Thoughts from a cross dresser

[happyallie]

To whom it may concern. I personally think there are many advantages of being with someone who cross dresses. These are my own feelings.

I am more understanding. Having a fem side allows me to see things from a different point of view. I know how words can hurt. I know that a gentle touch can speak 1,000 words. I would never say why did you buy that? I understand that looking good is so much more than skin deep. Shoes, this one took me a while but I totally understand this one. Talking, how many times have I heard “he doesn’t talk” or he doesn’t express himself. I don’t want to be one of the “girls”, but occasionally it would be nice to be invited. I don’t want to transition or be 24/7. Dressing relaxes me, calms me down, and simply put, it feels nice.

One must also keep in mind that there is a male side. I still love sports. I like physical activities. I still get out there and cut wood with my chainsaw. Why I want a nice lawn I’m not so sure, but I do. Want me to fix things around the house, no problem.

Finally, I did not choose this, it chose me. I have beaten myself up countless times and still come up with very little. It’s kind of like 2 + 2 = 4. Why? Because it is. What I have just described is me. There are many dressers out there, some being more fem than others. All I ask is that one doesn’t discount all dressers just because.

[Kathi Lake]

Allie,

What you have is a start, but it's also very "surface" - shoes, talking, etc. What we think women are and do usually is quite far from how women view themselves. Often, we ask the women here, "What makes you feel feminine?" They usually have a hard time articulating it. They don't need to think about it, they just are. With that said, if it makes you feel feminine, then by all means, go for it!!

And yes, no matter how strongly we feel attracted to dressing and the femininity of it all, we do indeed have our male side. I say revel in it! Enjoy it! When you feel girly, revel in it! Enjoy it! We kind of get the best of both worlds at times, I believe.

:)

Kathi

[NurseSamGG]

Allie,
That was very heart felt and true. CDing is not just the action of dressing in a different gender but it is actually something that is innately part of the individual. For me I'm so happy to have my BF in my life he is more different in many multiple ways than other males I've been with and I truly believe that it's partly due to this feminine side he's chosen to share with me. Being with him in my life is like having the best of both worlds.
And you are soooo very correct it is what it is. There will be those that understand and are accepting and those that never will. No sense in changing anything about yourself to fit because you and anyone who CDs is just fine. You can't please everyone so please yourself and those around you that you love and love you back for YOU!

Once agian thanks for sharing this warm and very candid thread.

Xoxo..Sam

[happyallie]

Thank you Sam for understanding. I know there are people that will never understand. I think of people like that as being closed minded. Set in their ways and that's cool. Kathi yes it's only the surface. "They don't need to think about it, they just are" Well said.

[~Joanne~]

Finally, I did not choose this, it chose me. I have beaten myself up countless times and still come up with very little.

No truer words have ever been typed on this forum to describe how I feel about this, until now. Thanks for a great post Allie :D

[Sandra]

I know there are people that will never understand. I think of people like that as being closed minded. Set in their ways and that's cool.

Whilst this may be true for some, for others they are not closed minded but maybe have been hurt by partners who cd and have it thrown at them all the time.

[lisa_cd]

What a great post Allie. It really touched on so many of my own feelings. I have beaten myself up over it before, too. Yes, I still have the male side, and will never pretend that want to go 24/7. But I am who I am. It's been with me all my life.
Yes...cutting wood one minute...and then loving the feeling of hose and heels...I say...rock on!

Lisa

[Leighcdmd]

Allie,

I think you succinctly captured the conundrum that the majority of us on this site deal with every day. Thanks for taking the time to post your thoughts.

[Emi]

Whoa, a light just went on, not that I did not know or already feel the same way. I have been rather discouraged with myself lately trying to figure out the "why me" part. The 2+2=4 made all the sense to me. Just last night my son was saying how he almost came up with the answer to a math problem in school, he guessed 33. The answer was 37. I told him he was no more right than 36 or 38.....

2+2=4 no matter what else I want the answer to be.

Emily

[Claire Cook]

Allie,

I think you succinctly captured the conundrum that the majority of us on this site deal with every day. Thanks for taking the time to post your thoughts.

I don't know about the "majority" of us (I hope Leigh is right!), but it is cetainly true of many of us. My experience echoes Allie's as I am sure it does many others. Once I realized that "This is the way I am, this is me", stopped feeling shame and guilt and embraced my whole self, I felt much better about me, and the world. Sam, thanks from me too for your warm and heartfelt thoughts. Would that more of our wives and GF's could be as understanding.

[Beverley Sims]

Being with someone you can talk withis good therapy, not necessarily someone who dresses.
You do have what I consider typical feelings and I have felt the same on occasions.
It is not necessary to go deep in analyzing yourself, there are really no answers there.
Just be happy, enjoy yourself and stay safe.