Changing realities

[Amy A]

Hi all,

After my fourth major 'coming out' talk in as many weeks, I'm feeling nervously optimistic if a bit emotionally exhausted. My SO and 4 of my closest friends now know about my intention to take things further.

So for me now, I have to find the best way forward, considering that I am going through the NHS and any real progress will be slow. I've rid myself of body hair, started pricing up electrolosys for my pathetic excuse for facial hair :D, and have decided to start growing out my hair. I'm planning to aim for androgyny so that when I do go full time, it will be less of a jump. I also intend to try and get as skinny as I can do.

The thing that makes me wonder is how my friends will feel when they actually start seeing evidence of changes happening. It's one thing to discuss these things but I feel like I need to go slower than perhaps I'd like to in order to allow people time to get their heads around it. One of my friends said he spent a week in shock after I told him, and although he's totally on my side, I still think it will take him time to totally come to terms with it. These people are my support, and I don't want to push them away. I'm just trying to figure out how I introduce people to the new me.

So less of a question here (there'll be plenty more of those later!! :D) and more of a 'where I am now' kind of post. My life is feeling a bit like limbo at the moment, and whilst I'm pretty scared and the GD makes me feel really awful a good chunk of the time, I at least feel like there's a future that I can look forward to.

Thanks for listening to my drivel, I do go on!

Rachel :)

[DaniG]

Still trying to figure out where to go myself, but coming out to family slowly. My mother is next in May. (Brace yourself, Ma!)

Good luck, Rachel! XXX

[Deborah_UK]

I think its a good idea to have a small group around you that know to begin with, and as for noticing changes well I started getting more androgynous as time went on, but to be honest - no-one really noticed!! I grew my hair and had a hairdresser know of my plans, she was able to do subtle things with my hair, adding lowlights etc and although people noticed my growing hair, no-one commented because I'd always varied between long and short hair over several years.

Once I had published my email at work about my intended transition a few people asked if I had any photos to help them with coming to terms with the news and perhaps that might be a way forward for you with your friends - when they see you're not "just a bloke in a frock" then they can get a better handle on your transition.

[Rianna Humble]

The thing that makes me wonder is how my friends will feel when they actually start seeing evidence of changes happening. It's one thing to discuss these things but I feel like I need to go slower than perhaps I'd like to in order to allow people time to get their heads around it.

Unless you jump in with both feet like I did, even those friends who are supporting you will probably hardly notice the progressive changes. If you don't see one of your core 4 for several months and if there are significant changes during that period, then you might want to consider preparing them before you meet face-to-face, but I honestly don't think you are going to risk driving them away.

As for most of your other friends, it will probably take quite a time before they realise that anything has changed.

[Donna Joanne]

Rachel,
You sound like you have a really good handle on things right now. I too have begun to let my hair grow longer (most of my friends have commented on how much younger and better I look with it longer). Began to pluck and shape my eyebrows, and HRT is causing my arm hair to thin and lighten in color. I am trying to "ease" inot it as well. Keep us updated on your progress.

[Badtranny]

, and HRT is causing my arm hair to thin and lighten in color. .


Really? How long have you been on HRT? I'm still shaving my arms and I wasn't a hairy dude to begin with.

[Beverley Sims]

I feel that any change will be gradual enough to not freak out your friends.
From now to proper androgyny could be a couple of years.

[Donna Joanne]

Really? How long have you been on HRT? I'm still shaving my arms and I wasn't a hairy dude to begin with.

About 60 days now. The hair has gotten thinner and lighter in color, and really noticeably thinner especially on the back of my hands. My skin has really gotten softer too. But who's complaining?

[Kathryn Martin]

I'm still shaving my arms and I wasn't a hairy dude to begin with.

Oh honey, it's time to epilate, I have almost no visible hair left in my arms and legs.:D In fact last summer I went 7 moths without having to touch my legs at all, no shaving, no epilating. I got them waxed in January (last time was June 2012 and the last time before that NOv 2011) and because I am going south in a couple of weeks I am getting some strays (about 48) removed next week.:cheer:

[EnglishRose]

I have to say that my arm hair has really receded to the point where I don't shave it any more after almost three years of doing so. The leg hairs grow sparsely and slowly too. Thank goodness :)

[KellyJameson]

I had problems with being androgynous. It seemed to make people uneasy and with the men sometimes angry plus you get tired of people asking you what sex you are.

Human beings are sexual creatures and if you accidentally cause sexual confusion with a straight guy it can get ugly in a hurry.

Sex seems to complicate things in my experience because people want to know who is who and what is what.

Particularly if you wear your hair long and are slender more than the absence of facial or body hair.

Especially long hair which seems curious because both sexes have been wearing their hair long since the sixties or seventies.

In my experience being androgynous does lessen the shock with those that know you but it creates problems with those that do not. Of course I lived that way in my teens and twenties so increased my problems dramatically from doing it for so long. Always the problems were with strangers in public, usually men on the prowl, homophobes, military types or older adults.

I have never had friends say anything cruel directly to my face but I have noticed certain friendships seem to have withered on the vine.

Sometimes because of their religious views and other times I think they were embarrassed to be seen associating with someone like me.

It hurts but it hurts more to not live as you know you should be living.

[Amy A]

I'm only aiming for an androgynous look as a short term solution before going full time female. At the end of the day I don't want to start rle wearing a wig, I want my own hair, so I have to start growing it anyway. And I just thought if I slowly started to look a bit more feminine then it's going to be less of a jump for everyone when I do go full time.

The NHS is slow so it could be another year before I start hormones :(

[DaniG]

Same here. I haven't cut my hair since I had my TG epiphany. I'm also planning on piercing my ears after a family get together in a couple of weeks. Neither of those are image commitments, so I figure I can slide toward feminine while I explore. It'll also make dressing and going out easier and more natural.

Sorry about NHS. I hear they're trying to privatize some over there too. Must be a mess right now. Good luck!

[Paulette]

60 days on E and the hair on your hands and arms are thinning? You are one lucky girl! I know Melissa has been on E a lot longer and she is still shaving and I have been on E for over three months and I am still waiting for all of the wonderful changes. In the mean time I have undergone over 170 hours of electrolysis on my beard at Sena Pelo Med Spa in Phoenix AZ. I am scheduled for another 30 to 40 hours in a couple of weeks. I fly in and have two technicians work on my face at a time which racks up the hours of treatment. Maria the owner has used the laser on my arms and underarms a couple of times, which helps a lot. Underarms only need shaving about once every three weeks. These ladies treat you so nice, I just love them to death.

[Badtranny]

60 days on E and the hair on your hands and arms are thinning? You are one lucky girl! I know Melissa has been on E a lot longer and she is still shaving and I have been on E for over three months and I am still waiting for all of the wonderful changes.

THREE MONTHS!? Gosh you should already have a vagina by now!

I can't help but be skeptical about the magic pills some of these broads are taking. My feminization has pretty much been store bought because the girl juice apparently doesn't do much for me.

[LeaP]

I can't help but be skeptical about the magic pills some of these broads are taking.


It's a very mixed bag for me. I'm nine months in. My arm hair is noticeably thinner in texture, but still gets too long. Much other body hair is gone or thinning - but not on my legs and not nearly enough on my abdomen. No difference with my legs at all, as far as I can tell. My skin is dryer but other changes (softening, thinning) are so subtle as to be barely there. I'm told my features have softened, but can't tell what changes might be due due to hormones vs. weight loss anyway. I've had some "success" with hair restoration between minoxidil and finasteride ... bringing the top of my head to merely thin and badly receded! Breast growth, however, has been really surprising, to where I no longer wear anything remotely fitted, like t-shirts or some polos. It's doubly surprising because I didn't even start getting any tenderness for a while. (boy has THAT changed)

Maybe it's the Walmart generics. Probably contaminants from the Yangtze River or something ... I'll let you know if I start getting a healthy glow - in the dark.

[Amy A]

This thread is just about arm hair now isn't it? :(

[kellycan27]

Acceptance by friends and family is going to be a crap shoot.. You never know how someone is going to react. If transition is what you need to do the chips are going to fall where they may... Some will stay, some will go. You will adapt. Personally it was all about me.. Come hell or high water I was going to move forward.

[LeaP]

This thread is just about arm hair now isn't it? :(

Apparently! Fascinating subject, isn't it?? :D

It is about changes, though, and people noticing. ... Which they do at some point, even if they don't quite know what or why, which is where I am. I expect that to change, though.

The reason I bring that up is to ask you about your comment concerning slowing down. Slow down what exactly? I mean if you get to the point where physical changes are really overt, what's the point? When they know, they know.