Curious Wife with Questions [Archive] - Crossdressers.com - #1 Community & Forum for Crossdressers, Family and Friends

PaulaQ

03-25-2013, 06:08 PM

1, What did I do wrong to make him this way?

You didn't do anything wrong. Odds are - nobody did anything wrong. This is something inside of him. The process of how this happens is not well understood. It has been the subject of some scientific study, but the underlying causes and mechanisms are just not well understood.

2, Can I fix it?

No, probably not - if by "fix it" you mean "make it go away". The overwhelming evidence is that your spouse is unlikely to be able to drop this. The CD frequently does want to stop - there is a great deal of social stigma associated with this, especially in the past. I know I've tried to stop several times, and gone periods of time without it. But for me, it always comes back.

To give you a frame of reference - I'm a recovering alcoholic and drug addict. I've been clean and sober for 23 years. Beating alcohol and drugs was the hardest thing I've ever done. And stopping that was childs-play compared to crossdressing.

There is no known ethical medical or psychological approach to stop this. None. The stuff that has been tried works so rarely that it makes alcohol and drub rehab look like a sure thing. (Alcohol and drug rehab is FAR from a sure thing.) I think this is 10x-100x harder.

If by "fix it" you mean find a way to live together, then yeah, there's a heck of a lot you can do.
1. Talk about it and be honest with one another. This will be hard for your spouse - because odds are she's lied about this her whole life.
2. Set boundaries - find compromises. Maybe you can accept seeing her dress and being "girlfriends" once a week. Maybe you can NEVER abide seeing her, but can allow her some time to herself to express this side of herself. Maybe she only wants a little time to herself to explore this. There are a variety of reasons she might behave this way. For some it is a sexual fetish. For others, they have a feminine side, and they want to express it. Others of us know we were supposed to be girls. Your spouse may not know where she falls in this range yet - we tend to lie not only to the outside world, but also to ourselves.
3. Be willing to seek professional counseling, preferably with someone with gender identity training and experience. This may help you both get through roadblocks that are tough. (And YOU may not be the biggest problem - a lot of us have trouble opening up even when our spouses say "ok, I accept you - open up, tell me everything, there is nothing you can say that will make me not love you.")

How do I support him without feeling "cheated on"?
Give him some space for this - what you can tolerate, and know this isn't about you, or someone else. This is likely something within your spouse.

CuriousWife2013

03-25-2013, 06:10 PM

Thank you. I have agreed to "support him" in being himself, I love him ALL of him, and I don't want to change him. I'm not sure if he's ever thought about getting an operation or if he is just happy and satisfied with crossdressing. Last night, I surprised him with his first set of high heels and a "beginners makeup kit". I hope that I'm doing things the right way. I know that this has to be sort of stressful for him. I hope that by my acceptance and support that he's feeling a little relieved, but he doesn't really like talking about it too much. I guess I'm just really confused on what my "part" should be in this.

Jenniferathome

03-25-2013, 06:14 PM

Hi Curiouswife,

Wow, I'll bet that was a shocker. Glad you have the fortitude to ask questions.

1, What did I do wrong to make him this way?

Absolutely nothing. He was a cross dresser before you met him and before he knew what women were. If you had a son or daughter who was gay, would you think YOU did something?

2, Can I fix it?
There is nothing broken so nothing to fix. Can you change his DNA? No. He IS a cross dresser.

3, How do I support him without feeling "cheated on"?
Tough one. First, understand that he IS this way down to his genes. It's like being gay. No one chooses to be gay, straight, a cross dresser, .... Second, talk to him. Set boundaries that you are comfortable with but allow him to be him. You do not have to see him dressed nor help him dress. BUT, you can not pretend it does not exist. Ask any question you have and he has to answer.

Really, all you can do is talk and try to learn what this is about. He doesn't know much more than you, honestly.

Lastly, remember he hid this because he is ashamed as we all are/were. Talk, talk, talk.

RenneB

03-25-2013, 06:15 PM

You're going to get a lot of comments on this post, I'm thinkin...

Much has already been stated so I'll just add a few reinforcing notes..... In my case (as there are many shades of this journey), I was born this way and didn't have a choice. I knew I was suppose to be born female at a very early age and ended up living with my secret until the internet came 'bout.

Hope you take the time and read all the responses as there are many girls on this site that are more informed than I can ever state...

Hope this helps a lil..

Renne.....

PaulaQ

03-25-2013, 06:15 PM

Thank you. I have agreed to "support him" in being himself, I love him ALL of him, and I don't want to change him. I'm not sure if he's ever thought about getting an operation or if he is just happy and satisfied with crossdressing.

The good news is that the odds are, he hasn't thought about getting an operation. Your spouse may not really know where she's going with this. I mean that seriously. That can take some time to resolve. She may not accept this about herself well - many of us do not for quite some time.

Last night, I surprised him with his first set of high heels and a "beginners makeup kit". I hope that I'm doing things the right way. I know that this has to be sort of stressful for him.

Firs of all you are an angel! Talk to him and make sure you aren't going too fast. I know it seems weird - I mean, who wouldn't want acceptance from someone who is so loving as you clearly are? But she may not be ready to totally accept this about herself. Or maybe she is. Getting her onto this forum would probably help. Some of us feel like we are the only person on earth who's the way we are - a cross dressers.

I guess I'm just really confused on what my "part" should be in this.
Keep doing what you are doing, keep trying to talk - not too pushy, but don't let her skate, either, and be patient and know that this can take time for her to sort out in her own mind.

You sound like you are being great about this. Your spouse is lucky. And you are special.

Jenniferathome

03-25-2013, 06:18 PM

I guess I'm just really confused on what my "part" should be in this.

Your part is what you alone decide is your part. You have no obligation to participate although you have. Cross dressing is his thing but you have every right to ask questions. My wife's first two were: "Are you gay?" and "Do you want a sex change?" This is a VERY, VERY common thing for wives.

NikiMichelle

03-25-2013, 06:20 PM

Good questions when you must feel overwhelmed right now.

I'll try to give some brief answers:

1) - you did nothing wrong...without knowing your ages and how long you have been married I would venture to say hubby has CD'd for most of his life.

2) - CD'ing does not go away. He likely has gone thru many stages of avoidance, denial, acceptance, etc his whole life. He probably thought/hoped it would go away. If he came clean and told you about it after you have been married for a while it was likely the scariest thing he had ever done out of fear of losing you and everything else good in his life! Remember, once the toothpaste is out of the tube you cannot put it back!

3) - let him talk as much as he wants...he will want to answer all your questions and assure you that it has been hidden from you for nothing but good reasons. He likely has had to accept his CD'ing himself before he could open up to you. Keep all lines of communication open. Read as much as you can on the matter as well. This forum is a good source of information but is likely slanted in favour of CD'ing...the Internet has quite a bit of information...just stay away from the trashy websites that try to make CD'ing as an X-rated event.

Good luck and try to keep an open mind...the fact that you are here is a very good sign...he is still the guy you married and fell in love with...don't forget that!

Ellanore G.G.

03-25-2013, 06:20 PM

Hi there, get more posts in and join FAB
they are a great bunch, and all your feelings are natural.
And you will see your part in this, is just to be " you"
as he will be just him, love this site.....
And its natural to not really know what to do when first faced with c/ding.
I too buy my H lots of pretty things, and he returns the favour.......

CuriousWife2013

03-25-2013, 06:24 PM

Thank you for saying that I am an angel, because I've never been considered that before. I only gave him the makeup and heels because he asked a while ago (before I knew that he was a crossdresser) if he could try my heels on I looked at him and asked why would he want to do that? He stated....oh no reason I guess.

As for this forum, he showed me last night and then suggested that I "become a member". I'm not sure if he posts on here or not, I don't even know what his female name is, so I couldn't even begin to find it. I'm sure though that when he's ready he will tell me everything. I don't want to be too pushy at all, I just want him to know that I'm available for him to talk to, or confide in when he is ready.

I do tell him I love him, (especially the last week) that I love ALL of him, forever.

Kate Simmons

03-25-2013, 06:26 PM

Those are all questions you need to discuss with him Hon.

PaulaQ

03-25-2013, 06:32 PM

I don't want to be too pushy at all, I just want him to know that I'm available for him to talk to, or confide in when he is ready.

You are doing about everything you can do - you are doing it right, and your spouse is very lucky to have you. Reading stuff on this forum and talking to folks here will help you understand this better. I've learned a lot since joining, and hey, you'd think I would know it all because I am one, right? Nope.

You really are being exceptional.

NicoleScott

03-25-2013, 06:35 PM

I hope that by my acceptance and support that he's feeling a little relieved, but he doesn't really like talking about it too much. I guess I'm just really confused on what my "part" should be in this.

Not wanting to talk about it is a concern. Maybe he's embarrassed to talk about it, but he needs to get over it. I don't see you getting un-confused until he directly addresses your concerns. You've demonstrated your support, and now it's time for him to show you some trust.

CuriousWife2013

03-25-2013, 06:39 PM

Wildaboutheels

03-25-2013, 06:40 PM

An important thing for you to keep in mind here is not to make assumptions about your SO because of things written here at these Forums...

In almost any thread there is likely to be at least one if not many ladies, who like to use the terms "Everyone here..." or "we all at one time..." Or "no one..." Your SO is unique as we all are.

I'm quite curious about your third question. "Cheated on" as how YOU would feel or he would feel?

You seem to realize that you are walking a fine line by wanting to help? Has he or did he indicate that he uses or wants to use makeup for example?

Caroline-Grant

03-25-2013, 06:48 PM

I think many people come into the world of crossdressing confused. Including us it doesn't mean that your husband doesn't love you indeed his love for you is a completely separate creature from his dressing. The most a crossdresser can hope for is love and support and it sounds lik you're providing both. Your husband is very lucky to have you. Most of us have to deal with guilt trips and loathing.

Jolene Robertson

03-25-2013, 06:56 PM

Dear Curious

In my opinion you are an Angel, I know because I'm fortunate to be married to one (an Angel) myself. It sounds like you are handling it quite well. I dressed off and on since I was a child and always felt ashamed of it (I didn't understand it) and still don't. I have been married to my wife going on 16 years now and just came out to her a couple years ago. No one made me this way, it's just who I am. I feel (fixed) now that I have acceptance and support from someone (my wife) who does not judge me for this side of me. As time has gone by our conversation has become more frequent and at a deeper level. But all the questions that go through your mind are normal, it just might take him a while before he accepts this too. When you suppress a feeling for so long and all of a sudden have someone to share with and ask questions... well he is probably a little over loaded too.

Hugs
Jolene

tinak415

03-25-2013, 07:16 PM

Hi,

Well I can't add anything to the great advice and support you've been given.

I see you're in the Bay Area as I am. I'd recommend both of you check out Diablo Vally Girls. It's a CD/TG support group in the Concord area. I've been to a few of their socials and support group meetings. Going to the meetings and talking to others really helped me understand and accept this part of me. They also support significant others as well.

http://www.diablovalleygirls.org/
http://www.diablovalleygirls.org/Library/SOSupport/so_support.html

Eryn

03-25-2013, 07:26 PM

1, What did I do wrong to make him this way?

Absolutely nothing! Nobody can be caused to be a crossdresser. It's something inside of us. Sometimes it lies hidden, ignored, or denied for decades before coming to the fore but it was always there.

2, Can I fix it?

Yes, but likely not in the way you mean. The urge to crossdress won't go away. The best "fix" for the situation is your understanding. Your husband is likely just as upset at the situation as you are and doubting his judgment in sharing this most private part of himself with you. Your patience and acceptance will go a long way to making the situation most comfortable for you both.

3, How do I support him without feeling "cheated on"?

He isn't cheating on you any more than a tennis enthusiast cheats on his wife when he indulges his interest. Your husband loves and respects you greatly regardless of how he is dressed, otherwise he wouldn't have shared with you. Keep the lines of communications open and you will find that your relationship will likely be closer than before. That is my experience.

Annette Todd

03-25-2013, 07:29 PM

Paula, thank you (and the other ladies as well), for helping me. I have to admit I wasn't sure how a "wife" would be received at all. I'm sitting here crying because of how "gentle and loving" all of you ladies are being with me and it warms my heart. I hope that you all have a support system around you because you all seem to be very special ladies. Again, thank you all and I don't expect ANYONE to know all of the answers even if they do crossdress. :x

I have nothing really to add to the excellent words others have already offered. Don't ever think that your husband is the way he is because of any failing on your part. We all are only who we are. We can no more change who we are than change the sun.
There are many wives SOs that communicate here. There is also a forum just for you (Loved Ones). Generally speaking wives are well respected and most welcome here and we will try to give you all the support, answers, and help we can. You are special here and special to your husband because you do care and are looking for answers. Your support of your husband is something he will love you for even more. You are the angel of his heart. All we can offer you is our viewpoint but I think you will find us all open and honest.

Cheers
Annette

Alice B

03-25-2013, 07:31 PM

You did nothing wrong and you can't fix it. But, if you sit down with him, tell him your concerns and listen to what he has to say you can establish some ground rules. Then keep the discussion open and as you become more comfortable with it AND he does not push it in your face and respects the boundries things will get better. You may even end up with a new girlfriend. Good luck.

Jilmac

03-25-2013, 07:40 PM

To answer your first question; you didn't do aything wrong, your husband would have been a crossdresser whether he was married to you, someone else, or remained single. It is hardwired into his system from birth, and to answer question number two; there is no "cure", nothing you can do or say will cure him of the desire. The answer to question number three id much more complicated but support requires a great deal of give and take. My best suggestion would be to find some common ground that you both can be comfortable with, love your man for the person he is and not for the clothes he chooses to wear. You may never fully approve, but you might be pleasantly surprised by the results of compromise. Luv and Hugs, Jill

Angelofsomekind

03-25-2013, 08:08 PM

Most of what I would have said has already been said. I'm curious about how you found out he is a CD. You said he didn't really like talking about it, so it just made me wonder about that.
Each of us are different, every one of us wants to go to different levels with our dressing so no one else can say what he wants out of it, he may not even know. But if he is anything like me he has been hiding this part of himself most of his life, so it is hard to talk about it. I know growing up (for me anyway) I had times where I really wished I wasn't a CD, but at the same time it isn't something that will go away. I was kind of ashamed of it and did everything to hide it, I just wanted to be 'normal'. Coming out about it is one of the Hardest things for some of us to do.
Beyond that it can go however you two would like it to go. There are many S.O.'s that take the don't ask don't tell policy. I know some who want to know but never want to see. Some say they have to stop dressing. But then there are people like my wife and I (and many others here), I never go out dressed up without her, we have a great time with it together. Again though, I don't know the whole story about how you found out he dressed so it's hard to say. But it is a part of him and it seems like you want to embrace it, he just might need time to figure out that it's ok to be himself around another person (That's how I felt after my wife found out about me).

Barbara Ella

03-25-2013, 08:22 PM

Sweet Curious wife. You have received sage counsel here, and I cannot add significantly. It is really up to you and him to talk, constantly and openly. I know you are confused. My wife was confused, and still is after 15 months of knowing, after I discovered myself 18 months ago (66 years old, go figure).

I do want to let you know that emotional ups and downs can occur, and not to let them make you feel like your support is wavering. My wife is my support, even though she cannot see me dressed or buy me things any more. At first she wanted me to dress, bought makeup, we went shopping together, etc. Unfortunately she could not keep doing that, but in no way do I think her support is lessened in any way. Intellectually she wants me to find myself in all of this, and the potential outcomes are what frighten her even though she supports me as best she can.

Should you ever feel this way, it is not a wavering of support, and should in no way impact your discussions. No matter what, it is important to talk, even if it is extremely difficult for him. It is a difficult topic for us to put words to, so don't push, but don't back away. Be his wife and lover and best friend.

Barbara

Lady Catherine

03-25-2013, 09:46 PM

All I can do is reaffirm what has already been said by others. But I have a good feeling about you two.

flatlander_48

03-25-2013, 10:01 PM

Just found out my husband is a cross dresser and I want to know a couple of things...

1, What did I do wrong to make him this way?

Not a thing. This is something that we, the crossdressers here, have been carrying around for decades. For some, the realization comes sooner than later. For others, my self included, it's something that we suppressed for a long time. Then we get to a point where we begin to think that how we previously thought of ourselves may not be an accurate picture. There is another side to our being that we have ignored and now it's time to try to understand what's going on. In short, the "why" has nothing to do with you.

2, Can I fix it?

Fixing would inply that something is wrong and that isn't the case. Clearly it is different from what you thought, but there really isn't anything for you to fix.

3, How do I support him without feeling "cheated on"?

I think there needs to be a very basic conversation. I think you and your husband need to explain, in straightforward terms, what is going on for each of you. Talk about what you know, what you think you know, what changes, what one needs from the other, initial reaction, etc. This isn't easy stuff, but Life does continue.

Now, I have made an assumption here. I have assumed that your husband is strictly a crossdresser. If it turns out that he feels he was born into the wrong body, that's a different situation. That raises other questions and could have major implications for the future.

ReineD

03-25-2013, 10:12 PM

Hi Curious Wife, I'm also the partner of a crossdresser. Welcome to this place!

You did not make him this way. He would be a crossdresser even if he had never met you or if he had never married. You cannot fix it. It is a part of his wiring and although it is not easily understood in our society, it is entirely possible for you to stop feeling threatened by it.

How do you support him while not feeling cheated on?

Time. There's no other way than through baby steps, learning, talking lots with your husband, and all of this will take time. Several years, maybe. You will need to redefine certain things in your relationship.

Your emotions will also yo-yo quite a bit, so just know that it is natural to go two steps forward and one step back. Some days you will be OK with it, and other days you will wish it all to go away. Eventually, it will stabilize, you and your husband will have reached a comfortable place with it all, and you will barely notice when he dresses. Really. :p

You will need to educate yourself about the CDing and in the process you will discover there is a great deal more to gender than black/white, male/female. There is a spectrum of gray shades in between, and so there is a wide variety of different needs and ways to express alternative gender identity. You will need to understand some basic definitions, and then you will spend time getting to know your husband's particular level of cross-gender expression.

You will eventually learn that your husband (likely) does not want to do this full time, he does not do it to attract men, and he does not dress because he believes that you are not enough for him. He likely does not know why he is driven to dress, but one truth that applies to everyone here, is that they do need to.

So the best place to start learning is to start getting involved in this forum and make friends here, while being particularly careful to show your husbands posts that frighten you, for example if you read a thread where it seems as if everyone wants to have sex with men (:p). We have had our share of such threads. Anyway it is important to realize that your husband will not relate to a lot of stuff here, and so you must not assume that everything you read applies to him.

The next step is to join our private FAB (Female At Birth) forum: http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/faq.php?faq=pf#faq_gg_forum

You may also want to ask about book recommendations.

:hugs:

PS. Don't ever pretend to be happy about this when you're not. If you do, it will eventually blow up in your face and you will grow to resent the crossdressing. Just as your husband has been honest with you, you need to be honest with him if you don't feel like taking his picture or dressing up with him on any given night. It is important for your husband to realize that it will take you just as long to feel comfortable with it as it took him to reach self-acceptance.

Michelle M

03-25-2013, 10:23 PM

Dear Curious,

Thank You! Thank you for wanting to learn more, and Thank you for your understanding. You are a special woman.

Please realize he is feeling very bad right now. He is confused, he is frightened that he will lose those things he cares most deeply for, and he feels that he has let you down.

Please prop him up. He needs you, and he is not less than he was, he is now giving more. He is now Dear Hubby enhanced!

And it's not you. You have not let him down. He's always been this way, same as me.

I wish you both all the best,

Michelle

docrobbysherry

03-25-2013, 10:31 PM

I think Reine's advice is very good, Wife. U should NOT feel the need to do anything RE your SO.

What you're "job" should be, is to figure out how u r feeling about him and his dressing. And, communicate your feelings honestly, yet unjudgementally as possible, to him.

Remember, he may feel as confused and frustrated as u! And, your open communication may help him to open up, too.

U r allowed, and maybe even r expected, to change your mind about how u feel. And, so is he!

I told an old girlfriend I had been close to on and off for 25 years. I took a chance and told her about Sherry. Like u, she initially was complimentary and supportive. However, after awhile she seemed to become sick of seeing pics of and hearing about Sherry! Resentful and jealous is what I got from her. We've had no contact in over 2 years now. I guess I chose Sherry over her?

Not saying that will happen with u 2. It's likely no one knows what will at this point.

MissTee

03-25-2013, 10:51 PM

CuriousWife2013

03-26-2013, 12:42 AM

I think that when I referred to as "cheated on", I was thinking about him doing the CD and me not being a part of or included at all.

As for the makeup, he did express an interest (before he told me that he was a CD) and I blew it off. Now that I know, I wanted him to know that I was okay with ALL of it, and that's why I suprised him with the makeup kit and heels.

Dear Jolene,

Thank you for that. We actually just got back from dinner and he said exactly that...he was a little overwhelmed at the fact that I was so "okay" with him the way he is. I was talking about going out with him all dressed up, and he literally looked like a dear caught in the headlights. I asked what was wrong, and he said he was surprised. I told him that I was a little scared but still very supportive and he said he was also a little scared. So I am going to slow down and wait for him to make the next move. But I will always support him. I love him.

Curious.

AmandaM

03-26-2013, 12:50 AM

You are so awesome, CuriousWife. :)

PaulaQ

03-26-2013, 12:55 AM

I think that when I referred to as "cheated on", I was thinking about him doing the CD and me not being a part of or included at all.

It is possible that he will have difficulty sharing this for several reasons:
- he may not know how to trust anyone, he may never have trusted anyone with this part of himself
- he may fear rejection. Yeah, that would be irrational - you couldn't be more accepting and patient. People aren't rational
- he may be embarrassed about his looks
- he may not accept this about himself yet. I know that seems irrational, but doing this with you may feel like he's committing himself to this. I know that sounds crazy too, but I know I lied to myself about what I am. (I it is really hard to imagine how a person could sit around in lingerie and think "aw hell no, I'm no cross dresser!' But I did.)

It may be something else too. Keep trying to talk to him, keep doing what you are doing. He will eventually understand you are there for him.

Like I said, a counselor might help get things going, there's no shame in that.

Good luck, and God bless you.

CuriousWife2013

03-26-2013, 01:08 AM

There are many wives SOs that communicate here. There is also a forum just for you (Loved Ones). Generally speaking wives are well respected and most welcome here and we will try to give you all the support, answers, and help we can. You are special here and special to your husband because you do care and are looking for answers. Your support of your husband is something he will love you for even more. You are the angel of his heart. All we can offer you is our viewpoint but I think you will find us all open and honest.

Cheers
Annette

I didn't mean to intrude, I was unaware of "The Loved Ones" Forum. I do apologize if I've overstepped my boundaries. Thanks you for the information. I really appreciate it.

PaulaQ

03-26-2013, 01:09 AM

I didn't mean to intrude

You are totally not intruding here! You are welcome here! :love:

CuriousWife2013

03-26-2013, 01:21 AM

Paula,

Thank you. You have made me feel welcome. When my husband came home from work, and saw me crying while I was re-reading your post, he asked me what was wrong. I told him that they weren't sad tears, and then I told him about how "okay" you made me feel. He wanted me to express his deepest gratitude to you and he wanted to know if you were close to us. I told him I didn't know. You already have a special place in my heart and I appreciate you and all of the knowledge that you have bestowed upon me. You are a gem! :hugs: :cheer:

Amanda M

03-26-2013, 01:53 AM

Curious Wife - you should be proud of yourself for what you are, and what you are doing! There will be bumps on the road ahead, mut you can get over them if you keep communication open and honest. Having read your replies, I think that you will.

You have had some excellent advice here, of course, but please, do NOT allow yourself to be drawn into overstepping boundaries which you feel are appropriate - that way lies conflict.

As for intruding, I think I dare speak for all of us and say welcome, and thanks for trusting us.

I wish you both happiness,

Hugs, AmandaM

PaulaQ

03-26-2013, 01:55 AM

he wanted to know if you were close to us.

Sadly, I'm halfway across the country, although I do sometimes have to go out to the bay area.

I'm trying to figure all this same stuff out for myself, and figure out how to go through this soon with my own wife. So if I've helped at all, I'm glad, because I'm going to need it for myself when I go through this.

Cheryl T

03-26-2013, 02:51 AM

First of all, this had nothing to do with you. This is something we carry inside us and is not "caused" by anyone. It's not a lacking on your part, it's not related to you at all.
Secondly, there is nothing to fix. We are not broken, we are not in need of being "fixed". We are simply in need of someone to understand, accept, embrace and love us for who we are, in all our forms.
Thirdly, you support him by loving him. You support him by trying to understand why he feels this way and not taking anything personally. You support him by TALKING to him and by LISTENING to him. Turning your back on him if you love him only makes it worse for both of you. It drives a wedge between you and can only lead to heartache.

CDChloe1972

03-26-2013, 03:42 AM

Your SO does sound incredibly lucky to have you.

Your gift of the shoes and make up is a WONDROUS start

COMMUNICATION is the biggest key you've got to exploring this new side of him/each other together

Let him know that you accept him and you do love ALL of him as you've stated in here because hearing that will probably mean the world to him right now.

anyway, you've ticked all the boxes for a good start on this together

more power to you both

xx Chloe xx

AmyGaleRT

03-26-2013, 03:59 AM

Curious Wife, as far as I can tell, you are doing the right thing thusfar. You are accepting of your husband, supporting of him, and even encouraging him (getting him heels and makeup, talking about going out with him dressed). This makes you an exceptional lady who deserves some extra-special hugs. :hugs:

One thing to keep in mind is that he himself may feel ambivalent about his crossdressing. He may feel like it's something he has to hide, reinforced by all the years he did have to hide it. It may take him time to feel comfortable dressed around you, and to realize that his feminine side is actually a blessing, not something to be hidden. (I was atypical; I first dressed for my fiancee very shortly after telling her, and I have never had trouble with her seeing me as Amy.) The way you break him out of his shell is to keep the lines of communication open. Talk to him about it. Ask him about his history with it: when did he first put on an item of women's clothing? What item was it? What made him try it? How did his feelings about it change over time? Learn what it was like to be him, and reassure him that it's okay for him to be the way he is. Because it is, really.

One other thing you did right: you came here. On this site, you won't be judged or thought to be "intruding." But, since you've read through the previous posts in this thread, you already know that. If your husband's not a member, I would encourage him to become one. He'll be welcomed and treated like a lady the minute he shows up. :)

May the two of you both continue and grow in your happiness! :)

- Amy

andrea lace

03-26-2013, 08:46 AM

Hi Curious
I came out to my wife 3 months ago. I thought before telling her that I would loose everything. How wrong I was we now get on better than ever. A new era of love trust and understanding has developed between us. I see by your post you are accepting of your husbands CDing. No you cant fix it as nothing is broken. It is likely he CDed way before you even met him so you did nothing wrong to make him that way. An

Beverley Sims

03-26-2013, 09:11 AM

I have not read any other posts so I will give you my views.
One, you did nothing wrong and you did not make him this way.
I think that will be a standard reply from all here.

Two, If you are looking for a cure, no!
I suggest talking to him and without any angst between either of you.
It is an adjustment of lifestyle and getting used to your husband wearing something feminine.
To help you along, let him wear female jeans and dress androgynously around home.
You can say no breast enhancement, meaning let him wear a bra but not pad them out.
He may like to wear nice undies, you can let him as you do not ave to see them.
When a man is restricted from dressing he becomes moody and sour.
let him have a little rope and he is as good as gold.
It is really remarkable.

Three,
Support comes with talking and asking questions.
I would assume the following, he is not gay, he does not want to change sex and all he wants to do is present as a woman occasionally.
If he shows a pre disposition towards the first two it is a little more complicated.
It is not the end of the world and he is still your first choice in life as you are his.

Go away encourage him to talk about it and even encourage him to join this site.
Do not think of it as being cheated. He would have been deathly afraid.
Try and quell that fear with considerate questions.
I recommend it in preference to any others I have seen.
I will go now and see what others have advised.
I suspect it is similar.

MysticLady

03-26-2013, 10:14 AM

How do I support him without feeling "cheated on"?

May I ask you why you feel like youre being cheated on?
Ive read your post on #34 but,to me at least,it constitutes a weak reason to feel that way. Forgive me for being blunt but cheating is a powerful accusation. There are things that we all do(men and women) that don't include spouses and it's not considered cheating. The reason I say this is because my dressing is personal and private and since I was not comfortable dressing in front of my wife even though she knew of my dressing, I knew that she wouldn't be able to handle it mentally. Maybe in time she'll be able too but were separated now for the time being and even still she's not able to cope with it.

Nicky63

03-26-2013, 12:27 PM

1)In all probability you did nothing, most of us just are, it's the way we were made.
2 & 3) Talk to him accept that his way, don't try and stop it because that will just cause him to go behind your back, better to be open about it...
Nicky
xx

Stephanie47

03-26-2013, 03:47 PM

Don't try to over compensate for any negative feelings you may have had for any male who cross dressers. It would seem natural to try to understand his interest in appearing as a woman. If you are not sure about all of this, please go slow. It is better to take 'baby steps' rather than 'giant leaps' from which it may be difficult to backtrack. Would you be ready to handle it, if hubby always slipped into girl mode 100% of the time at home?

You and your husband need to evaluate the consequences of self outing the situation. Not everyone may be so

welcoming as you have been. Family? Friends? Church? Jobs?

I noticed you posted a picture on your bio page along with membership in an Elks Lodge. Potentially, you may be outing your spouse and self without really realizing it.

Geraldine_Whyman

03-26-2013, 06:14 PM

Hi,

this is a very interesting thread.

I was writing a answer when I've closed the tab... (Ctrl - W). So, I start again.

Well, I just want to say that crossdressing make me feel I am a woman. And why do I want to feel it ? Because the society only allows women to wear some sort of clothes (or colours), to act a certain way... For me, it's started the day my brother laughed because my parents gave me a red pantyhose for a school show (I think I was 5 years old). It took years and years before I understand that it was the start of a long story... Crossdress to have the right to wear some clothes.

If society accepted that men can act like women act, it won't be necessary for me to crossdress. I would just act as I want to act.

Today, if I want to wear a skirt, it's quite impossible. But, if I crossdress (and really look like a woman), nobody will say anything about my skirt.

It's because it's so difficult to be a man with "feminine" behaviors (thoughts and wishes) that we have to look like women to make the people accept our feminine behaviors (thoughts and wishes). It's quite silly! And I think it can lead to transexuality....

I'm actually working to make the people around me accept my way of dressing. I wear women pants, nylon pantyhose and in summer women sandals. My colleagues are gradually accepting the fact that I am a man (married and with a child) who likes dressing with this kind of clothes. At the beginning, they thougth I was gay! Now, they know that it's wrong and they think : "why not?" about my clothes.

I will soon buy a pair of ballerinas and try to go to work with them. I hope it will goes well...

CuriousWife2013, it's a great idea to accept this situation. You are wonderfull. Your husband couldn't hope anything better. Now, it will be a long way for him to be accepted as a man who likes dressing with "feminine" clothes, but you will be with him, and it will be less hard for him.

OK, it's late and I can't remember all what I have written in my first answer (yes, before Ctrl-W...), so : bye bye...

ReineD

03-26-2013, 11:06 PM

I'd like to welcome you to the forum, Arns.

It never ceases to amaze me that, no matter what part of the world a crossdresser is from, what type of upbringing he has had, cultural influences, his particular gene pool, etc, his needs and motives will be the same as other crossdressers worldwide! When I read your words, Arns, they are just the same as the words I've read from CDers in the US, Canada, Australia, South America, Europe, India, Eastern countries ...

It's as if there is a collective crossdressers' conscience! Crossdressers like to say they are all individual and their motives for dressing are all different, but I think that fundamentally, for the most part they feel the way that you describe. They may decide to handle the CDing in all different ways, but they want the same things that you do.

Just an observation.

Hmmm. Collective Crossdressers' Conscience. CCC. A new acronym? :D

CuriousWife2013

03-27-2013, 12:47 AM

CuriousWife,
I wont' repeat what others have already said. Instead, I'll provide some encouragement (I hope.) Please continue to learn, support and understand. It's the right thing to do. My wife and I have been at this together for better than 3 decades. The love we share as a result is infinite, and the shopping experiences are to die for :daydreaming:

Good luck sweetie!!

MissTee,

Thank you for your post last night. Today was my "first official shopping trip" and it was also my "first official breakdown". :witsend:I was sitting in the middle of the store crying :cry: because I couldn't decide on which outfit to get him. I wanted his First Outfit to be perfect! :cute: and all I could thinkof was that I was once again going to disappoint him. :doh:

So after about 5 minutes I pulled up my big girl panties and told myself that I just needed to pretend that I was shopping for my sister instead of my SO. It got a lot easier. So 5 hours later I'm sitting in our bedroom trying to wrap everything before he gets home from work, and just as I finish putting it all on the bed it was time for him to walk in. I went outside and told him that there was stuff all over the bed and I needed his help to get it off. :devil:

He walked into the room and I was right behind him, and the look on his face was priceless! :eek: I had more fun watching him open everything (a total of 10 outfits, 2 pair of shoes, 2 purses (one for day and an evening bag), jewelry and even new lingerie. The shoes weren't the right size, so we ended up taking them back, he traded the 2 pairs in for 1 (said he could only wear 1 at a time) and he got me the most perfect platforms that a girl could ever dream of! :daydreaming:

I told him before he went to sleep, that I hoped that he liked everything, and he said that I did a good job and he was very grateful. It made my little meltdown seem worth it to see him so happy. :twirl:

I guess I was just wondering why I went from feeling okay about shopping to a darn meltdown in matter of 0.3 seconds. Is that normal?

Paula,

Like I said, I don't think that I would be as "okay and accepting" as I am right now without you and the other ladies. If/when you go thru this with your wife (and you will be wonderful I just know it) and if she needs to talk to someone, I'm her for her and you as well.

Blessings

Curious

PaulaQ

03-27-2013, 12:57 AM

I guess I was just wondering why I went from feeling okay about shopping to a darn meltdown in matter of 0.3 seconds. Is that normal?

I think you are possibly feeling that this is all on you, to fix this? That is a lot of pressure to put on yourself.

CuriousWife2013

03-27-2013, 01:04 AM

OK,,,, Am I the only one here thinking this is all too good to be true??? if it is true, Respect, I love this woman, however it looks more to me like a set up post someone has started in anticipation of coming out to his wife, this will allow him to come out and then give her the web address to this site and this post to say look its not that big a deal, look how supportive this woman is to her crossdressing husband, she's encouraging him and buying things for him, wow I have to admit if this is genuine I'm impressed, I really do love this womans attitude
:-)

Leanne,

I assure you that this is not "a setup post". I can kind of see where you would be thinking that, but I am for real. My name is Mary and I won't give out my husbands name, that would be for him to do that. We've been married for 10 years on April 5th and this is the biggest "speedbump" that we've dealt with thusfar. I took a vow...for better or worse, I would love, honor and cherish him until death us do part. Now neither one of is dying (unless we have a heartattack from all of the lovemaking ~ he's an animal now) but we're both in pretty good shape, so I doubt that will happen either.

I just wanted to make sure that I was going about things the right way. I've always been a pretty positive person, and this isn't going to change that. Besides, like I've said before I love him...ALL of him .... FOREVER!!!

Jenniferathome

03-27-2013, 09:53 AM

...I was sitting in the middle of the store crying :cry: because I couldn't decide on which outfit to get him. I wanted his First Outfit to be perfect! :cute: and all I could thinkof was that I was once again going to disappoint him. :doh:

Whoa Curious. This is not on you. The fact that you accepted his cross dressing is MORE than he expected and a sign of what a loving and open person you are. There is no pressure to be his "girlfriend." Please relax, talk a lot about what he wants and most importantly what YOU want. Slow down and get your collective heads on straight then move forward. YOU can do no wrong, please remember that.

good luck

ReineD

03-27-2013, 10:51 AM

... and all I could thinkof was that I was once again going to disappoint him.

What do you mean, "once again"? How do you feel that you have disappointed him before?

As to my prior advice to you, I read your initial post incorrectly. I took it in the beginning that you wanted to fix the CDing because you felt cheated on. But, you are very supportive! I'm sure that your husband appreciates this a great deal! :)

How long have you been together, and how did you find out about the CDing?

NicoleScott

03-27-2013, 11:08 AM

I was sitting in the middle of the store crying :cry: because I couldn't decide on which outfit to get him. I wanted his First Outfit to be perfect! :cute: and all I could thinkof was that I was once again going to disappoint him.

You certainly have demonstrated your support, but you seem to have burdened yourself with providing perfect support. Putting that kind of pressure on yourself isn't necessary. How about offering to take him shopping, and let him pick out things for himself? It's no less supportive, eliminates the guesswork on your part, and gets him what he wants. My wife is supportive, and (early on) bought me a few things, but she now knows that I prefer to pick out things for myself. It works.

Geraldine_Whyman

03-27-2013, 01:36 PM

giuseppina

03-27-2013, 11:41 PM

Hello Mary

First, thank you for investigating what crossdressers are about rather than just heading for the hills.

Second, CDs lean more toward the centre of the gender spectrum than most males. This is something that is innate. It may have been brought to the surface by an event or events. Some males try to repress their feminine side, which sometimes leads to negative health consequences in the long term. It is extremely unlikely to be solely something you've done. Chances are very small that he will want body modifications other than piercing(s) in his ears or other sites.

Third, there are no known therapies that remove a man's desire to crossdress in a healthy way. [-]Reparative[/-] repressive therapy has been widely discredited in professional circles as ineffective and unethical. One of the possible side effects of this alleged treatment is clinical depression or suicidal thoughts.

Fourth, your DH may want to dress in private from time to time. This is normal and healthy. Please don't try to take that away. It is not normally a rejection. Dressing alone does not fit my definition of cheating: failing to forsake a non-platonic relationship.

... I guess I was just wondering why I went from feeling okay about shopping to a darn meltdown in matter of 0.3 seconds. Is that normal?

It isn't for us to decide what this means, as we don't know you or your DH. Perhaps you might consider these ideas:

1. this may be an indication something is going too fast. If such is the case, it would be a good idea to slow down a bit before something untoward happens. There are plenty of posts by CDs lamenting their overwhelming their spouse. I wouldn't be surprised if there are some CDs we don't hear about whose spouse pushed the crossdressing too hard and drove their CDing spouse into their shell or worse.

2. it may be the acceptance pendulum swinging. A respected genetic lady posted about this in a long-closed thread:

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?12890-Now-I-Like-It-Now-I-Don-t

3. it may be something else entirely. It's up to you to decide what fits your situation.

Some couples find ways to integrate crossdressing and other stigmatised behaviors into their relationship. In others it drives them apart.

At least one poster above made a comment to the effect you may be trying too hard to make this work for the two of you. I agree with their concern.

Finally, I'm told the GG forum is an excellent place for support for genetically female spouses of crossdressers.

Cheryl T

03-28-2013, 02:37 AM

Just something to think about....
What did you do to make him this way....well, since I was about 7 when I began dressing and my wife was only 4 (and we hadn't met) I seriously doubt that she had anything to do with my desire to express my feminine side. We only met about 14 years later and by then I had been wearing the clothes and makeup about as long as she had (except for her small girl things). So you see...you really had no effect.

Mollyanne

03-28-2013, 02:48 AM

I'M SURE YOU HAVE HEARD AND READ THIS BEFORE --------

1. YOU DID NOTHING WRONG, I REPEAT, YOU DID NOTHING WRONG!!!!!!

2. NO, YOU CAN'T FIX IT!!!!!! IT'S IN THE "WIRING" IN THE BRAIN!!!!!

3. DON'T RIDICULE, DON'T MAKE ACCUSATIONS WITHOUT BASIS, THE BOTH OF YOU SHOULD CONSIDER MAKING PARAMETERS AS TO WHEN, WHERE, HOW!!!!!!

It's not going to be easy, but it can be done. HONESTY PLAYS A BIG, AND I MEAN A VERY BIG PART IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.

Molly

Jill Devine

03-28-2013, 07:02 AM

To Curious Wife: this world would be a better place if more people were like you.
Open minded, loving, accepting,loyal and selfless. Good for you!

CuriousWife2013

03-29-2013, 02:44 AM

First of all, thank you to all who have given me advise thus far...I couldn't have gotten this far without all of you!

Okay so for the last couple of days/nights things have started to decline. After my shopping trip (which I had a breakdown in the middle of ) I've noticed that a few things have changed for the worst.

1. He won't have sex now unless he's dressed up.
2. He's started a "relatioinship" with someone he's met on Craigslist and they exchange photos. He's told this person all about me and how supportive I am and this other person just knows that his LTG won't even begin to understand his CDing so he's hiding it from her, but he wants to meet me and my SO soon.
3. My SO wanted me to wax him, and when I started on his legs (we've only gotten thru the front of them so far, we are continuing with the backs tonight). When I started the first few strips were fine for him but after awhile he was calling me a Bitch because he said I was making it hurt on purpose. I Wasn't, it's just what happens when you wax something. That hurt my feelings and I told him so, and that is why we stopped waxing.
4. After suggesting that this weekend we go out to dinner (with him dressed) he was all for that and then he said he needed something, and I said that I didn't have it, that he should go out and just buy it (I think it was a jacket), he said no, he wanted me to do it. I told him no, that I didn't have time and if he wanted it then he needed to get it. He got all upset and said that I "wasn't okay with this, and why was I lying?" I explained that I had a very busy day and he could go shopping just as easily as I could.
5. It seems like when ever we are talking now, it is only about CDing and nothing else. I told him that we needed to set up some ground rules about when to and not to talk about CDing, and he got all upset and said that now I'm trying to control him and not let him talk about this when he wants to. That's not fair, I told him that I have feelings and that I matter as well (like I've been told by you wonderful ladies), and he's all upset because I'm trying to "take care of me and my feelings also".

Help please, I don't know what to do and I am still okay with this. It's who he is and I love him...ALL of him!

Curious (aka Confused) Wife

Vickie_CDTV

03-29-2013, 04:18 AM

To be completely honest, his accusing you of intentionally hurting him along with that kind of childish name calling would make me seriously wonder about his mental stability. You are clearly being more than accommodating to him, and you certainly do not deserve that kind of treatment.

Dana3

03-29-2013, 04:38 AM

He's being an absolute and complete azzhat! He's literally off of the farm and not desrving of a caring, loving, nuturing, supporting of SOMEONE such as yourself!!!!!!! And THAT'S before factoring into the equation that he's a crossdresser! The fact that he's being a selfish, self-centered, narcisstic jerk!

Its hard being a crossdresser! Its EVEN HARDER Being the Wife of one!

Its even harder finding someone that LOVES you for who and what your are ~ as you are. And when you do, if you do ~ if you ever do? Don't screw it up!

For your consideration

I’m posting this article because at it’s core, this is what relationships are all about. It’s not about YOU it’s about YOU AS A COUPLE.

There’s a huge overuse of the word “crazy” in our culture. “My crazy ex-boyfriend, don’t even get me started,” or “my mother is twelve kinds of crazy” or “that girl I’ve been dating? Turns out she’s batsh*t crazy.” We toss the word around like a frisbee on Labor Day.

The thing is, very few people are actually crazy. According to medical research, only around 4% of the population actually has a diagnosable mental disorder. “Yeah,” you’re probably saying, “the other 96% aren’t in my dating pool.” Still, given that there are 350 million people in the U.S., if you do the math (and you know I’m serious about this if I’m doing math) it means your chances of actually meeting a certifiable nutcase is like 1 in 100 gazillion, or something. So are we all just deluded about the definition of crazy? Or is there some other explanation?

Yes: Relationships drive people crazy.

To make it worse, we’re all swimming in relationships, for the majority of our lives. Human beings are inherently gregarious — hell, we die if left in solitude. So even if you’re the world’s biggest recluse, you’re in a relationship with someone. Your mother. Your FedEx guy. Maybe your dog. And if that relationship goes badly, it will have a negative impact on your life.

The good news: since your life (and mine! And everyone else’s!) is nothing but a gurgling stew pot of messy relationships, you have plenty of practice material, and lots of time to perfect your technique.

The bad news: relationships are friggin’ hard.

Here are 5 truths about relationships that no one ever tells you. Granted, these only apply to WORKING relationships. The old trope really is true — happy relationships are all the same, but every miserable one is miserable in its own way. You can find 10,000 ways to be dysfunctional, but if you want any kind of happiness, the same principles always apply. So here goes.

1) Your relationship is not about you.

In the sliver of my college education that wasn’t drowned in cheese-covered breadsticks and booze, I recall an Intro to Philosophy course. Specifically, there was a lesson about the metaphysics of individual perception. Boiled down, it’s nearly impossible to see things from anywhere other than your own point of view. Try it — you’ll fail. No matter how hard you work to get out, you’re still inside your own head, burdened with thoughts and opinions and judgments and hurts that are not clearly visible to anyone else.

Given this human limitation, it’s nearly impossible not to think about ourselves constantly. We make valiant gestures at unselfishness and altruism, but at the end of the day we’re still selfish *******s. “Me” and “I” are ingrained in our heads, since we have no other context for living.

Unfortunately, getting as skilled as possible at seeing beyond the “me” and “I” is just about the only way to have functional relationships. The reason for this is simple: the relationship is not about you. More specifically, it is not about your thoughts and needs and opinions. It’s about caring for and meeting someone else’s.

Case in point: It’s a rainy Wednesday night, and you’re tired. You stumble home in soggy clothes, and low blood sugar is urging your brain to screech at the first individual unlucky enough to plant himself in front of you. That poor soul turns out to be your husband. Too bad! It’s not about you. At no point did this other person sign up for “absorbing all your repressed anger on weeknights.” In order to have any chance at a pleasant evening (for him, and yourself) you have to give up the “me” and hear about HIS day, his thoughts, his opinions, and whatever the hell else comes out of his mouth.

Another way to say it is “don’t expect to have someone who always tends to your needs.” (You may GET someone who always tends to your needs, but that doesn’t mean you should EXPECT it.) The purpose of the relationship cannot be for you to declare what you want and then extract it by whatever means necessary. If it IS about you taking what you want from this other person — be it a lover, spouse, parent, basically anyone but your dog — then it’s not going to work. The other person will wind up feeling like sh*t, you’ll wind up feeling like even more sh*t, and no one is
happy.

The trick is to just get over the whole “me” thing as much as possible, on a ceaseless basis. Simple, right? Not at all. Which is why 99.99999% of relationships wind up resembling a mash-up of 2012 and Armageddon.
NOTE: This does not mean “Give up your identity and shut off your own needs in an attempt at relationship martyrdom.” No one is advocating being a doormat, or pretending that you don’t have needs in order to keep the peace. In a way, shutting off means you’re still extracting what you want from the other person — by creating a fantasy, and never letting him/her know the real you.

2) You are 100% responsible for your relationship.

Guess what! Not only is the relationship not about you, but you’re also totally responsible for it! Sweet! What does this mean? For one, it means that when your partner does something that makes every cell in your body swell to bursting with liquid rage, it is your responsibility to deal with your anger, and resolve the situation. Every time.

Let’s break it down. You planned a romantic evening. You scrimped and saved to pay for it, busted your butt to get the impossible reservation, worked all weekend to make sure you have the entire evening free, bought a new outfit, and plucked every stray hair from your epidermis to guarantee the night is special. And then that UNGRATEFUL $#&@ SHOWS UP 30 MINUTES LATE, DECIDES HE’S TIRED, AND WANTS TO LEAVE AFTER THE APPETIZER!!

So what do you do?

Well, you be responsible. You recognize that right now, you have a choice — to be mad enough to melt his nose hairs with your glare, or not. No one is forcing you to scream and yell, or coldly seethe while preparing revenge, or bring up that time when his boss tried to grab your ass. It’s all up to you.

And if you want to make the choice that will have the relationship continue, you shove the “me” conversation aside (remember that damned “me” rule?) using a bulldozer if necessary. You explain to your partner in a kind, shriek-free way that you’d hoped the evening would go a different way. You communicate your point of view. You hear out his perspective, without interruption, and find a resolution (reschedule? Have him plan the evening next time?). And then you let it go.

Or, if it’s a situation that has happened 3,000 times already and he never once respects your side, you say goodbye. But breakups are fodder for another column.

3) You can either be right… or be happy.

My Great Aunt told me this once, and the foolish twenty-something that I was, I brushed her off. Oh silly Great Aunt — what an antiquated notion!
Nope — the dame was dead on. You will fight. You will disagree. If you don’t, you are robot automatons who must be vanquished with laser guns.

These fights will all, without exception, come down to a single question: Who is right, and who is wrong.

Guess what! You’re not right! Or maybe you are- – but you’re still not, if you want the relationship to continue. Think about it: What do you get from being right, and having him/her admit it? You get a momentary thrill of superiority followed by hours of surly resentful spouse. And after around 2,000 of these, you get marriage counseling (or divorce papers).

So there you have it: when you’re right, you lose. Meaning that when you’re wrong, you actually win!

4) Your partner is exactly who she/he is right now, and will never be anybody else.

God your boyfriend is great. He’s so smart he can recite pi to the 500th digit. He’s so handsome he melts the wings off canaries and so charismatic he charms maximum-security inmates with the force of his smile. In fact, he’d be stone-cold perfect IF ONLY HE’D CHANGE THIS ONE ASPECT OF HIS PERSONALITY THAT MAKES YOU WANT TO MURDER BABIES AAAGGGHHH!!!

Guess what: He won’t change. Either accept him exactly as he is (and continue accepting him every day ’til the zombie apocalypse) or bid him adieu. Once again, it’s your choice – so choose.

5) If your relationship with yourself isn’t working, don’t expect your other relationships to be any different.

I know. It sucks that this is true. When a relationship goes bad (or when anything goes bad, for that matter), it’s so tempting to beat up on yourself and ask a million questions about what you did wrong and suffer in exquisite agony over why he dumped you and scream at the moon “WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME WHY AM I SUCH A DEFECTIVE CLUMP OF CARBON MATTER!!!!!!”

But I can tell you right now: There’s nothing wrong with you. Or, at least, there’s nothing more wrong with you than any of the things wrong with me, or your partner, or any other human being roaming the earth. So halt the self-inflicted suffering whenever you can (it’s like a reflex, I know) and be kind to yourself. Loving, even. Think about how awesome you are.

Take loving care of yourself. Because if you do, you’ll get good at meeting your own needs — and that’ll be a massive help when it comes time to hear out the needs of someone wonderful and new. Since after all, the next relationship’s not about you either.

Dana3

03-29-2013, 04:47 AM

Cross dressing aside? Its entirely psssible he's got other issues ~ that haven't anything to do with crossdressing ~ just his basic personality. From your posts I would suggest for your consideration

Symptoms

By Mayo Clinic staff
Narcissistic personality disorder is characterized by dramatic, emotional behavior, which is in the same category as antisocial and borderline personality disorders.

Narcissistic personality disorder symptoms may include:
Believing that you're better than others
Fantasizing about power, success and attractiveness
Exaggerating your achievements or talents
Expecting constant praise and admiration
Believing that you're special and acting accordingly
Failing to recognize other people's emotions and feelings
Expecting others to go along with your ideas and plans
Taking advantage of others
Expressing disdain for those you feel are inferior
Being jealous of others
Believing that others are jealous of you
Trouble keeping healthy relationships
Setting unrealistic goals
Being easily hurt and rejected
Having a fragile self-esteem
Appearing as tough-minded or unemotional
Although some features of narcissistic personality disorder may seem like having confidence or strong self-esteem, it's not the same. Narcissistic personality disorder crosses the border of healthy confidence and self-esteem into thinking so highly of yourself that you put yourself on a pedestal. In contrast, people who have healthy confidence and self-esteem don't value themselves more than they value others.
When you have narcissistic personality disorder, you may come across as conceited, boastful or pretentious. You often monopolize conversations.

You may belittle or look down on people you perceive as inferior. You may have a sense of entitlement. And when you don't receive the special treatment to which you feel entitled, you may become very impatient or angry. You may insist on having "the best" of everything — the best car, athletic club, medical care or social circles, for instance.

But underneath all this behavior often lies a fragile self-esteem. You have trouble handling anything that may be perceived as criticism. You may have a sense of secret shame and humiliation. And in order to make yourself feel better, you may react with rage or contempt and efforts to belittle the other person to make yourself appear better.

When to see a doctor
When you have narcissistic personality disorder, you may not want to think that anything could be wrong — doing so wouldn't fit with your self-image of power and perfection. But by definition, a narcissistic personality disorder causes problems in many areas of your life, such as relationships, work, school or your financial affairs. You may be generally unhappy and confused by a mix of seemingly contradictory emotions. Others may not enjoy being around you, and you may find your relationships unfulfilling.
If you notice any of these problems in your life, consider reaching out to a trusted doctor or mental health provider. Getting the right treatment can help make your life more rewarding and enjoyable.

Dana3

03-29-2013, 05:25 AM

He's started a "relatioinship" with someone he's met on Craigslist and they exchange photos. He's told this person all about me and how supportive I am and this other person just knows that his LTG won't even begin to understand his CDing so he's hiding it from her, but he wants to meet me and my SO soon.

This is totally unacceptable! Anytime two people involve a third party into the most intimate parts of their lives? Its going to be a train wreck from Hell. There are some that do, and who are totally acceptable doing it? But for most its dismall failure.

Its likes when I sold cars for all of six months?

There are some that make a really good living at it! Make it a life long carrer. Some succed at it ~ but most don't! 60% of all salesmen are out of the sales buiness within the first six months! A whopping 90% are out of it within a year!

A case of some do? But most don't!

Dana3

03-29-2013, 05:28 AM

He won't have sex now unless he's dressed up.

I guess your wants, needs, desires, fantasies as just an individual and a woman don't matter, Huh?

I think the "Four Finger" rule applies here?

When you're pointing the finger at someone? You need to look at the three that are pointing back at you!

Dana3

03-29-2013, 05:37 AM

My SO wanted me to wax him, and when I started on his legs (we've only gotten thru the front of them so far, we are continuing with the backs tonight). When I started the first few strips were fine for him but after awhile he was calling me a Bitch because he said I was making it hurt on purpose. I Wasn't, it's just what happens when you wax something. That hurt my feelings and I told him so, and that is why we stopped waxing.

Wow! Reality what a freakin' concept! Guess fantasising about getting girly and actually doing those things which getting girily means and entails are two totally different things! Lets face it! It one thing thinking, dreaming, fantasizing about it?

Doing it (Especially every montiousious, boring, repetive day of your Life) is another!

You think wearing a VS thong is sexy, cool, etc?

Try wearing gauging lace and dental floush thong while working in a hot, sweaty auto assembly plant for 12 hours straight? You'll think twice before you ever do that again ~ I promise you!

Dana3

03-29-2013, 05:44 AM

FantasyLand has a population of ONE!!!!!

Jill Devine

03-29-2013, 06:55 AM

I think that because this board is focused on the CD'ing aspects of life we sometimes overlook other issues. Let not forget that some people are just nasty self centered jerks! And some of those jerks just happen to be CDs.

It sounds like he is self centered and insensitive. My advice? Do not allow him to hide all of his personality faults behind the cross dressing TG subject. He doesn't get a hall pass to be an A-hole just because he is a CD! Call him on it when the excuses and justification starts!

Dana3

03-29-2013, 07:02 AM

For lack of a "Like" button?

I agree!

We're not all jerks, fools, and clowns!

jillleanne

03-29-2013, 08:47 AM

Just found out my husband is a cross dresser and I want to know a couple of things...

1, What did I do wrong to make him this way?

2, Can I fix it?

3, How do I support him without feeling "cheated on"?

Answers:
1. You broke the yoke in his eggs too often.
2. Yes, tape up the eggs with duct tape before breaking the shells.
3. The best way to support him is to again, use the duct tape to tie his arms and legs together. Next, wrap the tape tightly around the chandelier in the dining room. This should provide enough support to hang him there until you return with another dozen eggs and more tape.

oh I get it now, you wanted serious replies. Well then that's entirely different. Sorry.

Answers:

1. You did nothing. He was born this way.
2. No because nothing is broken. This is who he is and he is normal .
3. Talk, learn, accept. He too must do the same.

CD_DIANE

03-29-2013, 09:15 AM

The change from the first post to now has been totally amazing and disgusting ! No one (especially anyone as kind and considerate as you have been) deserves to be treated as you have been. His behavior it totally unacceptable of one human being to another whether the one is a CD or not ! Good luck !

Diane

Jenniferathome

03-29-2013, 09:20 AM

Okay so for the last couple of days/nights things have started to decline. After my shopping trip (which I had a breakdown in the middle of ) I've noticed that a few things have changed for the worst.

1. He won't have sex now unless he's dressed up.....DEAL BREAKER
2. He's started a "relatioinship" with someone he's met on Craigslist ....DEAL BREAKER
3. My SO wanted me to wax him, ......have him go to a pro and see what happens...
4. After suggesting that this weekend we go out to dinner (with him dressed) ... he said no, he wanted me to do it.....DEAL BREAKER
5. It seems like when ever we are talking now, it is only about CDing and nothing else. ....DEAL BREAKER

I told him that we needed to set up some ground rules about when to and not to talk about CDing, and he got all upset ...

STOP THE TRAIN!

Curious, it's ok to be ok AND slow down. He's in the preverbal pink fog, too much too soon and clouding his judgement. Or maybe he's just an ass. Either way, you need to slow everything down AND tell him that things have progressed too far too fast for your comfort level. Print out this thread and give it to him. Let him soak in all the comments. Ask him to join here.

He is totally unreasonable. Address this now. Good luck

Stephanie47

03-30-2013, 12:20 AM

Curiouswife, I suspect maybe you did do something he was not anticipating. It is possible he was not expecting you to be supportive and accepting of his cross dressing. Maybe, he was expecting you to become an irate wife who would throw negative comments at him. Maybe, he wanted you to throw him out of the house/marriage so he can engage in behavior that is outside of your comfort zone. Maybe, once you accepted his increasing self center behavior, the question may become "How do I get to do what I really want to do?"

Frankly, I think you are headed into or have been an abusive relationship. Husbands do not treat wives in the manner he is doing. It's at a minimum self center boorish behavior.

PaulaQ

03-30-2013, 12:24 AM

@CuriousWife2013 - I'm amazed at all that has happened in the four days since your first post. What a week! Usually this stuff would unfold over a longer time frame. What a whirlwind for you both, oh my goodness!

DaniG

03-30-2013, 12:41 AM

CuriousWife2013

03-30-2013, 05:08 AM

WOW!!! You ladies are amazing! ty ty ty from the bottom of my heart! :worship:

It seems that this afternoon, before I returned home, my SO got onto my laptop and read every post. He must have gotten a HUGE wake up call because I got flowers (something I have NEVER gotten from him before), A really nice dinner, and a basically a blank check for lawn furniture (we are in the process of relandscaping our front yard).

He has been apologizing all evening for the way he has acted. He said that he didn't realize how selfish he had been. He suggested that from now on if he gets pushy and insensitive then I am allowed to waive my white flag. (Suggested to us by a premarriage counselor).

Thanks again! :thumbup:

Curious

Lisa Gerrie

03-30-2013, 05:23 AM

Wow, I wouldn't be too happy about my spouse invading my laptop. But overall I'm glad your crisis is over. Good luck and good strength. You need to find a pink flag! :)

It's not often that the forums can be of such direct help.

Wildaboutheels

03-30-2013, 05:50 AM

How lucky for him that he was able to guess your password. You might want to come up with a better one? Or maybe not have it written down where he can find it? Or...?

Btw, Lowes had those plastic pink flamingos not long ago...

cross-up

03-30-2013, 07:13 PM

Just want to say I LOVE YOU and thanks for all you've done !Or as i read maybe not ......

Jenniferathome

03-30-2013, 07:49 PM

Just want to say I LOVE YOU and thanks for all you've done !Or as i read maybe not ......

YOU are a VERY, VERY lucky guy. Never forget that part. A wife like yours is rare. Enjoy the addition to your relationship but respect the boundaries. Cross dressing is what you do, not who you are.

Jenny Gurl

03-30-2013, 09:34 PM

Cross dressers are born Cross dressers, no one did anything to make them that way. Something that is often misunderstood is that crossdressers hide their inner most secrets from the ones they love and the loved one feels they are being lied to. Not all cases are the same, but in many cases the person who was born a crossdresser may not understand themselves well enough to tell someone they care about. Many are still discovering themselves, and do not yet understand themselves yet. Society has conditioned us over the years to believe it is sick, disgusting, perverted, etc. When one discovers they have a desire for something the mainstream of society has decided is perverted, they tend to feel ashamed and feel there is something wrong with them that needs fixed. Many times a male to female crossdresser feels after starting a relationship that a woman is something that is missing in their life, and that now that the void has been filled they will give up crossdressing like someone would give up drinking or smoking in an effort to give the new relationship a better chance of success. The crossdresser many times believes in their heart they can give up crossdressing, so there is no reason to tell the new love interest about something they are going to swear off anyway. The problem with this is many crossdressers do not understand it is something they are born with, it will not go away with time or effort, and will always be a part of their life. They are many times uncertain how to deal with it themselves, so when they share this with someone else it adds another element to the situation. It can be very embarrassing at first, and each person in the relationship can only go so fast. If the crossdresser pushes the spouse into trying to digest too much too fast it can really turn them off. If the spouse accepts this part of his personality but pushes for the crossdresser to move faster than they are able to comfortably move then the crossdresser can be overwhelmed.

Your particular situation sounded good at first, then he sounded like he was a bit rude and demanding to say the least. If he thinks you were causing him pain on purpose, a professional waxer would be glad to give it a go, for the full feminine experience make sure to ask for the landing strip bikini wax :heehee:. Waxing done wrong can be much more painful, but it doesn't tickle no matter who is doing it. Him accusing you of intentionally hurting him was a bit much. You sound like a really great girl, and he should appreciate the fact that you are understanding and want to work as a team to understand and deal with this together. Many crossdressing relationships work on many different levels, you just have to find the comfort level that is good for BOTH of you. Some crossdressers are content to dress every now and then in the privacy of their home, and some spouses are ok with the dressing but don't want to see it so they have a don't ask don't tell policy. Other couples have a girlfriends shopping trip where they both get dressed up and go out shopping. Each relationship has it's own level of participation and acceptance. Just take it slow so nobody gets overwhelmed. Glad to see you on the discussion forum, I hope you learn a lot here and enjoy your time with us. :hugs:

docrobbysherry

03-30-2013, 10:10 PM

I just LOVE happy endings! However, I have a funny feeling in the pit of my stomach. There may be MORE ISSUES to this story in the future?

I hope to heck it's simply the chili I had for dinner!

Diversity

03-30-2013, 10:41 PM

Wow! What a wonderful wife you are to do what you did in so short a time. You obviously love your husband and have demonstrated your kindness in the support you are giving to him. Frequent open and honest communications and time will give you the answers you are searching for. All this is good, as you are letting your husband enjoy his individual journey with the freedom he needs to search out his understanding of his need to CD. Patience and understanding is a wonderful gift you are giving your husband, and I certainly commend you for this. Good luck to you both, and there is no doubt you will both be happy and enjoy a wonderful life together. Have fun along the way....
Di

AmyGaleRT

03-31-2013, 04:50 AM

This particular forum is readable by non-logged-in users, Curious, so he might have found the posts that way. Or he might have his own login. Hopefully he didn't guess your password or anything. However, just in case he looks again, I'll leave him a note.

To CuriousWife2013's Spouse:

I sympathize with you, girlfriend, really I do. I would be so tempted to go as hog-wild as you, were it not for the fact that my fiancee keeps me in line whether I'm being Amy or not. My concern is that you are letting the "pink fog" overwhelm you and you are stepping way over your wife's boundaries. I know you apologized and made up to her for it...but next time this happens, she might not be so understanding. And, unless you get it under control, there will be a "next time."

You know the saying from Spider-Man, "With great power comes great responsibility"? That applies here. We, as CDs with accepting SOs, have the power to dress as we please. But with that comes the responsibility to respect the needs and boundaries of our SOs, without whose acceptance we would not have that power. If you're not sure how your wife would feel about something, ask. And, if she tells you something you're doing is upsetting her or making her uncomfortable, back off. Always take "No" for an answer, and "Stop" for an order.

Hopefully you've gotten the message now, and this won't be a problem again. And one more thing: always, always, always make sure to tell your wife how much you love her and how much you appreciate her acceptance that allows you to be your femmeself. Trust me on that. :)

- Amy

Jill Devine

03-31-2013, 06:06 AM

Wonderful words of advice there from Amy.

CuriousWife2013

03-31-2013, 12:19 PM

Okay let's try this again...(I hit a key and I don't know where my first reply went to)...So as I was saying, I don't have a password on my computer, I'm not trying to hide anything from him. And he doesn't have one on his either. My SO (yes babe, I love you too and I'm glad that you like what I've done for you) is my world and I would be utterly lost without him. I love him....ALL of him and I'm so very grateful that he told me about his CDing. It took (pardon the pun) a huge set of balls to tell me. I'm glad that he did and since then I've felt a closeness to him that I haven't felt in years. I think that it's this emotional rollercoaster that I'm on right now that is hurting me the most. I think that sometimes I'm jealous for a bit and then after I realize it I'm then feeling very guilty. On Friday I had a meeting to go to and I needed a jacket, in my closet (I have literally a hundred) I couldn't find one that I wanted...so I looked in his closet and I saw one that I had just gotten and I took off the tags and I wore it. When I told him about it that night before dinner, I then put it back on and he said that it looked better on me and I should keep it. I felt so guilty that I just didn't know what to do. I think that the jealousy part (going into his closet for something to wear) and then the guilt (him telling me it looked better on me and to keep it) is the thing that is hurting me the most.

Is this normal or am I just "screwed up"? :doh:

Curious

LelaK

03-31-2013, 02:01 PM

C.W., I'm telling you that having emotional roller coaster rides with jealousy, guilt etc is only normal for mammalian humans. It's not normal for the superior Reptilian humans, who control the world. They don't have much in the way of emotions at all. Lucky reptiles. Eh? See http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reptilians.

cross-up

03-31-2013, 02:28 PM

Yes i know ......Thank's and i'll remember that !

Lee Andrews

04-01-2013, 09:59 AM

Cross-up,
You have a very understanding wife that wants to help you and by the sounds of it enjoy your crossdressing with you. Do not let the "Pink Fog" screw that up, as with anything in life, moderation my friend, moderation. There is a large part of the membership here that would wish they were in your heels. Crossdressing should be part of your life, not all of it. Enjoy it and don't go overboard, as with most wives they want their husband around once and awhile.

Lee.

Angie G

04-01-2013, 10:42 AM

It seems you doing everthing you should be doing. Supporting him and loving him. Your one awesome lady.:hugs:
Angie

Jenniferathome

04-01-2013, 11:08 AM

... I couldn't find one that I wanted...so I looked in his closet and I saw one that I had just gotten and I took off the tags and I wore it. .... I felt so guilty that I just didn't know what to do. Curious

Curious, I love it when my wife borrows my things. It's a validation of 1) my fashion sense, 2) she is not at all put off by my cross dressing and 3) we're a team. I'll bet your SO actually enjoyed the fact that you wore his jacket.

CuriousWife2013

04-01-2013, 12:30 PM

Curious, I love it when my wife borrows my things. It's a validation of 1) my fashion sense, 2) she is not at all put off by my cross dressing and 3) we're a team. I'll bet your SO actually enjoyed the fact that you wore his jacket.

Jennifer Thank You, that made me feel a little better. I do love his clothes! lol

Curious :daydreaming:

PaulaQ

04-01-2013, 03:35 PM

I do love his clothes! lol

The important question - are you the same shoe size? This is unlikely, I know. Although I feel my wife would be much more certain to accept me if we could share shoes! (This is her only complaint about our future daughter-in-law, they can't share shoes.)

And hey, makes sense you'd like his clothes - you picked em mostly. :)

CuriousWife2013

04-01-2013, 04:54 PM

The important question - are you the same shoe size? This is unlikely, I know. Although I feel my wife would be much more certain to accept me if we could share shoes! (This is her only complaint about our future daughter-in-law, they can't share shoes.)

And hey, makes sense you'd like his clothes - you picked em mostly. :)

OMGosh you are right Paula, I did. But I didn't pick them out with the intention of me wearing them (at least I don't think I did....stupid subconscious...now I feel guilty again)!! :doh:

And no we are not the same shoe size, He is a whopping 3 sizes bigger than I am. But I have to admit it...his shoes are H-O-T!! LOL

I do know that the skirts I picked out for him, I would NEVER wear because I have GOD AUFUL UGLY legs...I would kill for his legs...he has nice legs!!

PaulaQ

04-01-2013, 05:15 PM

Its OK CW, sharing stuff is nice. Sisters do this all the time, or so I'm told. No reason to feel guilty. How could you know his tastes, he probably doesn't know them yet. So what else would you do?

Bummer about the shoes, but typical unless you have really large feet.

cross-up

04-01-2013, 08:16 PM

So i'm her SO ...And love her VERY MUCH ! She can borrow anything anytime !!!

Veronicatally

04-01-2013, 09:00 PM

Hi Curious and thanks for sharing that.
I wouldn't worry too much about what's "normal." It's an odd thing to be involved with and there's no road map or rule book. I'm no longer married but I wasn't into xdressing when I was. I only discovered it afterwards. I'm still attracted to women and would love to be with one again. I can assure you that simply accepting his xdressing without judgment is HUGE. Don't worry about the little stuff like exchanges outfits or who looks better. So many xdressers are tormented by having to hide this from their wives and others have problems because their wives know but won't partake causing all kinds of anxiety. The fact that you're cool with this trumps everything else. From my point of view I'd say don't worry about it and just have fun with it like you would a girlfriend or sister. Kudos to you !
V

DawnD

04-01-2013, 10:16 PM

I think that it's this emotional rollercoaster that I'm on right now that is hurting me the most. I think that sometimes I'm jealous for a bit and then after I realize it I'm then feeling very guilty.

Is this normal or am I just "screwed up"? :doh:

Curious

It's all "normal". That emotional roller coaster will get better. Your role has changed, and there will be questions. The best thing you can do is TALK to your SO. My husband and I have had some very frank conversations about my feelings, his feelings, and about pretty much everything you can imagine. Some of those conversations were super hard for me because I do accept him (we haven't decided whether I'm supposed to call my husband her or him). Am I normal because I love that he wears women's clothes? Is it ok for both of us to be the girl? How does that define me? Is there something wrong with me? Those are all questions that I have asked myself at one point. Talk to him about it. He has to understand that you have all these new emotions and questions. And you have to understand that he does too. And sometimes it will be hard. There will be fights. There will be making up. And as for the sex, it has to be a relief for him to indulge that side of him after all this time. Just communicate with him. Have some very frank conversations about what you both want. Even if you don't figure it out the first time out...talk about it! You sound like you're both on the right road.

CuriousWife2013

04-01-2013, 11:05 PM

I'm sitting here at the ball field where I would usually be all in the game in keeping score and just havin a blast but I find myself feeling like I missing something because I'm not at home with my ISO it's almost like I don't feel complete when he's not around anymore and I'm just not sure what to do with that I mean I know that we still need to do things that we both like and still be individual people but I kinda feel guilty out with the girls having fun knowing he's at home waiting on me to come home. I feel guilty about being out having fun without him. Especially since we have been getting so close again, im seriously thinki.g about selling my season tickets, is this normal ?

ReineD

04-01-2013, 11:54 PM

I think that sometimes I'm jealous for a bit and then after I realize it I'm then feeling very guilty.

Is this normal or am I just "screwed up"?

The feelings that newish GGs get when they first find out about the CDing are rather a jumble, some of which have not been experienced before. So it's easy to lump them all together and mistake them for jealousy. :p

But if you take some time to look a little deeper, you'll discover that several things are going on all at once. Some of these things will be fairly easy to address and quick to move on from, while others will take more effort:

Confusion: if you are like the majority of GGs, you never thought that you'd be in a relationship with a CDer. This is not a bad thing, it's just something that you did not expect and have not spent your life anticipating and preparing for (like a wedding, or having kids, etc), nor is it something that has been out in the open and you've seen modeled around you all your life. So first you need to learn what it means, and then you need to make some adjustments. Some of these adjustments include redefining what gender means to you (since apparently it is now more complicated than "man + woman = couple". You then need to redefine how your new definition of gender, and your husband's new definition of gender fit into your relationship together. Do your definitions compliment one another, or are they at odds? You also need to think about how your respective gender roles will be affected. Many GGs go through a mourning period when they let go of their prior definitions of gender and gender roles, when they come to terms with learning how to share their own role as the female in the relationship, which up until now they thought was theirs alone. This entire process is easy to confuse with jealousy.

More confusion: Next comes the confusion about sexuality. A lot of the newish GGs wonder if their husbands get a sexual kick out of the CDing, and where does that leave them. Do the wives now take second place? Are the wives enough for their husbands? Do their husbands dress like that because they want men to notice them? Are the husbands being truthful with all their feelings, since it took them so long to disclose the CDing? Does the femme persona now feel like a third woman in the relationship since she is getting a lot of goodies? All of the feelings that arise from these questions can be mistaken for jealousy and it does take awhile to redefine all these things as well.

Resentment: Many of the newish GGs discover that their husbands seem to like the trappings of femininity more than they do .. (the clothes, makeup, nails, nail polish, shoes, jewelry, hair styles, etc). So it is natural for a wife to wonder if her husband thinks that she is attractive enough, or if he is constructing for himself everything in a woman that the wife is not. This also can be mistaken for jealousy. But, really it is the confusion over not knowing what the CDing is all about, what it means to the husband, and how it affects the relationship.

Guilt: You touched on this. IF you tell yourself that you *should* be supportive to your husband, you *should* be happy about everything that he's doing, then you WILL feel guilty for feeling all the normal feelings that wives do feel then they learn about a CDing husband. Don't do that! You can support your husband, the CDing, AND honor yourself at the same time. Give yourself as much time to come to terms with this as it took your husband to reach self-acceptance (the time from teenage years to when he finally told you). And don't beat yourself up if sometimes you want a break from the CDing or discussions about the CDing. Some CDers purge, and so I guess that wives are allowed a vacation from the CDing too.

Jealousy (this doesn't apply to everyone): Finally, there are times when a wife can feel jealous over some of her husband's attributes when he is dressed, IF she has a rather negative view of her own body image. Let me say though, that most of us GGs do grow up feeling inadequate over one aspect or another of our physical selves. Even without a CDing husband, we are pummeled with a barrage of impossibly high media beauty standards all our lives. Many women feel they are not thin enough, not tall enough, their legs are too fat, their boobs are too small (or too big), their skin isn't perfect enough, their necks aren't long enough, their hair isn't long and glossy enough, their feet are too big, their nails are too brittle, yadda, yadda, yadda. :p

So take all the self-doubts about their bodies that GGs potentially experience when they compare themselves to the final product, when her husband has put in thought, time, and effort into his presentation. This, combined with everything else above, can potentially make a GG feel inadequate and it can also be mistaken for jealousy.

The antidote for this last issue is an easy one though. I like to suggest to these GGs that they spend time, effort and money on themselves. The GGs should get a makeover, new clothes, push-up bras & corsets if they feel they want them, heels, new hair-dos, even acrylic nails if they want them, great jewelry, etc .... and THEN they can stand side by side with their husbands and look in the mirror. I'll bet my bottom dollar that if the GGs who feel inadequate about themselves do this, they will once again hold their heads high. :D

(It only needs doing once, really. After that, the GG will know.)

So yes, all your feelings are rather normal. But like Dawn above me said, talk a lot to your husband, talk a lot to the friends that you will make here about how you can be kind to yourself, and before you know it all the doubts, the questions, and the insecurities (if you feel them) will dissipate.

I feel guilty about being out having fun without him. Especially since we have been getting so close again, im seriously thinki.g about selling my season tickets, is this normal ?

Stop that. :p Take the focus off of your husband and put it on yourself. Don't get rid of your tickets and enjoy the season. Enjoy the people who are there!

Edit - Question: you don't feel complete when he's not around anymore? Why? How did you feel before when you went out with the girls to a ball game, and why should the CDing make any difference?