I want to tell my wife SO-BAD!!!!

[GinaM]

I'm pretty sure she knows about my CDing and within the last month she opened a few packages of mine that were delivered which included dresses and size 12 heels. I told her the dresses were for her but didn't say anything about the shoes. A while back I left some of my eye makeup out and she asked why I had her makeup out. There have been other examples as well.

A week or so after the package debacle she was saying that I should put the canoes (size 12 shoes) on and we could have fun. I just joked it off and she teased me a bit and that was the end of it. She brought it up a few times and I thought for sure we were going to have "the talk." I know she will be cool with it because I KNOW FOR A FACT SHE HAS TO KNOW. In the 9 years we've been married I've been busted with size 12 shoes at least 3 or 4 times. That said I only started buying my own things in the past 3-4 years.

What tips do you have to get this talk started and what advice do you have about everything? I've been CDing since I was about 5 or so but it's gotten more and more serious over the past year or two. She won't feel deceived because she would totally understand why I would hide this from her esp. as I'm extremely masculine and nobody that knows me or met me would ever in a million years think I was even 5% fem.

[Kelley]

It sound like your wife has already given you several opertunities to fess up. You should just pull up your big girl panties and just tell her. I think she is just waiting for you to open up.

Kelley.

[Jenara]

Yeah based on your description, she already knows. I know how nervous we all get when it's time for the talk, but coming out to my wife was the biggest relief ever. I was finally able to be me and it's made a huge difference in my mental well-being.

[bridget thronton]

Honest communication is often much better than hiding

[UNDERDRESSER]

From what you say in this thread, and what I remember from previous threads, your only problem is getting up the courage. Try to avoid overuse of "Dutch" courage, it would be as well to be lucid, and avoid misunderstandings. Spend a little while by yourself, getting it straight in your own head exactly what you want, and what that means to what you want from her. Then find a quiet time to sit down and tell her. Be honest, even if that is something you think she might not like. Do you think you might want to transition? Say so, Say so if you're just not sure. Tell her how far you think you might want to go. Tell her if there's something you want to explore. Explain, ( if it's true ) that like most MtF CDs on here, facing up to this in your own mind is causing all kinds of reassessment of things.

Don't just jump in with the whole thing, lay out the basic facts, the basic truths that you are certain of, and ask her what she wants to know. First thing that should be reinforced several times, You love her and want to have her stay. ( I think from what I've read in your posts that is a given, Yes? ) And ask her how she wants to deal with it. Say up front that you understand if she is not certain herself, and wants to think about it. Virtual certainty there, even if she says not, there is a high probability that things will settle and change in her own mind, very few people can just give accurate answer when their world view is so abruptly shifted.

On the whole, from your posts, you have the kind of wife most of us would give up a right arm for. If what you've said is accurate, she must know, and the fact she isn't screaming about it and demanding answers, is a very good sign. You are on the spot, it's your life, your decision, but from what you've told us so far, the general opinion is DO IT ALREADY! :brolleyes:

I wouldn't be as definite about this, but you say she knows, just avoiding it is probably going to just cause problems worse than telling could, even if her response is not completely positive.

Good Luck, and for God's sake tell us what happened!

[Beverley Sims]

I think that if she jokes about it again, make light of it and take her up on her offer.
You could then tell her you like dressing up.

[Jenni Yumiko]

Think out what your going to say, expect the usual questions etc. there's a lot of good advice in my signature and some of the questions your wife may ask.

[Jenara]

It's much better to tell her first rather than have her find you dressed up first.

I specifically waited to buy clothes until I told my wife because I didn't want her to find the things first.

[Alice B]

It's already out there. Take the bubble wrap off and open up the discussion in a direct and honest fashion.

[Megan Thomas]

How about saying to her "Honey, can we talk..." and then just confide in her. Do it without distractions and with sincerity and honesty and I don't think you'll go to far wrong. Good luck!

[cross-up]

Never know until you try ....Just told mine and she has joined the site for support ....Wish you the best !

[Julogden]

Yep, it's past time to have the talk. Sounds to me like she probably knows a lot of what's going on, so you'd better sit down with her and let her know the whole story.

Carol

[Jenara]

Yes when you have the talk, offer up this site as a place she can come to with any questions she might have. My wife has said this was a great source of information for her to read and help understand all of this.

The clues are there. She HAS to know something is up when you ordered shoes in your size. Are you the same dress size as her?

[Lorileah]

From what you say in this thread, and what I remember from previous threads, your only problem is getting up the courage.

"All you need is confidence in yourself. There is no living thing that is not afraid when it faces danger. The true courage is in facing danger when you are afraid, and that kind of courage you have in plenty.”

Do we have to give you a fake medal Mr Lion?????

[Being Paige]

Put your shoes on and go have some fun as she has asked!! Don't be shy

[AllyCDTV]

If you can wait until the next time she makes a comment like she did about the shoes, you might ask her in a light-hearted way why she made that comment. Depending on her answer and tone of voice, you could have a better idea as to what she already knows and her attitude towards it and therefore how to proceed. In any case, prepare a few ways to proceed based on how she responds.

[Jenniferathome]

Gina, if you think she knows, she does. It's not fair to her to make her ask you. Just sit down after dinner and open with, "Honey, I haven''t been honest with you...." and your off to the races.

[Bethany38]

Gina allow me to echo everyone basically and say "have the talk". Just sit down with her and explain it to her. She sound as if she is going to be cool with it. No matter what honesty with our spouses is the only way to go in my opinion. I was nervous as hell when my wife and I went through the first of many talks, but in my case it turned out to be a beautiful thing. results are not the same for all but being honest is the only way to go. Once all is out in the open I am sure you will feel a great weight lifted from yourself.

[alejandra]

its good to be honest...but I will say you should be prepared for what happens if things don't go how you think they will go. hope that doesn't happen. just not every spouse is going to be accepting....wish you luck though. I would recommend you get a few more hints out before you spill the beans.

[Jenara]

It's not a matter of if you tell her it's a matter of when. Trust me...getting it off your chest is a huge burden released.

[IngeInCO]

Gina, if you think she knows, she does. It's not fair to her to make her ask you. Just sit down after dinner and open with, "Honey, I haven''t been honest with you...." and your off to the races.

That was my way, scary as hell but better in the end for us.

[sarahcrossed]

just do it girl. from what your post says. she seems to be pretty open about it. or maybee ask some questions leading to it. Like if you see a movie or tv show that includes crossdressing. it seems like she knows from what you said and has tried to open up communication with you about it with out being pushy. who knows maybee shell wanna see you in your new dresses.

[Badtranny]

stop acting like a kid hiding stuff from mom and start acting like a grown-up

[Jenni Yumiko]

stop acting like a kid hiding stuff from mom and start acting like a grown-up

LMAO! Rawrrrrrrr... No candy coating there! :-)

[Shelly Preston]

Hi Gina

Read the link in my signature on " how to tell your partner " where you will find lots of valuable information

[kimdl93]

There's a strong probability that your wife knows and a fair chance that she would have some fun if you found the courage to be honest. So suck it up and come right out with it.

[PaulaQ]

stop acting like a kid hiding stuff from mom and start acting like a grown-up

Although I don't disagree that she should talk to her wife, because, hey, getting caught 3-4 times has got to have been a clue, I'd just like to point out that there is an implicit assumption that somehow, as a grownup, our emotional reactions and interactions will have improved. In point of fact, I'd be surprised if a fair number of us didn't marry someone just like our mother, and so it would be reasonable to expect similar responses.

just sayin'.

In this case, hiding doesn't sound very useful or necessary, especially when you aren't evidently very good at it.

[GinaM]

The reality is that if she were to react in a way that she couldn't deal and was so upset about it feeling that I deceived her I would just be honest that this is something that I've done for 32 years basically and NOONE has EVER known about it. Well, except when I got caught wearing my moms high heels when I was 6 or so. I would simply tell her that I was embarrassed about it and have NO intentions on transitioning or anything like that and it's just something I really enjoy doing for whatever reason. The reality is that I have 2 weekends away in the next 2 weeks so I would rather wait until they are over so I can enjoy my time en femme.

[PaulaQ]

Gina,

Read the various threads here, think through what you are going to say, and just tell her. The 3-4 sets of shoes are a pretty big hint. You already think she knows. Make your plan, and just do it. You are terrible at hiding this anyway! ;) <3

Don't put it off too long.

[MsJanessa]

It sounds like she already knows---unless she has really big feet--lol---if things are going well otherwise in your marriage, and you really really want to tell her, then you probably should--

[allesha10]

Gina, I agree with Kelley, just bring it up next opportunity, it sounds like she is just waiting for you to fess up.

[Stevie]

Gina sounds like from your post that she already know and is trying to get you to talk about it with her. If my wife opened a package like that I know we will be talking about it right away.

[Stacy Myrdin]

Just be honest, and remind her you're still the same...
Us GG's sense a lot so probably she knows but just wants you to confide in her,
xoxo

[GinaM]

About 2 years ago she was asking me to dress up before sex. She would joke about it and then recently said I should wear her corsets etc. I wish I took her up on the offer. I think she's trying to get my to talk about it and she knows I'm embarrassed about it. It would be AWESOME if she totally accepts it and we can have fun together with this. I've never been able to share this part of my life with anyone.

[TeresaCD]

I'd say if she was getting you to dress up, she knows.
Perhaps not the fullness of what you are feeling, but she knows you enjoy it, at least.
Whole story, gently, when the time is right?

[velvet]

you have to choose the right moment,where ther are no no interuptions,, go thru a list of questions she might ask,, i think she is waiting for you to say something,,,it,l be a relief for both of you,,

[PaulaQ]

About 2 years ago she was asking me to dress up before sex. She would joke about it and then recently said I should wear her corsets etc. I wish I took her up on the offer. I think she's trying to get my to talk about it and she knows I'm embarrassed about it.

Oh honey, of course that is precisely what she is trying to do. The only real danger is if she's totally fine with your dressing as a sex game, but freaked out about it at other times. You never know for sure, but I think the main thing stopping you from telling her is YOU. Just tell her how you really feel. It's OK to tell her that you are super embarrassed about this, even though you really, really want it. We've been told our whole lives this is wrong, some of us.

Trust her - you are with her for a reason. She really couldn't give you a bigger sign than this except for perhaps reading a copy of "My Husband Betty" in front of you.

[Stephanie47]

Gina, She knows. You know she knows! She knows you know she knows! The next time she plays with your mind, sit down and start a discussion. Otherwise, many years from now, you'll still be playing games and you'll have missed out on a lot of fun time. If she was going to go 'postal' on you, she would have done it a long time ago.


About 2 years ago she was asking me to dress up before sex. She would joke about it and then recently said I should wear her corsets etc. I wish I took her up on the offer. I think she's trying to get my to talk about it and she knows I'm embarrassed about it. It would be AWESOME if she totally accepts it and we can have fun together with this. I've never been able to share this part of my life with anyone.

[Amanda M]

Go for it! The girls have given you all the advice you need. She knows, most likely - unless you just happen to be a collector of size 12 shoes......

[AmyGaleRT]

Gina, I can only echo the advice given on this thread: It's time to tell her. From what you're saying, there's an excellent chance that she'll be accepting and supportive. And having her in on "the secret" will give you a lot more freedom to dress, as long as you continue to be appropriately respectful of her needs.

Be ready for her to ask two of the big questions: "Are you gay?" and "Do you want to become a woman?" Those are kind of the Frequently Asked Questions of CDing. :) Besides answering them for yourself (and I'm guessing the answers are "No" and "No," respectively), you can tell her that, first, homosexuality occurs among crossdressers in about the same proportion that it occurs in the general population (i.e., the vast majority of CDs are hetero), and second, true transsexuals are a small percentage of crossdressers as a whole.

Open honesty served me well when I told my fiancee (or, as she puts it, when she dragged it out of me :)). The response I got was completely unexpected: overwhelming acceptance and support. So much so, in fact, that a short time later, I appeared in front of her as Amy for the first time, and I have continued to do so every so often since.

So tell her, already! You owe her the courtesy of being truthful...and it might not be as bad as you think!

- Amy

[Lisa Gerrie]

It sounds to me like you don't have to initiate "the talk". The next time she gives you an opening, take a deep breath and say "Ok".

[Stacy Myrdin]

go for it,
it can be a wonderfull experience to go through together, for me and Myrdin it's been a gift in many ways,
sometimes you get difficult questions but most of all, you should be able to completely be yourself,
I hope you take courage from all the positive answers here, xoxo

[jillleanne]

About 2 years ago she was asking me to dress up before sex. She would joke about it and then recently said I should wear her corsets etc. I wish I took her up on the offer. I think she's trying to get my to talk about it and she knows I'm embarrassed about it. It would be AWESOME if she totally accepts it and we can have fun together with this. I've never been able to share this part of my life with anyone.

Well Gina, it appears you are easily able to share ths part of your life with us, so why not share it with the women in the house you live in? From what you are saying, it's her that wants to see you en femme so what's the problem? Get with the program!

[cdsara]

I think you should tell her. After I did and we got over a rough patch I think it strengthened our relationship. Jennifer has a good post on the subject to read.

[slamddoger]

why not tale her about your dressing up in women close?

[daviolin]

Git ur done, Gina. Times awastin'. I waited way to long to tell my wife. Like 34 years. It was a bumpy ride for awhile. But now its oh so cool. Daviolin

[Jennifer Marie P.]

Shes waiting for you to fess up just do it.

[Jolene Robertson]

Gena; After being married for years my wife finally asked me and I fessed up. She was cool with it, of course the normal questions ensued. Her only problem was why I had not told her before. She bought me my first bra and heels. Now I dress daily and we are closer than ever.
What I'm saying is... I have been where you are, next time just "have the talk"!

Hugs
Jolene

[marlenesexton]

First off, she knows.

Second, if she's joking and hinting, I doubt she'll be upset when you finally fess up.

Third, confident, stable women seem to enjoy sharing, especially with their SO.

Fourth, she already knows and is trying to get you to come out without pushing too hard.

Did I say she knows.

Look, I did this a long time ago before I was married. I'm not a serious CD, in other words it a hobby not a lifestyle, an even then it was scary. My wife had bought me dresses, she takes pictures, I don't have to hide my stuff (from her, the kids are another story), we share make up, making love when both of us are dressed in lingerie is a blast, I could go on. If she loves you, she'll accept it and maybe (and from you say this is likely) embrace it. Go for it. Pick a day, put on something pretty and surprise her.

[Leah Lynn]

"Honey, I'm a crossdresser! Can I have MY dresses back now?"

Leah

[Tina B.]

Let's see now, she opened a box and in it was a couple of dresses she didn't order, you did, and a pair of size 12 shoes ( I bet she is no where near a size 12) the shoes just go out of sight and no mention of them? Now she has been teasing you about the canoes, and "you should put them on so we can have some fun". Tell me, what was there left to talk about, of course she knows, and she is waiting for you to sit down and fess up, and from the sounds of it, she is ready to accept a new you. If it where me I would put a little faith in her, it could rock you world!

[Lee51964]

my wife knew she started "the talk" and I told her everything scared that my marriage was over and she told me we needed to talk and be honest with each other about everything and we are closer then ever I love my wife she is my ROCK

[~Joanne~]

Are you kidding me Gina? oh, she knows, there is no doubt about it. You need to put your fears to the side and just have the talk. she has presented you with way too many opportunities already that you have completely blown. Seriously, man up for a minute and go talk to her, she's waiting, no doubt about it.

[carolinewalker_2000]

as you clearly know already; you have no choice. Open the conversation! Much better you take the formal initiative.

[Natalie Wood]

You do not know what you are missing! Tell her. Pick a time when you guys have a few hours of alone/quiet time and start the discussion. My opinion is that you will not regret it no matter what the outcome is for the reason that you will be true to yourself. But from what I have read it sounds like she is giving you every opportunity to let her into your whole life. I let my wife into my cd world because I was tired of letting her into only half of my life. Our marriage and my life is so much more fulfilling since then. I suspect that you will find the same to be true. Good luck if you haven't done so yet.

[VAWyman]

I agree with everyone else. Of course she knows, she is just trying to get you to open up about it without causing it to be a conflict between both of you.

[NZ_Dawn]

From what you have described, you know your wide knows. Why not take the opportunity to take stock and a big breath and discuss it with her? You have, or are already thinkiing about what you will say, how to approach your wife and possible reactions....so there is no much in your way. If she was going to have a veryt negative reaction. it would have happended? There have been approach on her part for you to already dress fem so..............
Good luck and all thge best for you both.

[pernille d]

yep she knows , i now exactly how you feel as i have been your shoes ( bad pun :-) ) . many many years i kept it well hidden away from my wife. but as i got older and i traveled further down the road my dressing changed , and along with that came lost and lots of clothing . of cause this lead me to slipping up and her finding some of my lingeri . a few more times she just gave me back some underwear that somehow found its way into the wash, just saying " i washed your specal underwear" . we talked but i never went all the way in to how deep it actually went , she was not not happy but to cut a long story short , one day she found a dress of mine i forgot where i had left it and she just handed it back to me and said it was not hers , : nothing more was said , !!!! and its been like that for a few years , so this leads me to what i have to say .

yes she does know but could be trying to avoid the truth , or she could be waiting for you to come clean . what ever she is not stupid if a pair of size 12 shoes , who else would they fit!!!!! , so if it was a MAJOR problem you would have known about it buy now , so there is only one thing to do and that is take your time , be ready and get on and tell her as it is . i slipped up as i was offered the spring board to come out with it all but i paniced and just told what was asked . thats bad as she knows there is more to me than than just my lingeri and that sometimes leads to a bit of miss trust and friction, please dont make a mess of it like i did so get on and tell her its for the best
good luck