How many here miss having a SO ?

[Erica Marie]

How many girls here miss having a significant other? To a point I have just given up even looking. I feel troubling a female with having a cd boyfriend is not worth putting anyone through. Besides bearing my heart and soul and being rejected isnt worth it . I know my habit of wanting to dress will never go away so is there an easy way to deal. Anyone else feel the same way?
Any gg's want to comment on how to make it easier? Any help would be appreciated.

[FelicityMay]

One thing that i know can at least strengthen a relationship with someone who doesn't know or appreciate it, is just come out and say this:
"Cross dressing is definitely a part of me. It is not just a phase, it's never going to go away, and it truly makes me happy. But if it bothers you so much, then I think I could be willing to at least stop doing it, just for you."
Someone can't get mad at you for telling them how you feel. and you may even possibly gain some sympathy if you show her how much it really means to you! It will show her that you love her more than yourself, and maybe even soften her heart to let you do it a little bit in the future (maybe as a birthday present or something).
I don't think it will ever be easy to just accept living alone. I'm only 18 and I already feel lonely when I don't have someone close. The options are basically to find someone who happily accepts cross dressers (rare) or to find someone who will at least tolerate it enough to compromise with you!
I hope this helps, I havn't actually done this all myself, but it is what I would do if I had to make the choice...

[Jenniferathome]

Erica, if anything, this site PROVES that one can find an SO who loves you and an live with your cross dressing. Please don't use cross dressing s an excuse not to try. Women are capable of so much more compassion than your average man. Find a woman whom you like to hand out with. When if gets serious tell her. If she can't candle it, repete the process. There IS someone out there for you.

[ReineD]

Any gg's want to comment on how to make it easier? Any help would be appreciated.

First, do you mind if I ask how often you crossdress, is it full on dressing all the time or just a few comfy things at home, do you go out dressed, etc. And also are there times when you are happy in guy mode, or are there times when home alone when you're just in regular guy clothes, and how much does this happen?

... and then I'll give you my thoughts. :)

[Wildaboutheels]

Erica, IMO, the odds are stacked heavily against you. Especially @ 5'7 and 120 lbs. "Conventional" wisdom [gained from too many years at various singles sites] is that most women "desire/prefer" men 5"10' or taller although for some height does not matter and they are smart enough to state it in their profile. Another common train of thought is that "he better weigh more than me". Of course there are women who "prefer" nerdy types and other women INSIST on bald men. I'm quite sure I read at least 10 profiles a week if not 20 [I live in a big city] for almost 5 years. Do the math. I don't ever remember seeing even ONE looking for a feminine guy or mentioning CDer preferred/wanted/accepted.

I don't think you have an impossible goal but I seriously doubt you are likely to simply run into a woman who prefers very "slightly built" men. I think your best bet for meeting such a lady would be on a specialized dating site. There are tons in big cities... IF you can or are willing to do the LDR thing.

I think it was you [in a thread I read] who dropped about 30 or 40 pounds through diet and exercise to "be/appear" more feminine? And yet, you are still stuck in the closet? Honestly, I think you need to find a way to escape the closet a few times as Erica and see if and/or how it affects your feelings.

Obviously wearing of "wrong" clothes is a PART of everyone here. It seems like a very important aspect to your life. I am just guessing that finding a platonic relationship with a GG and sharing your secret with her could really help you and be far easier than "seeking" a SO. At least in helping to figure out your ultimate destination.

You ARE just a "young pup" at 43 - a big plus for you.

[Caroline-Grant]

I never had the pleasure of having a significant other. Or dated anyone really. What's it like?

[Tink]

Besides bearing my heart and soul and being rejected isnt worth it. This sucks. And unfortunately I dont think there's anything anyone can do about this. To live an honest life you have to risk getting hurt, it's just the way it is. But when you find the acceptance and love it will be so so worth it.


I feel troubling a female with having a cd boyfriend is not worth putting anyone through. You need to get this out of your head right now! I promise you that there are women out there who will not feel this part of you is a burden or that you are putting them through anything at all. Yes, we all have different reactions to crossdressing and will "deal" with it in different ways but you know what? That isn't your problem. You are who you are and you are entitled to live your life however you want. Please please don't give up and don't you ever think of yourself or any part of you as a burden.

[Vickie_CDTV]

I know how you feel. I lost my girlfriend a few years ago and have been very lonely since. There are not a lot of women who tolerate, and far far less who accept and participate in, their boyfriend's crossdressing :(

[Erica Marie]

First, do you mind if I ask how often you crossdress, is it full on dressing all the time or just a few comfy things at home, do you go out dressed, etc. And also are there times when you are happy in guy mode, or are there times when home alone when you're just in regular guy clothes, and how much does this happen?

... and then I'll give you my thoughts. :)

Hi Reine and thanx for answering. Right now is a difficult time for me. I dont get enough privacy at home to dress as often as I like so it has only been once or twice in the last few months. When I do it is usually only for a short time at home but it is full dress (make up, wigs, nice outfit,heels). But getting dressed at home is getting very old and getting out in my home town is out of the question. It is my goal to be able to be free and get out one day. I have only been out twice and it was in a diffent town but it was just out for a drive.
I do miss having an SO, first off I am not a very open person so it is difficult for me to meet new people more or less tell them that I crossdress. I was married and divorced and also had a gf that I had told. Neither were accepting to the point where it was Ok. I feel having a so that can tolerate it but not fully accept it would not be fair to her or me. So to this point I feel that it is easier to leave well enough alone and stay single.


I never had the pleasure of having a significant other. Or dated anyone really. What's it like?

Caroline, you being at only 20 yrs old I envy you more than anything. You have a full life ahead of you to find the things and the person that is most important to you. Dated a few time during and after high school and married way to young before finding out who I really am. Now I am divorced with a teenage son and a daughter who is heading into her third year of college. I see life passing me by more and more every day. Take advice from someone who has been there and back. Explore your choices and never be afraid to be yourself.

[Anneliese]

Do I miss the idea of a wonderful woman in a (near) perfect relationship who would be tolerant of my dressing, as well as being a true soulmate? Yes.

Do I miss being with someone...anyone? No.

There has been no woman in my life I've ever been truly deep in love with, including my ex-wife. No woman that I wasn't relieved when the relationship ended, because I could be 100% myself again, and didn't have to do things and go places I didn't like in order to make them happy.

I have had ten serious relationships in my life, some better than others, the longest (by far) being my marriage (five years). The rest have been a year or (far) less. Truth is, I have come to the conclusion finding a true soulmate is not worth the trouble of the search, and therefore, I am happy to be me as is. The majority of my adult life I've been alone (besides raising a daughter myself), and this is how it should be.

[sometimes_miss]

Erica, if anything, this site PROVES that one can find an SO who loves you and an live with your cross dressing.
Really? How so? Do you think that every crossdresser looking for a straight female mate has one? Yes, I have met women who SUPPOSEDLY were o.k. with crossdressing, but in reality were only willing to put up with it in order to not be alone themselves, when confronted with the crossdressing, they didn't really like it, or want to deal with it. Less than one in a hundred women are even willing to date a crossdresser (knowingly, of course). That means unless you tell her up front BEFORE you go out, you have a less than 1% possibility of even being compatible at all, before anything other topics come up. And if you then remove all those who initially thought she could deal with the crossdressing but later decided she couldn't, the chances are even less. So you'll have to date someone every night of the year to meet perhaps 4 women who MIGHT be compatible with you in other ways as well. So I guess that sure, if I live to be a hundred, I MIGHT find someone who is barely compatible with me. Or, I might wind up with another woman who may blackmail me during the divorce to get all my assets.....again.
Yes, some will say that WHEN I find 'the love of my life', all the difficulty will be worth it. So in the meantime, I should just subject myself to all the hassles in the hope that I might find someone?

Anyway, are there any solid figures? What percentage of members here actually have loving wives/SO's that are really just fine with their crossdressing? I don't ever remember any surveys being done, but from what I've read, it seems the percentage is really, really minute, rather than Erica's belief that everyone has a CD compatible female mate .

[johanna.kitten]

Yep, I gave up on relationships 8 years ago and I've realized nobody wants me and the whole world hates me so I'll just be on my own for the rest of my days. I really sux to be old and ugly. :(

Hugs
/Giovanna

[~Joanne~]

I have been extremely fortunate. My SO has no problems with my dressing at all to date. She works shifts opposite of what I do so dressing can be daily if I want it to be. Even when home together I can dress if I chose but I tend to steer away from it as "too much" can become just that.

I think there are plenty of women out there that would accept and support you. Finding them is not an easy task but hiding it away from them, You may never know who would be this SO for you or who wouldn't. We have GG's here that prove that every day when they join us to talk about all of the things CD related. A un supporting SO wouldn't do that.

Like you stated, this isn't going away, you have to be you, and as daunting as it seems, you just have to push forward to you find the person that is going to make your life complete and accept you for who you are.

[Jenniferathome]

Really? How so? Well, it's rather obvious. I am not unique here. I have a loving spouse who understands my cross dressing. Many others here are just like me.


... I have met women who SUPPOSEDLY were o.k. with crossdressing, but in reality were only willing to put up with it in order to not be alone themselves, when confronted with the crossdressing, they didn't really like it, or want to deal with it.

Then you have not met the right women. Cross dressing alone is never the reason for bad relationships, that's a crock o' sh*t.


Less than one in a hundred women are even willing to date a crossdresser (knowingly, of course).

Not sure where you get your math but based on your own words below, you have no solid figures. Youhave given up and created a reason to give up. That's your choice but a flawed one in my opinion.


Anyway, are there any solid figures? What percentage of members here actually have loving wives/SO's that are really just fine with their crossdressing? ... .

I don't know what the percentage is but that doesn't matter. IF you want a spouse, then that person is out there for you. Erica found two! Those relationships did not work out but NOT because of cross dressing.

Miss, your bitterness flows like a river. You have obviously had a tough time in relationships but all relationships are partnership. Be objective. What can you do to enhance the partnership? Be alone by choice, but not by excuse.

[Ashlyn Brooke]

I have asked myself that question. I still feel like I would like a SO on one hand, but on the other I can wake, dress and be a woman until I go to work, and then I become a woman again as soon as I get home. My marriage of over 20 years just ended, not because of this (she didn't know), but because for our entire marriage we were both unhappy. People don't believe that her sex drive after marriage disappeared to 6-8 times a year if I was lucky and I have gone as many as 9 months without. Maybe that is where my CD desire came from. I always fantasized about the type of woman I would be (or would like to create like in the movie Weird Science), and she never wore the things that I liked. She didn't like heels, stockings, thongs, sexy lingerie, and I loved the idea of buying that for her but to no avail. I've had more fun alone and with another CD than I thought possible, so whether another real woman comes into my life is yet to be seen.

[Charlotte Haynes]

I never had the pleasure of having a significant other. Or dated anyone really. What's it like?What's it like?...It's grim...very grim...
C

[Beverley Sims]

I have been fortunate as when I have not had a girlfriend I have had an entourage that encouraged me to go out with them.
Then they found a companion for me. Yes an attractive girl that accepted that I was dressing.
The formula appeared to be that they accepted me as interesting and introducing me to another girl who could take me home and reveal the man inside.
Worked for me nearly all the time.

[ReineD]

Less than one in a hundred women are even willing to date a crossdresser (knowingly, of course).

Well, to do the math, first increase your percentage to "two or three in a hundred women". There are also "two or three in a hundred men" who crossdress. This would make it an even match, in other words there is a woman out there for every crossdresser. :D

[Annaliese]

Erica, live your life, find more time to dress, do your kids know you dress, if not would they be accepting, don't give up on life, live it, and if someone come a long then fine, find other in your area that dress, make friends. The closet is the lonely us place in the would.

[PaulaQ]

I feel for the lonely girls in this thread, and who knows, I may be among your ranks depending on how things go for me. And I know, oh my gosh I know we aren't accepted.

But let me put something into perspective for you.

I'm handicapped. How many personal ads do you think there are that feature women seeking a man with a handicap? I'll tell you how many - zero. Anyone who marries me faces the very real prospect of caring for someone who can no longer walk at some undefined point in the future.

And yet, I've been married twice. So I have to believe that there is love out there for all of us. I have no illusions that its hard. Perhaps being CD/trans is way worse than any handicap - but I don't buy that, I have to believe love is out there.

I do not assert that it is easy to find. That would be a lie.

[Launa]

I never had the pleasure of having a significant other. Or dated anyone really. What's it like?


Its beautiful having a significant other as long as you tell her about yourself before things get too serious..... Its pure torture if you're in a relationship or married and she doesn't have a clue.....

[ReineD]

I do miss having an SO, first off I am not a very open person so it is difficult for me to meet new people more or less tell them that I crossdress. I was married and divorced and also had a gf that I had told. Neither were accepting to the point where it was Ok. I feel having a so that can tolerate it but not fully accept it would not be fair to her or me. So to this point I feel that it is easier to leave well enough alone and stay single.

Your level of crossdressing does not sound as if you are a reluctant male. So it is a question of finding women who are open minded about cross-gender expression. We are out there.

I can only suggest that you keep looking for a partner, not with the idea of finding someone specifically who accepts the crossdressing, but just to find someone with whom there is potential for a romantic relationship. You'll also need to not fear rejection. Please consider that women (and men) reject one another on the basis of mismatched attraction alone. It is a peril for anyone who seeks new partners.

At any rate, if the feelings of affection are mutual, in my opinion you do stand a very good chance that she will be open to the crossdressing, as long as this does not totally define you or your relationship.

I've just finished writing a response that describes this and rather than repeat it here, Ill simply provide the link (post #82):

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?192239-Do-Women-actually-like-Men-who-Cross-Dress&p=3152799&viewfull=1#post3152799

[Tracii G]

I have had two wives yank my heart out and step on it so the marriage thing will never happen again.
I do think most women want the guy to be the "man" and I understand their need for that kind of relationship.
Do I need and SO to be happy? No but its nice to have at least one woman that at least understands you and is willing to let you be yourself.
Most women I have been in relationships with I have tried to be sympathetic and understanding to how they feel.That I can tell you will ruin a relationship at least for me it did many times.
I can't help it that is just the way I am.Seems most women want a guy that treats them like crap and talks to them like a dog which I never will understand.
Maybe its the tough boy image they seem to like IDK.
My advice is be yourself be it dressing enfemme and going out or just at home never hide the fact you CD.
If she hurls or bolts for the door its not meant to be.
If she is interested and stays you might have a chance.

Reine makes good points I can't argue with what she says.

[darla_g]

Erica, if anything, this site PROVES that one can find an SO who loves you and an live with your cross dressing. Please don't use cross dressing s an excuse not to try. Women are capable of so much more compassion than your average man. Find a woman whom you like to hand out with. When if gets serious tell her. If she can't candle it, repete the process. There IS someone out there for you.

I absolutely agree with Jennifer 100 %! Very well put. Let me just add that the dressing can be a point of something that is shared rather than a source of conflict. I think it all comes down to establishing bounds on both sides and respecting them.

[Rachel Murphy]

What's it like?...It's grim...very grim...
C

That's funny, in my case the truth, but funny none the less. :)

[Sharon B.]

After my divorce some twenty plus years ago, I tried dating woman, found one that would try and understand but she didn't want to commit to a relationship. The other woman I had dated since then want no part in the feminine side of me.
The last woman I dated some eight years ago was the don't want to see, don't tell me about it type.
I haven't dated anyone since then, yes there are times when I wish I had someone but the other times I can do as I please, go where and spend as I please.

[prene]

I absolutely agree with Jennifer 100 %! Very well put. Let me just add that the dressing can be a point of something that is shared rather than a source of conflict. I think it all comes down to establishing bounds on both sides and respecting them.
I agree but .... it is finding that one who is acceptable. I have 3-4 gf's who broke it off because of my cding. If I did not dress or hid it I am sure I could be married but I do not want to hide it from my SO.
For me I have therapist to help me figure myself out.
She is supportive and wants me to take it slow.
I have even thought of going on hrt to lesson my desire and .... I just thought of this ... would hrt lesson my desire to dress?
I will need to take to my therapist.
It would be funny changing to a feminine form(hrt) would lesson's my desire to dress in that form?
Would it ????

[Julie Gaum]

Many very positive posts that I agree with 100%. Sure, as Reine also points out, your odds are no better in finding an accepting SO than
the percentage of CDs in the population --- which is single digit. A good point was also made that one should look for someone with similar interests and a character to which you are attracted to --- before you decide to out yourself --- doesn't mean that you wait ten years after you fall in love to disclose your second self but at least wait until you both know you're compatible in other ways.
I do want to try to head off Felicity from considering making a grave error: Never, ever, promise a gg that you will swear off crossdressing to show how much you love her. Compromise yes if necessary but to abstain? You would be heading off a cliff
Other posts have indicated that they had been divorced one or more times and will not try again. That's a decision only you can make but
in most cases CDing had less to do with the split than you can imagine.
Julie

[NurseSamGG]

Erica,
As I've said before in other threads yes there are some women out there who enjoy CDers. Maybe some like me who didn't discover this fact about myself until recently, and yes a small few that do exist that prefer CDers. Everyone is different in what they like and don't like. And like me some may not even know they enjoy it until they are faced with it. My point being dont be discouraged because of just a handful left a bad impression. Just like in non-CDing relationships some work and others don't. Everyone is looking for that someone who fills them up and makes them whole. One who accepts the good, the bad, the odd and the normal parts in all of us. There is someone out there and its the moments that you stop searching and discover yourself and become confident in who YOU are that you usually find them. Im not saying hole up in your home but instead go out and do what you truly enjoy, its usually then when you meet people with the same common interests as you. This likeness can sometimes lead to the best relationships because the person actually gets you which makes accepting whatever it is about you a little easier. Best of luck dear....relax and just remember to breathe......little miricles happen every day!

Xoxo.......Sam

[ReineD]

I do want to try to head off Felicity from considering making a grave error: Never, ever, promise a gg that you will swear off crossdressing to show how much you love her. Compromise yes if necessary but to abstain? You would be heading off a cliff

Other posts have indicated that they had been divorced one or more times and will not try again. That's a decision only you can make but
in most cases CDing had less to do with the split than you can imagine.

Totally agree with both those points.

[Anneliese]

Yes, some will say that WHEN I find 'the love of my life', all the difficulty will be worth it. So in the meantime, I should just subject myself to all the hassles in the hope that I might find someone?

This comment mirrors my thoughts on the subject. Many seem to love the dating process, i.e. getting out there and meeting people, dealing with excitement, disappointment, new experiences, etc. I LOATHE the dating process. It is pure, unadulterated torture. I'd rather have a root canal. I like having friends, and I know I would like it if I could find the truly right person. Why in god's name would I want to ruin my current life in order to have a small chance of finding the right person? My time away from work is my recovery time, not time to put myself through an emotional wringer time. A halfway decent woman semi-tolerant of my choices is NOT something I want or desire. It's all or nothing, baby, and the odds of that are similar to winning the lottery (which I realize I'll never win because I don't buy tickets)

[Leah Lynn]

I had 38 years with my wife. Not all good, not all bad. I do miss having someone around to talk to, to go out for coffee, go dining, go to a movie, etc. I want a companion more than a relationship. I'm sure the right woman is out there, but I'm not advertising.

Leah

[Ressie]

Yes I miss having a significant other. A SO would be someone that I love and that loves me. CD acceptance is only a small part of it. I am lonely - especially with this being another holiday weekend, but being with the wrong person can be much worse.

[Alice Torn]

At nearly 59, and still not married, and not having dated for many years, I am almost at the confirmed bachelor cder stage. My old van blew an engine this month, junked it. the 1976 Dodge runs good, but leaks oil bad. I went to singles dances for 10 years, and never met miss right, had a lot of rejections, but some good dancing. Mom died last year, have to help take care of my bitter father. Low income, no job. Memory loss, sight going bad. I realize i have not much to offer, any woman. And, i would like a rather attractive non obese one. Standards pretty high here. So, i take my cats to the local nursing home, and befriend a number of women and men in their last months. Ladies
there are lonely and open to talk, though often senile, or with Alz. The story of my life with dating or finding a wife, is that i started dating at almost 30, the ones i liked were all taken, and most near my age aRE MARRIED, LIVING WITH AN SO, or divorced, and want nothing to do with men again. I have found it5 very tough going, even without the dressing issue. My older sister never met a right person, either, nor my brother who is in prison now. Times are getting very scary now, too. We are not in NORMAL times! These are not normal times, like in past generations, where people often married neighbors, or met at community dances, etc. Never has there been more people, but, oddly, never has it seemed harder to date, and find the right mate. Part of me likes my solitude though, with my cats, and memories of dating decades past. For some, fate seems to bring together the right mate, while for some, it has not happened.

[Sonya]

My marriage was also dissolved recently and i am also facing the very possible outcome of living alone for the rest of my life. I am a sad since i do like the company and companionship of a women but now i know that cross dressing will always be a part of my life. It is really hard when you enjoy being with women and being a man but also like cross dressing. I made the mistake about hiding cd part of me from my previous relationships and paid the price heavily, both emotionally and financially. My estranged wife at the end blamed our marriage not working out all on my cross dressing and me not being honest about it. I know that there were many other problems in our marriage. I am scared of the idea of another serious relationship. Ideally i would hope to find someone who would respect and accept me the way i am and i would do the same for them. I do realize that any good relationship needs honesty, understanding and hell of a hard work and when you add the CD in the picture, it unfortunately gets a lot harder. I also think that for a relationship to work both parties have to be in peace with themselves and not necessarily look for happiness to come from the other person.