Disrespect to wife or women.

[NicoleWest37]

Does your cross dressing constitute disrespecting your wife? I know there are many married crossdressers who wives accept or support there dressing but does our action constitute a lack of respect for our mates or the institution of marriage. Please don't give me the imitation is the most sincere form of flattery ideal either, I need some honest answers please.

[Deedee Skyblue]

Do you feel that there is some stigma about being a woman? If not, I can't see how dressing is disrespectful. I think that keeping it secret might be disrespectful, but it would depend on the situation - would you destroy something really valuable if you told your secret? Does it hurt someone to keep it secret? Women wear men's clothing without disrespecting us.

My 2¢

Deedee

[EllenJo]

I think whether or not it is disrespectful to women is encapsulated within the context of ones dressing habits. I dress rather casually, long skirts, flats, button down blouses ect. It is just my style and probably has something to do with my age, but I am sure that my wife would see me in a different light if I was wearing a mini skirt with fishnet stockings and pranced around like a hooker. I do not try to out dress my wife. She will always be the most feminine person in our house not me. Neither of us wants it any other way. If your dressing becomes your focus and for some it is also their primary sexual outlet, then yes it is disrespectful. I would not want to be a woman at home with the kids, knowing that the "man" in my life prefers to spend the night in a hotel, dressing as a female and playing with himself. Having this hidden from me and finding out after years of marriage would be painful and very disrespectful. Spending family funds on an extensive hidden wardrobe would also be disrespectful to a spouse. I am not judging anyone but merely trying to understand a wifes perspective.

[Jenniferathome]

I see no relationship between my cross dressing and disrespecting my wife. I am not trying to do a parody of women but more so, this is part of me. It has noting to do with my wife. She understands that

[Eryn]

My answer is that it absolutely does not show disrespect. In fact, what better way to show respect for someone than to try to emulate them?

The other thing I've learned is that the more I learn about the mechanics of living female the more I realize I need to learn. Faced with that I find it very difficult to feel disrespectful.

[Andy66]

I agree with the posters above, and would like to add something. In my opinion, men who dress in womens clothes as part of a humiliation fetish are being disrespectful. I dont see how being female or wearing female clothes is humiliating. Should women feel humiliated or inferior when wearing those clothes, then? Just my opinion.

[ReineD]

I don't think it disrespects your wife either. You are fulfilling your own needs by CDing, and you would be doing this even if you hadn't met her.

Years ago, I used to read complaints about Drag Queens (the gay men variety), and how they made parodies of women. I suppose that some women might object to this and feel disrespected or objectified. But ... this is NOT what you are doing. :)

Andy, you mention dressing solely as a pathway to humiliation. This is not crossdressing the way that members do in this forum. It's a S&M fetish. The goal is to be submissive and to feel humiliated. Whether one person wears girlie clothes or another a pony outfit with a gag in their mouth ... they're both after the same thing. In this case, I don't see a man who wears the girly outfits as trying to represent a woman, he's not even trying to do this. He's just being a guy with girlie outfits getting his kink on, so I don't feel disrespected.

[PaulaQ]

@Andy66 - although I understand where you are coming from, there are women who enjoy men who dress for this reason. It isn't my cup of tea, but it exists, and evidently is fun for those who play that way. In that context, I wouldn't see this as disrespectful.

In that context, it likely isn't entirely that they are women's clothes (although that is likely a part of the fetish), but the fact that society frowns on this so much - hence the humiliation. If society didn't hate CD so much - I suspect that particular D/S game would be pretty boring. Then again, what do I know? There are some pretty unusual practices that people find appealing. We may never understand it all. :)

TLDR: Society is to blame!

[UNDERDRESSER]

Bit lost here,how is it disrespectful?

[Stephanie47]

Well, when my wife and I did have our somewhat limited conversations concerning my cross dressing desires, all I could say was I have no clue why I do what I do! I told her it had nothing to do with her or anyone else. I was always taught to be respectful of others. One can always disagree with another person's opinion, but, you should be respectful of that person. As to a wife, there is a special bond made in matrimony that calls for respect and consideration for her viewpoints that makes a marriage successful.

[Barbara Maria]

I don't see it as being disrespectful in any way.

[NicoleWest37]

Thanks for the responses, I wonder if any wives here or GG would care to respond? My wife and I are separated and she feels that crossdressing is disrespectful to her and maybe even humiliating to know her husband crossdresses. I certainly am not a fetish dresser and try to wear age appropriate stuff ,but I never go out or dress in front of her. Is it possible that if we marry each other with the expectation of one gender role and then find out that your spouse identifies with the opposite does this violate the marraige commitment as a breach of promise? I really would appreciate some more thoughts.

[Sandra]

I don't find it disrespectful at all. To me it is someone doing something that the majority need to to.

[Billie1]

I feel exactly the opposite. I totally adore the female form, and try my best to
duplicate it. In fact, I think that males are the "oppressed" gender, in so many ways. Take undergarments, for example. Boxers or briefs, T-shirts or A-shirts. That's pretty much it. On the other hand, I have strapless, long-line, deep-plunge and push-up bras. Corsets, bustiers, merry widows, etc. Garter belts, body stockings, fishnets, seamed and stockings in all colors. And I won't even start on shoes!

Sorry, don't see any opperssion here, only freedom!

[Amanda M]

As far as I can see, it is only disrespectful if the woman in question is being deceived in any way, or if agreed boundaries are crossed.

[Di]

I am a wife and in no way find it to be disrespected. The other GGs that answered you so far said the same thing. I know it is a part of yourself .
I would say she just does not understand and realize that it is a part of you.
But that being said her feelings are her feelings ......and it would help if she understood that you are the same person she knows and loves.....and you have this need to dress and prob always have this need and it is not going away...
You can invite her here where she can talk to other GGs:hugs:

I do not know your situation......but just wanted to add in case it fits...in our local GG group and on the forum the GGs that have said this feeling of being disrespected had more to do with finding out later in the relationship and feeling betrayed and lied to,

[donnalee]

No, I don't believe that. But that does not prevent some women feeling that way or using the idea for rationalisation of a negative reaction to crossdressing.

[Sheren Kelly]

What I would consider disrespectful would be someone who throws on a dress and "suddenly" claims to be a woman. If we are not born into the sorority, we should respect that one becomes a woman through a long process of emotional growth.

[Samantha_Smile]

Disrespectful?

Well I guess that all depends on your behavior when you're dressed.
Ive never seen the sole act of cross dressing or female emulation to be disrespectful in any way.
Personally, I take a great deal of pride and time in my appearance when I get my self dressed, so if someone were to say that what I'm doing is disrespectful to my SO, then I guess I would actually take offense in all honesty.

If however, my SO didn't know, or I was sleeping with other people when dressed (We have all heard of this fallacy that "It's not cheating if you're dressed, becuase your female side is a ****) then yes, I would agree that I was disrespecting my SO in a huge way.
Basically, if you do something, while dressed, something that your SO would not agree with, then it's disrespectful. End of discussion.

As for disrespectful to women in general?
I'll put it to you like this. When I dress, I seek to emulate and replicate the aspects of femininity that I find to be 'key' almost stereotypical. This is to give an easier mask of my male side, the more typically femme I look, then the less typically male I look (at least in my head, and that works for me).
Now, yes, some of this boils down to medium/large breast forms, larger than many GG's breasts, becuase my frame is larger than that of many GGs.
I wear a wig that has long straight hair. If the hair were real it would take and hour every day for most women to get it how I wear it, takes me 5 minutes.
I take care to wear clothes that emphasize an 'hourglass' figure, or create the illusion of one, because I naturally, don't have one.
I wear heavy make up because Ive got a lot to hide, not because I seek to mock women who get it totally wrong and end up looking like an accidental clown.

I walk on eggshells when I say this, but I can't think of other words to say it...
I think some GGs are jealous of some CD/TVs appearance, or at least certain aspects of them. We get to choose how big our boobs are, we can have blonde curls one day, the next day (or even 5 mins later) have straight chocolate brown hair. I'm not saying that all GGs feel this way, nor am I saying that women should start wearing wigs and forms (read; If you can't beat 'em....)
What I am saying, ultimately comes down to, if we spend so much time and money on doing this, to emulate that which we admire, then where is the position to take offense?

Who was it that said, "Imitation is the sincerest of flattery"?

[Beverley Sims]

No it certainly does not.
I dress to look like a woman and look attractive as well.
If I was the bearded lady with hairy legs I might think it is disrespectful but there are others that live like like that and their partners find no disrespect in that either.
I just am not that type of person.

[Ellanore G.G.]

Yes in the beginning I felt like that.
I felt if I wore something pretty, he was looking thinking would it look pretty on him
I stopped wearing matching underwear for a long time,
as I felt he objectified what I wore if it was nice.
I felt anything nice and pretty was a trigger for him.
Took me many years to see things in a different light.
Looking back , I felt disrespected by his behaviour when he c/ded .
Now I can see that a lot had to do with my up bringing,
and what my views on "what a man should be"
This was very hard for me to get my head around.
I also truly thought, it was just something he done,
and if he loved me he would grow up and stop acting like a teen.
Now I know its just one side to the whole wonderful person he is.
But I still sometimes have down days when I just want to be " normal"
whatever that is ....

[NurseSamGG]

No it doesn't make me feel that way at all. I'm actually highly flattered by it. It may sound cliche' but emulating another person truly is one of the highest forms of flattery. Many women take a lot of time preping and primping and for anyone to notice that man or woman and think huh....I'd like to look like her makes all of the effort worth while.

So to simply answer disrespectful absolutely not more like the greatest type of admiration and respect that can be shown :-)
Xoxo.....Sam

[NicoleScott]

Heck no. My desire to crossdress started l-o-n-g before any thoughts of having a wife. Crossdressing fulfills my needs, with no other agenda. Any side effects, like flattery or disrespect to women, are what they are and not intended.

[Being Paige]

I also don't believe that cding is disrespectful to women.

[Marleena]

My wife and I are separated and she feels that crossdressing is disrespectful to her and maybe even humiliating to know her husband crossdresses. I certainly am not a fetish dresser and try to wear age appropriate stuff ,but I never go out or dress in front of her. Is it possible that if we marry each other with the expectation of one gender role and then find out that your spouse identifies with the opposite does this violate the marraige commitment as a breach of promise? I really would appreciate some more thoughts.

I'm not a GG but you shouldn't need to worry about dressing in front of her. It's part of you and the marriage will have problems if she does not accept you doing it. If you come clean and are truthful there is no disrespect.

[ReineD]

Thanks for the responses, I wonder if any wives here or GG would care to respond? My wife and I are separated and she feels that crossdressing is disrespectful to her and maybe even humiliating to know her husband crossdresses. I certainly am not a fetish dresser and try to wear age appropriate stuff ,but I never go out or dress in front of her. Is it possible that if we marry each other with the expectation of one gender role and then find out that your spouse identifies with the opposite does this violate the marraige commitment as a breach of promise? I really would appreciate some more thoughts.

Is your wife struggling with the way that society sees the CDing? I guess you know that a lot of people don't understand what it's all about, and sometimes CDers are snickered at, or stared at, or gossiped about. This might be what your wife means by "being humiliated". She is afraid of having other people think negatively of her, because she is married to a CDer. And maybe by "disrespect" she means that you crossdress even if she doesn't like it, and so she feels that you are disrespecting her feelings.

Just a guess.

And no, I don't think that the crossdressing violates the marital vows between a man and a woman. You're still a man, right? You have no intention of transitioning by taking hormones, having facial feminization surgery, having electrolysis, and also sex reassignment surgery?

You and your wife have been in a DADT arrangement for years now. This doesn't work. She needs to budge a little towards the middle, and you do too. I've no idea how you and she can do this at this point, other than seek marital counseling, not for the crossdressing so much as to learn how to talk to each other, how to respect how the other person feels, how to communicate your needs effectively without blaming, and how to come up with solutions when the needs clash, by each of you compromising a little.

[Jenniferathome]

My wife and I are separated and she feels that crossdressing is disrespectful to her and maybe even humiliating to know her husband crossdresses.

Nicole, is it possible that she is saying this as an excuse for a separation? What was your relationship like before she found out? How did she find out? I just cant get my head around the "disrespect" idea. I can understand her not wanting involvement but disrespect? So odd.

[Kalista Jameson]

I believe intent is the key as to whether crossdressing is disrespectful or not. If one chooses to dress with the desire to be disrespectful to women, then that will come across. If one dresses, as I think the majority of us do, because of something within us that we want to express in a positive way, then no, it is in no way disrespectful.

Of course, there are those who will always be offended at anything anybody chooses do with with their lives and read all sorts of things into one's choices. There is nothing to be done about that. As long as crossdressers carry themselves with dignity and respect at all times, then no one has a right to judge us.

Cheers,

Kalista

[NicoleWest37]

Is your wife struggling with the way that society sees the CDing? I guess you know that a lot of people don't understand what it's all about, and sometimes CDers are snickered at, or stared at, or gossiped about. This might be what your wife means by "being humiliated". She is afraid of having other people think negatively of her, because she is married to a CDer. And maybe by "disrespect" she means that you crossdress even if she doesn't like it, and so she feels that you are disrespecting her feelings.
I think that this is a real aspect of what she is feeling. She certainly does not like it but has tried to ignore it and hide from the fact that it I do it and she doesn't want the world to know either.

As far as the marriage vow I think she feels rightfully so that she was deceived into thinking I'm one thing when infact I'm not . Her marriage I guess was violated by or based on a lie. So I guess she feels it makes any vows invalid because had she known this she most likely wouldn't have made the vows. I guess in this sense she is right about vows. If I found out after marraige she was actually a totally different person than the one I thought I was marrying then I'd might want a escape clause too.

I really appreciate all the imput from all and especially those wives who gave their thoughts. I certainly was not trying to disrespect her or any woman by crossdressing. But she may be right about the marriage because of certain expectations not being fulfilled kind of like a breach of promise. She was sold one set of goods and recieved another.

[Alana Wests]

The other thing I've learned is that the more I learn about the mechanics of living female the more I realize I need to learn. Faced with that I find it very difficult to feel disrespectful.

Well said, there is much to learn about women and femininty, and I think I've only gleaned respect for women from my adventures in CDing.

I also believe that however you express yourself as a woman is telling of your impression of femininity, but that does not necessarily mean there is inherent disrespect.

I'll also say though that these expressions may not condemn women nor your wife unless you really intend them to. Someone can listen to death metal or gangster rap and not be a murderer or glorify violent acts while listening to it. They're merely expressing and experiencing something that feels right to them artistically, even just by wearing a ratty old slayer shirt and howling lyrics about dragons and zombies.

Perhaps, as mentioned in previous posts, the most common root of disrespect involved with some CDers is deceit.