Hanging around with the girls

[AnitaH]

This is my first time posting in this group I believe. I now have my appointment with an endocrinologist to begin HRT. My therapist believes that I am a good candidate. Anyway when one of my family begin to get curious and asking questions I take that as a sign that I need to talk to that individual. (some of them are snoops) I had the talk with my sister, not long ago about beginning the transition process. Turns out she has known a long time about my CD activities, apparently didn't have a problem with that. Of course transition is different, she's not supportive of that at all. She does seem to understand that it is the direction I'm heading. One thing she said to me, that I thought very strange was that she would have a problem if I started hanging out with women shopping and such. (when I think about it, it seems to me that she still expects me to do manly things)

We have a church fellowship meeting at our house one evening a month. (only one of congregation know) Someone is always taking pictures and some of them always wind up on facebook. Now my sister may have a problem with me if I begin hanging out with the women but my wife made the comment; If my sister would only look at those pictures that's exactly where I am in every single picture, hanging out with the women. I don't relate well to the men nor to the things they're interested in. The men are in the living room with the latest sports game on the TV as they're talking. I can't stand sports and I really do prefer talking with women in the dinning room, it's so much more interesting.

I guess it's ironic really. The one thing my sister says she will have a problem with me doing when I transition is exactly the thing I'm already doing when I'm still in male mode. I guess that shows how little my sister really knows about me. It's kinda sad. I would hate to lose a relationship with her but then again I must question if she cares to know the real me or wants a relationship with her version of me. I guess that is the real issue with many people in our lives as we begin transition. Too many want their version of who we are to always continue.

AnitaH

AnitaH

[Beverley Sims]

Both of our positions in life are entirely different, but,
I have always had an affinity with women and love engaging in conversation with them.
Even as a male, I assist them in chores and tasks they do not understand.
All in all we help each other. I do not drink, I do not believe in dry weddings either, smoke, and I do not care for sport other than horse racing.
That is a gambling exercise though.

[noeleena]

Hi,

Im not sure about this ...hanging.... around with the woman ,, i was invited to be a part of & with them at one group i & our grandaughter attended, & more so when we had to leave the group. we had a womans group of 25, they were very disapointed of that, since then iv been involved with some 140 women ,

Im one of those that cant pass or blend in yet its not a issue as im accepted into women only groups its about who you are as a person even being female does not guaratee youll look like a female as i well know,

Remember its different with family members again i know about that, as our daughter has said after the shock is we have a life & we will still live it we cant just stop. it takes time a lot as it is, all the best .

...noeleena...

[Kaitlyn Michele]

I transitioned and i do almost the exact same things...i was surprised to find i barely changed my activities at all... i think we start from a different place because my discomfort around guys was only about the guys...i loved what they did...beer football games guitars...i loved and love them all...

you get to hang out with whomever you like and other people noticing is something that could mean alot of things...some of them will accept you and others may not...

.. alot of your post is about other people..
what about you??

how are you doing? and what are your thoughts on transition about??

it sounds like your wife is supportive of you!! that's wonderful and i hope you guys can support each other as you explore

[Jorja]

Are you doing this transition for yourself or them? What is important to you becoming the person you need to be or making sure you do not offend anyone who might not understand? Hang with those you want to hang with and do not worry about it.

[AnitaH]

Thank you all for your responses. Kaitlyn and Jorja I think what you two mention is a big part of the issue for me. I find that I have spent my life fulfilling others needs and living to others expectations of me. Being raised in a religious environment that is always telling us to focus on others didn't help. Part of my journey to this place was having to find out and to accept who I am. I am transitioning for me, I need to do this, I need to be whole for the first time in my life. But I must admit that old habits, old thought patterns die hard. The old thought pattern tells me I'm being selfish but as my therapist pointed out, It's not selfish to be who you are, to be yourself.

AnitaH

[groove67]

You hang in there my dear it will get better and i will pray for you as you are what you are and deserve to be that woman. Love marianne

[Kaitlyn Michele]

yep the key is to know yourself ..

its not selfish to cure yourself of a terrible medical problem..

we would all do well to accept that we did the best we could...so many of us just didn't know..or we desperately tried to fight and be male and we made male decisions..its sad for those around us, and its sad for us...it is what it is..

[StephanieC]

I'm not sure that transition changes us substantially. We may feel empowered to do things we felt threatened about before, but I'm not sure we make radical changes. However, the perspective in which people view us in doing those things may change.

I think perspective is what you are seeing here. Some people notice this and some do not.

-stephani

[KellyJameson]

You may find that you are more comfortable around men once you transition and if you were shy before, that you are more social now.

There is a group mentality between the genders with many assumptions made in expected behavior. These behaviors are like glue that binds the members together creating a certain cohesiveness.

I found myself always struggling to understand what motivates men on an emotional level as a driver of their behavior.

It was like trying to walk through a dark room without bumping into anything. A blindness that was imposed on me, where I intuitively understood women.

This is a generalization and on a individual level there have been exceptions but as a group it was much easier to understand the female gender over the male gender.

A woman cannot hide her mind from me where a man can. This can really scare a woman and men become annoyed because you should be able to "get" them but you do not so that comradery is always missing

This creates a great deal of tension with both genders, where both view you with an unconscious hostility.

Once you transition you step out of this. Not so much with those that have known you before but in those who you meet afterward even though in time it does change with those who you shared your life with previously.

It is amazing how much a persons behavior is shaped by what they see.

You may find that men and women both as "groups of people" in relationship to you "relax" in their interaction with you.

It is a chicken or egg thing where the question becomes, are they more relaxed so you are calm or are they calm because you are more relaxed. It is probably a little of both.

You appear to be older so should avoid any sexual tension between yourself and men. This can be a problem if you do not want that type of interest.

Gender is some kind of weird dance that most people seem to do automatically based on how you are packaged.

Acceptance by either gender has not been a concern for me and I would caution anyone who transitions for reasons of acceptance into their gender. You could set yourself up for a very hard fall.

It is not like the doors will be thrown open and everyone will come rushing out to embrace and accept you. You will simply be accepted because you are more comfortable with yourself.

Do not change for the world made up of men and women but purely for yourself.

The type of changes you would want to make even if you lived on an island by yourself.

Otherwise I fear some very black times for you in the future.

[Chari]

Good for you, doing what is right for you! We all are individuals, with different needs, desires, and abilities! Each of us should choose what is comfortable and right for us at any given moment in our life, then find the confidence to share with others. Many will take longer to understand, but a few will always accept us for who we are, no matter what our adventure.

[AnitaH]

Thank you for your replies everyone. Lots of good advice here to keep in mind as I progress.

AnitaH