The Old Question!

[Amanda M]

Here’s one for discussion. The perennial question “Why do we crossdress?” My SO and I were having a discussion about this the other evening, and she came up with a fascinating theory.

Assuming the “Amanda” is a creation (which of course she is, but based on psychological and emotional imperatives) did I need to invent her? What purpose does she serve?

SO suggests that Amanda is the one woman that I can have complete control over – how she looks, what she wear, how she acts, and to a certain extent, how she feels and what her personality is.

I should make it clear that I am not a controlling person – I tend to go with the flow, mostly – trying not to force my opinions and prejudices on others. However, it seems, that to a certain extent that is what I do with Amanda.

As my SO pointed out, my upbringing was such that I had no male role model at all as I grew, and all my learned social responses were through mo mother and my sister, both of whom were quite controlling people.

Therefore, she asks, is Amanda my revenge on womanhood, having a woman who will do as I wish, rather than me being told what to do by a woman. SO and I have a great relationship,and she DOES sometimes tell me what to do (or wear!!!!) – kindly, and often indirectly, and always (I believe) with my best interests at heart.

Any thoughts?

[Kate Simmons]

In my personal case there is no bottom answer. It has become an art form for myself and I just enjoy doing it. Part of who I am.:)

[suzy1]

I was brought up with three brothers and no sisters Amanda so that knocks that one on the head.:straightface:

[Jenniferathome]

No, I'm not a believer in that philosophy. I didn't "create" Jennifer. I was a cross dresser long before there was a Jennifer and long before I knew what a relationship was. It's genetic.

[Annaliese]

Genetic, this is who I am, not what I made my self in to.

[Lisa Gerrie]

Another person's speculations sometimes say more about their motivations than yours. I'm thinking she feels threatened or out of control, and that may be a good place to start. Who is normally the dominant spouse?

[stephNE]

Amanda, I'm not sure I agree. I was cross dressing at about age 5 (maybe 4). I'm not sure I knew the difference between boys and girls at that time. I was just attracted to girly things. Boys in my neighborhood wanted to wrestle and play in the mud and things like that. I wanted to put on a dress and jewelry and go to a tea party with the girls across the street. It much more like there is a woman inside me that wants to get out (at least once in a while).

[LSL_Dee]

That discussion is way too cerebral for me. I can think about abuse issues with my grand father, or my father liking my tom boy sister more than me or a grocery list of things tham may or may not have anything to do with any thing.

I am at the point in my life I have accepted who I am, and just as imprtantly my wife has accepted me as well. Yesterday is dead and I can't change the past. Dee's future is bright and she is going to enjoy every minute of it.

[LilSissyStevie]

I wish I could control her then I'd lose about 15 pounds.

Radical feminists already beat your wife to that theory decades ago. Whether CDs would be better or worse than TSs according to her theory, i don't know.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Transsexual_Empire

[Skyeyes]

I am in the same boat as StephNE. In the neighborhood where I grew up the only kids my age were girls. So I ended up playing with them from about 4 till 6 years of age. During that time we basically played with the things that girls like. We would go in the basement and dress in their mothers old dresses and high heels. I remember strongly identifying with a female mentality. I did discover that my attraction to girls was also of a sexual nature. I wanted to know all the mysteries of girls. It started with underwear and extended into more intimate aspects of being a girl/woman. I can remember reading my mother's women's magazines and devouring the ads for bras, girdles, slips, feminine hygiene products and anything related to women. I would pour through the sears and wards catalogs and look at all the pretty underthings women could have.

The next step was to actually try something on. I invaded my mothers lingerie drawers and began to wear bras, panties, girdles, long line bras with molded cups. I was hooked.

In my assessment my crossdressing, which is really underdressing, seems to be an inner attempt to connect with the spirit of the feminine. I do not want to be a woman, but I do want to feel what a woman feels. It is as though wearing panties and a bra, or a slip brings me closer to that feminine spirit.

[cathie pantyhose]

I was wearing pantyhose way before I even knew what a crossdresser was in my life. I gravitated in to Cathie about 2007/8 is when I gave "her" a name (I always liked that spelling). I'd say it has to be genetics as well. I've always felt comfortable dressing fem

[PaulaQ]

Turns out, against all odds - I'm a girl.

Why wouldn't I wear women's clothes? I mean, what else should I wear? ;)

[Annette Todd]

That was a very deep psycobable discussion!


SO suggests that Amanda is the one woman that I can have complete control over – how she looks, what she wear, how she acts, and to a certain extent, how she feels and what her personality is.

Isn't that what everyone does albeit an assumed Identity or genetic? I mean if none of us were to control ourselves then we would not made it out of living in caves.


Therefore, she asks, is Amanda my revenge on womanhood, having a woman who will do as I wish, rather than me being told what to do by a woman. SO and I have a great relationship,and she DOES sometimes tell me what to do (or wear!!!!) – kindly, and often indirectly, and always (I believe) with my best interests at heart.

Any thoughts?

Revenge?! OMG! If we are trying to be who we are by presenting female in what ever way we are comfortable, how is that revenge? We do not emulate behaviors we deplore. We take on those aspects that we admire.

[Karren H]

Guess then at the age of 7 I was having issues controlling women! lol

[Joanne f]

If I have learned anything from being on here it is that there are many different reasons why people cross dress so it is quite possible that you or your wife has hit on the one that motivates you to dress as a female but for me when I look at the way I dress and the feelings that I get it is simply that I am part female therefore I just enjoy being feminine which includes wearing feminine things which is just as well as there would not be much point in me trying to control my wife as she has a very strong will of her own and she would soon react if I tried to control her :blah::censor:

[AngelaSmith]

No, I'm not a believer in that philosophy. I didn't "create" Jennifer. I was a cross dresser long before there was a Jennifer and long before I knew what a relationship was. It's genetic.

Genetic? I'm curious to know who I got it from. My father doesn't seem to be a crossdresser. (Personality, homophobe, oldschool)

[Nicky63]

For me I,ve never given it much thought, I'm just comfortable with what I do, never felt i needed to soul search. I find crossdressing is comforting and just feels natural wearing a dress or what ever I choose.
Simple as that.
Nicky
xx

[kimdl93]

Its a rather strained logic to suggest that you sought to create a female persona as a way of controlling the women that presumably controlled you. There are CDrs who come from all kinds of family backgrounds and vastly different cultures. You're more likely to find the explanation in genetics and fetal development than in family dynamics.

[Beverley Sims]

I like to think of myself as an art form, a bit like Kate here.
I am me and I stopped wondering about it and enjoying my disability years ago.

[Cassandra Lynn]

Any thoughts?

Yeah, sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.

Without knowing you or when this started for you i can only offer thoughts based on how i think this 'thing' is for the majority. Genetic.

@AngelaSmith, genetic doesn't mean it was something passed from a parent, it simply means that it is possible that there is a genetic or biologic component in us.

[Lisa Gerrie]

Interesting, Cassandra. Physical gender is obviously genetic, and I believe that mental gender (self-identity, sexual attraction) is mostly genetic/biological as well, but it's hard for me to see crossdressing as anything but a cultural/social phenomenon. Maybe crossdressing is an expression of something that starts out biological, but I believe that it is heavily influenced by society, especially close family.

[Amanda M]

My take on it is that my SO is wrong. but it is an interesting theory. That's therapists for you!

[Ms. Laura]

I was fascinated with Barbie's outfits and shoes at age 5. I don't think I was seeking control at that point, so I would say no. I don't want to control anyone, I would like to be left ALONE maybe 1 day every 2-4 weeks! Is that controlling?

[Ally 2112]

In my personal situation i always figured it was Ally who controlled me .When she wants out she will not stop until i let her out :)

[ReineD]

I also don't agree with your SO.

I think that initially, there is a real attraction to the trappings of femininity - for reasons that I do not fully understand. But, dressing makes the young or teenage boys who engage in it feel good. Maybe most of the interest is sexual in the beginning even while young (sexuality does begin in the early years (http://extension.missouri.edu/p/GH6002)), although something must be sparking the sexual interest. At any rate, I think that boys or teenagers quickly figure out that to survive as a male and to establish his proper position in the male pecking order, all clues of an inherent attraction to feminine things *must* be deeply hidden from others, at an age where the normal developmental process of becoming a man requires rejecting the feminine. I do not know if the greater motive to keep feminine tendencies hidden stems from shame, or if a crossdresser also needs to develop his male self during the developmental years years and there is internal conflict, or both. I think it is both, unless the boy is transsexual.

So apart from the TSs, this is where my pet theory comes in, from my observations of crosdressers as a group: in order to survive and establish his position as a male, the crossdresser is especially motivated to keep a tight lid on any feminine proclivity, to the point where he becomes rather more rigid with his own definition of masculinity, than other males who do not crosdress. He therefore will not give himself permission to do certain things in guy mode that he associates with femininity (consciously or subconsciously fearing that others will guess his secret), that non-crossdressing males will feel more relaxed doing, especially as they move beyond the more difficult teenage years. Examples of this are the crossdressers who would never engage in certain behaviors unless they are dressed, or who define certain behaviors as strictly girly or feminine (other than dressing), that men who do not crossdress engage in without thinking twice about it. Hence a separate persona is developed ... not for every crossdresser certainly, but for many.

As crossdressers mature though, I think there is a great potential to integrate everything again especially if the crossdresser has an accepting wife, even though there will still be a desire to dress in order to feel feminine.

I still do not know if there is a divisive line between the Group 1 CDs and the Group 2 TSs (according to the Benjamin chart), or if it is a continuum based on the degree of gender dysphoria. Fundamentally, is it a gender identity condition that demonstrates itself in different strengths among all these individuals, or does it start as a sexual interest or curiosity which later evolves into having formed bonds with the feminine persona, or both. I keep going back and forth on this. :p

[PaulaQ]

I do not know if the greater motive to keep feminine tendencies hidden stems from shame, or if a crossdresser also needs to develop his male self during the developmental years years and there is internal conflict, or both. I think it is both, unless the boy is transsexual.

I think your point about "survive as a male" is a key one here:

1. Survival. Go back in time 30 years. Carry a purse while waiting for the bus. Beatings will probably ensue. Let's not even talk about how Dad might react after a few drinks. Dad brooks no sissies, oh he's made that clear. And Dad, well, Dad isn't one for talking things out.
2. Rejection. losing friends for even obliquely hinting about these feelings.
3. Social message about your role - at least when I was growing up, it was made, very plain, by everyone in authority, that if you were a feminine male, you were "A Queer."
4. People you love who are "so concerned about your condition" - mom's really scared - geeze, there must be something REALLY WRONG with you!!!!

It's pretty easy for shame to follow from all of the above. And even if it doesn't, simple survival is an awesome reason to hide.

BTW, why would any of the above be any different for someone who was TS?

[suchacutie]

Control over Tina? It's the exact opposite.

My wife and I were immediately fascinated that Tina existed at all, and we were shocked that she could have existed for so long (55 years) without either of us noticing! So, the idea was to let Tina "have her head" as it were, and specifically NOT be constrained or controlled. We wanted to know all about her, so we have no control over her whatsoever!

That also means that I didn't conciously make her up. She just blossomed out of thin air and we have been watching to see how it all goes. We try everything and Tina either excepts or rejects each issue that arises.

So, Tina rules Tina. I have enough trouble keeping track of my male self :)

[ReineD]

BTW, why would any of the above be any different for someone who was TS?

A Type V or VI TS would not experience an inherent need to develop her male self. She would develop her male self as a mask, knowing it was a mask. Although I'm guessing that a Type VI would never agree to the subterfuge to begin with.

Crossdressers, on the other hand, are not females. So they have an inherent motivation to undergo the same male developmental processes as other boys. Some crossdressers though, I believe, come to want to live as female in later years, but this is not the same thing as having developed a male identity while all along knowing that it was a complete sham.

[PaulaQ]

A Type V or VI TS would not experience an inherent need to develop her male self. She would develop her male self as a mask, knowing it was a mask. Although I'm guessing that a Type VI would never agree to the subterfuge to begin with.


I agree about Type VI. GD would be serious enough to make this not even a question, and her internal pain would exceed what the world might dish out externally.

However, I think it is very possible for a Type IV or V to develop such a good mask and live in so much denial that they don't admit to themselves what they are until later in life. Isn't that fairly common, especially amongst older transgendered folks? Because seriously - who in their right mind would choose to experience this?

Sorry for the OT - back to the original point.

Nobody knows why we do this. There are theories. Maybe one of them is right. Nothing I've read seemed exceedingly convincing though. So it's anyone's guess, although I also don't agree with the OP's wife! :) I actually don't much care for the idea of having a woman under my control. Yuck.

[Chickhe]

There are a lot of theories and I think even more exceptions. I have never totally answered why, but I know how I feel, sometimes I feel more feminine than others (which I believe is driven by some sort of chemical balance in your body) and then there is a fascination with it, how you can look so different, yet you really are the same person and also there is an escape, some people say its a stress release, but to me it feels more like a vacation. I could survive in either world I think, but I've invested so much in my current life, it doesn't make much sense to disrupt it much. Maybe its just because we can...