try this again

[Kari_E]

I moved this over here, got all muddled up :confused:

Hi

Not sure if I will be welcomed since i suppose im a fish out of water, nntp groups can be particularly harsh. Everyone (well most of) the people here seem warm and intelligent enough, compassionate enough not to engage in the slanderous ritual. I have brought this topic up in my regular phpBB and received some negative feedback which I realize is a fear and confusing illusion many women and men share with this topic.

The brevity is I am 33yrs old, was married to, I guess you would call him a cross-dresser, we divorced for totally other reasons. we had a son. I can’t say it bothered me to a major degree the dress up and I tried as best as I could to understand what was going on, for all other areas of our life he was a fantastic bloke. And this was something I was never really exposed to much.

I’ve been single since 31 and have discovered my son who is almost 13 has been hording items of mine in his room. He’s my only boy, and I don’t really have a strong male figure other than my dad in his life. I have talked to my ex-husband and questioned him, I do believe he has had no hands in dressing our son up, in fact that was furthest from my mind but I had to ask. I do remember my husband dressing up when our son was a baby, under 14 months, but highly doubt that has any effect on his behaviour. I use behaviour loosely since im hardly a specialist. Don’t begin faulting me on the technicalities.

Of course, I love my son and could not care if he was in love with aliens, let alone may feel he is gay or just likes to wear girl things. He doesn’t really express a strong feminine side, but my husband had indicated to me that when he was a young boy he suppressed a lot of his deep feelings for the obvious reasons. I don’t want to be my husbands mum, and I don’t want to push my son into therapy either.

I am wondering if its genetic? Ive began going through the past 12 years trying to wonder if I have done something different than my gf's, I think for the most part we were a normal family, ordinary family I mean. Are there any mums or dads who have a child like mine? Maybe you could give me some advice on how to approach it. I know my son is doing it, but I have not brought it up nor feel I should since it’s hidden away as best as any 12 year old can hide stuff in his room. He does not know about his dad im fairly sure about that, hes never asked anyway, but I don’t think this is hardly new either. He’s always been different, im sure many men here understand that?

I know my son would not react well to his mum having a heart to heart about this topic especially since ive raided his private space, but should I leave subtle indications that im open for discussion? I kind of have an idea about what I should do, but would love to talk with a mum or dad dealing with the same, im positive this could go very bad if I mess things up.

If this is the wrong place to be, just let me know I’ll keep moving, but I certainly wont entertain negativity either way.

Cheers!

[Felicity]

First of all, is he interesting in girls yet? Is so, don’t rush and worry, and find the right moment to have a talk.

I don’t know why I dress up for sure, but I assume your greatest concern is him being confused and turning gay? My father wasn’t around much since 2nd grade. Before that, we used to do all kinds of things together like fishing, sports, games, etc. When we moved and he changed jobs, he was on a swing shift. Then my parents divorced when I was 12. I was almost always around women only since I was 7. I assume one reason I started cross dressing was statements like “look how pretty that is” when shopping with my family, but nothing exciting about boys clothes.

I would be more concerned about the peer pressure that kids have today. With already preferring feminine clothes, if his hormones engage later than other kids, he may believe he is gay and pursue that line. Perhaps normal boy/girl discussions would be a good starting place making sure he understands that he will have those feelings if he doesn’t yet.

Now, if you want to catch him without him thinking you invaded his privacy, set it up. Leave him alone, telling him you will be gone for a few hours, then come back 20 minutes later because you forgot something….

My 2 cents worth, maybe others can concur or disagree with this.

[Kari_E]

I think I would be too frightened to ‘catch’ him, I can imagine his face. I suppose hes a bit of a loner, few friends who come over and play PSII, I haven’t seen him with any girls yet but he likes maxim and VH1 magazine lol I have apprehended that a few times.

Ive thought too since girls his age today look more like boys (up here in Canada anyhow), I don’t know. I wonder if it genetic. I don’t really worry if he is gay, if he told me that I wouldn’t be disappointed, im pretty fair minded I think, try to be at least. More so now am on my own.

Thanks for your reply, cheers.

[CindyB]

Hi Kari!

Not sure about the genetics. There may be something to a gene or something but in honesty, I really doubt it. I think it's more in line with role models. As I child (a child of divorced parents), my mother and grandmother were my role models. I spent a lot of time shopping with my sisters, mother, and grandmother as my brother was 6 years older and he always got to go with the men and I with the girls. I identified with the girls. I have no idea if that is truly the cause because I also remember playing dress-up in the basement when I was about 4 and that was before my parents divorced.

My best advice is to quit looking for a cause, it's not going to solve anything. I would be more concerned with his grades, conduct, and social interactions with other kids as those are far more important than wearing mom's underwear.

I also don't believe you should ignore his crossdressing. If you are honest about it not bothering you then I would approach him but in a VERY POSITIVE manner. What would be really cool is, go buy him a nice girly present (panties, bra, nightgown, jewelry, or some makeup), wrap it up as a present with a note inside saying something to the effect of "I love you very much and when you are ready to talk I'm here for you!" and then leave it on his bed. It's positive reinforcement and it also lets him know that you know and are ok with it. He'll come talk to you when he is ready. Don't pressure him. If he doesn't immediately want to talk, then wait a while and give him another present.

Now, you are probably thinking I'm telling you to embrace his crossdressing or maybe even encourage it. And my answer to that is YES I am. Gawd how I wish I had someone I felt I could have shared my secret with when I was young!

Hugs,
CindyB

[Kari_E]

Hiya Cindy & thks

Its hard not to look for a cure, am a mum that’s what am best at :)
His trouble spiked with our divorce in school, but that’s to be expected and he seems like things are getting better with a new school, I’m in a rural area now so attentive education seems fine, for the public system anyway, and his friends seem ordinary I suppose for what they get into, im no expert.

I don’t see him wearing a dress will make him a deviant, my ex was a beautiful man, im not a hick in the sense I feel he’s on the path to irrational life and or styles. But as a mum I don’t think handing him a present that blatant would be proper, I certainly wouldn’t hand a teen daughter that unless it was cotton and she needed it ha!

Although you bring up a good point about roll models, hes only got my dad, and more often than not hes around me my gf’s and my sisters. It really doesn’t bother me that he does, if he does dress up, but I don’t want to encourage something I really don’t understand either. My ex was with me four years before it came to light, and his new gf has no clue and they plan to marry, I don’t want this avenue for my son, lies and deceit, if it’s a part of him fine, but if its not I don’t want to encourage it you know? Really confusing.

I appreciate your time Cheers!

[crispy]

I've posed the question before, and I'll do it again:

- Do all young boys experiment with cross dressing, given the opportunity?

- Is it something that most boys grow out of, except the lucky/unlucky minority, like those of us on this forum?

If the answer is yes, then it's probably best to ignore it and let it take its course. But we haven't established that yet, because not enough guy-guys have responded to other threads.

I wouldn't encourage it in your son, but I wouldn't make him feel too bad about it either. Maybe just let him know, in a nice, unaccusing way, that you are aware of it, whilst trying to minimise the embarrassment for both of you. He probably won't touch your clothes again.

In time, when he is older, and if he does not lose the curiosity or the obsession, he may have the courage to go to the charity shop or a mail order outlet and buy his own stuff. That's his choice.

Tread carefully, take care.

[samanthajay]

i also had devored parents and lived with mom. o fcourse she had freinds over as well i got into dressing when i was in middle school. witch i sure he's at now. i wasnt the populer guy either. most of the time some kids get there hands on a porn mag. i started sneeking my moms penthouse variations. it was there that i read a person's letter about crossdressing and i was so turned on that i tried it. and i loved it. yes i went and theifed my mom stuff. thats how i got in to it. but it might be diffrent for him though. if you do talk with him about it please listen to everything he says. i wished my mom was as caring about it as you are to yours. :o

[Kari_E]

Thanks again

I also had that talk with my husband about “trying new things” and he well agrees hes beyond that point, I gather my ex did it as a child too, under 10.

It’s a lot more prevalent on tv these days as well have you seen that? Not just the talk show pantomimes either, gender and sexuality in deep ways. I think many mums feel the same way with an only child, if he or she’s all we have we tend to try and do everything, probably spoil too much, I find myself spoiling more now to compensate, probably I don’t know, that’s pretty deep.

So far its just slips and hosiery, i know as young girls we enjoyed shiny soft things, maybe its just an inherent human feeling we enjoy, not gender bias at all? It may seen like im looking for a cure im just trying to get a grip on what’s going on so I can act in a way that wont have him smoking crack by grade 10.

cheers.

[Felicity]

I have to agree that grades and everthing that goes along with it are mose important. If you can truely converse with him on this subject, you can open up a line of trust that most parents can only dream on.

Good luck.

[Alayna]

I would argue for the "nature" aspect of this. I think all crossdressers are born that way, but it takes something to "activate" it. My situation is not any different than most on this board. I had a close relationship with my mother and a distant one from my father. There was no divorce or marital problems in that sense, but my father was a workaholic which left me plenty of time to interact and learn from my mother. Also - and this has been brought up many times in the past - for the most part it seems that crossdressers are crossdressers for life. You can hide it, deny it, whatever. But the urge always comes back. I am not a parent so my advice may be a little thin, but I think it would be best to let him know you support him as soon as possible - before he hears too much about how it's "wrong" from society. The gift idea is a great way to break the ice! But take him shopping at a department store, or somewhere he can sneak some looks at womens' clothes without feeling like he's going to get caught. Take notice of what really catches his eye, and go back another day and buy it as a gift. It doesn't have to be intimate, he may see a skirt that he just can't take his eyes off of! This could be a great conversation-starter or he may feel frightened at first. Point is, let him know that you support him (although make it known that he shouldn't take your stuff;) ). If he's really scared or shy about it, you may just have to grab the bull by the horns at that point and make sure he understands that you don't think it's wrong. That knowledge can be priceless. Who knows, maybe this can even turn into a way you two can relate when he hits those emotionally hellish teenage years when you feel like you can't relate to anyone! Just my 2 cents, and like I said I don't have kids, but I hope it helps

[Felicity]

The feel of the clothes is part of the equation.

I dressed for holloween once in a skirt that felt awesome on my shaved bare legs when I walked. Yeourself, wearing both mens and womens clothes know that there is nothing stimulating about the feel on mens atire.

[samanthajay]

just be yourself with him. dont be degradeing. also don't ask to may questions at once you might scare him and then he my never come out to you.

[samanthajay]

here here alayna

[Kari_E]

Actually I like jeans and typical mens stuff, but I guess that’s different, ive had that conversation before.

I don’t think a shopping trip is the best idea for a mum/son, aftrall I want him to grow up to be a man? What mum doesn’t. I think a talk is more appropriate, just getting the courage up and nerve, finding the right things to say that don’t come across intrusive even intimidating.

Are there any mums/dads or sons who have it out in the open? How old were you when your mum found out?

[crispy]

There seems to be a general view that his dressing should be encouraged. Kari, these are CDs giving you this advice. They/we are likely to be biased.

I would strongly counsel that you are understanding with him, but don't give any hint of encouragement, by buying him clotes or whatever. On the other hand don't be disapproving either.

Please try to leave it entirely neutral.

[Kari_E]

Good advice crispy

I am understanding and compassionate, maybe its best I leave it alone and just let him feel he has an ear, I don’t think I could institute a sit down topic.

Like all mums and dads I suspect, I just hate knowing something and not knowing what to do next, it was easier when my dad found pot in my room.

Tks everyone, ill just listen a while now :)

[CindyB]

Kari,
Maybe I shouldn't of said "encourage" but I really don't know of a better word. Here's the deal: You're concerned your son might be a crossdresser but you don't know how to approach him. The present idea is simply a way to break the tension, and trust me, if your son is into crossdressing, there is lots and lots of tension. It may very well be that he has no interest in it. If you get him a present and he says "mom what the hell is wrong with you?", so be it, at least a line of communications has been opened and you can talk. If he accepts the present and doesn't say a word to you, at least you know there might be something to it. If he accepts the present and talks to you, then you can start rationally dealing with his crossdressing.

YOU HAVE TO OPEN THE LINE OF COMMUNICATIONS with him. If he keeps hiding whatever he's doing with your stuff, and you keep hiding knowing about it, all's you have accomplished is making more problems.

You already said you're afraid to talk to him about it. You've got to figure out a way to open the lines of communications. My suggestion, from the eyes of a crossdresser who at the age of 13 would have loved to have an understanding mom, would be the present. If he's not a crossdresser and is insulted, chances are, he's going to come to you and ask if you've lost your mind but at least you will be talking about it and you can tell him how you feel.

[Felicity]

I wouldn't encourage it, but you would be wrong to discourage it too, beyond expressing you opinion. At some point, kids have to be given the freedom to make and learn from their own decisions. We all have a tendency to rebel if we are given strict rules.

I think the most valuable thing you can do is try to get open conversation and make sure he knows you love himreguardless of his choices.

[crispy]

Kari,

My suggestion, from the eyes of a crossdresser who at the age of 13 would have loved to have an understanding mom, .......

Kari

That is not the case for everybody. At the age of thirteen the last thing I would have wanted was 'an understanding Mum'. I thought/knew what I was doing was naughty and I restricted it and eventually gave it up as a result. I would probably never have taken it up again if it had not been for other personal circumstances much later in life. And if I hadn't taken it up again it would have been better for several other people in my life.

However much comfort we may get from dressing, I do not believe that we CDs are somehow pre-ordained to do it as part of our natural make-up.

[Kari_E]

That’s what I thought too, if hes hiding it away, and you know how well boys can hide stuff I don’t think he wants me to see it. He hid Maxim magazine under his vcr, hes been busted there before, so he knew id find that eventually. I found my slips wedged in-between his old hockey pads and only because they fell on me, I put them back, maybe I should have kept them?

I don’t think this is coming out right, im hardly anti dressup, but I don’t suspect mum and son will have tea parties you know? Id of course encourage him hes not a freak or mental.

I just remember my ex telling me how lonely he was as a child and how wired he felt and how that caused him issues. Maybe for you people it doesn’t seem a tender topic and I agree many of you would like your mum to be okay with things, but even if im okay im not going to let him wander round the house! I would encourage him its on poise and appropriate tactics, and for what its worth hes a boy and walking around the house (my house) in a sundress is not appropriate, if he wants to take that to his room where he is in private and his mum wont come in without a knock, I think that is appropriate.

Like every parent im looking for a magic answer to a complex topic, if it were drugs I would have my judgment and anger to fuel me, I just at a loss trying to think what to do.

So I read lots, try to get perspective but there doesn’t seem to be many parents who are willing to discuss this topic, so I do appreciate all your advice and im taking slices of it to mould where I may go, really –stranger-to-stranger, thanks a bunch :)

[samanthajay]

your welcome and yes right now his room is the best place for it. who knows what the neibers might see if wandering about the house with the curtins up. :eek:

[BiOpi]

I seriously doubt that crossdressing itself is genetic. I do feel, however, that it's an aspect of one's sexuality which I do think is genetic for most people. I can remember having crushes as early on as first grade but never had even a curiosity about crossdressing until high school. As far as my own personal experiences, I think it would be best just to discuss it in a side-long manner. That is, just mention something like a family experience or a comedian and mention and just segue into how you feel about it. Just having reassurance can help people talk about it in their own time and on their own terms. Maybe talking about sex and sexuality with his parents is a little awkward for him :-)

Of course, your mileage may vary. This is all opinions based on my experiences.

[crispy]

, if he wants to take that to his room where he is in private and his mum wont come in without a knock, I think that is appropriate.

:)

I agree you should give him a degree of privacy in his bedroom, but please don't let it become his fortress. He's still a child. Be prepared to knock, give him half a minute, and then enter, whenever it suits you.

Good luck!

[samanthajay]

i agree.

[Amelie]

A lot of advise was given here. I would have to agree with what Crispy says, give him a degree of privacy,and not to be an over encouraging mom. I think he should work it out on his own, but you should be there if he needs you.
Love Amelie

[Kari_E]

Big help tonight, I think I needed support and validation, ive broached the topic with my anonymous gf’s and they think he needs therapy, I disagree. Ty peoples

Cheers :)

[Lawren]

Tough subject and my heart goes out to you.

I have no kids, (that I know about), so maybe my advice is worth nothing. However, I agree with Cindy. COMMUNICATION!!!. QUALITY TIME!!!. Two way parent/child communication and quality time with him. No need to broach the subject of crossdressing directly. Just spend time with him and pay close attention to what he says in your conversations. Talk about things He likes to talk about. If you are unfamliar with a subject he likes, ask him quality questions about it. Show genuine interest in what he likes to do. In short, just work on a good mum/son relationship. That will make him more comfortable when talking to you and that, in turn will encourage him to talk about more sensitve issues. That should provide you with some clues. Also, there is nothing wrong with the mum/son shopping trips idea. After all, you have to buy him clothes for school. Don't drag him into the ladies department. Just be sure to pass by it and take notice of how he looks at it. You may also try using VERY subtle hints like, "If you had been a girl, I would have named you ???" and note of his reaction. Above all, without doting over him, show him that you love him for who he is. DO NOT let crossdressing, real or imagined, drive a wedge between you.

LoL, Lawren

[CindyB]

for what its worth hes a boy and walking around the house (my house) in a sundress is not appropriate
So the truth comes out. Kari, please don't come here and lie to us, telling us how you have no problem, yak, yak, yak. You're a fraud and I suspect most likely a troll. If you're not a troll, you're not honest with yourself, you're not honest with us, and you're not honest with your son.

Keep pushing everything under the carpet, that's a great place to put your problems. Do it under the guise of "privacy" or whatever you want to call it. Just be sure and not deal with the problem. Boy, that's some great advice.

[Kari_E]

CindyB

You have the “tackle” to call *me* a fraud? Or maybe you have difficulty with textual elocution. Clearly, you are living in a dream world if you feel any right-minded mother is going to encourage her son to wander the house in a dress, he’s thirteen years old HELLO!

You would be surprised how forgiving and tender I am with your lifestyle, and unlike you I am blessed with the responsibility to make executive rulings. Weren’t you the one who said I aught to buy him lingerie? He struggles with long division, he doesn’t need to struggle with bra clasps. Boy you just left a bad taste in my mouth though am smart enough to know you certainly aren’t the unilateral voice for men, but you’d sure scare timid *new* women away.

p.s. aren’t trolls ugly little things that live under a bridge and scare children? I could go on but unlike you sir I *am* a lady.

[Amelie]

I don't know what Cindy was trying to say.
You sound like a very concerned mother, and in the end it is you that will decide what is right for your child. You can only get people's opinions here and they are opinions, because you are the one raising the boy. I know you will do Ok with this situation you're in. Be firm in what you decide to do, but also be gentle, he's your child and you must give him your love.
Like I said what other people say is their opinions, but in the end it is you that has to deal with yuor child.
I hope all works out for you.
Love Amelie

[CindyB]

You would be surprised how forgiving and tender I am with your lifestyle, and unlike you I am blessed with the responsibility to make executive rulings.

Once again you show your true colors. Why the need to feel "forgiving"? I didn't ask or even want your "forgivness". And guess what? I too have the same responsibilities but I do everything I can to keep an open line of communications with them. I'll be damned if I ever feel they are hiding something and not attempt to communicate with them.

Be truthful, you are hurt and embarassed that your son might be a crossdresser. If he showed an interest in baseball would you keep him from carrying a glove around in the house? But with the crossdressing, you want him to hide it and keep it locked up in his room. You have no idea even if he is a crossdresser. Try communicating with him and find out, it's really not that hard. Maybe it's a fetish or maybe he's a transexual wanting full SRS. You are never going to know until you put away your own feelings and ask him. I think you are too scared of the answer.

Oh, and a troll on the internet is someone who comes into a BBS only to stir things up for their own enjoyment. Are you a troll?

[Kari_E]

Clearly, your living in an altered fantasy world if you feel appropriate boy behaviour can be so easily defined by a baseball glove or a slip.

Forgiving? Absolutely considering the lies and deception I have faced, I cannot think of a better word to describe what I have become, I could have become a lot worse and ugly.

If you want to define troll as a pot stir I think you validated both the web-Webster definitions sir.

You entertain the most skewed predisposition which as a rational mother and human I find absurd.

But thanks everyone else, I’ll certainly heed your advice while I mould what to do.

[CindyB]

Think what you want but you have proven you have not been honest with us. Your subtle jabs only further prove your real bias. And be sure to keep your son's feelings repressed, regardless of what they are. You don't want to have to deal with the truth as your feelings are much more important than your sons.

[Deborah757]

I will tell you my experience since I was once in your son's position.
My mother discovered me hiding her "stuff" in my room when I was 13. She told my father and they both confronted me calling me sick and then sending me off to military school. I did very well there graduating as valedictorian and later graduating from college and having successful career in the Army and afterwards. I am now married, 22 years, and have two children, one in college. I suppressed my feelings as a TS/CD during school but they never went away. Today, 44 years old, I am still a TS/CD whom nobody would ever guess.
What I am trying to say is that I think the best thing to do is talk to him. Ignoring it will not make it go away.
I do not think it is genetic but I do think it is connected to hormonal levels exposed to a developing fetus. My mother was given the drug DES when she was pregnant that I believe caused my body and mind to develop incongruently. I am quite sure your former husband has nothing to do with it. I am also quite sure my father was not a CDer.
You say he is a loner. That sounds like me at his age. I was shy to the point of paralysis around other people. Even today I am introvert although I can now do well in a social setting.
OK, after all this rambling here is the bottom line. Whatever you do you may be unlikely to change his feelings. My personal opinion after some research is that they are determined on birth. It is not something he chooses, but something that just is. I would recommend you talk to him with an open mind and try to determine why he is taking your clothes. I wish my parents had tried to understand me instead of telling me I was crazy. I don’t know that it would have changed anything but it would have been nice for someone to try to understand me. This is not a condition that I would wish upon anyone. However, we have to live with the cards we are delt. I wish you the best of luck.

[Glenda]

I'm so sorry that you are having to deal with this but so proud that your love for him is so evident. Very few, if any, of us are qualified to provide advice. That said, sometimes it is good just to get different perspectives on your situation. I did not start crossdressing as a child and can't remember having any desire to do so. I did however like the look and feel of women's clothes. I wouldn't jump to conclusions.

Many on this site do feel that their crossdressing tendencies started in early childhood. I don't doubt that at all. Other boys who don't crossdress also may be facinated with women's clothes for many reasons. Maybe he is getting interested in girls and the clothes enhance his fantasy. Maybe the fact that his Dad doesn't live with him anymore makes him want to be closer to you, thus he has a few of your things in his room. Maybe he is starting to masturbate and the clothes help heighten the feelings. Maybe he knows its wrong and he just wants to feel a little naughty. Maybe he is a young crossdresser. Who knows?

Children are exposed to so much. I was raised in an age of innocence and it bothers me that kids are growing up so fast these days. I think communication is the key. As parents we walk a fine line in respecting the privacy of our children, but children need supervision so they can't have unlimited privacy. Talk to him. Don't be judgmental or critical. Be concerned and open. Be honest with him. He needs to respect your privacy and that includes your clothes.

I have a good relationship with my doctor and would probably discuss it with him, but I don't think he would tell me to get that kid in therapy as soon as possible. If I thought he would then I would definitely not discuss it with him. But I believe it is normal for boys to experiment with women's clothes. He or she might have some good advice and might possibly be able to reassure you. As far as his father is concerned, I think he should be consulted, but I'm afraid he might feel guilty or responsible. He shouldn't.

There are no easy answers. It is probably nothing to be concerned about, but it should not be ignored. Bottom line, I'm not sure what you should do but establishing trust and understanding in the family unit could not hurt.

Good luck.

[samanthajay]

kari i think you are doing a find job. i dont know what cindy is talking about or what she's smoking. it your house. and he's only 13 if you feel he shouldnt be dressing around the house then that's your rule. i think it's a reasonable rule. to have a chance to just dress with a reasonable mother and not to sneak around would be dreamy alot of us wishes for that. i don't think my mom cares but she dosn't want to see me dressed. and i think thats ok. i don't want to dress in front of her either.

[sissigirl]

I moved this over here, got all muddled up :confused:

Hi

Not sure if I will be welcomed since i suppose im a fish out of water, nntp groups can be particularly harsh. Everyone (well most of) the people here seem warm and intelligent enough, compassionate enough not to engage in the slanderous ritual. I have brought this topic up in my regular phpBB and received some negative feedback which I realize is a fear and confusing illusion many women and men share with this topic.

The brevity is I am 33yrs old, was married to, I guess you would call him a cross-dresser, we divorced for totally other reasons. we had a son. I can’t say it bothered me to a major degree the dress up and I tried as best as I could to understand what was going on, for all other areas of our life he was a fantastic bloke. And this was something I was never really exposed to much.

I’ve been single since 31 and have discovered my son who is almost 13 has been hording items of mine in his room. He’s my only boy, and I don’t really have a strong male figure other than my dad in his life. I have talked to my ex-husband and questioned him, I do believe he has had no hands in dressing our son up, in fact that was furthest from my mind but I had to ask. I do remember my husband dressing up when our son was a baby, under 14 months, but highly doubt that has any effect on his behaviour. I use behaviour loosely since im hardly a specialist. Don’t begin faulting me on the technicalities.

Of course, I love my son and could not care if he was in love with aliens, let alone may feel he is gay or just likes to wear girl things. He doesn’t really express a strong feminine side, but my husband had indicated to me that when he was a young boy he suppressed a lot of his deep feelings for the obvious reasons. I don’t want to be my husbands mum, and I don’t want to push my son into therapy either.

I am wondering if its genetic? Ive began going through the past 12 years trying to wonder if I have done something different than my gf's, I think for the most part we were a normal family, ordinary family I mean. Are there any mums or dads who have a child like mine? Maybe you could give me some advice on how to approach it. I know my son is doing it, but I have not brought it up nor feel I should since it’s hidden away as best as any 12 year old can hide stuff in his room. He does not know about his dad im fairly sure about that, hes never asked anyway, but I don’t think this is hardly new either. He’s always been different, im sure many men here understand that?

I know my son would not react well to his mum having a heart to heart about this topic especially since ive raided his private space, but should I leave subtle indications that im open for discussion? I kind of have an idea about what I should do, but would love to talk with a mum or dad dealing with the same, im positive this could go very bad if I mess things up.

If this is the wrong place to be, just let me know I’ll keep moving, but I certainly wont entertain negativity either way.

Cheers!
Hey not at all are you in the wrong place love your story I would only wish to have a mom like you . As a child I would secretly wear womens cloth and then for years I had not really put that to use But I always had the desire to wear and dress as a girl and im still a closet crossdresser for the most part I can't help it at times I am single and live alone so most my wardrobe is womens I have a son who as far as I know is not anything like me He did catch me once dressed up and didn't really reacted but I ditched into my room I was kind of embrarressed But I think its a habitaul fedish I have and love to be the girl Thanks loved hearing from you

[klinger]

Kari, talking with your son about finding your slips and pantyhose in his closet would most probably cause discomfort for both you and him. I don't really believe that therapy would be neccessary either. Most likely your son knows that you love him very much.

What sort of "subtle indications" were you thinking of leaving for discussions? You say you kind of have an idea about what you should do? Please share it with the group. I'm sure you will get loads of feedback.

I have personally been confronted by my mother in the past, and the outcome of the conversations were never really productive.(until years later when I brought it up with her) It is good to give it time and let him have his privacy.

[Wenda]

...not sure if we have helped you Kari. my thoughts are, separate the invasion of privacy issues from the cd issues. Going into your drawers and stealing your lingerie is wrong. It is theft and an invasion of your personal space. If he wants to have panties and a bra, he should take his allowance or earn the money and purchase them himself. Make sure you differentiate between the two issues. Theft is a crime. Crossdressing is a social deviance.
On the CD issue, at the right time, ie, when you find your stuff where it is not supposed to be, discuss (NOT confront) it. From my own experience, fascination with lingerie is NOT a precursor to homosexuality. However, it also does not fall within the definitions of 'normal' social behavior. I would really encourage you to reprimand him for taking your stuff. Settle that issue appropriately, then make a distinct move to the next issue, cross dressing. Try not to be judgemental, but, make it clear that his infatuation is not conventional. Make it clear to him that if he persists as a cross-dresser, his life will be more complex and will become a network of alibis. At all costs, make sure that he understands that Cross dressing is enjoyed by a minority of society, but is not 'queer' or abnormal. At the end of the day, if he believes that you love him, very little else counts. all the best. wenda.

[babe4life]

Wenda,

You have put is really nicely. Kari, I sent you a PM with my thoughts.

Love,
Vicky