Hi to all of you: My husband is now a woman

[MissParker]

Im unsure is cross dressing is the same as trans gender, my ex-husband is now a woman he has had all the sex change operations and so on...I told him as long as you are not better looking than me I am fine with it ;) my reaction differs from many people as I was and am the only one in his life that supported him now her through it all I even talked her out of suicide many times her family have all dis-owned her....I have 2 kids whom I walked them through it all we even had a ceremony with her on the phone to say thankyou for being a dad and we understand that you are unhappy as a man and goodbye cause we know we will not see dad ever again and then we said we would like to welcome her into our lives and this world....my 2 kids are amazing after many tears and late nights they are so loving and accepting and happy....but now that everyone else is happy I am starting to freak out I feel very emotional about it and sad its such a weird feeling I am experiencing Iam unsure what is going on in me emotionally......

[Jenniferathome]

Hi Miss Parker. Wow is about all I can muster right now. A transgender person is sometimes a cross dresser but not all cross dressers are transgender. There some women here who have gone through exactly what you have. Get 10 posts in and you can join the FAB (Females at Birth) forum. The ladies there can help, I am sure.

[ReineD]

....but now that everyone else is happy I am starting to freak out I feel very emotional about it and sad its such a weird feeling I am experiencing Iam unsure what is going on in me emotionally......

Welcome, Miss Parker.

Yes, there are many different ways to be trans. Some people just like to crossdress and see themselves as having a male identity, others acknowledge an affinity for both identities even though they choose to continue to live as males, still others identify more as a female but they will not transition because they don't want to lose families and jobs, while others have severe gender dysphoria and they need to either transition or die.

I think that you are an exceptional person to put yourself aside in favor of helping your ex husband, and I cannot praise you highly enough for helping your children to accept their father's inevitable path. Kids need both their parents, no matter what changes occur in their parents' lives.

So now you are grieving the loss of your husband? I think this is natural. I went through a divorce too, although my ex had no gender issues, and I also grieve the loss of being in a committed relationship (we were married for 30 years), and the loss of our family unit as I knew it. I basically feel as if I lost my family, even though my husband and I could not continue our romantic relationship.

We can only continue to move forward, inch by inch. And in time I'm hoping that I will no longer grieve, as is my wish for you. :hugs:

[Alice B]

All I can say is also WOW! You are a role model for acceptance, support and love. As are your children.

[RADER]

Welcome,Miss Parker;
I commend you, for being so strong. You are much like my Sister-in-law, As my
brother has had the complete change over to being a woman, some 20+ years
ago. They still live together, and raised their 3 kids, all grown up and gone now.
Again, welcome to the forum, where you will find many here to talk to.
Rader

[MissParker]

Thankyou Radar I certainly need to talk to others that simply get it, as right now I am feeling weird and emotional thanks for the welcome it means alot to me. regards MissP

Hi Alice, thankyou for your welcome, geez you look great....xx regards MissP

Hi Reine, thankyou heaps for the info, very helpul I always think knowledge is great.... it makes us smarter and more understanding not only to ourselves but to others as well much appreciated. Thankyou for your kind words and sharing part of your story with me Regards Missp

[allesha10]

Miss Parker, God bless you. You are a wonderful woman to support your husband through his strife and get him/her to where she is now. I think we all wish that we had someone as supportive as you.

[MissParker]

Hi Jennifer first of all you look like a whole lot of fun, your bright personality comes through in your picture anyways thanks for the thumbs up with the FAB forum I will get my 10 posts in so I can get on there I certainly need so badly right now understanding and support and just a chit chat from others that get what I am sying without me explaining to much, thanks for the clarification..kind regards Missp

Awww thanks Allesha your to good.... love the sexy legs BTW good picture....kind regards and big hugs MissP

[lingerieLiz]

You have been through a lot. You have given of yourself to support others. Since many here do not understand it themselves do not feel that you must. You have had a life changing experience. Please understand that you have been a stalwart figure in others' lives.

[Tracii G]

I want to say you are quite an exceptional woman to have gone thru all of this.
Your kids are amazing too!!
To be supportive in that way to your husband with all the turmoil he must have gone thru.
Its an honor to meet you and have you here as a member.
I know a few couples that have been thru the same thing and the wives feel they have gained a best friend and kept their relationship intact.
I wish all the best for you and your family.

[PaulaQ]

Hi MissParker, welcome to the forum. I am sure this change of your ex husband's is hard to process, to put it mildly! Were you and he split up before he started this transition? If that is too personal, I apologize. We'd like to hear as much of your story as you feel like sharing. It sounds like your ex-husband was lucky to have your support, you literally saved her life.

[AmyGaleRT]

Miss Parker, you and your children are all exceptional people. I see so many stories of TGs whose SOs are unaccepting and hostile towards them and their need to be who they are, and my heart aches for all of them. I'm not going as far as your husband did--I have both male and female parts to my soul, and outwardly express both of them at different times and in different circumstances--but my fiancee is also one of those exceptional people that accepts me for what I am, and for that I am truly grateful. It's natural for you to feel kind of sad right now; you, like your children, have lost someone that meant a lot to you, even as you've gained someone new that will hopefully be just as meaningful. You deserve some extra-special hugs for that. :hugs: And you're in the right place, because many of us know something of what your and your husband's experience is like. So welcome. :)

- Amy

[stacycoral]

Miss Parker, first i have to say i have never seen so many people log in to one thread before, i will say you are some kind of preson, and the lady is bless to have you in her life for sure, also i personally will say a pray for your peace, and thank you for being such a wonderful lady, hugs. girl

[flatlander_48]

but now that everyone else is happy I am starting to freak out I feel very emotional about it and sad its such a weird feeling I am experiencing Iam unsure what is going on in me emotionally......

Well, first off, you have done an extraordinary job. You went 'way above the call of duty here and I know that you efforts have been appreciated. You certainly understand the concept of the Greater Good. Unfortunately, not everyone does. However, for some reason, not everyone fits within the relatively narrow definitions that society wants folks to slide into. It was just never meant to be.

So, now that you've climbed that MAJOR mountain, what about you? My guess is that there should be a period of grief. As you said, you and your children said goodbye and in this case, there is a sense of finality about it. Although all parties may be present, relationships will be entirely different from how they were. I would imagine it is not unlike a death in the family. Further, you cannot short circuit grief. On a personal level, it has to happen and this time it needs to be specifically for you. Not for you and the kids, because it sounds like you have already done that. This just needs to be only for you.

Good Luck and Best Wishes to all of you.

[Amie Marie]

Wow, to have someone as nice and understanding like yourself is just a dream to a lot of us on here. You are such a wonderful person to not turn your back on her when she needed someone. I hope you get all your emotions figured out and you and your children not only have a wonderful life but gain a "new" best friend.

[Amy Lynn3]

MissParker: You are a wonderful and understanding person. I wish I could offer you hours upon hours of helpful advise, but I can't. All I can do is say I offer my support to you in any way you think I might help. I am just a post or p.m. away.
Hugs,
Amy Lynn

[MissTee]

MissParker you are indeed a one in a million sweetheart. Good luck in your journey of discovery.

[docrobbysherry]

Do u realize what's happened in a very short period of time?

You've lost your husband and the father of your children.
U now find yourself living with your girlfriend. Whoops! Married to her.
I have no idea of all the changes involved when an individual changes gender, but I'll bet they're considerable, confusing, and often frustrating. And, you've experienced all of them with her.
Sex? Never mind details. But, it's different, rite?

In fact EVERYTHING is different now, isn't it? And, many things u never even thot about r changing aren't they? And, u expect to just roll along as if nothing's happened? Maybe u could, if u were a robot. But, you're obviously quite human, MissP. Most folks would be in a padded cell after what you've been, and r still, going thru.

Give yourself a break! Don't expect too much from yourself. Give everything a chance to settle down, THEN start worrying about how u feel. Meanwhile, I'd say "feeling unsettled" is great place for u to be!

[HannahF6]

I've been away for a while and just returned to this rather heavy post. Welcome MissParker.

As so many have said, no, trans-gender and crossdressers are not necessarily the same thing. They may overlap and I am sure that any trans-gender person will go through a phase of being a cross-dresser. Having a firm idea of what the words mean doesn't mean you can pigeon-hole any individual. I have cross-dressed since I was about 10 years old, now I am 66 and the need has never left me. Am I trans-gender? I don't know. When I was 12 I do remember praying every night, please God make me wake up as a girl. I don't know why and I have no understanding now better than I had 44 years ago. It is a mystery just as it always was, but it sure was and remains a powerful, a powerful mystery and a powerful urge.

I am very happy reading your message that one person with whom I'd feel a considerable affinity has a close friend (you) who is so receptive to change. That said, the one thing that has prevented me from getting the gender reassignment surgery is the hurt it would cause my wife. You must be hurting greatly, I do wish I could reach out and give you a hug.

Bon courage MissParker.

Hannah

[Tara D. Rose]

Im unsure is cross dressing is the same as trans gender, my ex-husband is now a woman he has had all the sex change operations and so on...I told him as long as you are not better looking than me I am fine with it ;) my reaction differs from many people as I was and am the only one in his life that supported him now her through it all I even talked her out of suicide many times her family have all dis-owned her........
Hi Miss Parker and welcome to the forums. It is so good that you are here on the best site of it's kind on the web. I just want to say how much of a thrill it is to have an accepting person such as you on here. I read the title of your thread. It says "Hi to all of you: my husband is now a woman" And so I clicked on it. then in the first line you say "my ex-husband", Is he/she your ex or is your current husband?

[Jenniferathome]

... thanks for the thumbs up with the FAB forum I will get my 10 posts in so I can get on there I certainly need so badly right now understanding and support and just a chit chat from others ...

You're getting close! Keep it going

[NathalieX66]

MissParker, Just keep in mind that you transitioned too,not just your spouse. You didn't ask for it, it just so happens that this is the hand of cards you were dealt.

All I can say is, from a person who has NOT transitioned, but has done just about everything else before the next step of transitioning, is that I have heard countless many stories from those who have transitioned where their wives have left them. Sometimes the stories are not pretty. I do love my transsexual friends dearly , I have quite a few of them, and they taught me a lot.

I admire your courage.

[Missy]

In many ways you have helped others though this transtion of your ex-husband and supporting him to her and helping with the kids with helping them deal with this subject. now that it done you are falling apart you need the support from someone or some group to help you deal with your ex-husbands change it is just something to think about

[Amanda M]

Miss Parker - you are one brave lady! I suspect that you are in fact grieving for a significant loss, and you may need some professional help to adjust to your new situation.
Obviously, I cannot really understand what you are feeling, but I can offer my support. I have some useful information on the grieving process itself which you may find useful - and remember grieving is not just about death. If you would like to read it, PM me.

[Beverley Sims]

Hi Miss Parker and welcome to the forum,
I agree you must have some self doubts about it all.
You obviously have a very strong family base, I suggest you talk about it and as Rader is one who shares a similar experience to you, I imagine you do not feel as alone any more.
Read what everyone says and as you interact with others your self doubt should diminish.

[DonnaT]

Seems you are also feeling another loss. A loss of being the one there to help everyone else. Now that everyone else has been helped, your help and support isn't needed on the same level it once was. You may be feeling a sense of emptiness or purposelessness.

Some people, like caregivers, who experience this go on to volunteer to help others. Others find other things to fill there time or sense of purpose.

Meaning, it's time to move on, and you need to figure out what the next move is. Like a book club, or quilting club, or going back to school. Maybe you had some other goal in mind before getting married?

Then there's supporting roles for your kids and their activities/clubs.

[Annaliese]

Just like you ex need a therapist to help her through her transition you need to see a therapist also, your children are may be having the same feeling. Please see a therapist.

[Tammy Nowakowski]

Welcome Miss parker, to a loving family
All I can say is also WOW! You are a role model for acceptance, support and love. As are your children.

[MissParker]

Hi Tara to answer your question sorry its so late as I have not been online, yes he is my ex-husband we divorced before he came out as trans-gender,but I always knew that she was hding something I just thought that it was my fault maybe I have done something wrong, then I thought maybe he is gay and toshy to tell me so when he finely had the courage to tell me it all clicked it was as if I knew all along btu did nothave the words to say, he never dressed as a woman when I was married to him and never even hinted I wish he had been more honest as I would off been supportive but it is what it is at leats now he is cool, regards MissP

Oh dear what does pm mean totally online illiterate but I would love more info anything rightnow I am grateful for xx MissP

Awwww Hannah thankyou for your lovely heart I hope that one day you can get your wish for surgery big hugs from xx MissP