By what name does your SO address you?

[PaulaQ]

What's in a name?

Hey, this is probably about the 100th thing I ought to worry about, in terms of dealing with my wife, but it will come up. This is more aimed at people who's SO accepts them.

For those not accepting, I assume your SO always uses your male name.

I'm being optimistic here, and hoping for some acceptance, otherwise I suspect my femme self will be called "that bitch."

So when does your SO use your femme name / male name? Was this a hard adjustment for them?

It occurs to me to ask this, because one of our kids switched from using his first name, to his middle name, when he was 10. A lot of the family had trouble with this - not so much minding the name change - but remembering to use it. A few still don't always get it right, 16 years later! :O

I didn't have a problem honoring his request - hey, I go by my middle name too. But it was an adjustment.

So how's your SO handle this? What name do you prefer when it's just the two of you? If you switch names based on which mode you are in (guy / girl), is this hard for you SO?

[Jenniferathome]

...So when does your SO use your femme name / male name? Was this a hard adjustment for them?

When we go out, my wife tries very hard to use "she" and "Jennifer." It's hard. She slips up and I am perfectly comfortable with that and thrilled at the effort.

[JamieG]

For many years, my wife knew I dressed but didn't care to know my femme name. She finally asked about 6 months ago. Since normally I'm in male mode around her she'll just use my male name or her pet name for me. However, occasionally she'll work my femme name in: "What's Jamie going to do tonight?" or "This would look pretty on Jamie". It's a nice gesture.

[Tink]

Hmm, thank you for bringing this up. It's something I should really talk about with my BF. He's not "out" so the he/she issue isn't an issue in my daily life but now I've joined here maybe it should be? He has mentioned extremely quickly in passing something about choosing a femme name where he joked about not needing to change his name as the name he was born with is unisex anyway. When he's dressed I use his name or a pet name for him, but maybe I should bring the subject up about whether he would prefer me to call him something else when he's dressed. Definitely given me something to think about so thank you.

[Alice B]

She refers to me as Alice.

[DonnaT]

My wife slipped up not long ago and barely stopped using my fem name.

She stopped going out with me because she found it hard to refer to me as Donna, she, etc.

[PaulaQ]

When he's dressed I use his name or a pet name for him, but maybe I should bring the subject up about whether he would prefer me to call him something else when he's dressed. Definitely given me something to think about so thank you.

I think it is worth delicately bringing it up. It's possible his name is fine in dual use - and depending on how he feels about his gender, that may be the best possible representation.

I will tell you though, from my perspective, until I started communicating on this forum as "Paula", she wasn't a real person to me. She was just "this thing I felt sometimes", and didn't understand. When I started to communicate using her name, and especially when I'm called "Paula" outloud, some very profound things happened:
1. Paula likes to chat! And she has her own personality. Oh, it's really my personality - but hers is like only the good parts of it! (At least so far.)
2. Being called Paula felt normal.
3. I realized - I am Paula, and she is me.

This won't apply to everyone - it may not apply to anyone but me. But this is what I experienced.

[Tink]

I think it is worth delicately bringing it up. It's possible his name is fine in dual use - and depending on how he feels about his gender, that may be the best possible representation.



How he feels about his gender, I think, is a somewhat grey area. Sort of. It's complicate of course lol I'm the only person he's ever talked to about all of this & he's been CDing for over half his life. We have talked sporadically and briefly about how he thinks his life may have been totally different if he'd been able to be more open about it all at a younger age and the kind of options he feels would have been available to him that are no longer not. (I have tried to reassure him that it's never too late for anything but at the time I was walking a fine line between supporting and feeling like I was pushing him too fast in sharing his CDing with me if that makes sense). I'm in danger of hijacking your thread so will shut up now. Feeling like a rude newbie lol

[LSL_Dee]

My ife had called my D for a long time and no it is evolved into Dee.
I am trying to slowly have close friends call me D(ee) as if they have not figured it out by now. :)

[Breeze]

I call my SO by his male name as that is who he is whether he is dressed enfemme or endrab and he is happy with this too!
I tend to use words like love, honey darling etc which have no gender.
But that's us :)

[Jenni Yumiko]

If she's mad, usually jacka__
If she wants something, love, dear
If she's playful, Pookie
She doesn't recognize my other side as being a different person that requires a name as I am the same person.

[andrea lace]

My missus calls me Andy as that is my name. Although I have this alter ego I still go by my guy name. I have thought about my wife calling me Andrea or Lacey but deep down I am still the man she married. I also find it bloody hard to act feminine so although I dress like a girl sometimes I still behave the same way it doesn't matter if I am in jeans or a dress what you see is what you get.

[EllenJo]

My wife calls me Susie as in "Susie Homemaker". This started out as a joke long before she became accepting. As her health deteriorated, I became the "woman of the house" by default. I think she felt bad that she could no longer take care of the house so she jokingly referred to me as Susie when I would be cooking and cleaning. We had a DADT situation until several months ago when she told me that if dressing makes me happy, then she wants me to be happy. I still have boundries that we agreed on but now when I am dressed she calls me Susie. I have told her about Ellen Jo but she just says that to her I am Susie and that is more than fine with me.

[Jenniferathome]

... He has mentioned extremely quickly in passing something about choosing a femme name ...

Tink, representing for myself only, I chose a name I liked but only because I didn't like the incongruity of my male name to my female presentation. For me, the name is meaningless, just a name that is unequivocally feminine. Do ask your BF about it. He'll be embarrassed but appreciate the interest.

[Crissy Kay]

She does call me "Crissy" most of the time, while I am dressed up around her. But I think its more of a joke to her then anything else!!

[Allison Chaynes]

"You" is usually about it. Her sister is dating a MTF TG woman and she told me when I decide on a femme name, when I am en femme, she will call me by that name. Hoping she can make the wife more comfortable with it!

[DaniG]

When we are alone my wife often calls me Dani. This is something she does to be playful, to reward me, or just to make me feel femme. And she knows me well. To hear my name on her lips is such sweet delight that many evenings even while other pleasures might distract me I eagerly wait to hear her say it.

[Eryn]

My wife calls me whichever name fits my presentation. If we're discussing my male or female sides she refers to them by name no matter how I am presenting at the time.

[Miriam-J]

When I'm en femme around the house it's my male name or Dear (though occasionally 'stupid' might be more appropriate ;-). When in public it's Miriam.

Miriam

[Beverley Sims]

About 50/50, it is all about how I am presenting, dear gets a lot of airings as do some other stupid names.
This usually reflects on my "stupidity".

[Rachel Morley]

When we are out and I am en femme she will always call me "Rach" and if she is talking about me to someone else she refers to me and she and calls me Rachel. If she is introducing me to someone (like someone at our TG support group's socials) she will say "this is my spouse, Rachel". Unbelievably, she has never slipped up and used the wrong pronoun or accidentally used my male name and as far as I can recall, the only time she has referred to me as her "husband" was when she called and purposely outed us/herself when booking a makeover for me at MAC.

I asked her one time how come she has never "forgotten" and she just said that in the beginning she focused very hard on doing the preferred thing (preferred by me when in public that is)of not using any reference to my male self and somehow she just always managed not to. Nowadays, after almost 6 years of us going out in public together it seems natural and normal to call me Rachel.

[noeleena]

Hi,

Jos , has allways called me noel. = no-el. no-e. or no-by.well after 39 years, she allso calls me noeleena. all others , friends or the many i know & many i dont know call me noeleena. 2nd name is edwina,


...noeleena...

[AmyGaleRT]

My fiancee usually calls me "dear," "sweetheart," or "babe," but if I'm en femme, she will sometimes use "Amy dear." If she spots me coming out of the bathroom having just finished the transformation process, she'll say something like "I see an Amy!" That's my cue to go out and show her my outfit. :)

We haven't been out together in public, but I would encourage her to just use "Amy" if/when that ever happens.

- Amy

[RachelPortugal]

On the odd occasion we are on a girls' night out together my wife calls me Rachael.

If we are shopping and I am in Bob mode, she will refer to Rachael in the third person, often asking "Would Rachael like this?"

[Launa]

My SO calls me Launa. She came up with the name and I said yeah I like it!

Other times I've been called missy or Mrs

[PaulaQ]

Hey, this is really useful! Thanks y'all - the responses so far are really positive. I guess, mostly, using your femme name is part of acceptance, at least in our unscientific and informal poll here. :)

[Cheryl T]

We don't usually call each other by name but prefer to use "pet names".
This changes when in public and that's when she calls me Cheryl.

[Mikaylagirl]

Michelle,girlfriend,baby girl,lover....
She always surprises me.

[Jenara]

My wife calls me Jen when I am dressed and will ask what Jen is up to at times when I am in drab.

[Laura28]

My SO calls me Sh...t head like your a Sh...t head, LOL but it is always in a playful way. It started because she has always said i have this Sh...t eating grin which she knows when she sees it i am up to something. But she really hasnt used my fem name she will refer to me in dress as she or girlfriend, she knows i go by Laura, she is very understanding and i am not going to push it, if she wants to use Laura that is great if not Sh...t Head works to LOL

[glynnis]

My wife calls me Glynnis when I am dressed

[~Joanne~]

I can't put it here, the censors won't allow it, the mods will delete it, and I will get banned from my second home lol. Seriously though, My SO knows my femme name but she never uses my real name either. It's usually "Hon".

[Launa]

Hey, this is really useful! Thanks y'all - the responses so far are really positive. I guess, mostly, using your femme name is part of acceptance, at least in our unscientific and informal poll here. :)


I forgot to mention that there have also been other times when I've pushed my CD things a little too, too far and I have been called Mr. Narcassist and Mr. Prick.

Its not always a bed of roses.

[PaulaQ]

Its not always a bed of roses.

Oh I'm sure of that Launa. My immediate goal is to not pickup the nickname "my ex."

[Andrea Renea]

Most time as Andrew or Andy, but loves to call me Andrea for fun if we are out shopping.

[Jessie0276]

She calls me by my given name, unless I m en femme or shopping it Jessie then.

[Marleena]

I'm a bit embarrassed to say it but she calls me "funky Cold Medina" after a song she heard. I looked it up on urban dictionary and asked her if she knew what the song meant? lol. She didn't.

[Veronnie2]

This is a memorable story about my wife after my sisters first told her about my crossdressing. When she found out about it, she went from calling me Ron to calling me Ronnie. When I started dressing around her she tagged me Veronnica. In mixed company she would always call me Ronnie, but if I was in femme mode it was always Veronnica. Ron then no longer existed....lol, pleasant memories do exist.


Veronnie2

[ReineD]

My SO's presentation dictates how I address her/him.

However, the first year or so I avoided using his male name when he was in male mode. It felt awkward because I was afraid that internally he might be feeling feminine. I didn't want to insult her. So I didn't use any name, except when she was dressed and then I used her female name. :p

[ArleneRaquel]

My current BF calls me "Arlene", bless him.

[Marleena]

Oops already replied. My age is showing.:doh:

[Jocelyn Quivers]

It took my wife a while to adjust from calling me my male name and any male nick names. I give her lot's of credit she will catch herself now when she begins to call me by male name and switch to Jocelyn. My current gripe is when she uses the nick name "Big Lady." An adjustment from my male nick name "Big Daddy". Mainly because of the "Big" part.

[MsJanessa]

lol---with My so it's always "Mistress" or "Maam"