

[Lisa Gerrie]

I for one would hope that a loved one or even a stranger would begin to undress me as they called 911. Bad Heart you say? Get my bra/forms/whatever out of the way! If you don't the paramedics will simply cut through them, so let's get started. Follow the instructions from 911. Start CPR, or at least get me ready for paramedics to start when they get here. Hurry!

Put on your big girl panties. Nobody has ever actually died of embarrassment.

[~Joanne~]

I'm sorry Joanne, I didn't mean to imply that it was the sum of all your fears. Maybe I shouldn't have capitalized EVERYTHING. I only meant that it's pretty low on the list of concerns. It seemd like it was weighing on you somewhat, from reading your post.

It's low on mine too and no need to apologize ;) Just one of those thoughts that crept up on me the other day that came back when I was reading the post about lying to your SO. I thought that if the clothing/makeup were removed, would that continue the lie? I just went with my original thought on the subject though :)

The most I really worry about is am I going to have any money to go shopping this weekend? lol


BTW, I fully expect to die in a dress. Why? Because it is just comedy gold, and the good lord has made it pretty plain to me that I'm here on this earth as the comic relief. Who wouldn't want one last laugh? ;)

lol you and I both sister ;)

I agree Lorileah, I hope to have a smile myself :D

[sandra-leigh]

If there is a part of me that in some sense survives my death and is aware of what happens afterwards, then if that part is capable of emotion, it is going to feel hurt if my being TG is "hushed up" or if my CD/TG/trans friends are excluded from the service. I want my obit to acknowledge this part of me that is so important in my life.

[harmony]

there are many accounts of people who died and came back-were revived.their stories are not all the same but there are some common things.one is that you slowly leave your body still fully aware of your surroundings from above so to speak.
so shortly after you are gone you will find out more or less exactly what is going to happen!

[DaniG]

BTW, I fully expect to die in a dress. Why? Because it is just comedy gold, and the good lord has made it pretty plain to me that I'm here on this earth as the comic relief. Who wouldn't want one last laugh? ;)

lol You go, Paula!

For me, just the thought of me dying like that (ie, at all) and leaving my poor wife behind breaks my heart. Whether I'm femme or not seems kinda trivial at that point.

[Persephone]

It is an interesting consideration, Joanne.

I would not expect my spouse to need to change my clothes, although she might do it anyway. But if EMTs are called they won't care what you are wearing, no matter what it is, they've seen stranger. If they have to transport you they will do so in whatever you are wearing, and the staff at the hospital won't care either.

Once you are dead a mortician will take over and they will redress you in whatever your spouse would like you to be dressed in. That might be your best suit and tie, your best dress, or the shroud your religious affiliation might require.

It will be worked out as painlessly as possible for all concerned.

I'm more worried about my legacy. My tombstone will very likely have my male name on it. Well, "he" does deserve some reasonable respect and recognition for "his" life, but what about me? Am I chopped liver? Is my life, my name, my being, and any good that I may have done just to be discarded as if I never existed? I'm not satisfied with that, but I have yet to come up with a solution that doesn't make a mockery of the memory of "our" life.

Hugs,
Persephone.

[Beverley Sims]

Joanne,
I do not have any time to die I am too busy living.
Think more of how you are enjoying now than what might be.