Time to rethink my long range goals maybe

[Michelle 51]

I started to see a psychologist on the advise of a t/s friend.Not for my t/g issues alone but several other issues.Lot of stress in my life,childhood issues.marriage and 2 deaths in my immediate family a week apart.After 2 meetings we had thrashed out most of it and I said "you can't fix none of this,only I can" meaning my marriage,being t/g and things that happened years ago.I asked if I needed to come back and she told me she though I should but it was up to me.When I left I said to myself one more time to tie up loose ends.I was wrong.Next meeting I found out we were just getting started and most things from my childhood till now were centered around my gender issues.I won't go into details but I did ask her at the end of the session where she thought I stood as far as my gender issues.She said she would have no problem sending a letter to my doctor to start hrt.Thats not where I want to go right now so it's not an issue but nice to know.I guess I'm a little scared that thats where I may have to go and may have to look really hard at starting to line things up for that and all the family issues etc that will come of it.At 60+ yrs old I just want to put all these things to rest and be at peace with life whatever it takes....Michelle

[Kathryn Martin]

Michelle, this is not so surprising. As many will attest here ( although generally I don't approve of hormones as a diagnostic tool) it may very well be the right thing for you to do, not to test or see where it takes you, but rather because of some of the benefits it might bring for you specifically. I am so glad you are getting help and walk this path not on your own. She may not fix you but she sure can guide you in the process ahead. My very best and you always know where to find me:)

[Badtranny]

Three sessions and she wants to start you on the juice?

[Michelle 51]

No I don't think thats what I said at all.I thought I said that she would be open to that if I wanted to go down that road.Maybe I wasted my $160 an hr.I should have come seen you.Been cheaper and you must have more degrees than she does

[Kathryn Martin]

Three sessions and she wants to start you on the juice?

Remember SoC states that hormones should not be prescribed unless in therapy for at least three months. By the way when I went to see my therapist I told her that I was female and suffered from transexuality. That I had come to see her because I was beginning my transition and needed to have a letter recommending hormones and later surgery. That I needed her to do what was required and hopefully provide me with the letters when it was appropriate. I got my hormone letter within three months (three sessions) and my surgery letter after 6 months RLE with the proviso that I could not be scheduled until after the full year was up. My second surgery letter was given to me by my second gender specialist two weeks before surgery. Both emphatically confirmed the diagnosis. I had figured it out long before I went to see them, and paid for it through the nose through years of heart ache.

Sometimes contexts are different.

[KellyJameson]

It is interesting how stress seems to bring to the surface TG issues.

I wonder how many people are walking around with GID but they have found ways to temporarily control it until something akin to the straw that breaks the camels back happens and than it comes out forcefully and in full bloom.

This would explain why for some it hits later in life where others never were able to turn their backs on it.

I have read stories where people go into a type of hyper masculinity to fix themselves of their "problem"

For some they must change and for others they must not but it is still the same thing driving the behavior.

If you have it, sooner or later GID gets you. Always like a ticking bomb ready to go off that you carry inside you creating trepidation that you may "lose it" mentally or that you have so you either medicate or transition

It is a curious thing to have a gender identity opposite your body.

I have always had it and it baffles me why this should be so important to me.

This need to live genuinely when most people are perfectly comfortable not living genuinely.

I see that an aspect of it comes from needing others to see you as you know yourself to be so to the degree you have this "need" you will experience the disharmony more intensely by the constant reminders from others of living contrary to your gender identity.

Gender dysphoria is a curious thing indeed.

A mixture of biology and childhood and once set is forever and possibly set even before birth.

Gender identity is aquired but maybe there is no actual choice in the matter regardless of what happens in childhood.

[Badtranny]

No I don't think thats what I said at all.I thought I said that she would be open to that if I wanted to go down that road.Maybe I wasted my $160 an hr.I should have come seen you.Been cheaper and you must have more degrees than she does

Well that seems like exactly what you said, but whatever, seem like you're kinda sensitive.

Good luck with that.

[melissaK]

Michele Sweetie, I see you've been in the cd forum as long as me. You probably know yourself pretty well by now. So what's pushing you from CD world over here to TS land? Your OP is more than a bit silent about what you're feeling and what you're afraid of.

Is it something you've always known about yourself? something just pieced together? Crazy gender anxiety you can't cope with any longer? No right or wrong answers, just curious. (I've got a "knew since I was a kid, spent a lifetime in denial and repression" history myself, and am on HRT, not in RLE yet, and close to your age at 58).

The girls around here are hugely knowledgeable, and most all are well into RLE, HRT, or have made a new life after SRS. They're all worth listening to as a complement to your counseling.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

michelle your experience probably resonates with others here in many ways...

Growing older and having stuff happen (i am sorry for your loss) are often triggers that bring up buried feelings...two very specific events in my life opened my own pandoras box..i cd'd my whole life, it consummed me, but it literally never occured to me that
i was "TS"... once it did, i started therapy and my own therapist made it clear that she would help me but would never "tell me"

i don't see how anyone could possibly read your OP as anything but what melissa said...
and as Kathryn said, some of us have spent alot of time going through this, and like a mom that researches her kids disease (look up Lorenzo's oil), many of us know more than half the docs out there...and what your therapist did was not consistent with what the medical community views as a standard of care..

your therapist telling you they would prescibe hormone sure seems premature...its natural to wonder what others think about all kinds of things...but as far as "am i ts", its not as helpful to have others diagnose you as much as it is to diagnose yourself..

i hope you can work through this and have a good outcome for yourself..

[Marleena]

Michelle I read your post the same way as Melissa. Three visits and she is willing to give you a letter. You are going through a rough time and maybe it's obvious to her you need it but usually the diagnosis it not done that quickly. I tend to take everybody at face value but then again I'm not a therapist.:)

[Jorja]

Three sessions and she wants to start you on the juice?


Remember SoC states that hormones should not be prescribed unless in therapy for at least three months.

While I do agree the SoC does state that hormones should not be prescribed unless in therapy for at least three months, I caution you not to be so all knowing and rigid with your comments. Here in the US the SoC is nothing more than a GUIDE for therapy and medical personnel to follow when treating Transsexualism. It is up to the therapist and medical personnel treating the person to make a qualified decision on when to start HRT. Some might start you after the first session (highly unlikely), some may make you complete the entire three months and then some. It is their qualified decision based on knowledge and experience that is required before HRT is prescribed.

[Michelle 51]

I'm sorry if I gave the impression my therapist was pushing me to transition or go on hrt.She isn't.I've crossdressed my whole life.I wished I was a woman as long as I can remember.Does that make me a t/s.I don't think so.Would I transition if there was no cost (Family,social and monetary)Yes in a heartbeat.Does that make me a t/s.Not always.A coward maybe??.I live as Michelle at home and a male to the outside world.Its a balancing act.Just getting harder to balance.I have issues going back to childhood.I've been successful as a male.Still married and raised a family.I have trouble to be content as a male.Everything in my life says I should be.I guess what I was trying to say in my post was I'm possibly been in denial about a lot of things in my life and she is saying that its possible transition could be a thing I may have to look at.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

one thing i was trying to say in my response michelle is that everything you are saying is consistent with what middle age and older ts women go through after investing in a male life....including that last post...your thoughts are very rational but your situation is difficult...

late/midlife crisis causes people to reevaluate their lives...its no surprise you would be thinking of this...jorja is right to say they are guidelines and you did ask a specific question, but 3 sessions is still not many..

the simplest thing to do is to keep trying live your current situation day to day as best you can and see what happens...you'll find yourself over time (perhaps even a short amount of time) finding that its gonna be ok or that it's not going to be ok and act accordingly..

even though the peanut gallery here (including me) have opinions, its really up to you and your therapist..its good to challenge yourself and challenge the therapist...
in any case, from my perspective therapy and support from the community is hugely important and helpful when things seem most difficult

[kimdl93]

....I've crossdressed my whole life.I wished I was a woman as long as I can remember.Does that make me a t/s.I don't think so.Would I transition if there was no cost (Family,social and monetary)Yes in a heartbeat.Does that make me a t/s....

I don't know that wishing to be a woman for a lifetime 'makes you' TS but I would submit that it's a fairly good indicator. And being unwilling to endure physical, financial and emotional costs of transition certainly doesn't make you a coward. I do suspect that you're going to discover or uncover some things about yourself in therapy that may make it easier...less threatening to define yourself.

I would also guess that there are many TS and probably many TG people who for a variety of reasons never transition. In the end, you may choose a path that is something less than full transition.

[Kathryn Martin]

I caution you not to be so all knowing and rigid with your comments.

Jorja, I don't think I am all knowing or rigid (although obviously some would disagree). The use of the SoC in full measure is a discretionary exercise depending on the context of each patient. I just happen to know Michelle in real life. I also know the therapist personally, for many years. She is one of the top clinical psychologists in the province and very experienced with transsexualism and transgender issues. I know of scores of cases where she denied "the letter". As I said in my comment above, it all is a question of context.

[Badtranny]

I caution you not to be so all knowing and rigid with your comments.

I just asked a question. I was withholding my rigid all knowing comment pending her response. After her response, I lost interest.

[Julie Hall]

Michele, I am not all knowing while having little experience. Although I do know hesitation when facing the unknown. I have barely begun to cross dress - less than 1.5 years; prompted as Kelly theorized, by loss late in life. It has been through therapy that I realized this wasn't some reaction to the loss - replacing the female influence in my life, but instead has been there since childhood - totally repressed for more than 4 decades.

I have tried being content to wait out the rest of my existence - but as this has progressed in me I know I can't take that path. I can't be content with what my life was and wait for the end. As I have been spending more and more time in female mode, I have come to realize I am a better person for it. I am complete.... a whole person, not a two dimensional caricature. When I deny it now - I wind up shy and quiet - and alone with my cat. Now that I have started going out I find I crave interaction - not isolation. A much healthier state of affairs. Somehow I think it stems from wanting to be known as me....not the mask I have been projecting for so, so very long.

I don't know exactly where I am heading either. I hope someday to start HRT, but I'm an unlikely candidate for health reasons; age, blood pressure and excessive weight. I am trying to live healthier with the possible prospect of one day transitioning.

I don't know if I'm making any sense or if it's late and I'm just rambling. I do know, at least for me - the status quo won't do anymore. I can only hope you can find the direction that's best for you.

Julie

[Michelle 51]

I understand Julie what your saying....Your not alone.The options weren't there in our generation like they are today so there was only one road to take.If nothing else we survived.. hehe..............Michelle

[LeaP]

I don't know exactly where I am heading either. I hope someday to start HRT, but I'm an unlikely candidate for health reasons; age, blood pressure and excessive weight. I am trying to live healthier with the possible prospect of one day transitioning.


You can fix the blood pressure and weight problem. Age is irrelevant anyway.

[Jorja]

Open mouth.... insert foot!
I apologize to Kathryn. I will swear I had read that Michelle was from the US. After going back and checking her location I see her location is Nova Scotia. You would know better than I what your own laws and rules are and how things are done there.
Sorry.

Badtranny - I am not even sure how I quoted you. I must have been thinking of something else at the time and clicked on the quote function then did not unclick it.